


If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

by Panda (Pabu)



Series: If Only Tonight We Could Sleep-Verse [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/F, F/M, Incest, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-06 11:45:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 129,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/418530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pabu/pseuds/Panda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always the twins, Roxas and Sora together non-stop, but when their relationship begins to be questioned, they find themselves wondering if they could really allow themselves to tamper with something so thrilling, yet so taboo. Sora x Roxas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Skater Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, Pabu here. Here is my longest fic to date, If Only Tonight We Could Sleep. Incest and smut will definitely be part of this story, as it says on the tags. Hope you enjoy. And if people still put disclaimers then I do not own these characters or this series of videogames.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

by Pabu

"Well, well, well, aren't you two some of the prettiest boys I've ever seen before. Twins right?"

"Yeah! Fraternal actually."

"Oooh. You know…that's always been some sort of secret little fantasy of mine. A threesome with a cute pair of twins."

"Really?"

"Sorry, not interested."

"Aww come on. Wait! Are you saying you've never had a threesome before? Because I know you aren't rejecting me. Ha!"

"…I wouldn't be so sure."

"But no, we've never had a threesome."

"Really? Have you guys ever even kissed?"

"No."

"We…there's a first time for everything, right?"

.oOo.

"Why do you hate the rain so much?" I laughed and brushed my fingertips across my brother's forehead. I pushed his bangs back and let my fingers run through the soft hair. I always liked playing with his hair. It was relaxing kind of. And I could tell Roxas enjoyed it too, the way his eyes slowly shut as I gently touched his hair. I knew this always helped to ease his frazzled nerves.

"I don't know. It's just depressing. And gloomy." Roxas shrugged his shoulders before pulling the blanket up to cover them. I knew my brother better than that though. I knew the sound of thunder sent him running under the nearest bed, ever since he was little. Even now when we were both seniors in high school. I had been scared of thunder and lightning when I was young as well but seeing my brother so scared made me want to be brave for him and so I overcame my fear just to help my brother when he was afraid.

I'd let Roxas sleep with me in my bed on rainy nights so he wouldn't be so scared. I liked that he felt safe around me. I didn't really mind when he slept with me either. The company was nice and we had always been very close anyway. We were twins after all and we were the kind of twins that spent a lot of time together.

"And scary?" I asked, watching Roxas' face scrunch up in denial as he shook his head.

"Noo." He laughed a smug kind of laugh but immediately covered his head with the blanket when a loud flash pierced through my curtain and a loud boom sounded outside.

I smiled and buried myself under the covers with him. I laughed as Roxas' teeth chattered and he reminded me of a chipmunk. He was so funny. I could barely see him through the darkness under my sheets but I reached over, grabbed his hand, and gave him a reassuring smile, although I was unaware if he saw it or not. I felt my heart race and I guess I was a little more scared of thunder than I had thought.

"Thanks Sora. And thanks for not telling anyone." Roxas sighed and squeezed my hand lightly. I heard the bed rustle with his movement as he turned on his side to look at me.

"You're welcome. You know I don't mind." I told him reassuringly. I could barely make out his mouth as it moved and I once again smiled at him. He smiled back. Our breathing was becoming shallow and it felt a bit suffocating under the blankets. I pulled them up and off of us and when I looked at him; I saw his cheeks tinged pink across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He was probably blushing in embarrassment. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I bet lots of guys are still afraid of thunder. Olette is too." I laughed but I'm sure that didn't help. Olette was pretty girly after all.

He looked up at me and reached over, draping his arm around my waist and resting his head against my chest. "I know, I know. Just…" He trailed off, peering up at me through his eyelashes and opening his mouth. After a few seconds of not saying anything he finally sighed and laid his head on me again. "I love you Sora."

I closed my eyes and gently stroked his hair, wondering what had come over my brother. "Love you too."

I fell asleep to the sound of rain outside my window and Roxas softly snoring in my ear.

.oOo.

"So are you going tomorrow?" I asked, enthusiasm hard to hide in my tone. I took my spot at the lunch tables besides my crush Riku, and set my tray down. I waited anxiously, hoping he would say yes. I had invited him to join me and Roxas to the grand opening of this new gay club tomorrow night and I knew it would be my opportunity to get to know him more and maybe that could grow into something. I'd liked him ever since I knew I liked boys. I even think he was the one who turned me gay. I had only recently become friends with him, thanks to Roxas having class with him and hanging out with him during breaks and at lunch. Due to me usually being seen with Roxas, I was introduced to Riku and we had become pretty close. He of course knew nothing of my secret crush towards him, although he was gay himself. Or bi, I didn't really know. But he was extremely handsome and charismatic and all the girls and guys fell for him. So I sure didn't feel like I had any chance. Roxas sure didn't think to highly of him either after the two of us became friends. He said he was rude and selfish but I had yet to see any of this.

Riku made a pondering face and prodded at his sandwich with his finger. "I dunno." He said with a soft sigh. "I mean, isn't it yours and Roxas' thing to go out to clubs? I don't want to impose." He looked at me and smiled softly. "Don't look so sad Sora." He laughed and ruffled my hair. I guess my expression looked shattered. "You'll have fun I'm sure. Just meet a cute guy for me okay?" He winked and I slumped in my seat, looking down at my tray of jello and ranch dressing. Roxas had turned me onto the combination. But I couldn't concentrate on one of my favorite desserts when all hopes of Riku and me dancing the night away came crashing down. All because Roxas had said it was strictly our thing? That sounded like some sort of excuse. Roxas wouldn't say that kind of thing.

"But Riku…it's not me and Roxas' thing." I said, hoping I didn't look too whiny and pouty, though Roxas said I had a tendency to do that a lot. I guess I did it because my mom always used to pout at us to get her way and so I guess I picked up the habit. It always worked on my brother in the past, maybe it could work on Riku. "That's why I asked you to come with. Please?" I smiled my biggest smile at him and felt my heart flutter when he chuckled light-heartedly.

"It's open every Friday right? Next time Sora." He grinned and began to eat his food while I sat there slumped, prodding at my food with my fork. "Honestly though, it didn't seem like Roxas really wanted me to go. He told me it was yours and his thing. You two have been planning to go for months he said. And that I probably wouldn't have any fun tagging along like a third wheel."

My brows knitted together in confusion as I looked over at Riku. Why was Roxas telling him not to come when all I had talked about was how excited I was that Riku was tagging along? It's all I had been talking about for a week. I had finally gathered the courage to ask Riku out on a kind of sort of date and Roxas had to ruin it? Maybe he was jealous that I had a date and he didn't or maybe he wanted me to play wingman for him at the club and needed me to be available. Both were pretty selfish answers and Roxas wasn't selfish, not with me at least.

"That's not true. I'd make sure you were part of the group and not just a third wheel." I assured him but he didn't seem too convinced.

He shook his head and through a mouthful of sandwich told me, "Don't worry Sora, just go without me. I'm fine. I'll go next time. Promise." He held out his pinky towards me and I grabbed it with my own, interlocking them in a pinky promise.

"The most sacred of all promises." I joked and with a defeated sigh, I began to eat my dessert and contemplate what was going on in my brother's head. "I wonder what's up with Roxas though, none of that's really true." I admitted.

"Shouldn't you know? You guys are twins, doesn't that mean you guys can read each other's minds and stuff?"

I giggled with a mouthful of food and almost spit directly on him. That sure would have been embarrassing. "No. It doesn't exactly work that way."

"What doesn't work what way?"

Speak of the devil, my brother had silently walked up and was taking his seat across from me, his tray of lunch in hand and a questioning gaze as he looked at me.

"Riku's assuming that twins have some sort of psychic powers." I said as I wiggled my fingers and laughed.

"Oooh scary!" Roxas joined in, looking at me then lower. "I bet Sora knows what I'm thinking right now about his food."

"That you want some?"

"Wow, how does he do it?" Roxas grinned, licking his lips as he leaned over, poking his fork into my jello and bringing it quickly to his mouth.

"See." Riku joined in, looking back and forth between both of us. "This is what he meant I guess Sora. You two are so close I wouldn't want to interrupt anything you know? I have a hard time getting a word in at lunch anyways." Was it really that hard to hang out with me and Roxas when we were together? I never let Riku feel left out at lunchtime or break or any other time he was with me and my brother. And besides, it didn't have to be me and Roxas all the time. There was room for others to join in, especially when their name started with a 'R' and ended with a 'u.'

"Me and Roxas aren't that close. Well…maybe we are." I said quietly, really taking note of how Roxas and I spent every moment together, besides when we were in class and at home doing homework. "But we don't have to spend all our time together. I'm fine if we don't hang out, it's not like I'd die." I defended myself and I could see maybe a twinge of hurt in Roxas' expression.

"Geez Sora. I didn't know you minded." He said with a frown and I definitely could hear the familiar sound of hurt in his voice.

"No, no I didn't mean it like that Roxas I just …" As I looked back and forth between my crush and my brother, I let out a long and defeated sigh.

I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place when it came to them two.

.oOo.

"Can you wait up?" I yelled with a huff as I tried to catch up to my brother, who had already begun heading home on his skateboard. I had a feeling he was upset with me but did that mean he had to ride home without me? "Roxas!"

"What?" He called back irritably, already a few feet ahead of me. He looked back just as I slumped over, my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. He finally stopped and rode back towards me. He looked sad, I noticed, as I looked up at his face, at his eyes. I couldn't help but feel bad. But that didn't excuse his behavior.

"Why didn't you wait for me, huh?" I asked, glaring at him but I was more hurt than annoyed. He had never left me after school to find my own way home before. And it wasn't like our house was very close either.

"Well you said it yourself Sora." He said, putting an extra mean emphasis on my name and I inwardly winced. "We spend too much time together. I'm just trying to give you your space you know?" His tone was harsh and I knew what I had said had really hurt him. But he had to have known I didn't really mean it. I was just trying to get Riku to tag along. I didn't feel like I spent too much time with Roxas. I actually loved all the time we spent together.

"Roxas…you know I didn't mean it like that. I was just trying to defend myself." I said and grabbed his wrist, smiling at him. "Okay now that that's settled can you take me home?"

"What? No! You're just saying that so I'll take your lazy butt home." He argued as he tried to pull his arm out of my grasp. I held him tightly though. I didn't want him to try and go home without me again. He was right. I was lazy.

"I'm not Roxas!" I pulled him towards me and although he fought it for a second, he gave in and stepped off his skateboard and towards me. He pouted as he looked at me but with a sigh he let me pull him into a hug. "I just meant I don't think we have to spend all our time together like Riku thinks. But I don't mind it Roxas. I love hanging out with you." He wrapped his arms snugly around my waist and buried his nose into my shoulder. "You're my brother."

"…Yeah. I know." He said as he pulled away from me. "Let's just go home okay?" He asked as he got back onto his board. It was a long board so it could accommodate the both of us. I got on behind him, my arms tightly circling around his waist, and he began to skate home.

I had never learned to skateboard myself. I was too clumsy. Roxas had tried to teach me when we were young but I had never wanted to learn. It seemed too painful of a hobby. But Roxas had more balance and skill than me and it was actually pretty fun to ride with him.

"So…" Roxas began, skating on the sidewalk quickly but carefully. "Is Riku coming or not?"

"No…" I said with a sigh as I hugged him tighter. "Actually…" I paused, wondering if I should bring this up, especially now that we had just had an argument. I didn't like arguing with Roxas at all. He usually won anyway since I would always feel bad and apologize too quickly, just to end the fighting. But it was bothering me and so I decided to press the issue. "It was because of something you said."

"What'd I say?" He asked, a bit defensively, as he turned his head back to look at me briefly. I could see his brows furrowed and his eyes squinty as he gave me a mean look.

"Uhm…well you said it's our thing to go to clubs together. And he wouldn't have any fun being the third wheel. Which isn't true. It's not like we're a couple, it's just three friends hanging out. It's okay to hang out with other people sometimes. And you know how much I like him and how excited I was that he was going." I was getting worked up the more and more I talked, noticing really how little sense Roxas was making by telling Riku all this. He had never hurt me before, so why now?

"Oh geez Sora. I didn't even say it like that." He said with a grunt. "It's just…we have so much fun together. You and me. And he's getting on my nerves lately. He's so arrogant and he's kind of rude to you." He argued and I frowned.

"No he's not." He really wasn't. Riku was already nice to me and always treated me like a friend, so I didn't understand where Roxas was coming from. Maybe Roxas knew things Riku felt about me that I didn't. I felt a lump in my throat. I really hoped that wasn't the case.

"Well it won't be fun with him. You and me together, just us okay?" He said as he turned back to give me a quick smile. "We always have the most fun when it's just us."

"Well if you didn't want him to go why'd you tell me to invite him anyway?" It's true. Roxas had pressured me to invite Riku along after I went on and on to Roxas about how cute he was. Roxas had finally suggested I bring him along and I had finally worked up the courage to do it. He had agreed and now Roxas was trying to ruin the plans he had started? I frowned and noticed Roxas was turned towards me, his eyes filled with rage and a scowl on his face. He looked really mad and he was skating really quick, kicking at the floor quickly with his foot, making us go faster and faster. I got a little nervous but Roxas was a good skateboarder, he would get us home safe.

"Because he wasn't being all jerk-y and arrogant before. Now he's—"

"Roxas, he's nice to me. And I really like him, you know that. You knew this was my chance to get to know him. Maybe even—"

"Fine! Just go with him and not with me! See if I care when he breaks your heart just like I know he will. He gets lots of attention; you think you can handle that?" Maybe he was right; maybe I couldn't handle all the male and female attention Riku got. I sighed; maybe I wasn't even the kind of attention Riku wanted.

"Are you saying I'm not good enough for him? Is that it Roxas?"

"No! He's not good enough for you!"

"Whatever Roxas. Are you just worried that you're going to be the one whose third wheel at the club? That's it, you're just jealous! You're jealous that if Riku and I starting dating I won't spend as much time with you. You think I'm going to leave you out huh Roxas?"

"No! It's not! Whatever Sora! I'm jealous alright! I'm super jealous! You found me out. I'm jealous of you and your stupid, arrogant, cocky—"

"Roxas!" I yelled but it was much too late and we collided right into a stop sign. I winced, flying backwards and landing on the harsh cement of the sidewalk below me. A sharp sting ran through my spine and I felt the wind knock out of me when my brother fell right on top of me. "Ow." I whined, looking up to see my brother staring down at me, his face flushing and his expression still heated.

My breath caught in my throat at that look. I hadn't seen him look at me with such anger in a long time and I didn't like it, especially when it was about something stupid like this. I suddenly felt bad, physically from the crash and emotionally. I reached up to ruffle his hair like old times but he caught my hand with his. His other arm was propping him up so he didn't have his full weight on me.

He stared at me hard for I don't know how long; it felt like a while and as the seconds past, I could see his eyes becoming softer and softer. Roxas couldn't stay mad at me for that long. He leaned down towards me, closely, and said something softly and he sounded almost desperate for an answer. "Why Sora? Why are you letting him come between us?"

I swallowed and looked to the side, hating the way my brother sounded almost like he was going to cry. But as I pulled my arm from his hand and used the other to gently push him off me I realized something.

"It's not me that's letting him come between us. It's you."

And since our house was close, I stood up and walked away from him without another word. I didn't want him to make me feel bad anymore. I didn't want to apologize for something I knew wasn't my fault. It was his turn to finally apologize to me. I just hoped this worked; I didn't want to get yelled at by him when we got home or worse, the silent treatment.

As I walked away, I felt as if I had made a big mistake. With a loud groan, I rubbed my head with my hand. Ugh! Why did all this have to be so confusing?


	2. Dancin' With Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins are at odds as Roxas starts showing signs of jealous behavior towards Sora, and Sora walks in on Roxas in an intimate situation.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

by Pabu

I knew it! I knew Roxas was going to do this. Why did he have to mess with my head like this? It was so frustrating. And maybe I felt a little lonely without the constant interaction with my brother.

I sighed as I walked down the hall towards the bathroom, frowning when I saw Roxas walking my way but refusing to talk to me. I watched him as he walked straight past me, doing nothing but taking a quick sideways glance at me. What did I even do?

With towel in hand and a frown on my face I headed into the bathroom about to take my nightly shower. I always liked showering when there was a lot on my mind. Something about the constant sound of streaming water made it easy for my mind to wander free. I liked to just stand there under the flowing water and feel it against my skin and think and think and think. Usually whenever I had a long shower it was because I had had been dealing with a problem previously and I almost always left my shower with the issue solved.

I looked at myself in front of the mirror, fixing the stray hairs that had fallen out of my signature spikey hairdo and let out a heavy sigh. The water was already turned on and had just begun to steam. I liked my showers steaming hot, the opposite of Roxas, who liked cool showers. Why did I always think of him? Maybe Riku was right, maybe we were a little bit too dependent on each other. But I couldn't tell Roxas that, he'd be heartbroken. And anyways, I enjoyed always being with Roxas. Why would I stop doing something I enjoyed?

After shedding myself of my clothes, I hopped into the shower, letting out a contented sigh at the feeling of water streaming against my skin at the perfect temperature. I always had a hard time getting out of showers since the water felt so nice. Usually Roxas would be banging on the door telling me to get out already, that it was his turn. He'd threaten to jump in with me and I'd usually get out after that.

I didn't like it when we fought. It always gave me a queasy feeling in my stomach and especially when he could walk past me so easily without so much as a hello or anything. It hurt; especially coming from the person I was closest too. But he did it because he knew I'd come running back to him just like I always did. It wasn't my fault I hated confrontation so much. And he knew that too.

I squeezed some shampoo out of the bottle into my palm and rubbed my hands together. I lathered and massaged it into my scalp, closing my eyes at the nice sensation I felt. My eyes snapped open though when I heard something that I could have sworn was the sound of door opening. Oops, I guess I had forgotten to lock it.

"Hello?" I called out and heard nothing for a few seconds.

"…It's me." I blinked, hearing my brother's voice for the first time since our fight. Was he talking to me again? And hadn't he heard the sound of the shower on?

"I'm taking a shower!" I shouted to him with a glare on my face, although I knew he couldn't see it past the shower curtain. Couldn't he wait until I was out at least? "What do you want?" I said as I continued to lather soap into my hair. I hoped he wasn't going to try and tell me it was his turn. I just got in ten minutes ago! If that. And I had already put shampoo in my hair. But, maybe he was ready to talk to me. I sure hoped so.

"I just came in here to brush my teeth geez. Not my fault you didn't lock the door." He said, his tone sharp. I heard the faucet water turn on and I growled angrily but continued massaging my scalp with shampoo. I'd just ignore him, just like he was doing to me. "So, how's your boyfriend Riku?" He said mockingly.

"God Roxas, what's your problem?" I shouted as I let my head fall under the stream of water. I quickly ran my hands through my hair, trying to rinse the shampoo out as quickly as possible.

"I don't have a problem." His voice was muffled and I could tell he was talking around his toothbrush. "I'm just tired of sitting with you guys at lunch and seeing you be all googly-eyed with him. It gets old."

I stepped out from under the water and slicked my hair back. If he could see me, he would have seen me glaring daggers at him. "I don't even do that Roxas. And find don't sit with us at lunch then, see if I care." I reached for the conditioner and proceeded to do the same as with the shampoo. Lather then rinse. "Want to know what else gets old Roxas? Your jealousy. I haven't had a boyfriend yet, not a serious one at least, and Riku's the first guy I really like and I think he likes me back. Why would you try and ruin that for me?" I accused of him and he didn't say anything for a while.

"I'm not trying to ruin anything Sora. Can't you see where I'm coming from? You're like my best friend. We're always together. We've experienced everything together. I don't want that to end." He spoke softly and my anger nearly faltered. The way he was handling the situation was wrong though and I wasn't going to just let him get away with it, no matter how bad I felt.

"So you think being mean towards me is going to keep us from growing apart?" I asked before stepping into the water again, rinsing the conditioner out quickly. "Maybe if you were nice to me things wouldn't feel like they were changing between us. Why would I want to be around you when you're being mean to me?" After rinsing my hair I grabbed the bar of soap to clean myself with.

"So what are you saying? You don't want to hang out anymore? Because you think I'm mean to you?" He asked softly as he turned the sink faucet off. After soaping up and rinsing off I turned off the water to the shower and reached out for the towel I had placed next to it. I wrapped it around my waist and stepped out. Roxas' glare softened when he saw me and the look he gave me was strange. He almost looked worried or confused. Or nervous.

"Maybe…" I began with a heavy sigh. "Maybe we shouldn't hang out as much." I said, though it was an incredibly hard thing to say. That wasn't at all what I wanted. I loved my brother but if he was going to be mean towards me out of fear or jealousy that I wasn't going to be around for him as much, then maybe a little separation is what we needed.

His eyes immediately turned dark and I could see the hurt in his eyes. As he turned to leave, I nearly yelled for him to wait. I nearly told him I take everything back that I had said and that I was sorry and that I didn't mean it … but instead I let him storm out of the bathroom, while I sat there, still feeling like I did something wrong.

.oOo.

I knew I had to talk to him. I hated knowing that he was angry with me and I hated knowing that I hurt him. So I had to be the bigger person and talk to him even if it frustrated me that he was going to get his way once again. But I hated fighting and it wasn't worth all the fighting we were doing. I couldn't sleep knowing he was angry with me either. And I just wanted things to be back to normal already. Usually at this time of night we were hanging out together, snacking and watching television. It was true, Roxas and I were pretty co-dependent but I depended on Roxas just as much or maybe more than he depended on me.

I stood there in front of his door for a minute or so, contemplating whether or not I should be barging into his room when he was probably pretty angry with me. Maybe I should knock? Maybe I should just walk right in so he didn't have a chance to tell me to leave him alone? Or maybe this was all a big mistake. I didn't want the problem to get any worse. I decided walking in was my best option. Catch him by surprise. I took a deep breath and quietly opened the door to my brother's room.

His room was near pitch black and for a second I wondered if he was even in here. The curtains were pulled over his window allowing only a small peak of the moon's light to illuminate his room and dance over his bed. I didn't see Roxas at first but my eyes followed a weird noise coming from his bed. I could see the silhouette of his body against the small amount of light that peered through the window. It was a quiet noise but I strained my ears, catching the sound of soft whimpers and my jaw nearly dropped to the floor when I realized he was laying there, boxers down his thighs and his own hand touching himself.

I gaped, my eyes wide and my breath catching in my throat. I think I froze. And I think my brain stopped working from the shock. All I could do was stand there. I think I was scared he had seen me. I think I was embarrassed that I had walked in on my brother in such a … personal condition and I couldn't do anything but stare like an idiot.

His back was arched, his hips high as his hand stroked up and down, quickly pumping. My eyes moved to his flushed face, his bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead. His brows were knitted together, his lips pursed. He looked almost like he was in pain but the shallow breathing and the quiet moans proved otherwise.

My hand was still in the knob and I was probably clutching it so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat, still staring. I guess … it was like a car crash. I didn't want to look but I couldn't help myself.

His hand moved quicker and quicker, his body writhing and the hushed moans becoming more needing. He was probably close to...

"S-Sor—"

Without even thinking I had slammed the door shut and ran through the hall to my bedroom. My legs felt wobbly and my face was red hot.

I shut my door, locked it, and let out a long breath as my legs gave way. I leaned against my door, my face in my hands as I leaned forward wondering … what had just happened.

I … heard my brother say my name. Was it because … he saw me or …?

.oOo.

I had never walked in on my brother before like I did last night. I guess I didn't know how to react. He had walked in on me a long time ago, when we were in middle school, but he had run out so fast he had ran straight into the door. He didn't stand there staring like a deer in headlights. But what was confusing was that I could have sworn I heard my brother say my name … but … I guess it was because he had seen me. How embarrassing.

"Sora."

"Huh what?" I dropped my spoon into my cereal in surprise and whipped around in my chair to see Roxas looking a lot less sweaty than last night. I probably had the same stupid expression as yesterday when I saw him. I couldn't help but think about it when I saw him and my cheeks immediately flamed up. Oh god, I hoped he hadn't seen me. I looked at my bowl of cereal and momentarily wished I could drown in it.

"Did you come in my room last night?" He asked, raising a questioning brow at me. He walked over and took a seat beside me at the kitchen table. "What's wrong?" He asked slowly and I knew if I acted weird Roxas would definitely catch on that it was in fact me who had walked in on him last night. I quickly shoved some cereal into my mouth and shook my head.

"No, that wasn't me." I told him with a mouthful of cereal. "We got into a fight so I left you alone. But anyways…" I began, putting my spoon down and swallowing the food in my mouth. "Sorry about what I said." I frowned, remembering what I had been going to Roxas' room to apologize for in the first place. Then again, he couldn't have been that mad if he was touching himself like that after. "I didn't mean it." I said, my voice becoming a bit shaky as I recalled what I saw. This was incredibly awkward. "I-I'm sorry about the past few days." I stuttered out as I avoided eye contact with my brother. He must've known.

He sighed. "I'm sorry too Sora." When he said my name I blushed. That couldn't have been what I heard last night. Why would Roxas be saying my name? But he had asked me if I had gone in his room. He had obviously seen or heard me. Oh god, would he bring it up?

"Yeah…can things just go back to normal please? Like they were before the fighting?" I forced a smile and I was happy to see him smile back.

"I'd like that. Besides, tonight's going to be a lot of fun. I don't want to be fighting with my brother on our big night." Roxas leaned over and ruffled my hair. I grinned, thrilled to see everything back to normal between us. Petty bickering wasn't fun at all.

"Right." I agreed as I stood up to put my bowl in the sink. "We just have to get through school first." I groaned. At least now that Roxas and I made up lunch wouldn't be a repeat of yesterday. Well, I hoped.

.oOo.

And here I was thinking everything between me and Roxas was back to normal. But then why was I sitting alone at lunch while he was off hanging out with Demyx? He shrugged me off when I asked him to sit with me at lunch and told me to enjoy my time with Riku. He said it nicely enough but still it felt like there was some anger there that he wasn't telling me about. Would Roxas ever get over it?

I sighed, poking at my macaroni with my spork and wondering if last night had anything to do with Roxas acting strange towards me. Maybe he was embarrassed too? I didn't know but I just hoped things were back to normal before tonight. We had been looking forward to it for weeks.

"Hey Sora."

I looked up to see Riku walking towards the table and taking a seat across from me. I offered him a smile. Well at least Riku could cheer me up.

"Hey Riku." I replied as I took a bite into my pizza.

"You eat some really weird things you know that Sora?" He told me as he grimaced.

"But you love Pizza." I argued, taking another bite and grinning gleefully. It was my favorite kind of pizza too, with my favorite toppings.

"But it's covered in mashed potatos."

"Yeah I know. Roxas used to make it as a kid and made me try it. It's actually really good." I smiled a goofy smile at Riku and watched as he chuckled.

"By the way, what's up with your brother lately?"

"I dunno." I said with a sigh. So Riku was noticing it too. Maybe there was something else bothering my brother, something that he wasn't telling me about. "Was he acting weird in class or something? We have been fighting lately." I admitted but hoped Roxas hadn't been rude to Riku because of it.

"I don't know. Kind of. He was just being quiet and not really saying much to me. Unless I talked about you. It seems like that's the only thing we have in common, the fact that we both know you." He frowned. "Me and him used to be really close." He continued. "Until I started hanging around with you. Maybe he's jealous" He said with a roll of his eyes. "You guys are so close." He said quietly.

"I doubt he's jealous." I said, defending my brother. "Something's probably wrong with him. Maybe I should talk to him…"

"Why isn't he here now? You guys still fighting?" Riku asked in a nonchalant way. I could tell he didn't really care to know the answer and was just being polite.

"No…but…" I trailed off, putting my face in my hands as I shook my head. "Ugh Rikuuu…" I whined as I looked back up at him. "I walked in on Roxas … masturbating last night!" I whispered harshly and I saw Riku's eyes widen considerably before he began to chuckle.

"Ha! Did you go in and help him too?" He said with a snicker.

I blushed and I'm sure my face was as red as a tomato. "What? No! Why would you—"

"You guys do everything together! Why not that too?" He smirked at me and began to laugh even more.

"You pervert! That's gross." I emphasized my point by sticking my tongue out and making a 'yuck' noise.

"What? I thought all twins did that." This was all just so funny to Riku, I noticed as he hid his face in his hand as he snickered wildly. I should have known Riku would make fun of me.

"No! Well I dunno but we sure don't." I defended myself, repulsed at the very idea of me helping Roxas touch himself. That was just wrong and gross and weird and … I just preferred not to think about it. It made me uncomfortable. I shifted in my seat with a frown, trying not to think about it.

"I guess it's only girls then." Riku finally was able to say after laughing. He pretended to wipe a nonexistent tear from his eye and I glared at him.

"You watch too much porn."

"I'm a man Sora. It's to be expected."

I didn't say anything but instead forked some macaroni into my mouth. The next minute passed by quite uncomfortably. I didn't know it was possible to be more embarrassed than I was last night.

"You know Sora; you're cute when you're mad."

I looked up, a bit surprised, but I couldn't help but feel happy, happier than I did the past few days. Even if Roxas and I were fighting a lot. For once, maybe I was a little happy Roxas wasn't around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first few chapters were written a while ago, so I'm not completely happy with them, but I'm going to post 3 chapters at a time, just so I don't overload this story all at once.


	3. Kiss Me, I Will Never Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas and Sora hit the club where they met an eccentric stranger named Axel who just happens to be the DJ. Axel helps the twins experience something they would have never imagined as the first bite of the forbidden apple is tasted. This is where the story truly begins for Sora and Roxas.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

by Pabu

The club was even bigger than I had ever expected it to be. Lights were everywhere, blinking and spinning and flashing. I gripped Roxas' hand and I held my breath as I felt the bass booming in my chest. I hadn't ever been to a club but now that we were both eighteen, Roxas had thought it would be a good idea. As we walked in, with the lights, the music, the huge array of people, I already knew tonight was going to be fun.

We weren't even in the club for very long before Roxas and I found something strange. A set of girls, twins, just like us but on closer inspection I noticed they were awfully intimate. They almost looked like a couple. They way they stood, their body language, their hands touching each other more sensually than twins should be.

"Roxas." I poked him in the ribs, my eyes widening as I watched one twin lean over and kiss the other. "Roxas! Look!" I said, more like shouted thanks out he loud, booming music. "Are they…twins?"

He glanced over, his eyes widening when they fell on the twins I was looking at. "Whoah! They're twins." He said, sounding more excited and less shocked than I thought he'd be.

"Yeah." I replied, staring at them, maybe a bit rudely but I was just shocked to see two twins, just like me and Roxas, kissing and touching. I couldn't imagine being intimate with Roxas. I looked over at him and blushed at the thought. The fact that I had seen Roxas being intimate with himself was embarrassing enough.

"Let's talk to them." Roxas smiled as he pushed through the crowd of people towards the dancing twins. I quickly followed him, holding onto his hand to not get separated as we walked through the dancing crowd. It proved to be pretty hard.

"Another set of twins here." Roxas said cheerfully as he stepped right up to the girls. They looked over curiously, small smiles gracing their faces.

"Hi." The red head one said, nodding in agreement to what Roxas said. "How cool, another twin couple."

I realized I was holding Roxas hand and let go quickly to avoid giving her the wrong idea. I laughed nervously. "No, we're not a couple." I assured her quickly.

"You can't assume that Kai." The other girl, a blonde, said as she nudged the girl I assumed to be 'Kai.'

"Well I just thought two boy twins at a gay club holding hands could be…I'm sorry." She quickly said with a soft laugh.

"It's fine." Roxas grinned. "Honest mistake. I'm Roxas, this is my brother Sora." I smiled and gave a small wave.

"I'm Namine. My sister's name is Kairi." The blond said with a smile as she and her sister interlocked hands. I looked down at their hands and back up at them. It was kind of strange to me, even though it really wasn't any of my business. It just seemed weird for two twins to be holding hands, kissing…and other thing. I blushed at the thought. And it was strange to imagine myself in that kind of situation with Roxas. He was my twin! How could I do those types of things with him? Like kiss, touch, have sex. It all seemed so foreign and made me uncomfortable to think about. But I guess to each their own. If they liked it…

"So you guys are a couple?" I asked with a quirked brow, chewing on my lip as I struggled to process it all. I hoped they didn't think I was rude.

"Yeah we are." Kairi said with a grin as she leaned into her sister, her arms looping around her. "We have been for a year now and I couldn't be happier."

"But why? Or I mean…how….or…" I said, struggling to word my question nicely and not to offend the girls. They simply giggled, probably used to people being tongue-tied around them.

"How did we know?" Namine said, filling in the blanks for me and I nodded, genuinely curious about their relationship with each other and how it came about. "Well I was always really shy and didn't have many friends. Except Kairi. We hung out all day, every day, as much as we could. Our friends would make comments that we were too attached but I didn't care, I was happy to have my sister as my only friend." Her relationship with her sister sounded a lot like Roxas and I. I shifted from one foot to the other, looking at the floor as I swallowed thickly. "We would sleep in the same bed, shower together, and we thought it was normal. It didn't feel wrong to us. I had never really dated anyone either, no one seemed to fit me. Kairi had a lot of boys after her but she never seemed to find anyone she was really into." She smiled as she talked, like she was recalling great memories. "Then I realized that I enjoyed being with Kairi over anyone else. And we ended up kissing. It started innocently enough but I had this weird feeling I never got with anyone but with her. And I think we both realized it then." She leaned over and kissed Kairi's cheek, who in turn nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it. It was a little weird to me at first but I loved my sister so much and I didn't want it to end. So…I just let it happen." Kairi added and I frowned as I thought about it. Roxas and I never really dated anyone either. And we hung out all the time, just like them two. But wasn't that just normal of twins? To hang out all the time.

"But how did everyone react? Your parents, your friends?" Roxas asked. That was something I was very curious about too. I'm sure their family didn't like it. If they even knew.

"Our friends made comments about how they knew something was weird about our relationship the whole time. And it's kind of annoying, but our guy friends think it's hot or just for show and don't take us too seriously. Our girl friends stopped hanging around with us though." Kairi admitted with a frown but simply shrugged it off. "It doesn't matter though. It's worth it."

"And our parents don't talk to us anymore. After we told them, they were devastated. They always thought of us as their little girls who would go off and marry the man of our dreams one day. It broke their hearts. And we moved out and we haven't spoken to them since." Namine said but I could tell that part hurt the most by the look on her face. And I could only imagine how horrible it was to lose your friends, your family, all because you loved a certain person. It's not like they could help it either.

"Wow so…you guys did what made you happy and your family and friends stopped talking to you?" Roxas questioned, rubbing his hand through his hair as he sighed. "Wow, that really … sucks." He finished quietly, an upset look on his face. He glanced over at me and I couldn't help but give a slight shrug of my shoulders.

What? Was he expecting a happy ending when they were involved in an incestuous relationship?

.oOo.

Eventaully, Roxas ran off with the twins somewhere quiet to talk or something. About what they were talking about I had no idea. But I stood there, leaning against the speaker, which wasn't such a good idea since I could feel the boom of the bass in my chest when I stood this close. Bored I watching Roxas and the girls have what looked like a deep discussion. They had already been talking for at least twenty minutes, what was Roxas expecting me to do? And why couldn't I join?

"Helloooo."

I glanced over my shoulder, seeing green eyes staring at me and a mess of red hair. I backed away slightly, taken by surprise and smiled politely.

"Hey." I waved and earned a chuckle out of the tall man. His three most defining features, his hair, his eyes, and the weird tattoos on his face. He wore all black and had headphones draped around his neck. He looked interesting and was handsome in a quirky kind of way.

"You're one of the nicer looking people I've seen here." He said with a charming smile and I wondered if I was supposed to feel flattered. "And one of the youngest." He added with a quirked brow. "How old are you?"

"18." I replied meekly, knowing that Roxas and I were probably one of, if not, the youngest people here. I thought this was all ages but everyone seemed to be older. Like this guy, who looked maybe ten years our senior judging by those bags under his eyes and the maturity his face held.

He laughed and reached over, patting my hair and instinctively I leaned away. "Cute. Well listen, you should stick with me. I'm the DJ here, I'll make sure you and all your little friends, if they're as cute as you, have a good time here." He winked and I looked around, sighing in relief when I saw Roxas heading through the crowd towards me.

"Well I'm just here with my brother." I said, waving him over. I grinned over at the guy who called himself the DJ.

"Oh your brother? Alright then I'm sure he'll be just fine." He said and I couldn't help but notice the way the red headed guy's jaw nearly dropped when my brother walked up to us. And the way my brother's eyes lightened when he saw my new "friend." "Well, well, well, you two are definitely some of the prettiest boys I've ever seen before. Twins right?"

"Yeah! Fraternal actually." Roxas said with a big smile and I wondered why my brother was warming up to a stranger so easily.

"Oooh." The guy grinned wider and let his arm drape across both our shoulders, his head in between ours and leaning in close. My natural reaction was to rear away but Roxas didn't seem to mind the sudden invasion of privacy. "You know…that's always been some sort of secret little fantasy of mine. A threesome with a cute pair of twins."

"Really?" Roxas chirped.

"Sorry, not interested." I said, forcing a polite grin. I didn't really enjoy being hit on by perverts at gay clubs just because we were twins. I bet Kairi and Namine had to go through all this too though. And even worse, since they were an actual couple.

"Aww come on." He whined, a frown painted across his face briefly before he backed away, his hand over his mouth as if he were in shock. "Wait! Are you saying you've never had a threesome before? Because I know you aren't rejecting me. Ha!"

"…I wouldn't be so sure." I said under my breath as my lips formed.

"But no, we've never had a threesome." Roxas replied.

"Really? Have you guys ever even kissed?" He asked, quirking his brow as he looked between the two of us.

"No." I said quickly, looking at my brother momentarily before looking back at the guy, who had a devious smile across his face.

"We…there's a first time for everything, right?" He snickered and once again, wrapped his arms around us and proceeded to walk us away from the speaker. "I'm the Dj, Axel; let me get you guys a couple of drinks since you don't look old enough to get them yourself. What's your names?"

"I'm Roxas, that's my brother Sora." Roxas said as he looked over at me, a reassuring smile on his face and I guess I looked a bit worried. "And one drink is okay, right Sora?"

I looked up at Axel then back at my brother and hesitantly nodded. "Yeah." Oh boy, what had we gotten ourselves into?

.oOo.

A drink or two turned into a few drinks thanks to Roxas and Axel. Roxas kept accepting the offered drinks and I figured if Roxas thought it was okay, then it was. So three fruity drinks later and I was giving Axel a goofy smile as he flirted with my brother. I thought they looked pretty cute together and Roxas seemed to be eating it up. Maybe it was something about the fact that Axel was older and the DJ of the club. And I had my eye on him to make sure he didn't do anything disrespectful. He seemed nice enough, albeit a little flirty.

"Do you guys know how fucking cute you are?" Axel said with a slur as he cupped both of our chins. Alright, maybe a lot flirty. I draped my arm across Roxas' shoulders and laughed.

"I know, aren't we Roxas?" I asked with a giggle and Roxas smiled back. He leaned over and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. His lips lingered for a few seconds before he pulled away slowly.

"I like that." Axel said with a snicker as walked towards us and wrapped his arms around our waists. "But you want to know what else I'd like better?"

I quirked a brow and wrapped my own arm around Roxas protectively. "What?" I asked, my eyes narrowing slightly but I was sure my drunken glare didn't look too intimidating or anywhere close. I hiccupped.

"How about a three-way kiss?" He asked, his lips curling back into a sneaky grin. "Come on, you two and me all share a kiss. It'd be pretty hot. I mean, you guys are just so cute. And you guys said you've never kissed before. Why not try it?" He pulled us closer. "Come on?" I laughed, amused at his persistent attempts to get us to kiss. But that wasn't—

"Okay." Roxas said, flashing a reassuring smile at me. I immediately blushed, my eyes widening a bit. I probably looked a bit like a gaping fish. That was definitely not the answer I was expecting to come out of Roxas' mouth. This random guy at a club asks us to kiss and he automatically does it? Sure we both had a couple drinks in us and I wasn't used to drinking so I definitely had a buzz going on, but buzzed enough to share a kiss with my brother and a stranger? That seemed a bit out there, especially for me. I wasn't exactly wild and crazy to begin with.

I swallowed and laughed a bit nervously. "W-what?" I stuttered, looking quickly back and forth between Roxas and Axel and it looked like they both had the same look of desperation across their face. I blinked, their faces a bit fuzzy. I imagine myself kissing Roxas. I wanted to see what it'd be like. Would it be like kissing myself with lighter hair and prettier eyes? And a nice smile.

"It's fine Sora. It'll be fun." Roxas tried to assure me. He smiled convincingly and I knitted my brows together. Kissing my brother? Kissing my twin? It sounded weird. And kissing Axel didn't sound so appealing either. But I guess Roxas really wanted a kiss from Axel. I'm sure that was why he looked so eager. I guess…I could…for Roxas. Only for a few seconds.

"I-I guess." I said hesitantly and Axel wasted no time in getting close to us. He was taller but if we leaned up and he tilted his chin down, it would make it much easier to meet each other's lips. My brother and I were basically the same height, so that wouldn't be a problem.

I took a deep breath as I felt Roxas' hand fall across my hip, squeezing it reassuringly. I looked over at him, giving him a nervous smile. I stared at his mouth, chewing on my bottom lip. I looked back over at Axel, whose lips were pulled back into a smirk. His hand fell into Roxas' hair while he let his arm fall over my shoulders. He leaned in towards us and my breath caught in my throat as Roxas and I did the same. Our lips met in a sloppy and awkward three person kiss. I closed my eyes.

Someone's lips were soft as they moved and brushed against mine and I could only assume they were my brother's. His lips always did look soft. Roxas moved his hand from my hip to the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair as we all kissed. My lips moved cautiously still, my cheeks flaming from the feeling of it all. Two pairs of lips, fingers dancing across my hair, another draped across my shoulders.

Axel wasted no time in letting his tongue slide across our lips and I parted my lips slightly. The kiss turned heated, tongues dancing and lips caressing and smacking. A bit sloppy but still it felt nice. My stomach felt warm and fuzzy and I could have sworn I could faintly hear someone moan. Maybe it was just me though.

The kiss was nice, really nice. And I didn't even mind that it was between a stranger and my brother. Maybe that was the part that turned me on the most.

.oOo.

I didn't realize how drunk we were until we were both stumbling home, completely oblivious to the world surrounding us. It was alright though because I felt kind of euphoric. Tonight was such a good night. I felt a warm feeling in my stomach when I thought about it but it was probably just the heavy alcohol settling in my stomach.

I held my finger to my lips to shush Roxas, who was looking at me with glazed eyes and a lopsided grin but he nodded nonetheless. In this condition, opening and unlocking the door was difficult but I managed to do it quietly. Until Roxas walked in, stumbled right into me, and pushed me back against the wall.

I couldn't help but laugh as I held Roxas around his waist to keep him from falling. With my foot I tried to quietly kick the door shut. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, trying to muffle his giggles. I bit my lip but couldn't help but snicker at my drunken brother.

He looked up at me, a funny look on his face and for a few seconds he just started at me as if he were thinking about something. But before I had time to ask, he grabbed my face and kissed me hard. This kiss was different than the one with axel. It wasn't a fun, sloppy kiss, it was rough and passionate and it wasn't to impress anyone. We were alone. I didn't hesitate. I kissed him back.

I don't remember how long we were there, with him pinning me against the wall as we kissed. All I remembered was thinking the only reason I was kissing him was because I was really drunk. I think that's also why I liked it so much.


	4. Protect Me From What I want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora wakes up to realize what he and his brother have done the night prior, and he begins to wonder just why the thought continues to plague his mind.

My mind was numb. But not my body.

My body was burning. Absolutely burning. Gasping, grunting, moaning, I writhed beneath the other's touch, his fingers like fire ghosting along my skin. I arched into his touch when his palms brushed against my chest. I blushed, knowing my body had not yet fully matured with muscles, but still had a young build to it.

My mind was foggy and I wasn't sure if I really knew what was going on but I wasn't about to question it. Not when it felt this good. My skin grew hot and my eyes nearly rolled back in my head when I felt a soft and slick tongue glide against my neck. A groan sounded in my throat when he sucked at my skin, the smack of wet lips sounding in my ear as he sucked and kissed and bit the sensitive skin of my throat. I clung to him, arms wrapped around his waist, my hands cautiously beginning to explore his body, up his back. His skin was soft to the touch.

"Nnng…" I moaned against his ear and I felt him shudder in my arms. My hands began to explore more, fingers running through his hair, the other hand running along his side. I bit my lip, quieting another needy moan when he pressed fully against me, his hips brushing against mine. My breathing started to increase as he lay against me, using his elbow to prop himself up a bit, refusing to put his full weight on me.

I was almost anxious, already guessing as to what he was about to do next and my already tight pants had grown so tight it was a bit painful.

He buried his face into the crook of my neck, placing soft and sensitive kisses there, as his other hand grabbed at my hip. My breath hitched in my throat as he pulled my hips tightly against his. Then I felt it, his cock, hard and tenting the material of his boxers, grinding against mine. I let out a cry, clutching at his shoulders to brace myself as he grinded against me, waves of pleasure starting in my groin and stomach and rolling up throughout my entire body. I had goose bumps and tingles all over, along with a deep and burning sensation that felt so good my toes began to curl.

He was quiet, probably heavily focused on grinding his hips into mine in a steady and firm motion. I breathed raggedly, my eyes slamming shut and my head falling back as his hips rolled against mine, his cock dragging against mine, roughly and slowly. I felt myself reaching the edge as my eyes began to blur, my eyes beginning to water from the sheer pleasure of it all.

"Sora…" He breathed, against my skin, and his voice sounded so needy and gracious for what we were doing that it turned me on even more, if that was possible. My breathing was coming out in short, raggedy breaths, as I pushed my hips up, trying to meet his rhythm with one of my own. My fingers clutched at his shoulders, nails digging slightly, as I felt him lift himself up and lean on both arms, his grinding becoming rougher and faster.

I took this moment to look up at him, my eyes passing over his face, his lips, his nose, and to my horror … his eyes … they were Roxas' eyes, nearly identical to mine, watching me half-lidded, clouded with lust.

I jolted awake, breathing hard and uneven, body hot and lightly coated with sweat. I looked around, shocked and surprised and still horny I noticed when I uncovered myself and noticed my boxers tented. After collecting myself a bit, I sat up, rubbing my forehead and realizing that I had just been dreaming. With a long and relieved sigh, I glanced over to the side and once again, horrified, I found Roxas in my bed.

What was he doing here? He normally only slept in my bed during thunderstorms and I couldn't recall there being one last night. As I started to think of last night, I began to remember what had exactly happened. The memory loss this morning was due to the alcohol I had drank last night, the reason Roxas was in my bed, was because when we had gotten home…we had…I suddenly felt my stomach sinking as I recalled just why Roxas might have been in my bed. When we had gotten home, Roxas and I had both been drunk and giggly, and Roxas had kissed me, again, for the second time that night. The first time had been with that guy. What was his name? Alex or something.

I let out a load groan, my head beginning to pound and my body still hot and sweaty, and there still being a bit of a problem in my pants. I tried to cover it, embarrassed and a bit disturbed that I had a hard on. Hadn't I just been having a dream about Roxas, my brother, and I … I didn't even want to think about it. We had been hooking up and I was thoroughly enjoying it, at least in the dream I was. Come to think about it … had I enjoyed the kiss last night?

I looked back over at Roxas, who was knocked out at this moment, and felt my cheeks flush. I felt sick and not just from the slight hangover I had going on. What else had we done last night? I couldn't remember for how long we had stayed kissing in the living room and just what happened once we reached the bed? Roxas was in my bed so obviously we hadn't retired to our separate bedrooms. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

What was I thinking last night? To kiss my very own brother like that? Sure it was with a stranger at first and all for fun the first time, but Roxas had kissed me again once we got home and I hadn't exactly pushed him away. I let him to kiss me and I even kissed back. I know I was drunk but was I really that drunk to allow myself to do things I wouldn't normally do? Was I so drunk that I could have participated in much more than just kissing with my very own brother? I was even dreaming about doing things with Roxas. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that my body was betraying me like this and that my own head was so screwed up. I felt like throwing up, but then again, I had felt like that ever since I woke up because of the hangover.

"Mmm…" My head snapped when I heard Roxas groan and rustle under the sheets. He was beginning to wake up and I panicked. Did I want to know what really happened between me and Roxas last night? Did I want to be face to face with something that was so utterly humiliating and wrong? "Hey…" Roxas said, smiling at me, looking to be half asleep still. I smiled nervously and fixed the blanket to hide my little problem, which was already going away.

"H-Hey Roxas…how are you feeling?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip nervously as I watched him sit up, yawning and stretching his arms high above his head. I choose this moment to look away from him; I didn't want to stare at my brother, shirtless and stretching out. All of this was making me feel weird and uncomfortable around him, as if seeing him masturbate wasn't enough to make me weird around my own brother, now all of this had to happen. My mind swarmed with thoughts of Roxas touching himself, Roxas of teaching me like he had in the dream. No! I had to stop thinking like this; it was going to drive me nuts!

"I have a headache. But other than that, I'm okay." Roxas replied as he stretched. "What about you?" He leaned over and placed a hand on my shoulder and I immediately flinched. "What's wrong?" I looked over at him and I could see the hurt on his face, though puzzlement was evident as well.

"Nothing." I said quickly, forcing a smile, though inside I felt sick to my stomach as I watched my brother. I just couldn't get the images out of my head of us kissing and to think we had maybe gone even further? I had to ask, even if I really didn't want to know the truth. What would I do if we had? I didnt't think my mind could even register that kind of outcome. Roxas and I would end up like those twins from yesterday. We would be ridiculed by our friends, disowned by our families. All because of a simple mistake between us while we were drunk. No one could ever find out though. I'd make Roxas swear to never tell anyone. I took in a deep breath and looked over at Roxas, who was still watching me with concern. I opened my mouth but the words wouldn't form. I didn't know how to ask such a question to my brother.

"What is it?" Roxas asked, pressing the subject, and I watched him before sucking in a deep breath and finally coming out with it.

"W-What did we do last night? Did we … fool around or anything?" I asked, my cheeks probably as red as Alex's hair from yesterday. I felt sick as I watched his facial expression, trying to find any clues to what really happened last night in his facial expression or in his body language. He seemed to shift a bit, looking downwards at the bed and for a second, he fidgeted with the blanket and didn't say a word. I didn't take this as a good sign. "Just tell me what happened." I said, voice near pleading.

"Nothing!" Roxas blurted out as he turned to look at me. "Nothing! Calm down Sora. We just kissed at the club and then in the living room. Then we came to bed and knocked out. That's it. Geez." Roxas said, crossing his arms over his chest and if I didn't know better he seemed kind of upset at the fact that we didn't do anything more. "What's gotten into you Sora, you weren't that drunk last night." Roxas joked as he leaned over and ruffled my hair, to which I didn't flinch but relaxed. The biggest weight seemed to lift off my shoulders and I felt nearly one hundred percent better. I knew it! I knew I couldn't have actually gone through with doing anything more than a kiss with my brother. I was silly to even think that could happen. My nausea went away and I let out the biggest sigh of relief.

"I know, I know but I'm not a big drinker. I just forgot." I laughed and wore a genuine grin on my face and my body seemed to relax considerably.

"You sure looked relieved." Roxas said as he pulled the blankets off from him and got up out of my bed.

I laughed. "Well yeah Roxas." I stated as I followed him out of the bed. "I don't even want to imagine how it'd feel to know I just had sex with my brother. I mean, could you imagine?"

He stared at me with a sort of deadpan expression and turned to walk out of the room. "No, I couldn't." He said over his shoulder as he walked out of the room and closed my door more roughly than he should have.

.oOo.

I spent the rest of the morning by myself. I showered, cleaned up, got ready; all the while my mind was still plagued by thoughts of last night. It was beginning to frustrate me just how much time I was spending thinking about my brother. I could easily remember the way Roxas' lips felt, despite the fact that I had been buzzed. I could hear myself moaning into his ear as he rolled his hips against mine. I remembered smiling against his lips as he kissed me with so much heat against the wall.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, my hands planted flirmly against the sink to hold myself up. I felt a little weak and woozy from yesterday. I almost couldn't stand to look at myself though. I felt angry. Angry at that guy from yesterday who had to hand me drinks and suggest we make out with my brother. But I was angrier at myself for actually going through with it. One suggestion from a stranger and I was ready to comply without so much as a second thought? Was I so stupid that if a strange man had suggested I got into his van I would follow him in, no questions asked?

Roxas wasn't making as big of a deal about it as I was. I hadn't noticed before but Roxas had happily accepted the offer for a three-way kiss with me. Roxas had kissed me in the living room of our own home, and … Roxas had possibly been saying my name when I walked in on him touching himself. But why? Did he…?

My stomach felt ill at the very thought. There was no way my brother had some sort of ulterior motive to doing all of that, did he? My mind couldn't comprehend the thought and I suddenly became very dizzy. My vision blurred and the whole room began to spin.

I shuddered, fell to my knees, and emptied out my stomach into the toilet.

.oOo.

I was in the restroom for quite a while but I couldn't tell if I was nauseated from drinking last night or from being under all this stress and confusion. Probably a bit of both. I really wanted to do something, anything, to get my mind off of this mess I was in. Maybe a visit from Riku would make me feel better. I grabbed my phone, searching through the address book for his number. M, N, O, P, Q, R…there it was. I found his name right before my brother's and was just about to press the call button when I saw Roxas walk into the room.

"Can we talk?" He asked and I nearly dropped my phone. Panic grasped at my chest as it began to feel tight and I wanted some sort of escape from here. I didn't want to deal with my brother. I couldn't deal with him, not when the very thought of what we had done made my stomach sink. I looked at my phone, knowing that calling Riku would be an escape from all this confusion, and back to my brother.

Reluctantly, I closed my phone and nodded. He beckoned me to sit beside him on the couch and slowly I followed. I made sure I kept my distance as we sat together and judging by Roxas' face, he had noticed. What was wrong with me? Why was I being so weird around my own twin?

"So…what's up?" I asked, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chain against them. I tapped my foot nervously and watched him play with the hemline of his shirt. He was fidgety as well and I began to dread what it was we were about to discuss. I knew it had to be about last night. There was so much awkward tension in the air and everything he had thought and everything I had thought was probably about to be aired out. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. I winced, holding my stomach as it began to do spins.

"Well…" Roxas began, biting his lip. He looked at me for a second before his eyes fell down to the floor. "I mean…" He hesitated. "…uhm…what I'm trying t to say is…I'm sorry. It was just for fun. The whole kissing thing. I didn't know you were so uncomfortable with it. If I had known I would have never done it."

"It's fine. It was just…something that happened." I forced out, feigning a smile. I was uncomfortable with it but why wasn't Roxas? I did feel kind of bad though that he was apologizing to me as if he had done something wrong. But he hadn't so I wasn't sure why I had been treating him as such.

"I was just drunk. That's why I kissed you at home. And I thought Axel was cute so I just thought it'd be a good excuse to be able to kiss him." He spoke faster and gestured wildly with his hands, as if desperate to convince me. Oh, so his name was Axel. And I had been calling him Alex. But I had had a feeling Roxas was interested in him. I started to feel a bit better listening to him. How crazy of to me thinking anything else of what had happened.

"Yeah, I was kind of drunk too." I admitted, a bit embarrassed for acting so out of character. "That's why I kissed you back. I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Oh…" Roxas said quietly, scratching the back of his head. "Well I figured. You've been acting so weird lately and I feel bad. I'm glad you're not mad at me but I still get the feeling you don't want to be around me and I hate it." He looked so upset and suddenly I felt like a huge jerk. How could I be so stupid? I was pushing him away for something stupid we had both done when we were a little tipsy. I had been overreacting and treating my own brother like he was the plague. No wonder he's seemed annoyed at me lately.

"I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." I assured him with a smile. I reached over and put my hand reassuringly on his shoulder. He smiled back but still looked uncomfortable. "What?" I asked.

"Sora…did you regret it?"

I looked down and lightly shrugged my shoulders. "Like I said, I had been drinking and I wasn't really acting myself."

"…Y-Yeah." He said softly as he looked away. He chuckled to himself. "It was stupid. It was really stupid. I'm sorry it freaked you out so much." With that he got up and left the room, leaving me feeling like things might not be the same between us from now on. And I hated that thought.


	5. The Wolf and the Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stranger, Axel, had already began his role as the catalyst in Roxas and Sora's relationship, but when Roxas invites Axel over, Axel has one more part left to play when he realizes the twins are a lot 'closer' then they appear.

"Axel's coming over."

I didn't know why but I felt my stomach drop. I glanced up at my brother who was busy fixing his hair into a perfectly imperfect spiky style and despite my usual happy disposition, I rolled my eyes. I guess Axel wasn't on the top of my favorites list for the simple fact that I felt dirty around him. He had this way of watching us that made me feel like a hawk watching his prey, like he was just waiting to see what limits he could push with us. But he wasn't going to push my limits anymore. And that's what I felt like he wanted to do. Mess with us for his own amusement. There was definitely something that rubbed me the wrong way about the guy but Roxas had taken a liking to him so who was I to tell him how I truly felt?

Like a good brother, I smiled in support. "Oh yeah? That should be fun for you." I tried to sound happy but Roxas knew better. He turned to me, sighing as he walked over to the couch I was laying on.

"What? You don't want him to come over?" He asked, leaning against the side of it and looking down at me. From my position, I was looking at him upside down.

"I didn't say that." Good, that wasn't a lie. I hated lying to my brother. But I would if it meant keeping Roxas happy. "All I said is that should be fun."

"Yeah but you know I can always tell when you're not happy." He said and sometimes I hated the fact that we were so close. Having a twin was like dealing with a mind-reader. We really could sense how the other felt, what the other was thinking. There was no privacy! "Sorry, I just thought it'd be cool to see him again. You know, sober, and somewhere we can actually hear each other talk. I want to get to know him."

"Yeah I know. That's cool. Have fun." I said, waving him off and closing my eyes. Maybe I could take a nap when Axel came over. A nap sure sounded nice, especially since my body still felt weak and I was still stressed out.

"You don't want to hang out with us?" He said and I could just hear the frown in his voice. Why would I want to hang out with them? Roxas just said he wanted to get to know him better. I would just get in the way. Roxas could spend a few hours without me, I'm sure he'd be fine.

"You'll be fine without me." I said quietly, not opening my eyes. I heard him let out a heavy sigh and mutter something in annoyance. But he would thank me later for not interrupting their time. The farther I was from Axel the better. Then he wouldn't be trying to get us to do more weird stuff. Not like I would if he asked anyway. That was a one time thing, trust me.

"Fine. Grump." Roxas said with a frown. The last thing I wanted to do was hang out with Roxas and his new guy. I guess I knew how Roxas felt when it was me, him, and Riku. Third-wheel was definitely not fun.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Have fun. I'm sure you and Axel will have lots of fun without me."

"It'd be better with you." He said quietly under his breath and I opened my eyes to look up at him. I didn't know why he was so determined to have me join him and Axel. Maybe he was just nervous to hang out with Axel alone. I didn't want to be some sort of wing man for him though. I had enough of that yesterday but I could understand why Roxas was so nervous. I couldn't even remember the last time Roxas had met a guy he was interested in. Roxas hardly ever took interest in any one. He never even really appreciated other guys when we were out in the open. Never taking an extra glance, never admiring any of the handsome boys that lived in the city. Roxas just kept to himself but for some reason, Roxas liked this guy enough to invite him over to our house. Roxas wasn't dumb though, I guess there had to be some redeeming quality in this guy that Roxas was attracted to.

"But then you guys can't get all kissy-face." I teased, puckering my lips and making kissing noises, to which Roxas didn't look too amused. His cheeks did tinge pink though and I laughed. I leaned up as far as I could and pinched his cheek. "Aw don't be embarrassed."

"We aren't going to do kissy-face anyway though." He argued as he swatted my hand away and stepped out of my arms reach. I turned over onto my stomach and leaned forward on the arm of the couch.

"Oh admit it Roxas, you liiiiike him." I said in an almost sing-song voice.

"He's cool. I don't liiiike him though Sora." He said defensively as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oooh Roxas, I'm Axel, want to help me spin my records?"

"You're dumb. What does that even mean?" He asked but we both couldn't help but laugh at my weird effort at making a sexual innuendo.

"I don't know. But you know it's true." I called out to him as he walked away. Without even meaning to, when Roxas wasn't there to see me, I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I did realize that I was acting just as Roxas had been acting towards Riku and I knew that was hypocritical of me. I had to just go with the flow and let my brother experience whatever it was he wanted to. I couldn't hold him back.

I felt bad for anyone who even had a slight interest in one of us. It was pretty obvious we weren't going to give up our twin without a fight.

.oOo.

"Come on Sora! Come hang out with us, please." I heard Roxas whine as he and his guest barged into my room. I looked up from my magazine in irritation and saw Roxas and Axel there, Axel's arm casually strung across my brother's shoulders. I sighed, annoyed that they had to bother me when I was desperately trying to just tune them out.

"Yeah come on twinny, come hang out with us." Axel laughed and stepped into my room, looking around with little interest. But when his eyes landed on me, the interest suddenly fell right back into his gaze. He sure did know how to make someone uncomfortable, I thought, as I shifted on the bed.

"I'm okay." I said, offering an apologetic smile Roxas' way but judging by the looks on their faces, they didn't look like they were going to take no for an answer. Roxas stepped into the room and leaned against the door to close it. I sat up on my bed and watched with suspicion as Axel came to sit beside me.

"Aw come on, Roxas has been dying to hang to hang out with you all day. He keeps saying, 'let's get Sora' or 'what's Sora doing?' Guess I'm not as good as dear ole brother. Go figure." Axel said with a loud laugh. If there was an animal Axel reminded me of, it was definitely a wolf. His laugh was like a bark, his words were like fangs, his eyes were mischievous and hungry. Yeah, Axel was a hungry wolf. Roxas wasn't even a dog person.

"Really?" I asked and looked over at Roxas, who was eagerly nodding his head. Why did I have to play wing man? Was Roxas really that intimidated by Axel? Well, I guess that wasn't that hard to believe. Or was it really Axel who was bugging Roxas about the three of us hanging out? I still felt like Axel had some tricks up his sleeve. How could I not? Axel's smile dripped cunning.

"Yeah, really." Axel answered for him and leaned back on the bed. I unconsciously moved farther away and by the way he laughed, I was sure he had noticed. "So Sora," He began as he looked over at me with that smirk I was growing to dislike more and more. "Yesterday was a lot of fun huh? You sure looked like you enjoyed it." He snickered and gestured his thumb towards my brother. "But not as much as Roxy did. Roxas loved it. It was practically his idea."

"What? No it wasn't." Roxas said in defense. "You suggested it."

"Yeah but you were excited too, stop lying. He was practically jumping for joy when I suggested it." He let out a loud, cackling laugh then turned to me and leaned in close. "I think your brother likes to be dirty. Your brother's a little pervert deep down. One of my favorite qualities in him." He whispered but Roxas heard and yelled at Axel to be quiet. I grimaced and rolled my eyes. I knew I was never going to live the other night down.

"Stop it Axel. Now come on Sora let's all hang out. It'll be fun. Don't worry, he doesn't bite." Roxas chuckled and offered me an encouraging smile.

"Yeah let's hang out Sora. Come on Roxas join us on the bed. Let's see how dirty little Sora can get." He smiled mischievously at me and leaned forward to whisper into my ear, "And I won't bite unless you want me to." I recoiled with a look of disgust and looked at Roxas, my eyes pleading with him to get his guest away from me. He was making me more than just a little uncomfortable now, he was making me angry.

"Trust me, I'm fine." I said.

"Aw man, you're breaking our hearts over here." Axel said, feigning disappointment but he lightly shrugged his shoulders and got up from my bed. Thank goodness. "Sorry Roxas, I tried but I guess your brother doesn't like to have as much fun as you do. Looks like I got the fun twin." Axel said, swinging his arm around Roxas and pulling him close.

"We were just drunk. It was a one time thing." I groaned as I watched how close they were with rising irritation. Why didn't this guy make Roxas' skin crawl as much as he made mine? When I wasn't looking did Axel play the role of a gentleman? If not, then I never realized my brother's taste in the wrong type of guys.

"Oh yeah? That's what it was? Really Roxas?" He said as he turned towards my brother, who had an embarrassed look across his face. He didn't say anything so I stepped in.

"Yeah it was, trust me. Now if you guys wouldn't mind..."

"Fine I can take a hint. Come on Roxy, brother doesn't want to play with us." Axel snickered and led my brother out of my room.

.oOo.

"Hey Sora."

I didn't have to look up to know who it was standing at my doorway. Again. I thought he said he got the hint that I didn't want him around me. Or my brother to be honest but that wasn't a decision I could make for Roxas. But no, there he stood, interrupting me from deep and pensive thought, leaning casually against my door frame, my brother no where to be seen. I offered him a polite smile but I wasn't ready to listen to more of Axel's taunts. I wasn't interested in his mind games he was trying to play on me.

"What are you doing?"

"Where's Roxas?" I said, answering his question with another, not interested in making small talk with him and wishing for my brother's presence in the room. I looked up, craning my neck to see if maybe Roxas was behind the much taller man's form, maybe planning a surprise attack on me, but it didn't seem likely when Axel stepped inside the room, revealing to me that there wasn't a blond behind him. I frowned in disappointment.

"Making us some sandwiches. He's nice wifey material." He smiled and sat beside me on my bed. Axel, for once, wasn't staring at me like I was a piece of meat ready to be devoured. He wasn't looking at me with hungry wolf eyes and I guess for this minute I didn't have to have my guard up around him.

"You like him?" I asked, raising myself from my lying down position and sitting beside him. When he wasn't watching me with dark, lidded eyes and a toothy smirk, I guess I could see where Roxas was coming from. He was handsome, with a nicely angled jaw and high cheekbones. Although the tattoos under his eyes did throw me off a bit. He had sharply angled eyes and his very eye color was a shocking green. His hair was also a unique feature, bright red and in a messy, wild style. I didn't know Roxas was into bad boys but I guess this was the proof. This guy had the looks and personality down.

He chuckled a bit to himself. "Heh..." He began with a light shrug of his shoulders. "Yeah, Roxas is cool. He's cute and just my type. I was always into the guys who were short and sweet. And he's kinky." He smirked again, sending a wink in my direction. "And I'm about to find out how good a sandwich he can make. But I mean " He paused, pursing his lips, mulling his thoughts over and letting them dance on the tip of his tongue, making sure they were ready to be spoken. I furrowed my brows, wondering what the 'but' could possible mean. What was wrong with my brother? "He's got some stuff going on. Stuff I noticed today. I mean I'm not entirely sure but I have a hunch."

"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely confused about what Axel meant. Roxas wasn't perfect but I was sure this guy had a ton of problems of his own. And if he thought Roxas wasn't acting different well Roxas was never himself when we were fighting and that was probably all it was.

He laughed and waved his hand, as if to tell me to forget about it. I opened my mouth about to press the situation when he interrupted me, his lips crooked again. Oh no.

"So Sora...you enjoyed last night, didn't you?" He questioned, reaching over and placing his hand on my shoulder. I groaned. Gosh, why couldn't he just drop it already? If Axel was so aware then why wasn't he aware that I really didn't want to talk about it?

"Why do you keep asking me that?" I asked as I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. He frowned at my frosty behavior and held up his hands.

"Well because your brother sure did." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I had had enough of Axel's stupid mind games. What was he trying to do here? What was he trying to convince me of? "No I'm serious." He insisted and let his fingers dance across the blanket, fingers slowly finding their way to rest on my thigh. He looked up at me through his eye lashes. "I see the way he looks at you, you know? He's crazy about you."

I stood up immediately and walked away, over to my desk, and played with my computer chair for some sort of distraction. I wasn't going to play his little game. I wasn't going to take anything he said to heart, let it all go in one ear and out the other. Axel was sick and I had no clue what he was trying to do here. "Not as crazy as he is about you." I chuckled, my eyes still downcast as I stared at the chair, the desk, the carpet, anywhere but Axel.

I heard the sound of the bed bouncing and my breath hitched in my throat when I noticed he was walking up to me, right up to me. I could feel his presence behind me and I turned around, narrowing my eyes at him, looking straight up at him, not wanting him to know he was intimidating me.

"Really? You think?" He said with a chuckle. "Aw, I'm so flattered." He spoke so casual, the only other expression I could see glinting in his eyes was amusement. Couldn't he see that he made my skin crawl? Couldn't he tell the amount of discomfort I felt whenever he walked into the room? He didn't care though. That was what bothered me so much. He put his hand on my shoulder. "What do you think he'd do " He hesitated for a minute, looking past me at the hallway then back down to me , then spoke in a soft voice, "...if I kissed you right now?"

I scoffed, obviously not interested in that idea. Last night, drunk, with my brother there for support was one thing, but now, alone in my room, with Roxas in the kitchen, that just wasn't going to happen. "I don't know."

He leered down at me. I hated how much taller he was than me. "I think he'd be pretty jealous, don't you? He'd want to get in on the action." He let out a loud laugh. "Oh man, he'd be so mad at me. For kissing his brother like that. Isn't that his job?"

"Ugh, what are you talking about?" I almost yelled, trying to step away from Axel but finding myself between him and my computer chair. I felt the blush creeping over my cheeks, positively embarrassed and disgusted by the fact that Axel had that sort of idea of Roxas. Of me. I knew last night was a bad idea. Twins don't do that. Twins aren't supposed to kiss like that. "We've never done that before and we aren't planning on doing that ever again. That was a one time thing."

"Didn't you guys kiss after though?" Axel pressed and I looked down, chewing on my lip nervously as I drummed my fingers on the head of the chair I was currently leaning against. The more distance between me and Axel the better. Why had Roxas told him? That wasn't anyone's business. And here I was thinking Roxas could keep that between us, where it should have stayed.

"He told you?" I asked with a loud groan, my eyes refusing to meet Axel's sharp gaze. Out of anger, embarrassment? Probably a mix of the two. "We were drunk. It was stupid."

"Aw man, poor Roxas. He must have been heartbroken to know it didn't mean anything to you."

"What are you talking about?" I repeated, my eyes snapping back to his as I narrowed them in anger and frustration. How many times did I have to tell him? When we kissed it didn't mean anything! I wasn't a pervert, neither was my brother. And not to say that those two girls for the club were, but that's just how Axel made me feel because of the way it all happened. "We only kissed at the club because Roxas wanted to kiss you. That's it. That's why he was so excited. He probably thought that was the only way."

"I would have kissed your brother. He didn't need you for that."

"Well I guess he didn't know that. Why did you mention a three-way kiss between us then if you just wanted to kiss him?" I asked, prodding him in the chest as I watched him with a challenging glare. He gave it right back to me.

"He did. I told him I wanted to kiss him. But he wasn't sure. Then I mentioned something about a three-way kiss with you and he was dragging me around the club to find you." Axel snickered and my brows knitted in confusion.

"Well..." I began. That was weird, I would admit. Why wouldn't Roxas be down to kiss Axel until I was mentioned? There had to be a reasonable explanation for that. There was no way there was any truth at all behind Axel's words. "He...H-He was probably just nervous about the idea of just kissing you. He doesn't meet a lot of guys he likes."

"Well that was fine by me. You guys are so much fun together you know. I've never had such willing twins before." I watched Axel carefully as he reached up to run a hand through my hair. I moved my head out of his reach.

"Like I said, it was a one time thing." I insisted, trying squeeze out of this confined space I found myself in but Axel wasn't budging. Hadn't he ever heard of personal bubble?

He groaned with a roll of his eyes. "Why can't you be as fun as your brother huh? You only want to fuck around if it's with him, is that it?"

I had half a mind to punch him square in the face for that one but I knew that wouldn't look too good if Roxas just happened to join us at that time. And besides, Axel was a lot bigger than me. I don't think a hit from me would do anything but annoy him. Although he was pretty frail. But I wasn't a violent person. I gave him my deathliest glare. "Shut up." I spat, shoving him away from me to give me some space. I squeezed out and away from him, preparing to leave my room or something but he grabbed me by my wrist. I glared back at him.

He simply laughed, obviously not too intimidated by me. Sometimes, I hated being so short and innocent looking. Then people thought it was easy to take advantage. "Prove me wrong then Sora. Kiss me."

I grimaced at the thought. "No." That was something that was never going to happen again. I wasn't going to be blackmailed or pressured into kissing this guy again. First, because I thought he was a jerk but second, because Roxas was trying to talk to him. How sneaky of him to try something with me when he was here to see Roxas. Not me. Roxas.

"Aw why not? If Roxas were here to join you'd be all for it wouldn't you Sora?" He held a tight grip on my wrist and I attempted to wiggle out of his grasp.

"No I wouldn't!" I shouted and I could feel my eyes beginning to burn out of frustration. Axel obviously was having fun tormenting me with the fact that I felt horrible about last night. He could tell and I was sure that was why he wouldn't drop the subject. What did he want me to cry? Did he want to see how far he could push me until I reached my limits? Well I was getting pretty close.

"Prove it Sora." He said again, calmly and I struggled even harder against his grasp. He laughed and pulled me closer, taking pure delight in watching me stare at him with complete disgust and shame.

"I don't have to prove anything to you."

"Oh I think you do. I mean, if the whole thing with Roxas is bothering you so much you do." He said as he finally let go of my arm. "If you can kiss your own brother, no wait, make out with him, then you should have no problem kissing me." Oh I would much rather kiss my brother 100 times before kissing Axel. Especially when he was practically trying to guilt me into it. "Unless I'm right and you're finally going to admit that there's something going on with you two."

"There isn't!" I shouted angrily, rubbing furiously at my eyes. I couldn't let Axel see I was on the verge of tears. I couldn't let him know that he was winning. Why does one little kiss necessarily mean something sexual was going on between me and Roxas? People made mistakes. I made a mistake. And now I was never going to live it down. I looked down at the floor and I felt Axel's hand gently touch my cheek. I was surprised by the gentleness of the touch and looked up at Axel, my eyes glancing down at the hand against my face while my breath grew unsteady.

I squeezed my eyes shut briefly as I realized what he was doing. He was waiting, gauging my reaction as he slowly brought his face a little closer. I didn't move but my breathing grew shallow as I tried to hold back the anger, the humiliation I felt for being in this situation.

It wasn't long before I felt his lips press against mine very softly. His lips were barely against mine at all. That wasn't expected. Here I was expecting him to kiss with the same passion and ferocity his eyes held but instead it was soft and chaste and just as his lips began to part I heard my brother's voice quietly from the hallway. My heart sank.

"What are you guys doing?"

Axel lingered but finally pulled away, glancing over at Roxas without even a look of shock gracing his features. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Had he planned this? Had that been another part of Axel's sick and twisted little plan? To first infuriate me, then humiliate me, then cause issues between my brother and I. I hated this guy. I knew he was up to no good. I glanced over at Roxas, seeing the look of pure anger and hurt across his eyes. I sniffled, unable to hold my tears in at this point.

"Roxas I-" I began but was cut off as Axel waved a hand at me.

"Sorry Roxas, just having a little fun. Come on, you can join us, we don't mind." He said without his usual smirk and snarky attitude. My eyes immediately widened in horror. That was not what that was. That was not just fun. Not for me.

"Roxas "

"Can I talk to him for a minute alone Axel?" Roxas asked Axel but his eyes were on me and I flinched under his gaze. I had been seeing a lot this side of my brother lately. The angry side. And usually that wasn't directed at me. But it seemed like nothing was going right for us the past week. First because of Riku, now because of Axel. I guess hanging out with our twins' new guy wasn't exactly something we were good at. We were just so close, jealousy and defensive behaviors came out full swing. But this was worse, it looked like I had betrayed my brother when that was the last thing the kiss was meant to be. But could I tell him that? I didn't think I had the heart to tell him Axel was a self-satisfying creep of a guy who insisted that we had some sort of incestuous relationship. I wasn't even sure if Roxas would believe me or see it as some sort of desperate fit of jealousy. Just like I had accused Roxas of when he had told me that Riku wasn't good enough for me. Maybe Roxas had been right and he wasn't just jealous? Maybe Riku really was a jerk? I didn't know. I was just so sick of being confused and frustrated.

"Sure." He said before turning to me and quietly whispering, "What did I tell you Sora? See how mad he is? What did I say?"

"Get out!" I yelled and he shook his head, walking past Roxas, but not without placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him an apology. I nearly shook my head in disgust as I watched the taller man's retreating form. He would probably end up ease-dropping on us anyway. He seemed sneaky like that. I swallowed and turned to Roxas, who was watching me, brows furrowed, looking more hurt than anything.

"Listen Roxas, that wasn't anything you need to worry about, trust me okay? It was just-"

"I don't get it." He interrupted me and I stood there, nervously playing with the hem of my shirt as I stared at Roxas with a guilty face. "I don't get how you have managed to steal everyone away from me. First my friendship with Riku is strained because of you and now you go and take Axel too?" His words struck me hard. I never tried to take anyone from my brother and I never thought he felt that way about my friendship with Riku. I didn't meany to do anything like that at all and I didn't know how Roxas didn't understand that. "I mean, I know you're likeable but seriously?"

"I never knew you felt like that. You know I would never try to steal anyone away from you on purpose." I frowned, staring at the ground, too upset to meet my brother's eye. "And I don't like Axel. At all. Can't you tell how much he infuriates me?"

"That makes it worse Sora! You don't even have to try!" He yelled, making me flinch. I kept my head up but peered at him through my lashes. "I know why everyone likes you. We may be twins but we are completely different. We even look different. I always thought you were the better looking twin. You have prettier eyes, pretty hair, and you're always smiling and I know people like that. And you're so happy all the time. Everyone's drawn to you. But I can't be happy all the time." I felt even worse. How could my brother feel that way about himself. He was just as handsome as me, maybe even more so. He had a much nicer bone structure and pretty, golden hair. He didn't need to be sad. He had no reason to and I couldn't understand where his sadness stemmed from.

"He doesn't even like me Roxas. He was just-"

"I don't get why you can't leave anyone for me? Why can't I have anyone? I finally met someone who I found even remotely interesting. Someone that I thought maybe could help me forget and move on. If I could just move on I'd be so much happier. But then I walk in and find him kissing my brother. Wow, that's ironic." Roxas seemed frantic, talking to himself more than me and pacing back and forth, staring at anything but me.

"Roxas just forget it. It was nothing. It didn't mean anything at all I swear. Axel doesn't like me, he likes you." All I wanted was for him to understand and believe me about what that kiss was and what it wasn't but my brother was always stubborn.

"Why was he kissing you then?" Roxas pressed, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest as he stopped and stared at me.

I really didn't know if I should tell him but what else could I say? "H-He...He kept saying I have sexual feelings for you. And I just couldn't take it anymore you know? So I kept telling him I didn't and he didn't believe me so I proved him wrong by kissing him..." I sounded so stupid. How could kissing Axel prove that my feelings for my brother were purely platonic. And why did I care so much about what a stranger said. I sounded like a complete idiot and I could tell Roxas agreed when he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Geez Sora, grow up already." I winced at how harsh his tone was. "You're thinking so much about it when you don't need to be. Who cares what Axel says, he's just messing with you. So I don't get why you are so bothered by it. Maybe it's because Axel's right." He shook his head and walked out of my room, leaving me there, wondering to myself, why I had let Axel ruin everything so easily.


	6. Brothers on a Hotel Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting a cold, rude awakening by Axel, Roxas wants nothing more than to spend a quiet evening with his brother at their favorite spot in the local park. Well, that and a sea salt ice cream. And Sora just wants to cherish these moments with his brother for as long as he can.

I attempted to walk past Roxas' room with the stealth of a cat, hoping for nothing more than the comfort of passing by his room unseen and unheard. The embarrassment and shame was a little too much to handle and I was perfectly okay with leaving the two of them alone, as I had been all day. But after the kiss, I wasn't expecting them to be bothering me any more.

I kept my head down and my footsteps gentle as I tried to creep by his room. I was just hoping I wouldn't step the wrong way and make the floor creak loudly. But as I walked by I heard talking, loud talking, and if I didn't know any better, I would have guessed Roxas was crying. The tone of his voice was angry, sad, maybe a little desperate sounding? All I had wanted to do was walk by as quickly and quietly as possible but curiosity got the better of me and despite my better judgment, I pressed my ear to the door and listened as the voices get much clearer.

"What do you mean I'm just using you?" Roxas said and I heard a pleading tone in his voice, something easily recognizable to me. It was easy for me to figure out how he was feeling through his voice, one of the perks of being a twin, after all. I couldn't help but be curious enough to listen in. It was no wonder Roxas would be pretty upset after what had just happened and I hated hearing my brother upset, even if I was angry with him too at the moment. But why would Axel be accusing my brother of using him? Wasn't it more like the other way around?

"Exactly what I said." Axel responded and I could hear the sound of the bed rustling as if someone had just sat down or gotten up. I didn't hear any movement coming from my brother though. "And you know you are too. I heard you tell Sora right now. I mean, my feelings aren't hurt or anything but I just wish you would acknowledge it. If you want, maybe I could even help." He said with a laugh.

"Acknowledge what? And help? What are you talking about? I like you. Didn't you hear me tell Sora that?" Roxas asked and I heard the squeak of the bed and then a few footsteps. "I don't usually like guys like you." Although my brother never really liked anyone and had finally found someone, it still didn't settle well with me. I didn't want to see them together, despite how selfish that might have been.

"Just because you tell me you like me doesn't mean you actually do. Stop playing pretend Roxas. Damn, seriously kid. It's a bit sad."

"Why are you being so mean? All I did was tell you how much I like you."

Axel laughed. "I thought we were just having fun, you know? A nice, little distraction for you. Nothing more. Since you obviously don't know how to handle your real problem." What problem was he talking about? Axel really had some nerve to talk to my brother like that but he didn't strike me as the most polite person. And the fact that he was responsible for the way I was feeling towards my brother lately made me resent him. If it wasn't for him, Roxas and I would have never kissed. He made me feel dirty, I realized. Like my brother and I were just a pawn in his sick, little fantasy.

You don't have to lie to me Roxas. I know what's going on with you. I know all about it and don't try and sit here and pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. I sucked in a deep breath as I listened to Axel talk. Was something going on with Roxas that I didn't know about? Was something wrong with him that I had been too distracted to notice? I knew Roxas best so how could this guy who we had barely met yesterday act like he knew Roxas inside and out. He didn't know anything about Roxas. He didn't know Roxas' favorite food, which was lasagna. He didn't know Roxas' favorite color was orange. He didn't know that Roxas was still afraid of thunder and Roxas' birthmark is located on his right shoulder. He didn't know everything like I did.

For a few seconds, they were both quiet. My brother wasn't saying anything but neither was Axel and I almost felt like barging in and stepping in for Roxas to tell Axel to leave like we should have a while ago. But I didn't want them to know I was listening in. Roxas would be angry at me for invading his privacy and Axel would probably deem me pathetic. But curiosity got the better of me and I couldn't walk away. I wanted to know what Roxas was going to say. Was there really a problem that I wasn't aware of?

"What problem?" Roxas repeated.

Another pause and then a quiet laugh. "Are you serious?"

"...Yeah...what are you talking about?"

"...I don't want to have to say it, I really don't." I growled in annoyance. I was becoming impatient with Axel's little games. Whatever it was he had to say why wouldn't he just spit it out already? "I mean, I've been dropping hints all day that I'm all too aware of the situation going on here. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Just say it." Roxas nearly yelled and I couldn't help but flinch.

"You like someone else." Axel told him bluntly and I raised a questioning brow. Roxas didn't like anyone beside Axel. He said he hadn't met anyone interesting in a while before he showed up and besides, Roxas never had any sort of feelings for anyone we knew. He usually kept to himself and I wasn't sure if my brother had ever even wanted a boyfriend. But the way he looked at Axel was different the way he looked at other boys. Different, yet familiar. Now that I really thought about it...it was the same way he looked at me. Not with a sexual lust but in a caring way. Like the one he was looking at was someone he cared about. Or someone Roxas felt a special connection with. I couldn't help but feel jealous when I thought that he might care about Axel like that, as much as me, his own family. Axel wasn't worth all that Roxas could give.

N-No I don't. My brother said, stuttering as he did and his answer didn't sound so convincing.

Oh geez. Axel scoffed. Listen Roxas, I'm not here for a relationship. I mean I don't think I gave you the wrong impression or anything either. Couldn't you tell I wasn't one of those kind of guys? Don't have it in me. And I think you're just attracted to the idea of a boyfriend or some shit like that. But I'm not that guy. I'm only here to have some fun. You know, to fool around, whether it be with you, your brother, hell, even the both of you, which I know you'd like, wouldn't you? Yeah Roxas, I know you would. My throat tightened. Was Axel still getting at that? When would he just leave it be? It was like he was trying to convince us or something. I had no idea what it was he was trying to do. Did he honestly believe Roxas and I were kissing behind closed doors? Well...then again...my thoughts were cut off by more of Axel's little speech. But I'm not going to be joining your little love triangle got it? I was just here for a little wish fulfillment. And you shouldn't really be complaining. You got yours last night. I helped you with that. But really, I'm not interested in dating, especially not someone with some weird fantasies like that. That's just a little too kinky for me. And I'm not here to be your coping mechanism or anything, got it? Later Roxas. Oh, and give Sora an extra blow job on account of me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had thought Axel was just messing with us, trying to make me squirm, trying to push my limits. But he really, honestly thought there was something going on between me and Roxas? All of the teasing, the joking, was not teasing and joking at all. He really and honestly though Roxas had feelings for me, unnatural ones. Just like those two twins we met yesterday at the club. No offense to them, what they did was their own business, but I didn't want our relationship to be perceived as that. It was embarrassing. And I could only imagine how Roxas felt, standing face to face with his accuser. I felt sick to my stomach. My lips began to quiver and I placed my hand against my mouth. I stayed with my ear against the door, hushing my sobs and realizing I couldn't just leave, though I knew I should. But I had to hear Roxas stick up for me, for us, for our family.

Roxas remained absolutely quiet for a while and I could just imagine the look on his face. Horror, disgust, shame? I felt bad I had probably ruined any potential Roxas could have had at a relationship with this guy. Now, all he could see us as were a couple of twins that lived the incestuous way of life and that definitely wasn't the case. But finally, after what felt like forever, I heard quietly, so quietly that I had to strain my ears, my brother finally speak.

"Shut the fuck up and get out of my house." I could hear his voice trembling. Had Axel brought him to tears?

"Whoa, calm down Roxas. I'm already leaving but call me if you need any help wooing your brother over. I think I did an A plus job doing that." He said with a loud laugh. I heard the sound of footsteps and I quickly headed to the nearest room, the bathroom. As quietly and quickly as I could I closed the door. I waited for the sound of doors, one from Roxas' room, footsteps, then the sound of a second door, the front door, closing.

I let out a deep and trembling breath before reaching up and wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. My sobs grew louder now that I knew I wasn't in danger of being heard. I hated Axel! For hurting my brother. I covered my face with my hand as I cried harshly, shoulders shaking. I hated myself for going along with Axel's little game yesterday when that wasn't us, that wasn't me. I slammed myself against the door in frustration. But what I hated the most was the fact that Roxas hadn't denied any of it, hadn't been able to speak up against it and now he had given Axel this crazy idea. I slid down against the door, now sitting on the floor as I buried my face in my hands. He had given Axel the idea that all the allegations were perhaps true and they had been true all along.

.oOo.

"Sora, can we go to the park please? I really need to get out of the house."

I looked up to see my brother standing at the doorway of my room. His eyes were red and puffy and I could see that he had been crying. I hoped he couldn't tell that I had been doing the same. Being around Roxas made me feel nauseous, sick, but I knew I knew I couldn't blame him for what Axel had done. It was no one's fault that Axel was a creep, no one's fault he had gotten that impression from a kiss between twins. I knew I needed to stop blaming Roxas for all that was happening. And I knew I needed to be with my brother right now. He was upset and he had come to me for consoling. I Right now, I had to put all that aside, put everything aside for him. The least I could do was go out and get some fresh air. I think it was something we both needed.

"Of course." I beamed up at him and I could see the corners of his lips turning upwards. I always could cheer Roxas up. It was a brotherly skill I was truly grateful for. "Is Axel coming?" I asked, trying to give the impression that I hadn't just heard what had happened earlier. When I said his name, my eyes darkened and Roxas noticed. I couldn't help but hide the resentment I now felt for him. No matter, how cheerful and upbeat I was, I couldn't stand for anyone if they hurt my brother.

"No. He left." He said simply, looking down at the floor with a frown.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?" I questioned but didn't want to press the situation. I was sure Roxas wouldn't tell me. It would surely be embarrassing for him. And why would he tell me? I had already been freaking out about the whole situation enough already. Imagine if he knew that I knew someone had taken our antics last night the completely wrong way.

"You don't have to pretend you like him. I just don't think we will be talking very much." He leaned against the doorway, shoving his hands into his pockets and sniffling.

I quickly got up from my bed and walked over. "Well I didn't but I'm sorry. I know you liked him." I said, lying through my teeth. Deep down, although I hated to think it, I was kind of glad they wouldn't be talking. Axel was an asshole and I could see it from the beginning. My brother was much too good for him. He didn't deserve what my brother had to offer. And I knew eventually he would see that. I saw him rub at his eyes with his sleeve and I quickly grabbed his hand with both of mine and held it firmly. He looked up at me and I offered a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry about it Roxas. I'll be here if you need to talk about it?"

He nodded and said nothing else.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his neck and holding him. He hesitated but slowly wrapped his arm back around me tightly. I took in a deep breath, wanting to break down. The bond between us was so strong it was like I could feel what he did. I could feel the pain he was feeling, the hurt, the shame. I wanted him to realize I was always going to be there for him no matter what. I was always close by, always there to try and rectify the situation.

I smiled into his shirt as we stood there embraced. The hug was nice. Hugs from Roxas were always nice. We were nearly the same height, the same everything, aside from the fact that Roxas may have been a bit more lean with muscle and maybe a bit tiny bit taller, so embracing him made me feel safer and more comforted than anyone could ever make me feel. We fit together perfectly, kind of like two puzzle pieces, as cliche as that sounded. He really was my other half.

"You know you're a really good brother." He whispered against me my hair and I gave him one last squeeze before stepping back from the embrace.

"...So park?"

"Yeah."

.oOo.

For the first time in days, I felt good. No I felt better than good. I felt awesome.

I felt free without a care in the world. Uninhibited and it was like all the issues and stress and confusion I was feeling were gone. Disappearing with the rushing wind. On the back of Roxas' board, arms snugly around his waist, chin resting on his shoulder, I felt free. The air rushing past my skin, the air that gently rustled our clothing.

One of the routes to get to the park involved riding down a steep hill. The steepest hill this city had that we could safely ride down. It was one of the reasons Roxas and I enjoyed going to the park so much. The rush we got riding down was a thrill I couldn't compare to anything else.

"Faster?" Roxas asked, turning his head to glance at me very briefly. We wouldn't want another accident like the one we had the other day. But I trusted Roxas. He had been distracted last time due to our fight but we were getting along perfectly fine right now. I was sure Roxas could manage. He had done it plenty of times before. Riding was Roxas' escape I think. It was his favorite hobby and the fact that I got to enjoy the rush with him was great.

I nodded, encouraging him to speed up and he did so, kicking at the ground with some force and I closed my eyes as we propelled forward. The cold air bit at my skin and it felt exhilarating. I kept my hold on his waist snug and I wondered if the extra weight of me caused the speed to increase. I was sure it did and I was glad Roxas was skilled enough to get us down safely.

I could see the park entrance coming up and Roxas slid the board to a stop once we reached the bottom. I got off and he followed. I could see the tall trees and frolicking children.

I looked back at my brother, seeing his forehead beaded with sweat and seeing his chest rise in and out, in and out. The ride always did take the wind out of him since the park was a good distance from our house.

I noticed Roxas' expression still held the same sadness it had the whole day and I wrapped my arm leisurely around his waist. I wanted to cheer him up. I missed Roxas' usual carefree attitude. I missed my brother. "That's always so much fun." I said with a smile, talking about the ride here.

"Yeah." He replied quietly. I prodded him in the rib and watched as he jerked away from me. My brother was always extremely ticklish in his ribs. But a tickle attack wouldn't be very much appreciated , especially since he had just caught his breath. I would save it for a more appropriate time and instead I would use my other 'make-Roxas-smile' tricks that I had up my sleeve.

"Cheer up Roxas." I said as I pulled away from him. "I don't want you to look like this." I said as I squeezed my cheeks together and pouted my pursed lips, impersonating a silly sad face. "I want you to look like this." I said and then grinned, almost maniacally, teeth bared at all and I could see his eyebrow raise in surprise at my antics. But seconds later, he was laughing whole-hardheartedly. I knew my funny face would work. It got him every time.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tugging me towards him and I wrapped my arms back around him, enjoying the brotherly embrace. I had missed this closeness with him. Being with him like this felt great. The park was always a special bonding place for us.

I could hear the familiar theme song of the ice cream truck parked in the lot and I smiled at Roxas. "Want something?" I offered and my heart almost fluttered when his fit lit up with the excitement of a child getting a new toy.

"Sea salt ice cream please."

We walked over to the truck, surrounded by whiny kids and their parents but thankfully the line wasn't overly long. I wrapped my arm leisurely around his waist. "Ice cream always does the trick huh?" I laughed when he nodded quickly.

"You know me too well."

.oOo.

"How is it?" I asked, looking over at my brother whose attention was on devouring his ice cream. Sea salt ice cream was Roxas' favorite but I never did like it. I thought the idea of salty ice cream being a bit strange. But as long as he was happy I couldn't complain. He didn't say anything, mouth busy at the time, and simply nodded. It was kind of cute how something as simple as ice cream could make him so happy.

We sat on top of the picnic table under our favorite tree right by the pond. It was our spot to come and relax, to talk or sometimes we would come to the park to play basketball or some other sport. I hadn't suggested playing since we had a tendency to get really competitive. Friendly sports usually ended up in a fight and I didn't think that was something we needed right now.

So we just sat here and relaxed, watching as the sun began to set into the horizon. The sun was slowly sinking, the fiery red-orange sun disappearing into the blue pond water.

This had became a tradition for me and Roxas after a few visits here. We realized just how calming it was. Something about watching the sun set really helped clear our minds. I remember the time when he came here and much to me and my parent's horror, he fell riding down our favorite hill. I hadn't been there at the time but I always thought if I had maybe he wouldn't have broken his arm. He was in the hospital for a while and it was lonely without him in the house. I hated that I couldn't talk to him whenever I wanted to. We were pretty much inseparable and that was the first time we had been apart since we were kids I think. Once he got out of the hospital, I had been over-joyed to see him and the first thing we did was come here. On the safe route that didn't involve any steep hills. The route we usually took when leaving the park, since we had never liked the idea of having to walk all the way back up such a steep hill. We sat here and talked until the sun went down. We talked and laughed and I drew on his cast. It was a great bonding time and that was when the park really became a tradition. Whenever we were dealing with issues we would come here and talk to each other about it. It usually helped clear the air and even with all that had been happening lately the park did a great job of helping us forget. And that was something I desperately needed. To forget.

"What are you thinking about?" Roxas asked as he tossed his ice cream stick into the nearby trash can. He licked his lips. He leaned back on the top of the table, eyes closed and the orange sunlight danced across his face. I was happy to see him smile. He looked happy, content. A great distraction from Axel.

"Nothing." I answered with a small shrug of my shoulders. I let out a small chuckle. "Just thinking about the time we came here after you broke your arm. Do you remember?" I glanced over and he nodded.

"Of course. That was when watching the sunset really became a tradition." He laughed. "I remember after I got out of the hospital you cried like a baby! You told me how worried you had been and how much you missed me."

"I didn't cry that much." I said defensively. "Only a little. And yeah I was lonely, it was the first time you hadn't been home since forever."

"Well imagine how I felt having to sit in that hospital bed. And it wasn't like you didn't visit me every chance you got."

"Yeah but it wasn't the same. I couldn't just walk to your room and talk to you whenever I wanted. I hated it."

"Aw, don't cry now Sora." He joked and patted the empty space beside him. He reached his arm out and I gladly scooted over and sat next to him, resting against him. I hugged him against, my eyes shut. I remember I hadn't really wanted to let Roxas out of my sight after the accident. But he was determined to get back on his board almost immediately after.

"I'm not."

"Stop pouting." He said and I realized my face was scrunched into a frown. Or "pout" as everyone else called it. I didn't pout though! I realized now was a good a time as ever to initiate my attack on Roxas. I grinned to myself and grabbed his arm around my shoulder with my free hand, holding him firmly in place. With him in my grasp, my hand that was resting on his side began to slowly move. I prodded him once and felt him jerk. I chuckled and let my fingers begin to softly but firmly dig into his ribs. He squirmed, letting out small giggles before narrowing his eyes at me.

"Stop." He said, nearly whining and I began to squeeze his side all over, causing him to start jerking around frantically. I held onto his arm tightly though, not planning on letting go no matter how bad he squirmed. "S-Stop, you know I'm t-ticklish Sora." He said in between laughs. Yeah, my brother was very ticklish. But then again so was I and Roxas' other hand came round to under my arm to get me back. No, my plan had backfired.

"Stop Roxas!" I yelled and my hands began to fly even faster, with his jerks and squirms becoming desperate. We both laughed, tears nearly beginning to prick at my eyes until Roxas got free and shoved me aside with a laugh.

"You're no fun." I whined, though I was happy that his attacks on me had stopped as well. We both caught our breaths in between left over giggles. I really had missed this. Hanging out with Roxas made me forget about everything. It really was great having a person I could talk to about anything. I could talk to Roxas and he would listen. I could do anything with Roxas and we would have fun. I could cry and he would always be there for me to lean on. I was incredibly lucky. The bond we shared was something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

But I felt bad. I felt bad I had let stupid and insignificant things mess up what we had. I felt bad for letting someone as unimportant as Axel affect the way I felt about my own brother. And I felt compelled to say something. It seemed like Roxas had been doing all of the apologizing lately even when he hadn't done anything wrong. "Roxas...I'm sorry about whatever happened with you and Axel." I said softly as I got back up and leaned into him. His arm swooped around me once again. I put my hand on his stomach, playing with his shirt for some sort of distraction. I didn't want to bring anything up for fear that it would ruin the simplicity this moment had but felt I had to say something about the situation. "You don't have to talk to me about it but I'll be here to listen if you ever decide to." He squeezed me closer, leaning his head against the top of mine. "And I'm sorry that you couldn't be with Axel right now, you know, enjoying this with him."

"What? Do you really think I'd share this place with him?" He questioned, ruffling my hair and letting out a soft chuckle. "Besides, you know there's no one I'd rather spend my time with than you."

"Me either." I said, looking up at him. He titled his face towards mine and I didn't mind the closeness. I embraced it in fact. It was a nice closeness I felt with him. A different closeness that I couldn't quite put my finger on. But I liked it.

"I love you Sora." He said quietly, personally, as if it were a secret shared between us that he didn't want anyone else to hear. Something special just between us and just for me.

I touched his cheek and leaned up, placing a chaste kiss on the other side of his face and lingering there.

"I love you too."


	7. Train Whistle Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas and Sora return home to have a nice dinner with their family, but it is evident that their parents may have some issues with their sons' relationship. And Roxas and Sora have a deep conversation that may confirm Sora's suspicions that there may be more to Roxas than he is letting on.

"Sora, Roxas, finally you two are home. Dinner's been ready for an hour." I could hear my mom say as Roxas and I stepped in through the front door, still clutching our stomachs from laughing. I gave her an apologetic grin and quietly shut the door behind me.

"Sorry mom." I said as I rushed towards the kitchen, already licking my lips. "What's for dinner?" I was pretty hungry now that I thought about it. I hadn't really eaten all day, due to the distractions Axel had caused, and my mom always made the best food. I could feel myself start to drool already and I looked at Roxas, who was rubbing his hands together. As we passed my mom, we both gave her a swift kiss on the cheek before we walked, more like ran, into the kitchen.

In our rush, we nearly knocked over the chairs as we sat down and I could just see my mom, smiling and shaking her head at us. I let my eyes hungrily run over the food across the table that was set out for us and she hadn't let us down. It looked absolutely delicious. My mom always made the best Japanese food. It was her specialty. Once she married my dad and had us, she worked hard to cultivate her cooking skills, and since my dad was Japanese, she learned how to make it quite well.

Tonight, she had made garlic shrimp noodle and I licked my lips greedily. The chopsticks were already set out for us and I remember how frustrated I had gotten when my dad was trying to teach us how to use them. Roxas had gotten the hang of them fairly quickly but it took me a while to get used to them. I noticed my mom had also made for us, crab rangoons and a ginger side salad. My brother and I exchanged excited smiles.

Roxas and I nearly knocked the chairs over with how quickly we sat and I heard our mom laugh in amusement. I grinned and let my eyes run over the food across the smorgasbord that was set out before us. My mom always made the best Japanese food. It was her specialty. Once she had a family she had worked and worked to cultivate her cooking skills and Japanese food had always been her favorite. Tonight the four china bowls were filled with garlic shrimp noodle with chopsticks laid out for us to use. Our mother had taught me and Roxas to use chopsticks when were were little and it had taken me some getting used to but I had caught up eventually to my brother. There were also crab rangoons set out for us and a ginger side salad. Me and my brother immediately exchanged excited glances.

"There's Tiramisu in the fridge for dessert." My mother said as she sat across from my father, who was already seated with a book in one hand and his chopsticks in the other. He had only set the book down briefly to smile at us in greeting. There was Tiramisu too? Was it someone's birthday or something? That was my favorite dessert but I knew it wasn't my birthday.

"What's the occasion mom?" I questioned as I dug into the noddle with my chopsticks as fast as I could. I was starved, and apparently so was my brother. I watched him with amusement as he shoved the food into his mouth at an alarming rate. "I mean," I began around a mouthful of shrimp, "you always make good food but Tiramisu is my favorite."

"There's no occasion. I just haven't seen you two in a while it seems like. I just wanted to make something special for dinner."

"Well," My father spoke up as he closed his book and set it down on the table. "We've been busy with work and the boys weren't here yesterday for Friday dinner. Where did you two go?" He adjusted his glasses and leaned against the table with an intent look in his eyes.

"We went out with friends. Sorry mom it's our fault we've been sticking to ourselves lately." Roxas spoke up with a mouth full of food. He quickly wiped his mouth with his napkin when our mom gave him a look.

"Well is dinner good?" The lack of words was an indication that we were all definitely enjoying our food, too much to be bothered to talk around it. I stretched my arm to pick out the biggest crab rangoon from the plate and popped it into my mouth, savoring the taste of juicy crab meat swirl around my tongue. I had always loved sea food, unlike Roxas, who had to be forced to try anything that was even remotely fishy. But after years of forcing him to try sushi and salmon, he came around.

"You two actually went out with friends? That's new. You guys didn't drink did you?" My dad asked and I quickly shook my head.

"No." I replied with my mouth full and my mom's scold was right on cue. I swallowed my food and explained to them a fact they already knew too well; Roxas and I were not 21 so we could not drink and even though it wasn't entirely truthful, I told him that even if we were 21, we still didn't like to drink. He nodded in skepticism but really, couldn't he tell that we weren't ones that indulge in drinking much? We never came home drunk, we never really went out until late at night, and we weren't 21. So connect the dots and we were as innocent as they come. Well, practically. I left the little part about meeting Axel out though. The sooner I forgot about him the better.

"So what'd you guys do there?" Mom asked before she took a long sip of tea. There was tea too? Oh, my mom thought of everything. I realized that I had a cup of tea right in front of me. I took a sip, flinching when the heat burned me a bit but I always enjoyed my drinks and food so hot they steamed. I didn't know why but it just tasted better that way. As long as it didn't kill my taste buds.

"Oh you know we danced." I said with a small grin, unsure of what to say had actually happened there.

"We met two cute girls." Roxas chimed in with a smile and I nodded enthusiastically in agreement. My parents didn't know of our interest in boys and I definitely wasn't going to be the one to tell them. As long as Roxas wanted to keep up the charade I was more than happy to follow through with it. The fact that it was a gay club would be omitted. The fact that we did meet girls but they were girlfriends would be left out. The fact that we had met a guy there and had had a three way kiss would never be told. And the part about us getting home, drunk and red-faced, and kissing, would be a secret between us. And I was glad for that. The less our parents knew the better. I couldn't see my dad taking it too well. He'd probably be silent about it for a few days. He would refuse to acknowledge it and pretend like it never happened. My mom on the other hand would probably bawl her eyes out. My mom was the sweetest woman around and was open-minded and caring and doting. I knew she would still love us no matter what but the idea of Roxas and I doing anything but knocking up a girl and giving her grandchildren, she hoped twins, was appalling to her. She wouldn't have it any other way. But I didn't see it happening the way she wanted it too.

"Good, you boys need to start dating already. Your father and I are tired of waiting." My mom said and Roxas and I immediately groaned, sharing a knowing glance with each other.

"Geez Sera they're only 18. Roxas, Sora, if you come home telling me you knocked some poor girls up I will be so angry-"

"Don't listen to him you two." She began but laughed nervously when my dad quirked his brow at her. "What I mean to say is, I don't want it to happen right now but … oh I just can't wait until it does." I could see her eyes becoming starry and glazed as a dreamy expression crossed her face. I could tell she was imagining what her future grandchildren were going to look like. From their hair color to their skin tone to their shoe size.

My mom thought Roxas and I were the greatest looking kids on the planet and was always doting on us, making sure our shirts were ironed, our hair was soft and shiny looking. She was quite proud of the job she and my dad had done on us so she would constantly remind us just how cute we were and what that meant our babies would look like. And she longed for one of us to have twins. She wanted to keep the tradition going that ran on her side of the family for as long as possible.

"One day, mom." Roxas assured her as he stuffed a rangoon in his mouth after dipping it into the soy sauce splattered on his plate. "Not anytime soon, don't worry dad."

"Oh fine, but it's going to be a magical day for us, won't it Rei?" She asked, sipping on her tea as she looked over at my father. "And you boys too." She turned towards us and played her hand against mine, smiling that sweet, motherly smile of hers. My mother was definitely the motherly type, despite being young. She had had us at a young age but our family never struggled and she was happy as could be. She was lucky enough to have met my father in high school, fell in love, got married, and they looked happy still to do this day. He was hard-working, she was hard-working, and so Roxas and I lived in a nice home without an abundance of money, but we were definitely luckier than other kids our age. And I appreciated all their hard work.

My mom probably had such high hopes for us to turn out like our father. Hard workers, doting fathers, married. But my marriage wasn't going to be the picture perfect one she saw in her head. There would be no bride, and there would be no pregnant women in my future. And even if I did like girls, I wouldn't be interested in having a kid at this age. I was still a kid myself. Still dorky and immature and I wanted it to stay like that for as long as possible.

"Yeah, yeah. When the time comes." Dad said as he pointed at us with his chopsticks with a look that clearly said he meant business.

We both nodded in understanding and I finished off my dinner with a bit of salad that I had forgotten about. I wasn't too big on salads but it was rude to leave anything my mom or dad cooked untouched. And besides, it wasn't bad, I decided as I took a bit of the flavorful spinach into my mouth.

"Yeah, yeah. When the time comes." Dad said as he pointed as us with his chopsticks and gave us a look that clearly said he meant business.

We both nodded in understanding and I finished off my dinner with a bit of salad that I had completely forgot about. I was more of a meat-kind of guy so I usually didn't touch soup or salad, unless there was meat. But it was rude to not eat everything set out on the table for us and it wasn't bad. It was pretty good actually, I decided as I took a bit of the flavorful spinach into my mouth.

"So...did you get those girls numbers at least?" Mom asked and couldn't help but giggle when she saw me drop my chopstick and groan. She playfully pushed on my shoulder and stood up to gather her and my dad's plate. "Oh I'm just kidding Sora. Lighten up."

"I got their numbers." Roxas piped up, shooting my mom a confident smile and receiving an approved look. "Their name's are Kairi and Naminé." He said, burping loudly. "Sorry." My mom didn't have to say anything and simply carried the dishes to the sink, shaking her head.

"Oh they sound very pretty. Such exotic names." I noticed my mom cleaning up and shoved the remaining of my salad into my mouth. She came back and grabbed me and Roxas' plate, doing the same.

"Not anymore exotic than our kid's names Sera." Dad said with a laugh as he stood up and went to the fridge. "I'm going for that dessert. Anyone else still hungry?" He asked with a grin. Our hands shot up in the air as we shouted a simultaneous 'me.' Roxas and I always had room for dessert, even if our stomachs were about to burst. It was a wonder how Roxas and I were so skinny but we didn't normally eat a lot of fast food and we had pretty fast metabolisms. Roxas also skateboarded a lot and played more sports than me, which was why he was more toned. If I squeezed my stomach, I still had a lot of remaining baby fat that I couldn't quite shake.

As my dad brought out the Tiramisu, I couldn't help but lick my lips. It looked like the ones that were made at the local bakery, which I loved. But I still couldn't figure out why mom had decided to pull all the stops for dinner tonight. Tiramisu was saved for special occasions, so what was so special about today? It couldn't have just been the fact that we hadn't seen them for a couple days. It wasn't that rare of an occurrence when my parents worked all the time. But to be honest, I was pretty thankful for that. My mom was nosy and if she saw my brother and I fighting this weekend, she would have definitely been curious as to the cause. That would have made things a lot worse. Really, what could we have said to her? That was something best left between Roxas and me.

We serves ourselves a piece and offered one to our mom, who declined with a wave of her hand. As I began to dig into my dessert, I heard my mom sigh dramatically. I rolled my eyes and glanced sideways at her. I could already tell she was about to go on and on about our love lives, a top I hated having with them. It always made me feel so guilty.

"What is it Sera?" My dad asked in between bites of food, eating just as quickly as we had been. Despite the tie and suit my dad wore, he had the same childish disposition as I had, while still being quiet and soft spoken like Roxas. My friendliness came from my mother while Roxas shared a few of my dad's traits. We looked more like the parent our behaviors reflected as well, now that I thought about it. My mom had brown hair like me and my dad was blond, though lighter, like Roxas.

"It's just...I don't know why you guys aren't dating anyone yet. Do you two realize how cute you are?" Roxas and I both groaned. I could tell from the way she was looking at us that she wanted to reach over and pinch our cheeks until they were red and sore. Were we really that cute? I guess we weren't bad looking, but that didn't mean any guy that had any sort of interest in was worth talking about. I knew that Roxas hadn't found a guy he liked since Axel had come along and before that, he had told me about a brief, very brief, interest he had in Demyx. That was quickly dismissed when he found out just how much Demyx was into his guitar and music. There was no room for Roxas in the picture when Demyx's one true love was his music. And I had guys who liked me, like that boy Tidus. But I was really more interested on focusing in school and finishing the year.

But...the only guy who could have a possible chance was Riku. I had always seen him around school and thought he was really good-looking but never got the chance to talk to him. After Roxas introduced us, we became fast friends. To find out that such a handsome guy had looks like that and was incredibly nice led to some feelings. Nothing serious though and I wasn't sure I had the time for a boyfriend, especially with the end of the school year coming so soon.

"I hate to admit it but I can see where your mom's coming from." My dad added and if my dad, being the sensible one, agreed with my mom, then maybe there was some truth behind it. "I mean, you guys don't go out that much and I know it's because your focused on school, but the only people you spend time with are … well... each other. I never see any girls around here and this is the first time I heard anything about girls this whole semester. I know you two are serious about school and everything but it's okay to experience dating in high school. I mean, it's your senior year. Live a little." My dad raised his cup of tea and held it to the air in a toast to us dating I supposed, before taking a drink.

Girls, girls, girls, was that all my parents could think of? I frowned, pushing away my plate that still had a few bites left. Suddenly I wasn't that hungry. All this talk of girls and dating began to make me feel uncomfortable I could tell Roxas felt the same, by the way he shuffled in his seat.

"Geez, we got it." Roxas groaned, setting his fork down and scooting away from the table. He rolled his eyes and grabbed his plate. "And so what if I'd rather hang out with my brother then girls?" He asked as he stood up and dragged himself to the sink. "Why is it wrong to hang out with my brother?" He asked defensively. I could tell he was fuming by the way his voice had risen, no longer as soft spoken as usual.

"Calm down, son. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it." My dad said, his face becoming serious. "I don't want you two missing out on the best year of high school because you're too scared or nervous to meet girls or whatever it is. You guys should try spending less time apart and see what happens."

I frowned and wondered why they had a problem with us hanging out so much? We were twins, wasn't it to be expected? I stood up and walked my dish over to the sink as well. When I glanced over at my brother, I could see him staring at the dish he was busy scrubbing curiously with intensity.

"Don't be mad, Roxas. He's just concerned." My mom said. "You don't seem interested in anything really. Except school, your skateboard, and your brother." The plate slipped out of Roxas' hand and landed in the sink with a loud clatter.

He whirled around quickly, anger rising his eyes as he frowned sullenly. "What's the big deal if I hang out with Sora? He's my twin, it's normal mom." I didn't want to get involved and tried not to look, but when I glanced sideways at Roxas, it looked like he was going to cry. His eyes were brimming with tears and I had an idea he was taking what my parents said the complete wrong way.

"We're not saying it's not Roxas. But what isn't normal is your complete lack of interest in spending time with anybody else." My mom continued.

"That's not even true." Roxas muttered as he turned back around, finishing washing dishes so I could dry them. I took the dish he had dropped in the sink and began to dry it.

"It's not a big deal." My mom said as I heard my dad get up from the table. I handed the dry dishes to Roxas and headed to the cupboard. My parents both began to walk away into the living room, whispering things that I couldn't quite make out. But I guess Roxas had, I figured, when he dropped the plate he was carrying onto the tile floor. The china plate shattered with a loud crash onto the floor, causing me to jump in surprise and

"Roxas!" My mom yelled as she and my dad ran back and their eyes went from the dish shattered on the floor to my brother, who wore a shocked expression on his face.

"It's okay mom, I'll clean it up." I offered and walked towards the mess. I went to touch my brother's shoulder but he brushed past my parents, into the hallway, and into his room in a rush.

My mother sighed and they both walked away, muttering to themselves once again. I stared down at the plate on the floor. It was ruined, shattered into pieces. Is that how my brother felt?

.oOo.

"What was that about Roxas?" I asked as I quietly knocked on his door to let him know I was coming in. I didn't want to disturb him and I my cheeks flared, recalling the memory of him the last time I walked in on him without warning him. As I listened in closely, I couldn't any sort of noises that would indicate him doing anything inappropriate. No moans, no heavy breathing, he was just quiet. I heard a rustle as Roxas sat up from the sheets. It was near pitch black in his room, no light or television on, and all I could see was his silhouette sitting up, his hand outstretched, beckoning for me to come over to him maybe?

"It was nothing. I've just had a long day." He replied, sighing heavily. "Come over here would ya?" I quietly closed the door behind myself and walked towards his bed. Due to the room being near pitch black, I had to mind my step and walk through the clutter with the stealth of a cat. I wasn't a cat though, and couldn't see in the dark, and so I tripped over his laptop. If I could see Roxas' face, I would guess he was probably glaring at me. I saw him get up from his bed and walk towards the curtains. He peeled them over slightly and the moonlight poured in, cascading across the room. It poured in and danced across his face and I could see the way his blue eyes twinkled from the light. Had he been crying?

I crawled into bed with him and tapped the spot beside me. He gladly took the spot beside me, feigning a grin. I wondered what had happened that had made Roxas actually drop a dish in shock but I decided I'd bring it up in a few minutes, to not upset Roxas again. I'm sure a few minutes of laying in his bed talking would get him back in a good mood. This was something we usually liked to do when one of us was in a bad mood.

"Well are you okay now?" I asked, touching his shoulder and squeezing it lightly. He glanced away, pulling at the threads of his comforter while he bit his lip. With a soft shrug of his shoulders, I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He made himself comfortable, fitting into the contours of my body and laying his head against my shoulder. I inhaled, taking in the smell of vanilla that drifted from his hair. I had the urge to bury my nose in it but refrained myself and instead, let my cheek rest against it.

"I'm alright." Roxas muttered, watching his hand move to rest on my stomach, his fingers clutching at the fabric softly, clinging to me as if he couldn't let go. I kind of liked the way Roxas depended on me. It made me feel useful. And I think Roxas did depend on me, for support, for comfort, for a lot of things. "I'm just sick of them always trying to get involved in our personal lives." He said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, tell me about it." I sympathized, rolling my eyes. I knew my parents meant well but they didn't realize just how much it bothered us when they talked to us about girls and dating, because we knew sooner or later they were going to find out the truth. That there were no girls, and there never would be. We liked boys. Both of us. My mom would surely think grandchildren were out of reach, even though that wasn't the case. But there would be no getting through to her. And I didn't even want to think of my dad's reaction.

"And it just makes me so uncomfortable you know? I know I'll never meet any girls and I'm just going to let the both of them down. And every time they bring it up I feel so nauseous all the time. I can't take it when they talk about girls. And dating. It kills me every time. Don't you feel the same?" Roxas asked as he let go of me and laid back against his bed, arms behind his head as he sighed loudly.

"Yeah, of course I do." I said, glancing towards him before laying back against the bed and wrapping myself up in the warm blankets. I guess my dad was a bit uncomfortable with how close Roxas and I were but my mom understood our bond. She had a twin herself. I guess sleeping in the same bed at our age was a bit much but I didn't mind. It gave me a feeling of comfort I didn't get when I slept alone. "And I'm pretty sure dad thinks that us hanging around all the time is part of the reason we aren't able to meet girls."

I could see the way Roxas expression turned serious as he looked over at me slowly. He looked like he was about to break into tears at any minute. "...Yeah...it's not though, right?" He asked with hesitation and I shook my head.

"Nah, of course not. I mean we're just picky that's all." I tried. That was true in my case at least.

"Picky is a word for it I guess. I'm scared to like anyone I think." Roxas confessed. I grabbed the blanket, tossing it over Roxas and scooting towards him underneath the blankets. "I mean, Axel just made me feel a rush and made me feel comfortable so I was willing to give something with him a try. But I always fall for the wrong guys. I mean, obviously, Axel was a jerk." Yeah he was, I thought, but I wasn't going to kick Roxas when he was down. Instead I just reached my hand over and grabbed his, offering him a sympathetic smile.

"Well I only remember a couple of guys you've liked. Not all of them were bad."

"Really?" Roxas asked, looking up towards me and letting his thumb stroke my hand. I couldn't help but grin and close my eyes at the sensation momentarily.

"Hmm...well there was that older man Marluxia, who was way too old for you," I began as I counted on my free hand. I remember him. He was handsome and articulate but he was around ten years Roxas' senior and I told Roxas to put a stop to that real quick. "...then there was Demyx. Now he was nice."

"But he just wasn't my type."

"What? Nice and cute isn't your type?"

"Nice and cute is definitely my type." Roxas answered, turning towards me pinching my cheek with his hand. He laughed and lay across my chest. I was sure he could hear my heart beating so fast in his ear.

"A-And then there was Axel." I finished with three fingers up. And those were the only three boys I had known Roxas had liked. I didn't know why he was so standoffish and to himself. I was sure I had more guys on my roster. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Two out of three of them weren't guys you could bring home to mom." I said with a chuckle. "But come on, not every guy you like is a bad guy. You're just not giving yourself any credit. You're not stupid, you could pick out a good guy in a crowd of jerks."

"Yeah but I mean it's not even the fact that they are bad people." Roxas continued while he distracted himself with my shirt. He looked kind of nervous and I wondered what was going on in his head. Something bad maybe? I listened attentively. "It's just that they aren't good for me. Does that make sense?"

"Well...I guess it does. What do you mean. Like who?" I questioned, tilting my head to the side as I sat up a bit. My curiosity definitely peaked. Had there been someone that I didn't know about? That would definitely be interesting and I couldn't help but admit that I'd be a bit upset to know my brother had hid something so important from me.

"I don't know, I mean, there's someone" He spoke cautiously, pauses between every word. I could see his eyes shift side to side, trying to look anywhere but at me. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I hadn't been aware of my brother liking anyone. I waited and listened for more. "Someone I shouldn't. I've liked them for a while though and I just can't seem to shake the feelings. But I don't want them to know. I like this guy but I really, really need to just move on and get over it." He said, as he stared at the blanket, wringing it in his hands. The wind began to cause the tree's branches outside to bump against the window, causing a much needed distraction.

I was confused.

So all this time Roxas had liked someone? And had never told me. Why couldn't I know? We told each other everything so why was it that this had to be a secret?

Was...was there truth to what Axel had been talking about? I felt my stomach plummet at the very thought. My own brother … having some sort of sexual feelings for me. It wasn't normal. It wasn't okay. Could my brother actually have those kinds of feelings for me? The more I thought about it the more uncomfortable I got. A few of the events that had occurred the past week seemed to make a lot more sense in that context. The jealousy for one. And the ridiculous statements Axel had been saying didn't seem so ridiculous. And when I had walked into Roxas' room that night...

I swallowed, my mouth dry and my hands sweating as I looked at my brother, who had just barely taken his head off my chest and back against the pillow beside my shoulder. He glanced at me sideways, waiting for me to say something. Anything. "I think I know who you are talking about." I said finally.

He looked surprised, shocked, maybe a bit worried as he sat up straight and turned to me, staring me straight in the face. "You do?"

"Yeah..." I began, unable to say anything. I couldn't believe it. No, I didn't believe it. Roxas did not have any sort of strange sexual feelings towards me, his very own brother. That was just ridiculous. I wouldn't believe it, not unless my brother shoved me onto the bed, kissed me, and told me he was in love with me. I cleared my throat, trying to forget the image. "...it's Mr. Leonhart isn't it?" I said quickly and in jest, tryin to lighten the situation and I could see him noticeably relax and smile

"Haha no!" He shoved me playfully and we both burst into laughter.

I reached over and pinched his cheek and he immediately slapped it away. I could tell he was getting embarrassed. Roxas' cheeks turned red and his smile grew wide. I couldn't help but smile back at him. I liked it when my brother smiled. "I knew it! I knew it this whole time. You can't fool me Roxas. I see the way you look at him and all of that extra tutoring you've been getting is that just a cover up isn't it? Geez Roxas, you really do have a habit of falling for the wrong type of guys." I said, feigning laughter as I tried to forget about what I was just thinking about.

"Heh, well I mean he is pretty hot. I could get into the whole grungey look. And he has a great ass." Roxas added with a laugh. I guess he wasn't wrong there. Mr. Leonhart was tall with long shaggy hair and tan skin. He had a prominent scar that run across the bridge of his nose and anyone who asked him where he got it from was immediately sent to the principles office. So we learned not to ask after a while. I couldn't help but feel a bit flustered whenever I entered his class and got to watch him for that whole fifty-five minutes, talking about my least favorite subject: history.

"So I was right then? It's Mr. Leonhart." I asked, raised my brows and wagged them playfully.

Roxas leaned over and ruffled my hair as he slowly lay his head back against me. "Yep you've figured it out Sora." He grinned and let his chin rest against my chest as he looked at me.

"Eww Roxas, you know that's illegal." I said as I flicked his nose with my finger lightly. He wrinkled it up, causing me to laugh at the sight. I let my hand find its way into his hair and massage his scalp slowly. I could see his eyes roll back into his head slightly as his eyelids drooped. Even if I felt weird about what Roxas' was talking about, I still felt nice here with him.

"So is underage drinking." Roxas said, dead-panned. He smirked and let his fingers dance across my chest. "Not to mention I think kissing your own twin might be illegal in a lot of states and you still did that." He laughed, poking me on the tip of my nose.

"Stop." I whined, letting my hand fall out of his hair. He frowned, his eyes pleading with me to continue my ministrations.

"Fine, I won't tell if you don't. Deal?" He asked and I grinned, quite relieved to hear he wouldn't mention the kiss anymore. The sooner I forgot, the better I would feel about our relationship. He reached his hand over and held out his pinky. I let mine interlock with his in a pinky swear, the most sacred of all swears.

"Deal."

He smiled and buried his nose into the crook of my neck. I shivered at the close contact, the feeling of his breath against his skin giving me goosebumps. I didn't know why Roxas could make me shudder with one touch but I was sure I shouldn't like it as much as I did. "I just want to meet someone cute and who treats me well." Roxas began, his voice slightly muffled. I inhaled a sharp breath, nervous for some reason as I slowly let my fingers glide through his soft hair and watched him. If any moment could feel perfect, this was probably the closest to that I knew. "The most important thing, though, is that I have a connection with them. Someone I can talk to about anything, someone who can tell me their darkest secret and be confident in the fact that it'd only be between us. If I could just find someone like that, who liked me back, then I'd be happy."

Wasn't that kind of the relationship we had?

"Sora," Roxas began, sitting up and leaning himself on the palms of his hands. He looked at me, his bright eyes suddenly serious. "If I ever left, promise things won't change."

I quirked my brow, wondering why Roxas had suddenly brought that up. I frowned, wondering if there was some certain reason he brought up the topic of leaving. But I really hoped it was strictly curiosity. "Of course not."

He smiled a sad kind of smile and lay his head against me again. I fell asleep to the sound of his steady breathing. My dreams were filled with the scent of vanilla and eyes just like mine.


	8. Lightness Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demyx introduces Roxas and Sora to his new band. It's a small world, it seems, when the twin they met, Namine, is related to one of the band mates.

The long and eventful weekend was finally over and it was finally Monday. Though could I really say that Monday was any better than this weekend had been? I always hated Mondays. But who didn't? It had more shirts dedicated to that fact than Friday had shirts dedicated to the excitement that came with it. But at least the long, droning six hours of lectures were finally over and Roxas and I had plans to go hang out with Demyx and his new girlfriend, aka, his band. He finally had found a way to outlet his creativity by recruiting two others to join him to create, "sweet, beautiful music together" as he liked to say.

I had joined Roxas and Demyx today at lunch, breaking my usual routine of sitting with Riku. I felt like spending time with my brother at lunch. It might have been sad of me to say but being away from him during class was making me kind of anxious. We had been through a lot this weekend and I guess part of it was me not wanting him to tell anyone about all that had happened. Specifically, Riku, who he shared ceramics with second period. No doubt Riku would ask him how the Friday night was. But I was sure Roxas wouldn't tell. We already had seen how that had turned out with Axel.

But anyways, Demyx had told us all about the band at lunch today. So far, there were only three people, including himself. There was Demyx, obviously, the double threat of the band, not only playing his beloved sitar but also singing lead vocals. I had never hard Demyx singing voice but he had a nice enough speaking voice. The second person he had recruited was a boy named Zexion who went to our school, though neither Roxas or I recognized the name. But I guess it was due to the fact that the kid spend his time reading in the library during breaks, Demyx had told us. We shouldn't even feel bad that we didn't know him, Demyx hadn't known he existed until he bumped into him in the music section at a nearby book store. He played the keyboard and was a lyrical genius, his specialty being classical music. Last but not least, there was Larxene, who Demyx found through a friend of a friend. She was a talented drummer, despite the fact that she could be a "bitch" sometimes. Demyx's words, not mine. Loud, vulgar, and mean were all words he had used to describe her but she was good at channeling all that rage into the drumsticks so Demyx kept her around. I was a bit intimidated to meet her to be honest but he had told me not to worry. Besides, Roxas was his closest friend and wanted to be there to support him. I, naturally, was invited to come along.

Although the band sounded dysfunctional, and I was probably right, considering they just met recently, Demyx said he liked their chemistry when they played. I guess the clash of personalities somehow worked but I didn't really know anything about music and was not going to speculate, but to simply support.

"So, ready to meet them?" Demyx asked, an excited grin stretched across his face as he turned to me and Roxas. I smiled halfheartedly and gave him a thumbs up. I had my doubts but was ready to take his word for it. I glanced at my brother, who smiled back at me, and together we braced ourselves to meet this crazy family of Demyx's. We got out of his jeep as he pressed a button that opened the garage. I guess he had let his band mates get comfortable in his garage as they waited for us to get home. No one was home during the days, his dad worked like ours did, which worked out perfectly for his son. Band practice after school before his dad could come home and complain about the mind splitting headache it would no doubt give him.

"Is that Larxene girl really as bad as you make her sound?" I whispered to Demyx. He did tend to be a bit of an exaggerator so I assumed the girl couldn't have been as bad as he made her out to be. He looked back at me, sympathy painted over his face, and shrugged his shoulders.

"See for yourself." He said before extending his hand towards the two people in his garage. The first thing I heard and saw was a cymbal crashing to the floor, followed by a loud curse coming from the blond girl inside.

"Dammit Zexion, how many times do I have to tell you to be careful around my drums?"

"Well I don't understand how you can be angry with me when I was setting up your drums in the first place."

The boy argued as he pointed his finger in the woman's face. This looked to be a big mistake on his part by the way her blue eyes flared like fire and her hand formed a fist.

"Zexion," She said, her voice taking on a hushed, deadly tone. "...I am going to-"

"Hey, guys, my friends are here, the ones I was telling you about." Demyx announced cheerfully, cutting off the heated threat the girl was about to direct at her band mate. The pair glanced over quickly and the blond I assumed to be Larxene, stood up from her seat behind her drums and walked over, eying Roxas and I curiously.

"Twins huh?" Was the first thing she said as she eyed us both like we were in some sort of pageant. I could see the way her eyes ran over us, judging everything about us. She seemed like the type of person who had a strong personality and would either love you or hate you. It seemed like the fact we were twins had led her to the decision that she wasn't going to like us.

She shook her head, palm against her forehead and laughed condescendingly. "Don't tell me," She began before looking at us, "you guys are screwing each other?"

I began to laugh nervously, glancing at Roxas before looking at Demyx, who held up his hands and shrugged his shoulders. I shook my head madly from side to side in response before waiting to long though. "No!" I nearly shouted, my cheeks red hot. Not this again. Could a day pass where someone didn't accuse us of having sex with each other? What was it about us that gave people that impression? Did I stand too close to him or something? Was it some sort of rule I didn't know about that standing an inch apart from your twin had to mean you two performed sexual favors one each other. I suddenly had a massive headache.

"Chill out I was just asking." She said, nearly doubling over in laughter at my expense.

"Well, we aren't. And I don't get why everyone keeps saying that? Do we give off some sort of vibe or something?" I asked, flustered. I took a step or two away from Roxas, watching him like he was a dangerous criminal. Once my little episode was over, I glanced around at the four others and noticed their questioning looks.

"Relax Sora." Demyx said laughing as he slapped my shoulder, causing me to stumble forward a bit from the impact. When did Demyx get that strong? It couldn't have been from holding his sitar. It was smaller than the average guitar wasn't it? Or maybe it was bigger. Who cared? I sure didn't, not when I was being accused of wanting to give my brother blow jobs at the turn of every corner.

"That doesn't really help your case in any way you know?" Larxene asked as she ran her hand over her hair and continued to giggle. "But don't worry, I just asked because I am all too familiar with that. Incest I mean." I raised my brow. Was she-? "No, not me! I'm not that kinky. I just know people." Larxene let out a haughty laugh and walked over to her drum kit. She sat herself on the stool, crossed her legs, and continued to smile at me. I bet she was biting back the laughter and I was surprised she had that much self control, judging by what I had seen of her so far.

"Yeah, who else has been saying you two are boning?" Demyx questioned with a snicker, waggling his eyebrows and elbowing Roxas in the ribs. I buried my head between my shoulders and kicked the floor in embarrassment. If there was anything I wanted to do right now more than anything, it was hide in Demyx's closet until the embarrassment went away. But instead I simply blushed, trying to avoid anyone's gaze.

"No one." Roxas replied for me and I nodded in agreement. Yeah, no one.

"I never thought you two were. Don't worry." Demyx assured us with an innocent smile. Well, I guess that was good to hear. People that actually knew me and Roxas knew we weren't dating or having sex or anything like that. And for Roxas' sake, I hoped it stayed like that. The kissing between us needed to stay between us. I'd talk to him about it later to make sure he hadn't told anyone. Specifically, Riku.

"Well great." I said under my breath before glancing at Roxas nervously. He smiled at me, which always helped to put me at ease. At least he wasn't taking this to heart as much I did. I guess I really should lighten up or people would get the wrong idea.

I turned away and looked over to Demyx who was rushing to his sitar to pick it up. The way he cradled that thing was exactly how a mom would cradle a baby after giving birth. He was in love. No wonder Roxas hadn't been interested in dating Demyx. The other blond was infatuated with his music and this hobby—no it was more like his passion—was not to be shared with anyone else. His heart only had room for another. I could just picture Demyx practicing alone in his room, whispering to his sitar lovingly, 'It's just you and me baby' or something along those lines. He loved it and took care of it like it was a puppy or something. But that made sense, seeing as he did spend a small fortune on it. But no matter how much Roxas and I joked about Demyx's love for his music, I wished someone could be that passionate in their feelings for me some day. If someone loved me half as much as Demyx loved music, I think me and that person would have a pretty good shot at a relationship.

"Well...anyways...how rude of me." Demyx began with an awkward. "Sora, Roxas, this is Larxene." He introduced her with a hand gesture, to which she gave us a half-smile in greeting. Without her rude comments I was able to notice her blond slicked back hair and her round, green eyes. She kind of looked like Naminé now that I thought about it, but then again, I had only seen Naminé in a dark club under bright, colored lights so who knew how accurate I was about how she really looked. "Play them something real quick." He told her and she nodded, playing a quick—and loud—beat on her drums before tossing the sticks aside in a true rocker fashion. She seemed like the type of performer who was all about the dramatics. "And this is Zexion. He's really good at the piano." I looked over to Zexion, who had a sheepish smile on his face. He had dark hair that was long, messy, and worn in his face. I guess he vaguely looked familiar, but I didn't really remember seeing him around school too much.

"I'm alright, but I have been playing ever since I learned as a child." Zexion added and nodded in greeting. I was kind of surprised to see him in their band. Demyx and Larxene both seemed so loud but I guess they needed someone who had a quieter personality to mellow things out. Two opposite ends of the spectrum.

I was sure he was great at playing piano. He seemed serious and like someone who would take any work or practice serious.

"That's impressive." Roxas said with a warming smile in Zexion's direction and Demyx nodded like a proud mother.

"Yeah you haven't even heard it yet. When I first heard him play I was like, "wow! Me and this guy could make some sweet, beautiful music together." He said, wagging his eyebrows teasingly at Zexion who stared at him with an unamused face. He blew some of his hair out of his eyes and let a small chuckle fall from his lips. "So we were a two-man band for a bit, I wrote most of the music and he wrote the music. He's a poet too. But still we were lacking something. Our sound was too soft you know?"

"So then I heard through the grapevine that some guy needed a drummer for his band." Larxene continued as she weaved a drumstick in between her fingers. I always wondered how people were able to do that. "And I knew with my excellent drumming skills I had what it took to spice up this guy's little project. So I took the train all the way from where I live on the whole other side of the city to come meet with him. And I didn't have to play very much for him to tell me I would be an excellent fit for the band.

"Yeah you're a little rough around the edges but nothing I can't fix." Demyx had to duck quickly to avoid a flying drum stick that nearly made contact with his eye. Roxas and I would have to watch our mouths around her.

"Well we'd love to hear you guys play." Roxas chimed in, grinning as he walked over to the little pull-out couch Demyx set up for us. "Demyx always tells me all about his band we haven't even gotten to hear anything. Today will be our first time hearing Demyx play with other people."

"Yeah I bet you guys are pretty good. Demyx has been hyping you guys up a lot." I added.

"And for good reason Sora," Demyx replied as he got his sitar into position. "these people are just what my songs needed. Just the right amount of energy and softness." I actually couldn't help but smile when I listened to Demyx talk about his band, his music. He was so proud of them. Like a doting mother who believed their children could do no wrong. Demyx could be a bit of an exaggerator but Demyx had a good ear for music and put so much heart into it I was sure their band would be all I was expecting it to be.

"If only you could put this much effort into school then maybe I wouldn't have to be helping you all the time." Roxas laughed and I joined in when Demyx argued that he would be doing fine in school if his teachers weren't out to get him.

"Well, you guys ready?"

"Wait, what about your sister?" Zexion asked, glancing over at Larxene who simply shrugged her shoulders.

"Eh, she sees us all the time. We don't have to wait up on her." She replied, setting herself up to play behind her drums.

"Alright then," Demyx said as he got behind the mic. I quickly made my way over to Roxas and sat beside him on the couch. I was happy Demyx was comfortable enough around us to let us be his first audience members. "Are you guys finally ready to hear our band?"

"What are you guys called?" Roxas asked and I could see Demyx's face go blank.

"We...don't have a name yet. Zexion is working on the perfect one. He wants to call us The Organization but I'm not too sure."

"Savage Nymph!" Larxene shouted and both the boys waved her off, to which she hit one of her drums loudly in response.

"No, no. I don't know. It has to be perfect. Well anyways here is one of the first songs Zexion and I co-wrote, it's called MELODIOUS NOCTURNE." He spoke the name long and loud and with a proud smile, he counted to four, and they began to play.

As they began playing I couldn't help but get lost in the music. It was dark and soothing but I could have guessed that from the title of the song. So soothing in fact that I could definitely hear Zexion's influence in the music. Roxas had told me that Demyx's own music was loud and fast. When Demyx had played a small sample for Roxas one day at lunch, he had said his fingers looked to be strumming the sitar so fast he thought the strings were going to catch fire.

This song was more quiet, with the piano being the primary component along with lovely vocals that I had expected from Demyx. I found myself relaxing into the soft plush of the seat and glancing over at my brother, who was busy texting away on his phone. I wondered who he was talking to. He didn't usually text too much, unless it was to me.

Without really meaning to, my eyes lingered on him for longer than they should have. I almost felt guilty the way I would constantly sneak a glance at him whenever I had the opportunity. But it didn't mean anything. But deep down, I wondered if I would have felt guilty if I was completely innocent. I just wasn't sure.

If there was one thing I knew for sure it was that I shouldn't have been so confused. I didn't like how I was questioning my own motives so much, how everything I did felt wrong in some way. There shouldn't have been any reason to worry. I was just be paranoid. Always wondering if what I said or did would give Roxas the wrong impression. I was always wondering what it was my brother was thinking about me nowadays. I kept wondering if he was thinking the same thing I was thinking. And with a blush, I wondered if he was thinking about the kiss like I was? It crossed my mind often, along with the dream I had had that night. I could still hear myself, whimpering In need in his ear, the way his tongue felt so soft and slick as it touched mine.

But just as soon as I began to have these thoughts, I pushed them out of my head. It was wrong to constantly think of what had happened. And it was wrong that the thought of it made me slightly aroused.

Did Roxas feel that way too? Signs pointed to yes. But what reason would he have to be sexually attracted to his own brother? What could have possible led him to that? And why did I even care? What would I do if he did have some sort of sexual feelings towards me? How would I react? I hated thinking like this! Every time I did it made me feel so dirty and wrong and-

"Hey! It's over."

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of Larxene hitting her cymbal loudly with her drumstick. My head whirled towards them and the three of them were staring at me in question. I laughed, rubbing at the back of my neck.

"Oh no, I know that look. Don't be getting any ideas." Larxene accused of me as she pointed her drumstick. Once again, my cheeks burned like they were on fire. I buried my head between my shoulders and glanced sideways at Roxas who was quirking his brow at me.

"What? No I-" I said in defense but was interrupted by Larxene's catty laugh.

"Save it spike. I just call 'em as I see 'em." She threw me a wink and I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. How did everyone seem to know what I was thinking? It must have been written all over my face.

"Anywaays, what did you guys think?" Demyx piped in, a huge grin across his face.

Roxas laughed at me, smiling at me in a knocking way before shaking his head and turning to Demyx. With a heavy sigh, I gave a halfhearted thumbs up and tried to ignore that I felt like Larxene and Roxas were making fools of me.

"I really liked it." Well, what I had heard of it anyway. "But kind of sad, don't you think?"

"It's not sad." Zexion corrected me. "It's deep."

"Yeah, alright, what you said." I replied with a smile. I didn't pretend to be an expert of music, though I did know what I liked. But I wasn't going to argue with the muscician. My taste in music was a lot more happy though. Sad music just made me said and being the cheerful person that I was, I tended to stay away from it.

"It wasn't too sad sounding for me. I thought it was really good." Roxas said as he clapped. Demyx let his arm wrap around Zexion's neck and beamed at his friend.

"What'd I tell ya? This guy is a genius."

Zexion smiled weakly and the way his eyes averted from Demyx's at all times told me he wasn't quite comfortable with the reigning of compliments he gave him.

"Gimme a break." Larxene scoffed as she blew a lock of hair out of her eyes. "There wasn't even a drum solo." She said before seating herself back down on her seat and beginning to, what looked like to me, beat furiously at the drums. But it sounded good. Loud but it had a rhythm. As she played her drums loudly, so loudly I felt a headache coming on, I felt my brother elbow me in the side. I glanced over and was met with the surprise of seeing someone I definitely hadn't expected.

"Naminé?" Roxas said and I looked over towards the door, seeing the blond twin from the club standing there, holding bags of food in her hands.

"Yes! Food's here." Demyx immediately ran from his place behind the mic to the pool table that Naminé had used as a table to set out the bags of food. Larxene and Zexion followed right after and began to tear open the bags in a rush to get to their food. "Sora, Roxas, you guys hungry?" Demyx called over to us and Naminé perked up, her eyes wide as she glanced over to us on the couch, and gave us a small wave. "Oh, you guys all know each other?" Demyx asked, talking around a mouthful of french fries.

"Yeah, I met them at the club on Friday." She said as she grabbed a small sandwich from the bag and walked over to us to sit. "How have you two been?" She asked with a smile as she placed her hand lightly on Roxas' shoulder before taking a seat besides him.

"We've been good. What about you? How's Kairi?" Roxas asked, a genuine smile on his face that I had noticed when she walked into the room.

"Kairi's doing well. She's at work." She explained as she began to unwrap her sandwich.

"How do you know Demyx?" I asked, confused as I scratched my head. She didn't go to our school and if Demyx knew her, wouldn't he have mentioned knowing another pair of sisters.

"I'm their sister." Larxene said. My head nearly whip-lashed from surprise as I turned to Larxene. My eyes quickly darted between the two of them. Now that was definitely a surprise. Sure, I had noticed a similarity in appearance earlier but the two girls were nothing alike. From what I had seen. Naminé seemed quiet and sweet, Larxene was loud and outspoken. "I'm not surprised you two know my sisters. And if you know them you must know about their little relationship thing they have goin' on. Like I said, I'm all into the kinky stuff but incest? Not so sure about that one."

I could see the way Naminé's eyes dropped as Larxene discussed their relationship with such a condescending tone. I was sure she didn't appreciate having her business put on blast like that, I sure wouldn't have. It must have been rough having to deal with that, especially from your own family. I already had an idea of how it felt due to Axel treating us like we were jokes.

"Is that why you asked us if we were..." Roxas trailed off.

"Yeah." Larxene said around a bite of burger and she walked over to us. She patted her sister on the head and looked at me and Roxas. "I mean I know it's not very common or legal or moral or anything but I just thought I'd ask. I know the look when I see one." She looked at me, obviously directing that last part towards me.

"Stop Larxene." Naminé said, glancing at Roxas, her expression apologetic.

"I don't see anything wrong with it." Roxas said bluntly and I was a bit surprised he was speaking so openly about it, since it wasn't really his place to say. I wasn't so sure I even agreed with him. According to all I knew, it was wrong. "I mean, love is love right? You can't help who you feel it for. And once you feel something it can't just go away because you want it to."

"Ha! That's just a load of shit." Larxene said before nearly howling in laughter. "It's simple. Kairi and Naminé didn't have any other friends so what do they do? Cling to each other. If they made some friends maybe they'd get out of this little comfortable habit they've fallen into."

"Well, what do you two think?" Roxas asked as he glanced between Demyx and Zexion. Both flinched, uncomfortable with being put on the spot, especially when it was such a private subject. Demyx let out a nervous chuckle and smiled. "Hey, two cute girls kissing, can't go wrong there right?" Larxene and Naminé promptly rolled their eyes in disdain.

"I prefer to keep out of it." Zexion replied as he began to read, or pretend to, read his song lyric book.

"Don't get me wrong spikey, I don't think it's right, but then again what kind of sister would I be if I just let my sisters get involved in something morally, and lawfully, wrong? I'm just trying to knock some sense into them." Larxene said in defense and I guess I could see her point. She was trying to help, like any big sister would do,. But I had to side with Naminé and Kairi, only they could understand their feelings. Only they could choose what it was they wanted and did not want.

"I guess." Roxas replied with a shrug before glancing over at Naminé, who kept quiet and continued to politely eat her sandwich. "But what do you think Naminé?" He asked and she looked up surprised.

"Well...I mean of course it hurts to know my sister doesn't support what we do but ... I guess I can't really blame her though. She doesn't understand and I'm not asking her to." She said meekly.

"And you forgot to mention Nami, that I took you and Kairi in when mom and dad kicked you out remember? So I'm not the big bad sister after all." She said and Naminé glanced up, smiling in appreciation. The two shared a smile that was sisterly and gave off a lot kinder side to Larxene that I hadn't seen until then.

"Yeah and I know and we appreciate it, sis."

I couldn't say I wasn't surprised. Larxene didn't seem to be the caring, motherly type from what I had seen of her, but she supported her sisters enough to let them stay with her. Even if she didn't necessarily agree. I guess she wasn't as bitchy as Demyx had said she was. It took a lot to let people stay with you and even though they were family, it still was a kind gesture. She may have had a temper and a flare but I didn't even think I knew anyone who would do that for me and my brother.

"Even if it's hard, there's always going to be people out there that care." Naminé said, turning to Roxas and patting him on the knee. I raised a brow and noticed the way he pushed her hand away with an uncomfortable smile.

Their exchange was questionable. For some strange reason I began to wonder if our friends would be as understanding if Roxas and I walked in holding hands.


	9. Lightness Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Band practice is over, and Roxas, Sora, and Namine have a bit of bonding time that is cut short when Riku attemps to connect with Sora. Sora leaves to go spend some time with his friend, and Sora struggles with his feelings for Roxas and Riku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kudos, and I am glad you are enjoying this story. There are about four more chapters until this story is caught up with the one on fanfiction dot net, but I am in the process of completing another chapter. So this story is at 14 chapters, with hopefully six more to go.

Band practice had ended on a good note. The last song had been great and there were little to no injuries, aside from the time when Zexion came in on his piano at the wrong time—right at the beginning of Larxene's part—and she had chucked her drumstick at him. It seemed plausible that hanging out with someone like her was an almost guaranteed drumstick to the head.

I was busy stealing leftovers from the table in front of me, a few fries here and there and the leftover sandwich my brother hadn't finished, while Demyx was gushing to Roxas about how excited he was that a close friend had finally seen him play. I never knew Demyx and Roxas were so close. Come to think of it, I didn't even have a friend I could call close.

I looked over to hear Demyx going on about how Roxas should come see him perform all the time and I found it kind of endearing how passionate he was for his music. I wish I had something in life I was so passionate for. Maybe I should take up karate.

"Hey Nami," Larxene began as she prodded her sister's poor spine with her drumstick. Naminé jumped and arched her back away from the prodding object and turned towards her older sister. "You're going to have to wait around for me while I go visit my friend. He needs help with a new mix he's doing. Think you can find something to do for a bit?"

"Well I-" Naminé began, looking surprised and a bit worried. It didn't look like she had much choice in the matter when Larxene picked up her duffel bag, slung it over her shoulder, and patted her sister on the head.

"Great. I'll pick you up...in a while. Later guys," she said, sending a half wave towards Demyx and Zexion. Her eyes landed on me and Roxas and her lips curled back. "Bye lovers," she said with a wink, making my cheeks flare up in embarrassment. When she left, I felt relieved. It was the same feeling I had whenever Axel left the room. She was like a female version of Axel. Both hot-tempered and both able to make me exceptionally nervous with one look. Hard to imagine Larxene and Naminé were related.

I looked at Roxas, who was already glancing my way, and gave him a cheesy smile to cut the tension. I rubbed my hand through my hair to distract myself as I glanced towards the dusty, garage floor. No matter how many times someone made a vulgar comment towards us, and no matter how many times we received a perverted look from someone, I couldn't get used to it. It made my cheeks flare up, my mouth go dry, my words began to come out wrong. The very thought of what those people were insinuating was more than I could handle. It's like when those movies show people spitting out their coffee, or juice, or whatever in shock, that was me. That was how it made me feel.

Maybe I was just naïve, Yeah, that was me alright. Naïve, innocent, childish, Sora. No...innocent boys don't dream about having sex with their very own brother.

I frowned to myself, knowing that maybe that daunting little voice I always heard in the back of my mind, whether it be my subconscious or whatever, was a tiny bit right. The argument it had that my feelings for Roxas, the way I behaved towards Roxas, went past the point of platonic, was convincing.

Looking over to Naminé, I wondered if she could relate to me, and maybe tell me why I was so confused all the time. Why did my head hurt constantly? Why were my eyes fighting to look at anything but my brother everything I so much as thought of him in that way? And why was I thinking of him in that way to begin with? "Hey," I began, hoping maybe if I got a chance to talk to her I could get to know her better. And in getting to know her better, I'd probably learn a thing or two about myself. "If you want, you could hang out with Roxas and me until your sister can come and get you. Right Roxas?"

"Of course." He replied as he walked over to us, his hand touching her shoulder gently. She relaxed, her face no longer tense with worry.

"You sure?" She asked, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ears and smiling at us. Roxas and I nodded our heads in unison.

"I have to drive Zexion home." Demyx added as he pulled the keys out of his pocket, held them between his index finger and thumb, and jingled them. He gestured for Zexion to follow him towards the jeep in his driveway. "You three need a ride anywhere?"

"Nah, we'll just walk to the Plaza. It's not too far from here," I said, waving them off. Demyx shrugged his shoulders, muttered something to himself before smiling at Zexion and heading to the car.

We all said our goodbyes to the two of them before Demyx pulled out of his drive way. The three of us began our walk to the Plaza, which was a shopping center filled with stores of all kind, restaurants, and the local gym. The Plaza was less than a ten minute way so I figured why not right? Roxas and I were used to walking anyways, and Roxas had his skateboard with him that we could home. Our house was farther from Demyx's than the Plaza. Our park, the 'our' being Roxas and me, was also close bye. But we wouldn't be showing Naminé. Roxas and I had a pact to keep that place to ourselves as long as we lived here.

Naminé walked in between us and it felt different. I was so used to walking alongside Roxas, even if that sounded kind of stupid. It was just the feeling you would get from always carrying something in one pocket, like your phone, and suddenly switching it to the other pocket. It just didn't feel right. And this was how it felt right now, though I had to remind myself, it was only for ten minutes.

And now, walking besides Naminé and actually getting a good look at her in better lighting-not the flashing, strobe lights like there were at the club-I noticed just how pretty of a girl she was. And to be honest, she didn't look like the type of person to like girls, let along be dating her own sister. Not that I was one to judge anyways. It was just something I noticed. She looked like the typical, shy, straight girl, but something had to have happened to have made her willing to have a relationship with her own twin.

"So..." I began, noticing our walk so far had been considerably silent. "You're nothing like your sister." I said, chuckling to myself. Roxas laughed as well, nodding his head in agreement.

"Yeah, she's kind of-"

"Rambunctious?" Roxas filled in for me.

"No, Demyx's rambunctious." I said before touching a finger to my pursed lips and trying to figure out a more fitting word for the girl. "Larxene's more-"

"Scary?" Roxas offered. "Mean?" Noticing the way Naminé frowned, Roxas sent her an apologetic look. "No offense Naminé. She's nice enough, and funny, and plays the drums well."

"My sister's great. Really, she is." Naminé tried as she pulled her hair to the side of her shoulder and began to stroke it, probably a nervous habit of hers. "I mean, it's true she took me and Kairi in when my parents asked us to leave."

"What happened with that? If you don't mind me asking?" I asked, hoping I wasn't pushing a subject that really wasn't appropriate at the moment. But I couldn't hide the fact that I was extremely curious on the two sisters' situation. Was it like Roxas and mine? It couldn't have been.

"No it's fine." Naminé said, biting her lip and inhaling sharply before letting it out slowly. I guessed she was nervous. "Well...Kairi and I started...I wouldn't call it dating or anything, we just started acting like we had wanted to for a while. Hugging more often, kissing each other, holding hands under the dinner table. It became hard to sneak around. I hated having to sneak into her room just to steal a goodnight kiss, I hated having to hide it anytime I wanted to sneak a glance at her, and Kairi agreed. It was probably kind of obvious to my parents. I remember being at dinner with our parents and noticing a tear in Kairi's dress and I had to hide the fact that I wanted to look. I really think our mom started to suspect when she caught us in the backyard on the hammock, holding hands and leaning against each other. I touched her stomach and I remember my mom looking at me like I had just stuck my hand in a pit of fire."

"So, they found out?" Roxas asked, digging his hand into his pockets. I could see the way his brows were furrowed and the way he seemed to really be taking her story to heart. I was too, especially when I saw the way Naminé seemed so sad as she spoke.

"No. Kairi and I hated how distant our parents were becoming so we finally just decided to confront them. We decided to be open about everything, even if we knew it wasn't what they wanted to hear. And we did, we told them everything and why. But of course there was no way they were going to, or wanted to understand." She sniffed a little and I began to feel bad for asking. I didn't want to make her cry. "Sometimes I wonder if it was a huge mistake to tell them but they deserved to know. And we did it hoping our parents would maybe understand or at least respect us for telling the truth and we could be a family again."

"And so you moved in with Larxene?" Roxas asked.

I noticed we had reached The Plaza and I sat down on the nearest bench, coaxing Naminé and Roxas to do the same. They sat next to me and I watched the way Naminé brushed her hair with her fingers still, obviously still struggling with her anxiety as she told us her story.

"Yeah, my parents told us they didn't want their daughters behaving that way and to leave their house. So we did. Kai called Larxene, who had already moved out on her own a few years ago. Our parents found her to be a delinquent but she was already out on her own before they had to tell her anything. And even though Larxene didn't approve and laughed at us, she let us moved in. As long as we kept our relationship to ourselves and as long as she didn't have to see any of it. She even said she always thought we were too close for comfort. We should have never kept it a secret, people always know anyways."

I shifted a bit uncomfortably and wondered just how accurate that was.

"You haven't spoken to them since?"

"No, and that was a year and a half ago." She said, her eyes falling from us and back down at her lap.

I was caught by surprise when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and while Roxas and Naminé talked I decided to check it. I flipped it open and was shocked to see it was from Riku. Riku didn't necessarily every text me, but maybe he was texting me because I hadn't say with him at lunch today, which had been a tradition of ours for a week or two now. Ever since Roxas had decided to bring him around one day.

I had wanted to avoid the awkwardness today. Roxas and I were on edge and any thing could push him over it. My brother was a pain to deal with sometimes. Plus he was stubborn, so any chance I had to avoid that, I took.

But seeing that Riku had messaged me brought a smile to my face. I guess I was happy that Riku noticed and cared enough to text me.

Hey Sora, it read, where were you at lunch today?

I looked over at Naminé and Roxas to see them still engrossed in their conversation and I typed as fast as my thumbs would let me.

Sry, I had a lot of HW to finish during lunch hour.

I hated lying to people, but I didn't really want to tell him that I had avoided him and spent time with Roxas in the weight room. My phone vibrated again.

That's okay. Sora, always on top of his studies :p

I laughed to myself and replied.

Better than being I'm-failing-everything-but-gym-Riku. Lol JK

I barely had to wait long before he had texted me back.

Hey, im passing art and japanese thank you very much.

Hey, good for u. Maybe soon you can come to my house and hav a conversation wit my dad. Once you pass the class that is.

I guessed that flirting over a text was a lot easier than in person, otherwise I probably wouldn't have extended an invitation to him to come over.

Why wait until the end of the semester why dont we hang out right now?

"Hey Sora?"

I jumped when my brother poked me, and I quickly looked over at the two of them. I hadn't been paying attention. I had been too caught up in my conversation over the phone. "Yeah," I asked, smiling at the two of them apologetically.

"Whose that?" Roxas asked as he tried to peer over Naminé's shoulder at my phone. I pulled it out of his view, trying to hide it from him. Still, I couldn't lie to my brother, and with a bit of hesitation, I admitted who it was.

"It's Riku." I said, slow and nervous. I could see the way his face dropped for a second before he tried to cover it up with a nod.

"Oh," was all he muttered before forcing and grin. "Cool."

"Yeah...he asked me to hang out." I admitted, biting my lower lip. Now that I thought about it, I had never hung out with Riku alone or out of school, and I was surprised he had even asked. Was it weird that I was actually thinking about going?

"Oh, you're not going are you? I mean, we're all hanging out right now." He asked, his fingers rapping on his knee as he awaited my response.

"Well..." I began, mulling it over for a minute before shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know. I didn't see him at lunch today. I know we're hanging out but I'd feel rude saying no. Maybe I'll just go for a little." My intentions weren't to hurt Roxas, but I knew that was exactly what I was doing. A part of me liked Riku, and honestly, I wanted to see him. I guess I was being a little selfish, thinking of my feelings but not my brother's. Maybe it wasn't a good idea.

"You should go," he said, much to my surprise. "It'll be fun." He had a hint of a smile on his face, but I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"You sure?" I'll be back before dinner." I wasn't expecting Roxas to encourage me to go, but I could see it was his way of showing he cared about my feelings more than his own, and for that I was grateful.

"Yeah, I don't mind. I'll just take Naminé out on the town." He said, turning to her with a smile.

I grinned and returned Riku's text.

Sure pick me up im at the Plaza.

A minute later and he replied, B there in 10.

"What are you guys even going to do?" Roxas asked, his brow raised as he glanced at me, his eyes darker than usual. I knew he was being passive-aggressive by the way his mouth was so tense, like he was faking that hint of a smile he was wearing. Besides, I new Roxas wasn't too happy about the fact I was going to hang out with Riku.

"I don't know," I shrugged. Honestly I didn't know and I wasn't even sure if hanging out with Riku would be any fun. Maybe it would be awkward. Riku was kind of a quiet guy sometimes, even more so than my brother sometimes. But I was always good at breathing life into a situation if I said so myself. I wasn't particularly shy.

"Sure sounds like a lot of fun," he said with a dry chuckle. Was he really going to pick a petty fight with me in front of Naminé?

"I'm sure it will be. We'll probably just go to his house and watch a movie or something." I argued back, crossing my arms defiantly over my chest. It wasn't a lie since I figured that was what we were going to do anyway. It wasn't like I was just trying to rile Roxas up.

I could hear him scoff under his breath and I glanced at Naminé, who was staring at her lap with a hint of a smile on her face. "How romantic," he muttered under his breath and I shook my head.

"You know," I began as I glared at him, "you can be really immature."

"Oh and you're not?" he asked before poking me in the chest with an accusatory finger.

Our argument was cut when Naminé began to giggle to herself. Well it started off as a giggle, before turning into a loud laugh. "I'm sorry." she said in between shoulder-shaking laughter. Roxas and I looked at each other, confusion evident on our faces. "It's just," she began as she patted me on my shoulder, "you two are just so cute. It' just a matter of a time before you two end up like me and Kairi."

I made a noise, something of a mix between a laugh and a shout, and Naminé and Roxas looked at me like I had two heads. But Naminé's look of shock faded into a knowing smile and I hated the fact that my nervousness was so apparent whenever someone mentioned a relationship between me and Roxas. I laughed, as if it didn't really bother me, hopefully dismissing any suspicion she had.

"I'm sorry, Sora," She began, giggling as she touched my knee, "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable but I kind of know this type of thing, I know-"

"Whoa, hold on," I interrupted her, waving my hands back and forth frantically, "What do you mean, 'I know this kind of thing?' You really think Roxas and I like each other like that? I mean no offense or anything but we're not those type of twins." I finished, really hoping I hadn't offended her. But I had to let her know that wasn't the case between Roxas and me. No, it wasn't, despite what had been happening lately.

She didn't have to say anything with that smile she was giving me and I felt my stomach sink like cold ice. I felt my throat grow dry, my hands wringing my shirt nervously. Why was I nervous? Why were my palms sweaty? What did I even have to be anxious about?

"You two are Japanese?" She asked, looking back between Roxas and me.

"Half," Roxas replied, quirking a brow.

"Well then you've had to have heard that old Japanese tale about twins right?" She looked between the two of us, but both of us shook our head slowly. I wasn't sure what story she was talking about. She continued, "how when two star-crossed lovers commit dual-suicide and become reincarnated, they become reincarnated as twins? I know it's a little dark, but maybe that's what happened with you two." She giggled, touching my shoulder lightly and I scratched the back of my head nervously, feigning a grin.

"Ha, that sure is interesting." I replied, though I was growing more uncomfortable by the second.

"Sora!"

I glanced over, extremely happy to see Riku there in a black Hummer. I waved, maybe a little enthusiastically, and felt my cheeks tinge pink when I noticed him chuckle at me. I was sure Roxas was rolling his eyes in disdain at me, but I didn't care. I was tired of Roxas' bad attitude when it came to Riku. Weren't they supposed to be friends?

Riku brushed his long bangs out of his face before turning to Roxas and offering him a smile. "Hey," he offered with a small wave. Roxas nodded back at him, and I bit my lip. I could practically feel the tension between the two of them. And it was tension that had no reason to be present between the two of them. I nearly rolled my eyes at Roxas' childish behavior but decided against it, not wanting to provoke Roxas to make another rude comment.

"It was nice seeing you again Naminé." I smiled at her and turned to Roxas, who averted his eyes from mine when I glanced at him. "I'll see you later tonight." I told him, to which he grunted in reply, and I walked over to Riku's car and climbed into the passenger's seat.

"What's up?" I asked, tapping my knees quickly, I guess out of nervousness. But hanging out with him outside of school couldn't help but make me smile brightly. He glanced over at me briefly and shrugged.

"Nothing really." He answered as he leaned back casually against the driver's seat, his arm stretched to grip the steering wheel. Roxas and I had our license but had yet to buy a car for either of us, and our parents were rarely home so we didn't have a chance to borrow their cars often enough.

"What are we going to do?" I asked as I looked at the upholstery in his car. The car itself was an expensive one and the inside was decked out, with leather seat covers and a stereo system that I was sure cost a lot. I had always assumed Riku was well off, considering he usually dressed pretty nice. I wondered if his house would be huge, maybe up in the hills somewhere.

"I was thinking we could just hang out at my house or something, but whatever you want." He replied and glanced over at me. He probably noticed me staring at the radio, so he reached over to turn it on. "Pick whatever station you want." I scanned through the channels, finally landing on the hip hop station. I wanted to hear how loud the bass was in his car. And it was pretty loud.

"Yeah, your house is fine." I said, loud enough to speak above the music. But I thought turning it down would be more effective than both of us having to shout over the music.

"So…" Riku began after a few moments of awkward silence, "does your brother have something against me? I mean, I've been getting a vibe from him the past couple weeks." He glanced over at me again, a hint of a frown on his face.

"No…" I began, not wanting to rat my brother out and admit he really didn't like Riku and I didn't want to hurt Riku's feelings either. I didn't know what to say. And I couldn't help but wonder if Roxas had mentioned anything to Riku about this past weekend. I was especially hoping he hadn't mentioned anything about the kiss we shared. I did not need anyone else knowing about that, especially not Riku. "He's just not that friendly sometimes. We had a long weekend." I replied carefully, hoping this would lead Riku to telling me if Roxas had said anything.

"Roxas said you guys had a great time on Friday." Was all he said and I caught myself letting out a deep breath I hadn't noticed I had been holding. "I asked him how it was, he said it was a lot of fun, and that's pretty much all he said to me the whole time in ceramics. Usually he's at least a little more talkative." I noticed we were pulling into residential streets and guessed we were almost to his house.

"Yeah, he's been moody to me this weekend too." I said my eyes focused more on the beautiful, big houses we were passing by. They were huge; some even had black iron gates and fountains. Most of them looked old in design, like houses you might have seen years and years ago. But they were beautiful and I kept trying to guess which one Riku lived in. Was it the one with the huge Saint Bernard in the front yard, or the one with the huge water-spewing fountain surrounded by cobblestone?

"Whatever you say Sora. I think he's just jealous I'm taking his precious brother way." He said as he reached over and ruffled my hair. I looked over, feigning a frown and fixing my messy spikes into organized messiness.

"No." I lied, knowing that was pretty much the reason. I never knew Roxas was a jealous person until lately, as he had never been jealous with toys or anything growing up. Everything I had was his, but I guess when it came to sharing me, well, that was a different story.

We pulled up to a house finally. Though it was a little smaller than the rest of the houses I had seen, it was still very nice. Two stories, a huge drive way and garage to park his huge (name of car) in it, and the same iron gates many of the other houses had. I couldn't help but be a bit of awe. My house was nothing compared to this.

"Wow, you have a nice house." I smiled at him and he shrugged his shoulders modestly.

"Thanks." He replied, running a hand nervously through his hair as he parked his car in the driveway. We both climbed out and Riku led me to the front door. If the outside was so nice then I could only imagine how the inside looked.

We walked in and it was just how I imagined. Clean, fancy, and huge. But I rarely had time to admire his house when he dragged me by the arm up the long flight of stairs up towards the hallway. I counted five rooms before he dragged me into one of the last rooms, which looked like a bedroom, most likely his.

"Your room is like the size of Roxas and mine combined." I said with a chuckle as I glanced around. Well I was probably over-exaggerating a bit but it still was bigger than my own room. I usually was never one to gawk at fancy things. I was perfectly content with what I had, so it was more me just complimenting Riku's belongings, rather than wishing I had what he had.

He just laughed, probably at a loss for what to reply to that. "Anyways, we could watch a movie or something? Or…go out back to the pool? Or play basketball." He listed off a number of things we could do and it was a pretty nice day.

"Basketball?"

"How did I know you would pick that? Sora, always so competitive." He laughed before walking to his closet to retrieve something.

"That's not true." I said, though I smiled to myself, knowing it was. Though it was reasonable I was so competitive since I lived with Roxas.

Roxas was already trying to prove he was stronger, faster, better than me. And I wasn't going to just let that happen. I wonder what Roxas was doing and I wondered if he was still with Namine. I just hoped when I went home he wasn't too mad at me. I hated when he was mad. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea.

"But it is true." Riku laughed as he dug through his closet, probably looking for a basketball. "You even try and compete with me to see who can eat the fastest."

"I'm not nearly as competitive as Roxas." I say as I laughed, thinking back on all the times Roxas and I had nearly broken something competing with each other over the stupidest of things. "You're just saying that because you're afraid you're going to lose huh?" I asked, a sly smile creeping onto my face. It was the same line I always used on Roxas, which always riled him up.

"You really think so?" he asked before laughing again. I liked his laugh. "Aha!" He shouted in satisfaction and I saw him get up from the floor, his ball held under his arm. With a confident smirk on his face, he strode past me and began down the stairs. "Come on Sora!" he shouted back at me and I hurried after him with a smile.

.oOo.

We were both panting heavily.

His skin was coated in sweat and I swallowed when the sun reflected off him, the perspiration making his skin shine. He was a lot more muscular than me, I noticed as I started at my own flimsy arms. He probably worked out all the time. No wonder he had beaten me at basketball.

Doubled over, I held my knees with my hands and took in deep breaths, my lungs burning still.

"Good game, Sora." Riku said as he passed by me, patting me on the shoulder and walking towards his pool. I looked back, seeing him seating himself in one of the shady beach chairs he owned. I let out a long, final pant before I caught my breath and walked over to where Riku was and plopped myself down onto one of the chairs.

"Yeah right." I replied with a frown. "You won by how many points again?" I asked, wiping my sweaty forehead with the back of my hand. I gulped and realized just how dry my throat was. I glanced back at the water hungrily, wishing I had brought my trunks so I could just dive in. I was sure Riku's hair was really pretty when it was soaked, I thought as I sneaked a glance at his hair.

"Ten. Don't beat yourself up too much Sora. You were distracted talking about Roxas," he said with a hint of frustration. I could tell by the twitch of his eyebrows he had when he mentioned my brother.

"I wasn't talking about him that much," I said with a roll of my eyes, folding my arms back behind my head and staring up at the sky. Sure, I had mentioned some of the stuff that had happened this week. Like meeting Naminé and Kairi at the club, and going to see Demyx's band today and running into her again. He had thought that was funny that Roxas and I had managed to bump into two twins who were actually dating. That had gotten him the ball throw at his head. But I left out the kiss and though I had mentioned, I left out what he had said to me about our relationship. "Sorry, I just thought you'd like to know about my weekend." I grunted playfully, giving Riku a fake glare as I sat up in my chair. I leaned over to the pool and dipped my fingers in it before touching my face, letting the cold water cool down my heated skin.

"I do care, Sora, I was just kidding," Riku said with a grin as he sat up, following my lead. He dipped his hands in the water but to my surprise, instead of touching his own face with his hand, he let his hand brushed against my cheek to cool it. My cheeks began to flare so hot, I was shocked the water didn't start sizzling.

I opened my mouth to talk, but found myself just able to stare dumbly, unable to speak.

He reached his hand into the water again before placing his hand against my neck, causing my eyelids to flutter momentarily at how nice the cool water felt. And Riku's hand. His hand felt nice though it was more calloused than Roxas' hands were. I wasn't even sure why I was thinking of Roxas when I was here with Riku.

"I liked hearing you talk about your weekend. I guess I'm just a little jealous I hadn't been a part of it," he admitted as he let his thumb gently stroke my skin. I inhaled deeply, glancing down nervously but smiling nonetheless.

"I'm sorry Riku. We should hang out more often," I finished lamely and looked up at him, only to notice he was leaned in closer to me. Automatically, I leaned back a bit, nerves taking over. I wasn't used to anyone being this close to me, save for my brother.

"I hope we can. Today was fun. Hanging out at lunch isn't enough. I want to see you more often, that is, if Roxas will let me," he joked as he cupped my cheek with his hand. Yeah, Roxas definitely wouldn't want me to be hanging out with Riku. But it was my choice after all, and I guess Roxas would have to live with me hanging out with Riku more. If we actually did decide to hang out more. It would be nice I guess. Today was fun. But I couldn't deny that it was weird not having Roxas around for once, since we were never really apart.

"He will. But I don't need his permission anyway." I said, with a bit of effort. I kind of like the way Riku's hand felt on my skin. I kept swallowing, fully aware of the way Riku was looking at me like he had some sort of motive. I wasn't stupid. I knew the look. It looked like Riku was about to lean to kiss me.

"Good because I like you Sora."

"Oh," was all I could say as I blinked, too nervous to answer coherently. I realized how rude I sounded and quickly tried to fix it. "Y-You do?" I asked, letting a hint of a smile creep up on my face.

I could see the way his eyes became lidded and I knew that look from before. It was the same look Roxas had given me before he had kissed me.

Why did I keep thinking about Roxas? It was frustrating, especially when I had Riku right here in front of me, leaning towards me. I let out a deep breath and realized I had been holding it. Riku, the boy that I had had a crush on ever since I met him. And the boy who sometimes made me feel fuzzy inside And Riku was the boy who made all those feelings ignite in me. Why else was I so nervous? Almost so nervous that I felt like stopping this before it even began. But I didn't and instead I closed my eyes, waiting until I could feel his hot breath against my lips and the tips of his hair tickling my cheek.

And then Riku was kissing me, the tips of his fingers going to lightly brush my cheekbone. I kissed him back, finding my lips to move against his slowly and I think almost a little awkwardly. But it was a first kiss, I shouldn't be surprised that it was awkward. Our lips weren't supposed to just magically mesh like when Ro-

The kiss was nice though, I thought, trying to think of something else. I let my fingers find their way into his silver hair, long and soft and for a split second I wonder what it'd be like to pull it.

I felt him smirk against my lips, his lips caressing mine with more pressure than before. His lips were stronger than my brother's lips. And not as soft.

The kiss was a bit dry and timid and I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip. He let it slide inside my mouth when my lips parted. He slides his tongue against mine, lips still heatedly massaging mine. He used more tongue than Roxas and I kind of liked how much he let Roxas had let his hands roam. It had sent a shiver down my spine. Riku, however, was being polite and timid, his thumb barely caressing the side of my face. But I liked the intensity, the passion, the heat that Roxas' kiss brought.

Riku's kiss was nice but he didn't kiss me like Roxas did. I wasn't sure why I wanted him to.


	10. Never-Ending Math Equation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora starts to question the definition of what it means to be family, and what Roxas is supposed to mean to him. He slowly starts to realize he means a lot more then he should when an innocent play-wrestling match turns a little more sensual than he would like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: sexual situations

.oOo.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  


a Roxas x Sora story  


Chapter Nine: Never-Ending Math Equation

.oOo.

I had never been very stealthy. I had big, shuffling feet and a way of knocking things over with my elbows. But after what had happened with Riku I was attempting some serious ninja stealth to try to avoid Roxas. If only for a little while. I just needed enough time to figure out a good excuse. And get my jumbled up thoughts together. I needed to make sense of everything, and I knew if I saw Roxas, I would immediately spill the beans of what happened. I could only imagine his response.

Here I was staring at my front door, searching for an inch of nerves swimming around in me somewhere. But not-so-conveniently, any brave trait of mine had vanished, and now I just stood there staring like a complete idiot at my key I had set in the lock, but had yet to turn.

What was I going to say when I saw him? I was a horrible liar, and had the worst poker face. Reason one I wasn't a fan of poker. Reason two, it was always strip poker.

But I was getting side-tracked, I realized, as I stared vacantly. If my mom or dad saw me, they'd probably thought I was on drugs or something. If Roxas saw me, he'd know something was up with me for sure. So I took in a deep, shuddering breath, and opened the door.

"Hey,"I heard Roxas greet before I could even step more than a couple inches inside.

Damn it.

I glanced up to see my brother in the kitchen, washing dishes. I should have known he was going to pull some motherly-type stunt like this. 'Nonchalantly' doing some sort of task to ensure he'd be by the door when I got home. He had learned that from my mom, who would surprise us when we got home while she 'cleaned the counter tops.'

"H-Hey," I said, voice wavering. I cleared my throat, hoping I could keep a straight face. I could just imagine myself, blurting out, 'Riku kissed me!' and I could see Roxas' face dropping to the floor. But my overactive imagination was definitely making the situation more comedic than it needed to be, with the way Roxas' face actually did fall on the floor. You know, like in those cartoon shows?

What I absolutely did not-no could not tell Roxas was that for a fleeting second or two I may have … thought of him while Riku was kissing me. But only for a second or two.

"How was Riku's?" he asked, though I knew it was just him trying to pry. I watched as he turned off the sink water, and flicked the droplets off his hands. I stared at him, watching every little move he made to buy myself some time. I was trying to articulate my thoughts very carefully, so that I didn't accidentally blurt anything stupid out.

I quit zoning out when I noticed Roxas staring at me, eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer.

"It was alright." I replied, scratching at the back of my head. "How was the rest of your time hanging out with Naminé?" I changed the subject.

"Fun. She's really nice. Her crazy sister picked her up an hour ago. And guess who was in the car with her?"

"Who?" I asked, my interest suddenly peaked.

"Axel."

I responded with a grimace. Honestly, I wasn't very surprised Larxene and him were friends. "Really? They seem like they'd be friends."

"That's what I thought. But he apologized to me," Roxas muttered as he walked over to the kitchen table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. I followed his lead and sat across from him at the table. As I finally relaxed, I felt the energy drain from me and tiredly, laid my head against the wood. I hadn't noticed how tired I was until right now. It was probably the basketball.

"Hmm," was all I said. Who's to say his apology was even sincere? And why should I care? He didn't apologize to me. I hadn't been there to hear it.

"Yeah. Larxene and Axel had dated before so Naminé knows him. He always used to tease her too. But, he told me he had been frustrated. He said he liked me, but was bummed out to see another set of twins 'hitched up,' a twin that he was actually interested in."

I rolled my eyes. Sounded like a lot of bullshit to be honest. I propped my elbow up on the table and rested my chin in the palm of my hand. "But then why did he kiss me?" I asked, maybe a little rudely as I quirked a brow. He shrugged his shoulders, tracing invisible patters into the table with his finger.

"I don't know." He replied. I could see my words had stung. Geez, you just mad 'cuz you're not the only one with a guy interested in you?"

"No, that's not it at all," I said, cheeks flaring up at the mere mentioning of Riku. My mind was automatically back to thinking about the kiss we had shared, and just how much I didn't want to let Roxas know what had happened.

"Sure it's not," he said, his lips forming a scowl as he asked, "so what'd you guys do anyways?"

"Played basketball," I said, followed by a lame smile. He gave me a face that clearly said he didn't believe me. "It's true. He won."

"Why am I not surprised?" Roxas snickered and shoved my shoulder, "you aren't the best basketball player."

"Better than you," I responded, playfully glaring at him as I swatted his hand away. "But don't ask me to play. My legs are sore." I whined, rubbing at my calves. I wasn't in too much pain, but I wasn't exactly looking for another match of basketball.

"You're just afraid you'll lose," Roxas challenged, but I wasn't going to fall for his little mind tricks this time.

"Probably," I laughed as our family portrait on the wall caught my eye. I stared at it for a long time, blinking when Roxas and I seemed to be a lot closer in the photo than we had been previously.

.oOo.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the definition of family. Specifically on the term: brother. I even looked it up in the dictionary.

Brother means a male having the same parents as another or having one parent in common with another.

I even went a step further, and looked up the definition of twin.

Twin meaning one or two offspring born at the same birth.

But it was all so scientific. It wasn't the answer I was looking for. I wanted to know what the word meant in terms of the relationship. What do brothers feel like? How do brothers act towards each other? Was it weird for a hormonally-charged teenage boy to look at his own twin and feel some sort of emotional, and admittedly, sexual connection?

And if it wasn't normal, what could I do to fix it?

Fix wasn't a word I liked to use. Our relationship needed no fixing, and yet it seemed like our parents thought there was a nick in our relationship. We were too close, friends and family alike preached. But did it matter when we were happy? I was happy with our relationship that was for sure.

I spent every day, every night with Roxas, and I couldn't see it any other way. I could spend the rest of my life with Roxas, and I'd be alright with that.

But there was something I couldn't help but wonder.

"Roxas," I called to him.

"Yeah?" he called back, though he didn't advert his eyes from that television show of his.

"What kind of brothers are we?"

"...What do you mean?" He glanced over at me, brows furrowing as he tried to understand my weird question. "We're twins?" Yes, we were twins, but that wasn't what I meant. I wanted to know how he saw our relationship.

As I sat on the floor of the living room, arms crossed under my chin, pillow beneath me for comfort, I wondered how long my brother could go sitting upside down like he was. Legs sprawled over the back of the couch, head falling off the front, I recalled how uncomfortable the feeling of blood rushing to my head was.

"Are you going to be at my wedding?" I blurted out, sitting up on my knees, biting my thumb nail nervously.

There was a massive explosion scene going on and the light from the television flashed across Roxas' face.

"Duh," he replied with a shrug of his shoulders, eyes still glued to the violent action show before him.

"But it's such a long time from now. What if..." I paused, chewing on my lip as I tried to form a coherent sentence. I wanted to voice my thoughts as clearly as possible. He was my twin, he should be able to understand what I was getting at. "What if ten years from now we aren't like how we are now?"

It had been on my mind all of senior year. Roxas and I had been sending out applications to universities, some far from here. I'm talking like different-state-far. No doubt Roxas and I would be separated. No doubt these last couple of months might be our last together.

"Don't worry about it."

"You don't think they will be, do you?"

He glanced at me, lips curling back into a smirk. "Scared I won't always be around?" He laughed, but it was empty. "It's going to be weird, but we'll get used to it. High school's almost over.

I sighed heavily. "I know."

"...And what if one of us has to leave for some reason or another?" he asked, as he frowned at the television. "If that happens we just have to get used to it, you know?"

I frowned. "...I know."

The actress on the show began to cry, and with when I glanced at the television, I could see her waving goodbye to a disappearing train. There was someone inside she probably cared about.

My eyes wavered from the screen to Roxas.

"I thought you hate sitting like this?" he asked, after I had got up from the floor and had joined him on the couch, head hanging over, legs against the back. I laughed, and pressed my head against his before watching the rest of the show like this. Being close to him was far more important to me than the uncomfortable feeling of rushing blood.

.oOo.

Roxas and I were pretty much inseparable over the next few days. I guess the conversation we had had made us both realize our time together was slowly coming to an end, and we were going to take advantage of the time we still had.

I still hadn't told him about Riku, which I was feeling guilty about. And every time I was in history class, I would wonder if Roxas and Riku were talking about me in ceramics. So far, it seemed Riku hadn't told Roxas. But it was only a matter of time until I spilled the beans. But for now, I was too worried to ruin our relationship to let that little bit of information slip out.

My friendship with Riku hadn't really changed all that much since we had hung out. We talked in school a couple of times, but didn't mention anything about what happened. I was kind of glad for that, but I hoped it didn't hurt Riku's feelings that after what happened we weren't talking more often. Was that what was supposed to happen? I wasn't exactly sure what was supposed to happen but I didn't know if I wanted Riku to be my boyfriend. What was I thinking about boyfriends anyway? I had my brother to hang out with and school to focus on.

"Are you almost finished with your math homework?" Roxas asked, more like whined, as he scribbled on a piece of notebook paper. He had finished his homework at least thirty minutes ago and was doodling with a bored look on his face while I tried to finish mine. I wasn't sure if Roxas always finished first because he had less homework, or if it was because he just rushed through it, while I actually took the time to make sure my work was right.

"Yes, like five problems left," I waved him off. I just couldn't figure out this problem. And I was sure my expression showed it. I always chewed on my pencil vigorously, and I was sure my forehead looked like a Shar Pei's fur.

"Geez, judging by your face, that's going to take forever."

I turned to him, stuck my tongue out like a little kid, and turned back to my homework.

"Now you're getting me all excited."

I dropped my pencil, and laughed out of embarrassment. "Shut up," I replied as I continued to try and focus on the math problem at hand.

"Aw, come on Sora," Roxas said lightly, and behind me, I could feel him coming closer, "let's play."

I blushed when I felt Roxas' hand creep across my thigh, and for some reason, it made me shiver. With a deep breath, I laughed nervously and pushed Roxas' hand away. "Stooop Roxas. I need to finish my homework."

I turned around, noticing just how close he was, and also how he was on all fours. I quirked a brow. I knew that look. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Roxas had something planned. And I knew exactly what it was he was thinking about. If I could just be a little bit faster I could get have the upper hand before he even attempted to do anything.

But just as I was about to try and hook his head with my arm, and hopefully get him in a headlock, he pushed on my shoulder, and used the other to distract me with a rough tickle to my rib. Naturally, I yelped, which did nothing but make him snicker at me. "You don't want to get me angry Roxas. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." I threatened with a mischievous smile on my lips. I didn't know where I had heard that phrase before, probably some dumb action shows Roxas liked to watch, but I had said it. No regrets.

His reaction was perfect. He clutched at his stomach and burst out laughing. Now was my chance. I dove at him like a cat attacking a mouse and successfully pinned him to the plush-carpeted ground beneath him. He was glaring at me until I began to attack him with my fingers. I didn't know what it was but it was kind of cute to watch him laughing helplessly like he did when we had a epic tickle fight. He wasn't big on laughing until his stomach was sore like I was, so this was the only time I go to see him with a huge smile on his face, laughing and giggling and rolling around. It was definitely something I enjoyed to watch.

"Yay, victory is mi-"

Before I even had a chance to finish my sentence, he caught me by surprise, and pushed me against the floor—rather roughly judging by the way my skull collided with the floor. I winced, gritting my teeth together as my head began to pound. "What was that for?" I asked, glaring at my brother. "What are you doing?'

"Sorry Sora," Roxas began with a chuckle as he touched my head tenderly, letting his fingers soothe the area likely to have a lump later. "But forget the tickle fight, how long has it been since we wrestled? Come on, whoever tops gets to top in the bedroom, too," Roxas smirked in jest and I got a weird, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"You've been listening to everyone too much," I insisted, scooting back so I could sit up. I frowned when I touched my head, and it stung. Oh, I'd definitely be getting him for that. Maybe a elbow in the gut? Not hard of course...but not too soft either.

"Well maybe they're right. Naminé seems pretty certain that-"

"Yeah, yeah I know what she thinks." I interrupted.

"Come on, I'm just messing with you," He reached over and messed up my hair with his hand. I swatted his hand away, but didn't attempt to fix my hair. It was about to get messed up anyway. "It's all hypothetical. You know you're just scared you're going to lose. Have you ever had it up the ass before Sora?"

"None of your business!" I practically yelled, and quickly I tried to change the subject. I didn't need to think about my first time with my old friend, Tidus. It was … uncomfortable to say the least. "Fine, we'll wrestle, Ro-xas!"

After accepting his challenge, he lunged towards me, trying to pin me down in my half-sitting half-lying position immediately. I rolled out of the way, and nearly knocked my head against the table. "Wait!" I called a time-out and shoved the heavy table out of the way to prevent any further injuries. "Okay." I called time-in and our wrestling match began.

It was a tangle of limbs. Arms and legs flailed everywhere as we tried our best to stay on our feet. We both did our best to stay vertical. If any one of our bodies landed in the horizontal position for longer than five seconds, we were pinned, and thus, the bottom. I was desperate to avoid this position, but admittedly, Roxas was out doing me. I was faster, but he was stronger. But I had strategics on my side. Oh, how I wanted to put Roxas in his place. He was too cocky for his own good sometimes.

I had an idea.

"Ow!" I yelled, faking pain when he grabbed my arm, and immediately he let go. Concern completely replaced the smug expression on his face before. I was a little surprised he believed me so easily.

"Sora I'm-"

I smirked and attempted to make my winning move, the move that would effectively pin Roxas down, leaving me champion. But...I guess I wasn't as slick as I should have been because he noticed my smirk and caught on to my tricks.

Roxas didn't waste any time, and with both hands, he roughly forced me onto the floor beneath us. "Geez," I said, wheezing at the impact to the ground again. He sure wasn't being too gentle, was he? I looked up at him with a glare, my lips pursed into a frown. It was over. I was pinned.

"I win." Roxas said as he gave me a smug smile, his brow quirked, challenging me to even try and outdo him. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Cheaters never won. Roxas was too smart for that, I guess. But I hated to lose. I guess besides wrestling, t was one of the things I wasn't good at. Roxas called me a sore loser, and I'd give him that one. He also used to call me a cry baby when we were little. I remember I'd go running to mom every time, crying about how 'Roxas was being mean.' He'd apologize in front of her, but once she was gone, he'd gloat. And still to this day, Roxas always gloated more than was necessary when he won anything. Everything was a competition to him. But in all honesty, I wouldn't prefer it any other way.

I tried to squirm my way out of his grasp, but he was holding me there with all his might.

Even though I didn't mean to, I found this position to be compromising. Normally, Roxas straddling me wouldn't have had much effect on me. But this situation was awfully similar to a certain dream I was having trouble erasing from my mind lately. Right now, the images were coming in flashes. A moan here and there, and the familiar feeling of the ache of my arousal.

"You cheated." I managed to say weakly as I tried to focus on something else besides the way Roxas was hovering above me, and how vulnerable I felt. I swallowed the thick lump forming in my throat, and averted my eyes from his, lowering them to look at our joined hips, and again it brought back memories of my dream. Our hips pressed together only instead of hovering still, his hips were grinding against mine. I squirmed again. A stupid move on my part, as it did nothing to help, but instead, allowed my groin to press against his even more.

"You were the one who was trying to cheat, you sore loser." Roxas laughed, and I wasn't sure if it was just me, but he seemed to press his hips tighter against mine, just slightly. He still held both my arms above my head with his. It wasn't at all comfortable, but I was sure he knew that. "Stop squirming so much." He insisted, and I figured that would be a good idea. I did as he said and lay perfectly still. I didn't want to make any movement that would cause our hips to rub or grind. But the thought of that was enough to make me hot. My cheeks flared, my body tingled.

No wonder how hard I tried to block it out I kept thinking of the way dream-Roxas had roughly ground against my hips and moaned into my ear. I could practically feel his breath tickling my earlobe. I really, really wanted him to get off me right now, or at least stop straddling me in a way that left me feeling helpless.

"Alright, alright, get off already." I told him, my voice anxious. He looked amused and I could see his lips curling back into a daunting smirk. I glared when I realized he was staying put, and in one final attempt to get him off of me, I began to thrash about. All I wanted was my freedom back, so that I could go to the bathroom and wash my face off or something. Cold water, meet heated face. I'd probably have to take a cold shower with the way this heat was spreading from my face down to the pit of my stomach, and god, I couldn't believe the way it spread even lower.

I didn't want to even entertain the idea that this was actually turning me on. I squirmed even more but Roxas didn't budge, didn't relent, didn't loosen his grip. "Get off." I said again, serious this time, before trying to push him off with a rough push of my hips to knock him off, but that didn't happen. Instead, my groin rubbed against his in a way that was much more pleasant than it should have. I froze completely still when I noticed a little problem I was having, that I hoped Roxas wouldn't notice. I was hard.

He chuckled, glancing down between our hips and seeing the slight bulge I had. Fuck! I was near panicked, feeling a whole mix of feelings swimming in my head. Embarrassment, anger, arousal. My twin brother was straddling me and I had managed to get a hard-on. What would Roxas think? Would he get mad? Did he feel the same weird mix of emotions I did?

I watched him closely as he adjusted his hips a fraction of an inch, and I my eyelids involuntarily fluttered when I felt him rub against me again. I was sure he did that on purpose just to see me squirm. I was embarrassed, too embarrassed to look at him in the face. So instead I stared at the light blue carpet beneath us. I was breathing heavy, my chest rising up in down as I breathed short nervous breaths. But I felt it hitch in my throat when he leaned in closer, his body pressed against mine.

"Nice boner Sora," He said, soft and feathery against my cheek. I hated my body for betraying me like this. This wasn't the way I was supposed to be reacting. But, shouldn't Roxas have been disgusted with me by now?

"You just rubbed it the wrong way or something, don't flatter yourself," I said in defense, as harshly as I could. I finally let my eyes meet his. I always had liked his eyes, I mused to myself. They were a lot different than mine. His were turquoise, and his lashes were the color of golden wheat. He was looking at me differently. His eyes told me something that he didn't want to say, but I couldn't figure out what. I noticed how flustered he looked as well.

He chuckled lightly, lips creeping back into a smile. "Looks like I rubbed it the right away," and I narrowed my eyes at him angrily.

"Shut up. Can you please get off me now?" I nearly begged.

"Why? I think you like this." I groaned, and once again tried to wiggle my hands free. "What's wrong Sora?" he asked and I closed my eyes when his breath tickled my skin, and I noticed just how close his face had gotten. My heart was racing. Our noses were very nearly touching.

I took in a deep, shuddery breath,"I don't know," I replied, licking my lips and realizing what exactly it was I was anxious for. Roxas knew too. I could see it in his face.

He smiled at me and finally, let go of one of my wrists to touch my face, my cheek. His fingertips brushed against it, and I flinched. My brows furrowed, my teeth capturing my bottom lip when his palm slid across my skin. His hands were soft, and the touch caused my arousal to ache and throb even more.

I saw the way his eyes began to close, the way he slowly, so agonizingly slowly began to lean closer. I was sure he could feel my chest rising up and down, up and down. I was sure he could feel my uneven breath against his skin. I let my eyes begin to flutter closed. This wasn't supposed to be happening, right? So why did I want it to? Why was I so anxious to feel Roxas' lips against mine again. And he was just about to. So close...

"No Sera, you can't tell your boss that! Do you want to get fired?"

"But why not Rei? He's a mother-"

I was instantly shot back into reality, quite violently might I add, as soon as the sound of my parents shuffling in the front door hit my ears. I shoved Roxas off with all my might—why hadn't I just done that before? Then I wouldn't have been in that position—and scurried from my position on the floor, to somewhere a much safer distance from my brother. I nearly fell along the way, since my mind was still foggy.

"Hi mom, dad!" I greeted, my voice cracking as I tried to catch my breath, tried to calm my heart that was beating way too quickly.

"Oh hello hun." My mom said as she flashed a bright smile in our direction. "Hi Roxas, how was your day?"

"Good." Roxas replied curtly.

My heart was still racing, and my ears were still ringing. What had we been doing? I was almost thankful for my parents barging in when they had. If they hadn't, Roxas and me would have-

"Oh, who did the dishes? How sweet of you boys to get them done before I get home," Mom praised after glancing into the kitchen. "Dad's ordering pizza tonight? That okay?"

I nodded my head, and without looking at Roxas I stood up, announced my leave to take a shower, and nearly ran into the bathroom to lock myself in, so I could just think.

I quickly closed the door behind me and leaned against it. My heart was still beating fast and my head was still swimming.

What had just happened? I was listening to everyone too much. I was letting Axel, Larxene, Naminé all get into my head, and trick me into thinking I lived in some sort of fantasy where these feelings were appropriate. How could I even be seriously thinking I had some sort of feelings for my own brother. It was unethical, and immoral, and everything I wasn't.

But I guess I didn't know myself too much, I realized as I stared down at my jeans, and noticed my lingering bulge. I pressed my head against the door forcefully in frustration. A tension headache was already beginning to form. Maybe a hot shower would help me feel better.

I quickly undressed, anxious to feel the sting of the water as it first hit my skin. I knew my heated body needed the chill of a cold shower, but I didn't want to give up the satisfying chill a stream of hot water would give me. Call me weird, but I liked my showers steaming hot. I could easily stand a steaming hot shower so long it felt like a sauna in the entire bathroom. But I had weirder quirks than that. I mean, I did just get a damn boner for my brother.

Once rid of my clothes, I stepped in, and tested the temperature of the water with my hand. I adjusted it to my liking, and immediately shivered in delight when I stepped under the water. I closed the door and let my head slip under the stream, closing my eyes to avoid any hot water to splash them. I nearly moaned at the feeling of water rushing along my skin. A good shower is what I needed. Maybe I could scrub away all these stupid emotions I had. But it didn't seem too likely. I was becoming emotionally traumatized by the whole realization.

I thought about a lot while I stood under the water. A lot that had to do with Roxas. I thought about how bad I wanted him to kiss me. I thought about the arousing way he looked at me. He was so close I could have counted the freckles dotting the bridge of his nose. I could see the pink tinge of his cheeks and his thick eyelashes flutter when he rubbed his hips into mine, making my toes curl. I couldn't even lie to myself any more. I wanted him in that moment. I did. Every nerve in my body wanted to tingle at his touch.

My head hung under the water, the stream of water slipping down my face that could have been mistaken for tears. I looked down at myself, and the problem I had. I was already so screwed up. All my inhibitions and morals had flung right out the window the first time Roxas and I kissed, so what different would it have made if I allowed myself to release this awful tension I was carrying? My hand slowly slid down my stomach, and finally to my groin, where I allowed myself a tentative stroke.

Goosebumps dotted my skin when I touched myself, light and timid. But I was frustrated at myself. I didn't want to be scared or nervous or timid anymore. I knew what I wanted.

I let my hand curl around my stiff arousal, and bit my lip when I applied pressure and stroked it harder to test the waters. My hand itself was shaky and I braced myself against the shower wall, one hand resting against it while I began to stroke myself, long and hard. I hummed low in my throat at the fire that began to ignite, and spread north. The heat was blistering as it traveled through my entire body. The tips of my toes were even tingling.

My strokes became needier, and just a little faster, and were in time with my ragged breaths.

I couldn't even remember the last time I let myself give in. Not that I ever really needed to. I never used to lust after anyone. I didn't used to think about sex so much. I never touched myself in hopes that it could rid of the pent-up desire I had. And it definitely never used to be directed at Roxas.

I could easily imagine his hand replacing mine, stroking my cock as furiously as he had his own that night I walked in on him masturbating. The thought was enough to encourage me. I moaned quietly, afraid of anyone outside these four walls hearing me. I was ashamed. I felt so dirty, and no matter how much water and soap I had, I couldn't be clean.

"Nnng..." I moaned louder, as I leaned against the side wall of the shower, using my elbow for support. The cold sting of skin on cold shower wall didn't affect me. All I could see and feel was Roxas. Roxas' hand curled around my stiff, throbbing cock, his face so close to me that the smell of his honey shampoo surrounded me. His thumb circling the tip as I was doing now, lubricating his fingers with pre-cum so his hand could smoothly stroke me with just enough pressure to make me squirm, but light enough to leave me craving more.

I wanted to watch him touch me. I'd watch him as his lust-etched face watched me. I wanted to stare into his pretty eyes as he gave me the pleasure that shook my body to its core. My eyes nearly rolled back into my head, moaning when he would twist his hand along my shaft. He wasn't an expert, but he was genuine in his efforts.

He'd slow down, not ready for me to reach the edge yet. No, he wanted to make it last for me. He wanted me to feel amazing for as long as it was possible. I'd want him to press me against the wall, crushing my lips in a passionate kiss as he switched hands, twisting his hand in a different way. It felt different this way, his palm rubbing against my tip as he continued to stroke. And I'd kiss back with so much vigor and passion because I couldn't get enough of Roxas. Our kiss would be wet, and I'd be able to feel the water drip from his mouth to mine.

I wanted to hear him moan my name, his lips achingly close to my ear that I could feel hot breath ghosting along it. I wanted him to nibble on my earlobe and to feel the chill that down my spine from being touched in such a pleasurable spot. I'd secretly wonder how he knew that spot made my knees turn to jelly.

And if I could, I'd return the favor, taking him in my hand and touching him how he wanted. His needy moans and whimpers would be nearly enough to send me over the edge and I'd beg for it to be faster. I wasn't used to wanting and needing but when it came to Roxas I wanted him, and a lot of him.

And as he did as I begged, stroking me with long, fast, rough strokes I'd cry out. "R-Roxas..." I moaned his name quietly as I stroked one final time, and came all over my hand. My thighs trembled, the orgasm intense enough to rack my entire body.

I rested tiredly against the wall, breaths shaky as I tried to regain my composure. I opened my eyes I hadn't noticed had been closed and realized my fantasy had been just that, a fantasy. I came to the thought of Roxas.

Reality settled back in. I could, once again, hear the loud stream of water surrounding me. I could feel the water falling against my skin and splattering against the shower floor. I could feel my skin hot with sweat, there from a mixture of desire and from humidity. I let my hand fall under the water, watching as all evidence of what had just happened was washed away.

Everyone who had made some sort of comment Roxas and I … had been right all along. I didn't know how, but I had some sort of unnatural feelings for Roxas. Enough that I was nearly willing to act on them. I felt sick. My stomach churned with the guilt and grief that nearly made me wretch.

But instead, the realization was enough to send me to the shower floor as sobs wracked my body.


	11. Feel So Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora leaves to visit his "Grammy" for the weekend, and catches up with some old friends. When Roxas comes to spend some time with him, feelings are finally confessed, and Sora has to choose between Roxas and his own morals.

.oOo.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
a Roxas x Sora story  
Chapter Ten: Feel So Close

.oOo.

I was always the good kid. I did all my homework, and I listened to my parents. I had a good head on my shoulders, or at least that's what I liked to believe. But as I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror, my reflection spoke more about me then I thought it could. A mirror reflects your appearance, but because of how a mirror works, you get the opposite reflection of how you actually look. The little freckle on my cheek was actually on my left cheek, not my right like the mirror said. Opposite. Yeah, here I was thinking I was such a good person, and yet my reflection showed me for who I really was. The exact opposite. With puffy eyes from crying because I had just done something so unthinkable and taboo that I prayed no one would ever find out.

I have never in my life felt so disgusted with myself.

I couldn't even look at myself longer than a few seconds. I was that ashamed, and I didn't want to risk bursting into tears.

It had been a few days since I came to the horrific realization that I may have been harboring some sort of unnatural and disgusting attraction to Roxas. My own flesh and blood.

I had been trying to handle it the best way I could, but I wasn't myself. I was crying a lot, and was desperately trying to keep my distance from everyone. I felt like maybe they'd know or something if they simply looked at me, and my friends seemed worried about me. Demyx had asked me if I wanted to join Roxas to watch band practice again, but I just wasn't in the mood. I needed to be alone, which was hard to do when the very person who made me cringe lived in the same house as me.

Whenever I saw him, I felt like curling up in a ball and hiding myself away from him and everyone else. He made me feel horrible, dirty, disgusting, and I didn't want him to be around someone like me. He made me feel so bad since every time I saw him I felt differently. My mouth would grow dry, my throat tightened, my heart would race, and he gave me butterflies that felt more like piercing, stinging hornets.

I couldn't take it anymore, especially not when Roxas was all too aware of how I wasn't acting like myself, and was trying so hard to figure out what was going on in my head. He wanted answers, answers I wasn't ready to give. Answers I was trying to deny I knew. I refused to let him in though. How could I? I couldn't expect him to come to terms with it when I couldn't myself. I was even starting to think that all the awkwardness that had been going on between Roxas and I had all been my fault. I was just seeing things as I wanted to, and had been in deep denial about it.

Maybe I was just lonely. I didn't have many friends, and my biggest support system was my brother. Maybe I was just trying to channel all my emotions onto him because I had no one else. Even if that were the case, a normal healthy person would not be trying to correlate sex with family, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself hormones were the real problem, and that I wasn't at fault, I was.

I had to figure something out before I became a nervous wreck. The stress was too much to handle, and it was beginning to cut into my school work. Maybe I had to get away. And I knew there was one place I could run to if I ever had a problem.

.oOo.

"I'm going to Grammy's for the weekend. I already talked to her and mom." I announced to Roxas, who looked surprised I was even talking to him since I had been doing my best to avoid him recently. But his expression turned angry and he didn't say anything back.

A moment of awkward silence passed before he finally replied with a slow nod of his head.

"Really? And why's that?" He said, turning back to his laptop and trying to act nonchalant. I was sure underneath that poker face of his he was fuming. None of us ever went to Grammy's house, except for holidays and in that case we were always together. It had never been so bad that one of us wanted to go visit her just to get away from the other. And it was obvious why I was so desperate to leave. After what had happened a few days ago I was just going to up and leave? That wasn't a coincidence. I needed to get away. I couldn't even stand to see my own brother, and I felt terrible about it.

"I just miss Destiny Islands? And grandma." I feigned a smile and nervously pulled at a loose thread on my sweater. Well, Roxas' sweater actually.

"Can I come with then?" he asked, and I was so close to cracking and staying here with him. Could I really stand to be away from Roxas for three—more like two and a half—days? Geez, how codependent was I?

"No..." I replied with all the strength I could muster. It was so hard to tell him no sometimes, especially when he looked so upset when I did tell him no. "I think it'd be better if I just went … you know? Besides you gotta stay and do chores while mom's gone and I'm sure you haven't finished your homework, and you have to stay on top of that." I said, excuse after lame excuse. But honestly, I couldn't just say how I really felt. Sorry Roxas, but I need to get the hell away from you before my head explodes and I do something I might regret, you know like tell you how good it had felt when you were on top of me that day and how I had to relieve myself in the shower. Yeah...not a good idea Sora.

"Oh..." he said, thankfully getting the hint that I didn't want him around. "Whatever then, have fun." He spat at me with all the disdain he could and turned back to his laptop, typing angrily away. I took this as my cue to leave to my own room and began packing. It took me a while to get everything I had thrown in my bag to actually fit. Angry packing wasn't the best idea.

.oOo.

To get to our home town on the Islands, I had to take the train. Of course, you had to take a boat to actually get to the main islands, but the city was train-accessible, and it only took a few hours to get there. But despite the distance, it was a nice, relaxing ride that helped ease my mind. Though I did see an openly gay couple, both men, and had felt a knot in my stomach when I realized I wasn't sure if I'd ever have a normal, healthy relationship with another person as long as Roxas was in the way.

I mean, I knew I'd never have the typical girlfriend or bride, but if I was so involved with Roxas, what hope could I have for a normal relationship with a boy? My ex, Tidus, had been a fun relationship while it lasted, but there were feelings missing there that I couldn't get past. And there was Riku, who I had been talking to a little bit as of late, but I wasn't sure I could even consider him an option when my brother was holding me back.

Speaking of Roxas, he hadn't even come home from Demyx's in time to see me off. Not even a courtesy call or text either, which had really bothered me. I wasn't going to see him for nearly three days, which was the longest I had gone in a while without seeing him, and he hadn't even bothered to say bye. I knew he was mad at me, but still, was he that stubborn? Of course he was, this was Roxas we were talking about after all.

I arrived at my to Destiny Islands towards the evening, and luckily the train station was only a short walk from Grammy's house. I didn't really like the idea of my Grammy driving. I wasn't even sure she could see past the steering wheel since she was so short.

I knocked on the front door, looking around my old neighborhood, and thinking back on all the old, but great memories I had here. I didn't have very long to reminisce when Grammy opened the door wide and gave me a huge smile.

"Sora!" Come here handsome," my Grammy said before pulling me into a tight hug. I towered over here, and it seemed as if she had shrunk even more since the last time I had seen her. And I wasn't even that tall. But as she held me there, I took in the familiar smell of pineapple, dough, and her signature perfume. Pineapple was always a scent I searched for because it always meant she had been busy baking away at my favorite dessert. Pineapple upside-down cake.

"Hey Grammy," I hugged her back and gave her a kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

"Oh, you're starting to look just like your dad. Tall and handsome. You must have a whole class of girls swarming you all the time," she said with a smile. She dragged me into the house and I dragged myself and my bags inside before closing the door. "Is it hard peeling yourself away from your brother? I wish he had been able to come."

I resisted the urge to rudely roll my eyes at the mention of him. "I'm fine, don't worry. He just had a lot of school work to get done." I hated lying, especially to my Grammy.

"How is he, dear? Has he busted his head open from that damn skateboard of his yet?" She joked, but the topic made me uncomfortable, since that was a huge fear of mine.

"Not yet," I forced a chuckle and set my bags onto the floor. "I take care of him."

"Oh, I know you do. You're ways watching out for your brother."

Could we please just stop talking about him?

"I made your favorite," She smiled and my eyes lit up. I was right, she had made cake. I could smell it baking in the oven right now, and I took a big whiff of the smell of delicious pastries baking. I looked around the house and saw that Grandpa—though only through marriage—was working, so I'd have all day to catch up with her, which we did.

After eating, we spent the day going through old family pictures and home movies, she made me dinner, and we even played a few games. It was hard not to think of Roxas when nearly every picture she had of me in the house included him as well. We were always together in pictures, looking happy and carefree as could be. Those were the good old days, days that I wished I could relive, instead of nowadays where everything was a huge mess.

"Are you going to visit your friends this weekend?" She asked while looking at the small tiles she had before her. We were playing Scrabble, one of her favorite games, and as expected, she was winning.

"Yep, probably tomorrow." I said around a mouthful of a cookie she had given me, to which I was promptly scolded.

"I just saw Tidus and Rikku the other day, and told them you were going to be coming by. They were so excited. You know Wakka moved right?"

"Yeah, Tidus told me over the phone a while ago." I said with a small frown. Wakka, along with Tidus and Rikku, were my friends from home. Roxas' too, but they were more my friends than his since I had dated Tidus. Sadly, Wakka had moved away with his parents, and I hadn't had a chance to get his number, so it was a while since I last talked to him.

"Oh alright, well I'm sure they'll be happy to see you. Too bad Roxas couldn't be here," she said right before looking at me, and a look of concern gracing her wrinkled, kind face. "You get a little touchy whenever I mention your brother. Is something wrong?"

"No," I said, more quickly than I should have. I couldn't lie to my Grammy, and I knew she'd see right through it, but I wasn't about to tell her why we weren't getting along. "No, we're not. Really." I did my best to smile reassuringly.

"Alright then." She smiled that knowing smile and set her tiles down, spelling the word 'Family,' and I almost felt like that was some sort of sign from her. I suddenly really missed my brother, in more ways than one.

.oOo.

"Sora!" I couldn't even reply, not when my face was buried in Rikku's boobs. If I were straight, this would be heaven.

"Hey! It's been a while," Tidus said as he slapped me lightly on the back. I pulled myself away from her to turn to my ex-boyfriend, Tidus. And the first thing I noticed was how much older he looked since I had last scene him. And how much tanner and buffer he had gotten. Hmm, the Islands had been good to him. There was one other thing I couldn't stop myself from noticing, and that was how much he reminded me of Roxas. Tan skin, sun-kissed blond spiky hair, and blue eyes. He looked older than my brother, but how disturbing was it that my ex-boyfriend reminded me of my own brother. Great. Even more evidence that I was some sort of creepy narcissistic.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see us?" Rikku pouted as she twirled a braid around her index finger. I grinned in reassurance and stretched my arms out for a group hug.

"Yeah of course." I smiled even wider when they came close and tangled their arms around my shoulders and waist. It was nice, and just like the good old days. All that was missing was having Ro-

"Where's Roxas?" Rikku asked suggestively, hinting to the fact that she was still harboring that crush she had always had on my brother. If my brother liked girls, I could picture them together easily. Rikku was pretty with tan skin, long blond hair, and a quirky style that matched her quirky personality. I gave her once over and noticed her wearing highlighter orange high-top converse that only she could pull off so well. But unfortunately for Rikku, my brother liked boys.

"Yeah is he in the hospital or something? You guys are never apart from each other unless there's a serious reason behind it," Tidus added with concern.

I almost wanted to yell at them to stop mentioning Roxas because I was tired of hearing about him from everyone and that we weren't always together geez! But they didn't know how many times I had been asked this since I had come to visit Grammy, so I wasn't about to release my pent up anger out on them.

Instead, I forced a grin and said through gritted teeth, "He's home, he's fine, and I just wanted to come here myself."

They shared confused glances and Rikku frowned before unwrapping herself from me and ruffling my hair. "Aw, did you two get in a fight or something?"

"Yeah…sorta," I sighed, hoping they didn't ask what had happened. I was not about to go into detail. Oh you know, Roxas and I kissed, we fought, we made up, we almost kissed again, I jerked off to thoughts of him. You know, the usual twin spat.

"Aw well cheer up," Tidus told me with a huge, reassuring grin on his face. "You guys are always fighting, but you always make up in less than a day. You'll be over it by tonight."

"It's a little more complicated than you think."

"Did he steal your boyfriend or something?" Rikku asked with a nosy jab to my chest with her finger.

"No, I don't even have a boyfriend," I said with a slight blush on my cheeks.

"Still?" Tidus asked, though I saw a tiny hint of a smile on his face, but it could have just been my eyes playing tricks on me. We had gone out for probably about 7 months. Quite a long time for a first boyfriend, plus I had the added fact that I had to desperately hide it from my parents and I had a green-eyed monster aka Roxas constantly hanging around me. Everyone says you never forget your first love, but I didn't have those types of feelings for Tidus. It was nice, it was fun, and he even took my virginity, but still, I hadn't felt completely enthralled in him like I was expecting to. It was probably why it was so easy for me to see him and have no ill-feelings towards him, though even without having those lovey-dovey feelings for him, I still felt something whenever I saw him.

"How rude," Rikku scolded him. "He didn't mean it like that, he's just happy he still has a shot at a single Sora."

"As if!" Tidus argued with a flustered expression on his face. "She's just kidding. Besides, I know better than to mess with Roxas' brother." I rolled my eyes in response. "Sorry, I'm joking. You know me and Roxas got over that."

Roxas had been his regular jealous self when I had been with Tidus, but after a while he had finally got used to the idea of me being involved with him. I almost felt bad for Tidus. It was as if he were the third wheel to Roxas and me, when it should have felt that way to Roxas. Eventually, Roxas calmed down and he and Tidus became fast friends, and it was always the three of us hanging out, sometimes followed by Rikku and Wakka.

Those were fun times, and ever since we had moved, I had missed them. But it wasn't that bad just Roxas and me. I hated to admit that I missed my stupid brother right now. Despite my efforts to get away from him in hopes of clearing my head, he was still predominantly on my mind. Whether it be someone mentioning his name, or walking past a certain building and remembering watching Roxas learn how to skate as kids, or wishing that I was still back home with him. I was past the point of frustrated that I was always thinking of him, and now I just wanted to know why.

"You okay?" Tidus asked after shaking my shoulder and snapping out of my Roxas-thoughts. "You spaced out."

"I'm fine." I said with a curt nod.

"Good, well wanna all go to my house? You guys can help me with my water polo skills." He said as he flexed his muscles, that had defiantly gotten bigger since the last time I had seen him. But despite the fact that he had worked out, he was still the same old Tidus, and Rikku was the same old Rikku with the fluorescent clothing and beads in her hair, and I was happy to be able to relieve my childhood with them for a least a couple days.

.oOo.

I wasn't surprised that by the time I got home all I could think about was Roxas. He should have been there with us, laughing and joking like old times. But instead we were having these stupid issues, and I had left him behind so I could get some peace of mind, which I was happy to find when I spent the day with Rikku and Tidus. But now that I was home alone and Grammy and Grandpa were asleep, I was back to square one with my brother.

I didn't think I'd be able to get any type of peace of mind over this, but still I wanted to hear from Roxas. I hadn't really even had a chance to say bye to him before I left, which was still bothering me. Was he mad at me? Was he upset that I had left? I guess that was my excuse for scrolling through my contacts and searching desperately for his name. It wouldn't be a big deal if I called him. Roxas would probably be happy that I was even thinking about him.

I found his name and sucked in a deep breath, before slowly going to press the call button. I held the phone to my ear and hated that my heart was pounding against my ribcage like a drum.

It rang a couple times and I was becoming more anxious by the second. What if he didn't answer because he was pissed at me? I couldn't really handle Roxas being angry with me, and I wasn't there to fix it. It rang some more, and by now I didn't think I was going to be getting an answer, which made my heart drop to my stomach. Wow, I really wasn't expecting him to not answer. But I had to remind myself that maybe he was busy, or even sleeping. It was only ten, but who knows how late Roxas would stay up if I wasn't there to bug him.

'Hey this is Roxas. I'm busy right now so leave a message if it's important. If not, just call back later. Bye.'

I sighed and clicked the button to end the call. With a groan, I collapsed back onto my bed and ran my hand over my face. I had never really been apart from Roxas for long, and even when I was he always answered. I just hoped he wasn't ignoring my call.

I waited the next thirty minutes waiting for a call back from Roxas. In those thirty minutes, I had tried calling once more time, but still it just rang and rang until it got to voice mail. At least he wasn't pressing ignore. Still, I was pretty pissed, and at the same time worried I had done something to mess everything up.

It seemed like all I was doing lately was beating myself up about situations. Sure, spending some time with Rikku and Tidus today was good therapy. We laughed and spent time at the old park we always hung out at as kids. But still, passing by all the playground equipment brought back a lot of nostalgia that I wished I could have shared with Roxas as well. And of course, when I thought about Roxas, I thought about the conflict the past few days. But I knew I had come to Grammy's to get away from Roxas and everything that had been bothering me, and it was getting late. Maybe it was better if I just went to sleep.

So with a uneasy stomach and anxiety bubbling in my chest, I turned off the desk lamp, got under the covers, and fell asleep.

.oOo.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, feeling surprised and relieved to see Roxas standing there with his hands in his pockets and a frown on his face. He sure didn't look as happy to see me as I was to see him. I wasn't even going to try and hide the grin that was currently plastered on my face. It was Sunday morning, and I was planning to leave in an hour or two after having breakfast, and packing my things. But as I was eating, Roxas had suddenly showed up, something I definitely wasn't expecting.

He shrugged his shoulders and walked over towards me. He didn't make a move to hug me or anything, but just stood there by the kitchen table looking zulky.

"Okay…" I responded, but was immediately reminded that Roxas hadn't even bothered to call me back yesterday. The grin I had quickly turned upside down. "Thanks for calling me back. You couldn't have even texted me?"

"I was asleep, geez." He said defensively, glaring at me something fierce. Obviously he was more pissed off at me then I had thought, but then why was he even here? To yell at me? He could have simple just called me back and done so.

But honestly, even though I was pissed off at Roxas, I was really happy to see him.

"Sure, you still could have called me this morning," I argued as I sulked in my chair, arms crossed, eyes narrowed at my brother. He rolled his eyes.

"Where's Grammy?" He asked, completely changing the subject.

"Nice to see you too," I muttered with a roll of my eyes and a scowl on my face. If Roxas wanted to be stupid then that was fine with me. I had a great weekend without him anyway.

"Shut up," He said, much more harshly than I was expecting to come out of his mouth and the look that came with it told me he wasn't too happy with me. I nearly flinched at the anger in his face, and didn't say a word. I poked at my breakfast with my fork, staring at scrambled eggs, and finding I wasn't very hungry anymore.

Sure, I was happy to see him and everything, but maybe he shouldn't have came. Come to think of it I still had no clue, why he was here to begin with. Had mom sent him here to get me? Probably, since he didn't seem like he wanted to be here. Or maybe he just came here to be a complete jerk to me.

"Sorry," he said almost immediately, and I distractedly forked a mouthful of eggs into my mouth. He chuckled, and said, "What? No syrup to drench your eggs with? You're actually eating food like a normal person."

I didn't laugh.

He let out a heavy sigh and I heard him shuffle, and come over to sit by me. "Listen, I didn't call you back 'cuz I wanted to surprise you." I heard the scrape of the chair legs on the floor as he pulled it out and sat beside me. "I wanted to come see Grammy for a little, then I thought we could ride home together."

"…"

"Sora, come on! I'm sorry I told you to shut up, and I'm sorry for not calling you back. Now stop moping." he reached over, and lifted my face by the chin. I felt my cheeks flare, but quickly recoiled at his touch no matter how nice it was. He frowned, obviously hurt.

"Grammy's outside. You should go tell her you're here."

I stared at my lap once he let go of my chin, and listened to the harsh screech of the chair as he got up angrily. I looked up to see him storming out of the kitchen, and I felt like throwing my toast at him. It'd be even better, since Roxas hated wheat.

I could hear my Grammy's excited shouts of 'Roxas!' and 'What a surprise! Come gimme some sugar!' I smiled to myself a little, and finished my breakfast while contemplating Roxas' mixed signals.

Seriously, sometimes I couldn't stand him. I was his twin, and I couldn't even understand him half the time. One second he was pissed off at me, the next he came here to ride home with me? It was kind of sweet of him though, I admitted.

I took my dish to the sink, rinsed, and cleaned it. All right before Grammy came running inside, dragging Roxas with her.

"Boys! Boys! Stand next to each other. I want to get a good look at you two together."

She pushed Roxas gently into the middle of the living room. He was doing his best to hide a scowl, and I reluctantly but obediently followed. I didn't want to be anywhere near Roxas to be honest, so I stood a little bit of a distance from him.

"Stop acting like you two barely know each other," she ordered and pressed her hands together, gesturing for us to move closer.

"Like this?" Roxas asked. He grabbed my snugly by the waist, and pulled me in really really close. Our cheeks were practically touching, and I could feel him squeeze my hip, enticing me to lick my drying lips. It was hard not to wear an awkward, or uncomfortable expression on my face, but I did my best to act as normal as I could in front of my Grammy.

"Smile." She whipped out a camera that both of us hadn't even seen her holding, and the bright flash blinded us momentarily. "Ugh, Sora, your face looks like a tomato. You were never the camera shy twin," She complained.

"Yeah, he was such a ham. Camera hog," Roxas joked while ruffling my hair that I wasn't too happy about. I shoved him off, but was appreciate of the brotherly love he was displaying, even if it was just a show for Grammy.

"You two are so cute. It's such a shame your matching bunny suits don't fit anymore. It's almost Easter isn't it? Oh gosh maybe they do! Gimme one second." She began to scurry off and Roxas and I exchanged panicked faces.

"No, it's okay!" Roxas shook his head quickly and laughed. "I promised Mom I'd have Sora home in time for dinner, so I should probably help him pack."

I nodded in enthusiastic agreement.

"You're no fun, Roxas," Grammy sighed and waved us off. "Alright then, go ahead and pack. But I'm going to make some lemon bars for you to take home to your mom and dad."

"Okay,"I grinned, and before I knew it Roxas grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the guest room I was staying in.

"Thank me later," Roxas said with a smirk. The look on his face made me scratch my head nervously, and I cleared my throat. "I missed you."

I blushed, and a tiny smile crossed my face. "Is that why you're here?"

"Yep, I couldn't stand to be away from my Sora for the weekend."

I quirked a brow, confused at the sudden mood change. I wasn't sure why, but I figured it'd be a good idea to close the door, and I leaned against it, closing it and resisting the urge to lock it. What was I expecting to happen? I turned back to Roxas, watching him with a wary eye, and wondering what he was thinking. All of a sudden he was going to be nice?

"You're not mad?" I questioned.

"Well...I was honestly. But I missed you too much, and I can never be mad at you when I see you."

I felt my stomach growing warm, and I had to fight back the annoying urge to smile. Not only was I grinning, but because I really liked what he was saying, and the look he had on his face, I felt my blood travel south. Great, not again. I tried to think of something else, like how incredibly disturbing it was that I was having such thoughts for my own brother. I had to remind myself it was wrong, and I was really getting tired of Roxas acting funny, and making me think confusing thoughts! Was he just doing this all to get a rise out of me? Did he think it was funny to completely freak me out? Fine, two could play that game, plus it was my perfect chance to find out what was really going on in his head, and maybe even put a spot to all this … awkward tension between us.

"Did you miss me too?" He asked, and I hadn't even noticed that he had been inching closer to me. I leaned against the door, arms crossed while I wore a smile on my face. I kind of liked this flirty, sweet Roxas, but I was still wondering what his actual intentions were.

"Yeah, of course."

"Why did you leave anyway?" He asked, his smile turning from that to a sad frown. "You wanted to get away from me that badly?" He wasn't teasing anymore, I realized. He looked serious, and genuinely hurt.

"It's not like that," I tried to argue, but the tone in my voice gave me away when it cracked. I had left for that reason specifically, and Roxas knew that. "I just needed a little space, but … I think I'm all better now."

"Good. I missed you being you. I missed the old Sora." I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but I noticed he was an arm's-length away from me, just close enough for him to reach over and run his hands through my hair. Before he could pull his hand away, I placed my hand on top of his, keeping him there, making him stay close.

I was going to try and test him somehow, and gauge his reaction. I wanted to see what his intentions were, and if he had been lying about not having any sort of sexual feelings for me, like I was starting to confuse myself into feeling. I wanted to find out, not only to ease my own mind, but to finally somehow stop it maybe. It couldn't go on forever like this. I didn't want to constantly be confused and angry at myself, when I wasn't even sure if I was the only one who felt confused.

Had everything, the kissing and touching, only happened due to circumstance, or had there been a deeper reason behind it? I wanted to know for the sake of having some peace of mind and maybe I wanted to know if he had the same sort of twisted feelings I did.

"You still don't totally seem back to your old self though," He said with a mischievous quirk to his smile.

"The new Sora isn't all bad though, right?" I asked, trying to give him a flirty grin, but I was never the best at flirting. When I had tried flirting in the past, people either thought I was angry at them somehow, or was completely cheesy. But Roxas knew I didn't have flirt skills, and he'd be able to know that was what I was going for.

"Yeah, I do. He's funner," Roxas said with a chuckle as the pads of his fingertips rubbed my scalp gently. It felt nice, but I quickly had to remind myself not to melt into his touch.

Half of me was here trying to convince myself this was for research purposes only, but I knew that secretly, I felt a rush when he gripped at my hair and tugged me closer. I shivered when I looked into his eyes, but did my best to keep myself calm, and not let myself get another hard-on.

He wasn't coming any closer, but we stayed like this for a bit before I finally licked my dry lips, and did something I may or may not regret. I wasn't exactly sure if this was the best way to go about it, but right now, maybe I was just doing this purely for my own selfish reasons. "Kiss me," I said so softly I wasn't even sure if he had heard me.

But judging by the expression on his face, he definitely had. He looked beyond shocked, eyes wide and jaw dropped slightly as he stared at me. He looked like he was trying to process if I had really just asked him that, and if he had heard me right. I had just asked him to do the one thing that had been plaguing us for the past couple weeks.

But just like I knew (and hoped) he'd do, he leaned in towards me carefully, one hand still buried in my hair, and his other hand moving to grab my hip, to pull my closer against him. I let my eyes flutter closed, almost read to get lost in the kiss I was about to receive. There was no question how badly I wanted him to, but I couldn't let myself give in.

Just as he was about to press his lips against mine, I took in a shuddery breath, looked up at him, and spoke up. "Wow..." He stopped and looked at me. "You just did it without hesitation."

He recoiled, the hands on my hip and in my hair falling just as the smile on his face did. His eyes narrowed and I could see every emotion he had clearly on his face. Sadness, anger, and shame, all rolled into one, darkening his eyes.

"W-what?"

I swallowed thickly, and knew that I was going to regret what I had just done. He looked hurt, and absolutely pissed, but what had I expected him to do? I didn't know what to say, and I guess I wished I had just let him kiss me. But I knew we had to talk about it. Actually talk about it, instead of avoiding the subject and continuing to allow the tension to thicken between us. Maybe this would be better for the both of us. All I knew is that I didn't know what I was going to say. I didn't want to tell him about what had happened with me a few days ago, and how I was thinking about him. I wanted to deny it if I could, even though I knew that wasn't fair. But it'd be better right?

"I just..." I began, unsure of what to really say. "I just didn't think you'd be so willing to do it. After everything we talked about. I thought it was just a one-time thing."

He groaned, rubbing his hands with his face in frustration. "Oh god," He said and he looked like he was about to cry. "Was that a fucking test?" He nearly yelled, the rage and anger evident all over his face.

"Well if it was I got my answer."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" I saw him clench and unclench his fists, but I knew it was simply a way to calm him down. He'd never hit me. Roxas didn't have any bad anger issues, but this was the angriest I had probably seen him in a long time, despite all the fights we had had recently.

"You tell me." I said, and he stared at me, lip a straight yet trembling line.

"Whatever Sora, I don't want to talk about this," he said with a roll of his eyes as he stepped away from me. "Too bad you can't stay here longer. I liked not having you around." I frowned, hurt by what he was saying, but knowing he was just trying to avoid the subject.

"Yeah, so am I. It was nice hanging out with Tidus and Rikku to get off my mind of you for once," I said, but realized I had just confessed I had been thinking about Roxas non-stop lately.

"Oh really?" he said angrily, obviously too mad to catch what I had just told him. "Same here, I had someone to take my mind off things too. He did a great job."

This peeked my interest, and I immediately found myself jealous. Jealous because I didn't want Roxas spending time with other guys, or because I was pretty positive I knew who it was, I wasn't sure. "Oh yeah? Who?" I pried.

"Axel." Ew, I knew it, and it made my stomach sink.

"Oh yeah, well I hope he did a great job distracting you, Roxas." I said vehemently, the obvious disdain dripping from my tone. "Is that why you didn't answer my call? Too busy having sex with him?"

I didn't like the look Roxas gave me, and I felt nauseous. He didn't have to say anything for me to know what I had said was true. I was just trying to be rude when I said it. I didn't actually think Roxas go as far as to have sex with that idiot. The very thought grossed me out, and I was way more jealous and angry than I should have been.

"Wow, are you serious?" He nodded and I grimaced. "Ew. Well I hope it was amazing," I said very sarcastically. Honestly, I hoped it was horribly awkward and gross and painful. I bet Axel was a fire crotch. A gross bushy fire crotch. Ugh, what a horrible visual.

"It was fun," Roxas replied, and I looked away, blinking back tears. I couldn't believe him. How could he even say that to me when he knew how much I hated Axel, and how much of an asshole Axel had been to him? What had gotten into Roxas that he actually went and had sex with him? Roxas wasn't the type of person to have sex with just about anyone, like Axel probably was. I hoped Roxas didn't contract some sort of disease.

"Well congratulations. One week of knowing each other, and now you two know all of each other."

"Shut up. Who cares if I only knew him for a week or two. You're just afraid of sex."

"I am not!" I denied, blinking in shock.

"Yeah you are. You were the one freaking out over a stupid kiss we had while we were drunk." He accused.

"It meant something though," I said without thinking.

"Oh so all of a sudden it meant something? I thought it-"

"It did to you. I know it meant something to you..." I said softly, and I could see the way his expression softened, his furrowed brows relaxing. "Look, something's going on with you—well us—and it's affecting everything. Just tell me what's going on." There it was, clear as day, and the question that had been running through my mind for so long. What was going on between us?

"What are you even talking about Sora!" He said in denial. "It's Nothing!" He yelled, looking absolutely desperate for me to drop it. I felt myself growing frustrated, and wondering if nothing was going to even come out of this talk. Roxas couldn't even try to deny it. There was definitely something going on with us, and it was having a huge effect on absolutely every aspect of our relationship. Our relationship wasn't, and never would be the same, and he wasn't even acknowledging it. "What? You think everything that's happened actually means something?" He laughed, but it a nervous laugh. "Wow, the problem's obviously with you." I narrowed my eyes at him. How dare he push this all on me. He was the one who started this all! He started everything.

"That's not true." I told him, crossing my arms defiantly and moving towards the bed. He stepped away from me as I came close, looking almost afraid that I'd get near him. "Roxas..." I said softly as I sat down on my bed, my head buried in the palms of my hands. "Just tell me please," I tried pleading with him. "You can tell me anything Roxas. I promise. Why were you just now ready to kiss me? Why did you kiss me that night after the club? Why have things been so differently between us?"

He didn't say anything but simply stared at the floor. His forehead was creased, his hands formed into fists. He looked like he was having an internal struggle with himself, and I wished I knew what he was thinking. But honestly, I knew I already knew the answer.

"Roxas." I pressed, looking up at him, and he glanced at me as if I were a disease, a disease that he desperately needed to get away from. "Tell me."

"No, just get away from me Sora. Just drop it okay?" He shook his head and began to walk away but I immediately stood up and grabbed him by the wrists, my eyes narrowing in frustration, anger. He was not going to just walk away from this. I refused to let him.

"No Roxas! Just fucking tell me already? Stop trying to avoid the issue. There's so much I've been questioning lately, and it's driving me crazy! Just tell me what's going on with you. With us." I said sternly, and held his wrist so tight, I could see the way his eyebrow twitched in a wince. I took in a deep breath and let it out, feeling the tension that was bubbling in my chest slowly leave my body. "Did the kiss, did everything, mean something more?"

He glared at me, but as we stood there, I watched his face soften, and finally after what seemed like forever, he sighed and said, "Yes."

Finally...he had said it.

"What does that mean then?" I asked, letting go of his wrist completely and watching as he grabbed it, rubbing it himself and blinking, his eyes turning away from me to stare at the ground. "What does that mean about how you feel towards me?"

"Sora...please...don't—"

"Tell me Roxas." I pleaded, my tone soft and coaxing. I needed to hear it straight from him. Not from Naminé, not from Larxene, not from Axel but from Roxas.

"Fine! Fine Sora, you want me to tell you? I'll tell you. It did mean more, Sora! A lot more. Don't you get it? Haven't you gotten it by now? I fucking have these feelings Sora. Feelings that won't go away. Feelings about you. Feelings I've wanted to hide from you forever. For as long as I could! Do you get it now Sora? I'm a fucking pervert. I'm a freak! You finally got it out of me, are you happy?" He locked eyes with me and the look he gave me was so completely foreign. I had never seen this pain in his eyes, this anger, this rage all mixed into one. His eyes were a raging ocean. Splashing roughly against the rocks wave after wave after wave.

But finally Roxas had admitted it, and every single thing that had been happening made perfect sense, in the most gut-wrenching way. I felt my stomach drop, and I felt sick. But at the same time I felt … I felt … I just didn't know. And instead of saying anything, I just stood there, staring at him with tears beginning to prick at my eyes, my mouth open, gaping. They had all been right? Every last one of them and I had been to naïve to see it. Or maybe I hadn't wanted to?

"Why?" Was all I could manage to say.

"I don't know Sora. Really I don't, because if I did, you know I would find a way to fix it, I swear I would. Do you think I like having these feelings Sora? I feel so disgusting every day, looking at you and wanting something that I shouldn't want. I had to find ways to hide it from you and I had to live a lie day to day. And when I kissed you … fuck when I kissed you it became so much harder. It was like—"

"Stop it Roxas." I couldn't listen anymore. I just could not stand to listen anymore because of how wrong it was that as he spoke, I wasn't disgusted or hateful, I was relieved, almost a little angry that he had kept this from me, and still happy. I shouldn't have been happy though, and I hated myself for it.

I couldn't understand why. How had this happened? Had I done something to make Roxas feel this way towards me because if I had I definitely did not mean to. And it wasn't even just him. It was me too. Why else would he have made me hard, why else would I have fucking kissed him back that night? Why else did we almost kiss again earlier in the week? What was wrong with me? This was all so messed up, and I couldn't even believe I was even having this kind of conversation with my very own brother.

This was wrong. Incest was wrong. Why else would it have been illegal right? It was immoral.

This was horrible, and a huge reason for that was was because I knew our relationship would never be the same. I'd never have my twin brother back like how it used to be. How could we possibly go back to how we were after this? But that wasn't even the worst part about it. The worst part was that it wasn't just Roxas who felt like this. Obviously I felt something too, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had tried so hard not to think about it or acknowledge it but how could I avoid it right now? I felt something for Roxas past brotherly love, and I wasn't even sure for how long I had.

I had never thought about anything like that with Roxas, but we were incredibly close, maybe even closer than we should have. And I had known it for a while now. I had seen it. Glances here and there, lingering touches that left me feeling happy, and euphoric and close with him. I knew it when we first kissed that night. When we had really kissed. And since then, maybe the realization was hitting me. I had tried so hard to deny it but I had seen it and I had just let it carry on. I encouraged it, even wanted it. I felt the bile rise in my throat and I shook my head, clutching at it in confusion, anger. I repeated the word 'no' like a mantra, wanting so much to believe I had my brother as just that, a brother. But I didn't, I wouldn't, and I couldn't come to terms with how I felt about it all.

"You mean you don't feel anything at all?"

I looked up at him, complete surprise etched on my face. I did not want to answer that question, when I myself couldn't even begin to understand how I felt. How could I admit to him that there was something in me that did feel something for him? I couldn't admit, I wouldn't because if I did I knew everything would change. I was the one who had everything weighing on my response, and I wasn't ready to change everything, was I? I couldn't tell him the truth, no matter how much it would hurt us both.

"How could I Roxas? It's wrong? Incest is wrong, you know that. How could I feel anything towards you?" I didn't, I didn't, I didn't I repeated in my head. I was trying to convince myself.

"That kiss!" He pointed out. "You can't honestly sit here and tell me you don't feel anything when I know you did. You kissed me back and when you did I felt something. Why would you have kissed me if you hadn't felt something too? Why would you have almost let me kiss you a few days ago. You wanted it, I knew you did. I could see it. Why can't you just admit it?"

I didn't exactly have an answer to that. The only answer I had was that I was drunk but that was becoming something of a broken record. That couldn't be my excuse for all that happened and I knew that I had been into the kiss, I had definitely liked it, I had been aroused when he had me pressed against the wall like that, his hands curiously roaming under my shirt, his tongue sliding against mine with so much passion I had never felt before. No! I couldn't think like that! It was wrong, it was wrong to think of him that way. I couldn't admit that I had touched myself and thought of him. I couldn't admit that I had came to the thought of him touching me that way. I couldn't admit how badly I wanted to just pull him towards me and kiss him and let all morals and inhibitions be swept away with it.

"No Roxas it's wrong!" I repeated as harshly as I could, and I could see him physically wince. I continued, though everything I was saying was bound to completely tear him apart, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. "...What could have made you feel like this anyway? Why not Axel? I scoffed. "You obviously had a great time with him so why not get with him or something? You like him, but yet you say you feel something for me? Your own brother?"

"I know Sora, I know. I don't understand it either. I know it's wrong but when I look at you … you're just perfect. Everything about you. You're so happy and carefree and everyone loves you. Can you really blame me Sora? You have something special. Everyone wants to be around you, and I'm the lucky one who gets to share all my time with you. I don't want to lose that, I don't want to lose you to anyone." He spoke softly, and walked closer to me, beginning to close the distance between us. I could have sworn I forgot how to breathe. "We're so close Sora. We spend almost every minute together and no matter what I don't get tired of it. I love it, every second of it. I guess that's why I feel the way I do. I feel so close to you. We've experienced everything together Sora, ever since we were little I've shared everything with you, shared every experience, why not this too? I want to share everything with you Sora, like we've been doing." He had his hands placed on my shoulders, looking at me, his eyes pleading with mine. I stared at him but was the first to break the gaze.

"T-That's one experience I don't want to share with you Roxas." I said, but I had only said it because I had to. Because I knew it was the right thing to do for both of us.

"What?" He said, anger clouding his watery eyes. "You'd rather share it with Riku?" He scoffed and let go of me, shoving me slightly as he did.

"I don't know." I admitted. I didn't know. Did I want Riku? We had kissed, and I knew he liked me. But it wasn't what I really wanted. The kiss hadn't felt like the one I had with Roxas. But I couldn't feel this way, I knew I couldn't. "You're jealous Roxas, I always knew you were. But in a completely unnatural way." I shook my head, knowing that any feelings I had and any feelings Roxas had needed to stop. I had to stop it before it went to far and we both regretted it. I already was. "You have to stop feeling this way about me Roxas. You could have anyone else. Demyx, Zexion. Anyone but me! Go get with Axel! You like him after all."

"No I don't. Having sex with him made me realize I don't want him or anyone else. It's you, it's always been you." He said, and in one quick motion, he had his hands on my shoulders, his lips pressed firmly against mine in a desperate, heated kiss that felt so passionate, and was so dizzying that I couldn't even think straight for a second. It was everything I had been thinking about, and wanted, and damn it felt so right and nice and still … I knew I couldn't give in.

I pushed him off roughly, wiped at my mouth, and felt so incredibly bad when I saw the way his eyes softened with guilt. "I'm sorry Sora. I know I shouldn't be but you mean everything to me," he said, his voice beginning to break. "… y-you mean … nothing we shared has ever meant anything to you?" There was absolutely no doubt how strongly everything that had happened mean to me. He was my everything too. I loved him with everything I had and would do anything for him. But this? Could I push aside my morality to revel in something immorally wrong and selfish. … how could I? How could I ever let myself give into these strange mix of feelings I had. How could I leave behind my brother? Admitting how I felt would mean losing my brother how I knew him as for my entire life.

My feelings were complicated. This was all so complicated, but I knew I didn't have like Roxas, I absolutely loved him. I wanted to be with him as much as I could, I wanted to hear him talk, I wanted to see him laugh, I wanted to do anything to please him. Was that love? Was that love past that of a family member? I wanted to feel the heat in my stomach when he kissed me, I wanted to feel the shivers that ran through me when he touched me. I wanted my brother, and more. I wanted Roxas, more than I would ever admit.

I shook my head, and could feel my eyes burning with tears. "How could it Roxas? You're my brother." I said simply and it hurt to say it because I knew how much it was tearing my brother up inside. It was tearing me up as well.

I could see his eyes shining with tears, his teeth gritted, his hands forming tight white-knuckle fists. His body was shaking, his breathing hitched visibly. But I couldn't let this get any further than it had. I was making the right decision by doing this.

"But … I know you feel something." He said quietly, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks and I looked away, my anger rising inside me. "You're denying it Sora, I know you are. I'm not stupid. The way you look at me, the way you kissed me … I know something's there. You just … you don't know it. I didn't know what it was I felt either for a while. But there was always something different about the way I felt about you. I thought I knew what it was, but I was in denial too. Until I met Kairi and Naminé. I talked to them to figure things out and I did. I figured out what I was feeling wasn't natural, it was different. And then when I kissed you, Sora … I know this is crazy and everything is against us but … you feel something, I know you do. I want you to stop denying it, I want you to realize how much we care about each other and what we want from each other."

"And just what exactly is that Roxas?" I asked, beginning to cry as well, my mind repeating the word 'no' in my head over and over and over again. Incest was wrong. This was wrong. Everything Roxas was saying was right , and he knew it was wrong too, so why was he so willing to indulge in something so taboo? Were his feelings that strong? How long had he felt like this?

"A relationship, past what we have now. I want to have that experience with you. I'm admitting it." He told me, his hand touching my cheek gently as he stared into my eyes, trying to see me break, trying to see if he was right, and if he had any sort of chance at what it was he had just admitted to wanting.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I looked at him, my eyes set and determined as I slowly, but firmly said what I knew I had to say, "I don't want to have that with you Roxas. I'm sorry. But it's wrong. Incest is wrong." I wish I hadn't said the words as soon as they left my mouth.

He didn't say anything, didn't do anything except stare at me like I had just said the most hurtful words he had ever heard. And those raging oceans in his eyes were terrifying. The waves crashing and spilling down onto his cheeks, now becoming tear-stained. "I was stupid to ever think anything different." He replied quietly before rushing out of the room.

I had made the right decision, hadn't I?


	12. Sleepyhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora knows what he wants, and after thinking about the good times with Roxas and talking to an old friend, it hits him. Sora wants to be with Roxas, without a doubt in his mind. Now he just hopes it isn't too late.

.oOo.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
A Roxas x Sora Story  
Chapter 11: Sleepyhead

.oOo.

There weren't many things in life that I felt I regretted. There was the time I got drunk, barfed all over the house owner's kitchen, and nearly got Roxas in a fight. That was when I decided I wasn't a big fan of drinking. Then there were the times that were few and far between that I ended up leaving my mom with a hurt heart, and broken feelings that I regretted each time the hateful words left my mouth. I always watched my mouth around my mom, as to not disappoint her. But I really felt like what I had just done would be the biggest mistake I had ever made in my entire life. It was a feeling I couldn't shake, and everything I had thought was right had drastically flipped itself upside down in my world. Up was down, down was up, Roxas right, and I was wrong.

I didn't even have to think twice about it. I had to leave now, and hope and pray that I could my brother before it was too late. There was a chance that if I didn't do my best to catch him before that train-whistle called his name with a beckoning squeal that he would be gone forever. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, since I'd see him later tonight I was sure. But really...it wasn't. Our relationship was on the verge of crumbling and completely collapsing. I had hurt him so badly that maybe he'd never forgive me, and how could I live with myself then? I couldn't live without Roxas, and that very thought was what made me change my mind about everything. Being without Roxas. That was one of the many thoughts that urged me to seek out my brother and tell him everything that had been on my mind, and how I really felt.

I also wondered if this had happened for a reason. I had always been a strong believer in that old saying that everything did in fact happen because of something beyond your control. But had life really planned this out for us? Something that wasn't at all natural, and wasn't something I had ever expected for us. Neither had Roxas I was sure. But despite everything that was fighting against us I still felt like Roxas had been brave enough to take the giant leap of faith, and give everything up for the sake of having me. He hadn't been afraid to confess to me the secret that had been harboring in his conscience for who knew how long, so why had I just turned him away like I didn't feel the same? Was I really that afraid of the possible consequences?

It was obvious to me I had been lying to myself this whole time. I wanted Roxas just as he wanted me, and the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I felt a knot twisting and twisting in my stomach whenever I thought about how selfish I had been. I had hurt my own brother, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I loved my brother...in every way I could, and it was unfair what I had done.

One second I was treating him like my same old brother, the next I was leaning in a little too close, staring at him a little too long, letting my touch linger a bit too much, and no wonder Roxas had thought he was ready to confess to me. I had been giving him all these signals without even realizing. I treated my feelings as if they weren't real, but I knew they were. I finally understood how I felt, what I wanted, and that the one I wanted was Roxas.

I wanted him every way you could ever want anyone. I wanted everything, and honestly, I was being selfish. I wanted Roxas in a way that no one else could ever have. I wanted a one and only. I thought about how close we were and how I told him everything. We had a strong, special bond that someone would have with a relative, a friend, maybe even a lover. When I thought about it I didn't think being brother would be enough for me because I didn't want to have to let him go one day.

I knew one day we'd both be off to college and maybe even get married, but I didn't want that. I didn't want to go my separate ways. I wanted Roxas a part of my life, and if we could share everything for as long as possible I'd be content. Yes, it was selfish, and it wasn't fair that I didn't want him to have his own life, but it was more of the idea of sharing my life with him. Everything I had ever known was telling me I was wrong, but the way I felt about him felt so real. No one else could even begin to understand how I felt, so why was I letting my emotions be affected by others?

Maybe this was what was right for Roxas and I. I wasn't going to let anything or anyone dictate my decisions. Roxas had been brave enough. Even Kairi and Naminé had been brave enough to live how they wanted, so why couldn't I?

I'd probably have to talk to Kairi and Naminé about this. They had been in the same position that I was in now, and I was sure they could give me insight on the whole situation. But I realized I didn't have enough time to talk to them, I had to do something now. I had to fix this with Roxas before it was too late to do anything about it. I knew what I wanted though. All I had to do was be brave enough to go for it.

I had to leave as soon as I could, and hopefully I could catch Roxas before he got on the train. So as fast as possible I packed all my belongings and said bye to my Grammy. I told her Roxas had left, but I was meeting him at the train station, and although she gave me scrutinizing look, she hugged me good-bye, and sent me off with a container of brownies.

Times like this I wish I had taken up skateboarding, but thankfully the train station wasn't too far away. If I could speed-walk there and the train hadn't already came by the station, there was a big chance I could catch up with Roxas.

"Sora! Hey!" Rikku called out to me, and I glanced over with a frown. I couldn't stop to talk, and knowing how much of a talkative girl Rikku was, I had half a mind to tell her I was too busy. I wasn't that rude though, and being the friendly person I was I greeted her, and stopped so she could run over to me.

"Hey, Rikku, I'm kind of in a hurry right now."

"I saw Roxas right now. Your bro's looking cute as ever," she playfully winked and I laughed, realizing she still had the school-girl crush on him she always had since she first met him when we were young. "He was in a rush though, and he was crying. What's wrong?" She asked, genuinely concerned and I shook my head, obviously not wanting to disclose the nature of our fight. I couldn't believe he was crying, and the guilt welled up in my stomach. I had to catch him and tell him I didn't mean what I had said. I had only done it to protect myself, and him.

"We...got in a fight," I admitted. "Did you see where he went?" I asked, glancing over the train station, and noticing with panic that it was pretty much empty. Damn it, that probably meant the train had already come by.

"Yeah, he just went to the train station. Said he had to get out of here." She reached over and pinched my cheek. "Don't worry Sor! You cuties will get over it. You two love each other, and I'm sure the fight was no biggie."

"It was a little more complicated than that," I told her as I swatted her hand away. "A lot more complicated than you think."

"Well, you always know the right thing to say, Sora. Just tell him you love him and he'll melt." She laughed and reached out her hands. "Here. Lemme help you carry your stuff over there." I smiled and handed her my lightest bag, and we walked over to the train station.

Rikku was a good friend, and I appreciated the fact that she was ready to sit here with me and wait until the next train came in about forty minutes. She tried to figure out what it was that was bothering Roxas and I, but I kept trying to change the subject, and soon she got the hint. There was no way I was going to tell her what had realy happened between us. She wouldn't understand.

"Remember when we first met? Remember how you didn't like me at first? You tried to cut my braids!" She said as she possessively grabbed at her pretty, long hair. I laughed at the memory and nodded.

"Boys will be boys," I told her, but I knew the real reason I hadn't liked Rikku at first was because of what she had done when she had first met Roxas.

"What's wrong Roxas? We're in the middle of a game." I complained as I shoved his shoulder to get his attention.

He didn't say anything for a while before turning to me with a weird look. "I was just thinking about something."

"What is it?" I asked, my interest peaked. I had thought it was something gross, like Roxas had found a new type of beetle or had stepped in worm guts, but I hadn't been expecting what Roxas was going to tell me. Stuff like what Roxas mentioned hadn't really crossed my mind before.

"This girl kissed me today. She was here earlier with big blond hair and orange clothes. Her name was Rikku, and … she just kissed me!" Roxas exclaimed with a grimace. He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry, and I giggled in response.

"Really?" I had asked in surprise since Roxas and I didn't ever talk to girls. Girls were gross, girls had cooties, and we were too young for kissing anyway. Why would she even want to kiss Roxas? And I hoped Roxas had pushed her in the sand afterward."How was it?" I asked, very curious to see if that thing called kissing that grown-ups did was enjoyable. Of course I had never kissed anyone before, so the whole exchange was completely foreign to me, and the fact that my brother had tried it out made me very curious. Obviously Roxas hadn't enjoyed it though, judging by the look of disgust he wore.

"It was kinda gross," he said, and I remember being happy that my brother didn't like kissing that girl. She was a girl, and I didn't want my brother being close with one of them. Roxas was only supposed to hang out with me, Tidus, and Wakka. Boys only, no girls allowed, and especially no kissing.

"I bet!" I said with a laugh as I grabbed onto of the monkey bars before me and dangled from it. I had always liked jungle gyms and monkey bar. I was always pretty good at them. But I didn't go all the way across since we were still involved in a rigorous game of Save the Princess from the Dragon. "Come on, let's finish the game. I just saved you from the Dungeon, aren't you supposed to be like 'Oh Prince Sora, you're so brave and strong. You're the bravest kid on the Playground,' or something like that?" I giggled, swinging from the monkey bars for a few more seconds but getting back on the platform with Roxas.

"Aren't we supposed to kiss?" Roxas asked, and I turned to him with a look of disgust.

"Ick, why would we do that, Princess?"

"I told you I'm not a Princess,I'm a prince without his sword," He insisted, but the thought of kissing did intrigue me. Would it be different with a boy then with a girl? Would it be better since boys were obviously much better than girls?"But yeah, I think we should. When heroes save the other person they always kiss," he reasoned and I wanted to try it out. If grown-ups did it then it must have been fun right? Grown-ups always did fun stuff I thought, like eat ice cream whenever they wanted and stay up late.

"Okay," I said with a big grin.

"You probably won't like it."

"Well I wanna see. I'm sure it'll be fun since it's with you, not a girl." We both stuck our tongues out at the mention of the word 'girl.'

"Okay." He cleared his throat, nervously glancing around before leaning forward slightly. I was anxious, and anticipated what it was going to be like to actually kiss someone. How was it even done? I hoped I didn't do it wrong. Roxas was probably much better at it then me since he had experience.

He closed his eyes tightly and puckered his lips all the way out, and I did the same, mimicking him and what I saw my parents do. We leaned towards each other, and in one quick motion he pressed his lips to mine in a tight-lipped, but moist kiss that lasted no longer than a few seconds. It wasn't a peck, but it definitely wasn't a real kiss.

After it was over, he pulled away and I stared at him, scrunching my face as I tried to evaluate it. "Well? How was it?" I asked him, unsure if I was a better kisser than Rikku. I was sure I was, since boys were better at pretty much everything than girls were. Besides girl stuff like tea parties and playing with dolls.

"I still think kissing is kinda weird."

I pouted, realizing I had kind of liked it. It was a different type of fun than playing make-believe was, but it was still cool, and plus, it had made me feel older. And no other kids were doing it, so I was one of the first kids to get their first kiss. "Really?" I asked, pouting still as I touched my lips, felt them tingle, and wondered if I had done it totally wrong.

"Yeah," he wiped at his mouth. "You like it?"

"I dunno," I lied with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Well…" he began as he fidgeted. "I'd rather kiss you than Rikku anyway."

"Yeah, I bet guys are better than kissing than girls. And at least I won't give you cooties." I laughed, and Roxas joined in with a smile.

"Yeah, girls are weird."

"Yeah, who needs 'em anyway? I can just do that kinda stuff with you," I smiled, liking the idea that it'd just be me and Roxas without any icky girls to bug us. I had never realized that maybe that maybe that had been the start of our relationship being much different then most brothers'.

"Stop dazing off Sora, the train should be coming soon." I heard Rikku's shrill voice say, and I looked over at th clock, noticing the train was about to arrive.

"Sorry. But thanks Rikku, I really appreacite you staying here and waiting with me."

"No problemo, Sora. I gotta run though. I'm going to go meet Tidus for some Blitzball practice." She stood up and gave me one of her rib-crushing hugs before running off and waving goodbye. "Go get your man!" She yelled in jest before she was out of ear shot, and I laughed. I felt like I was in some kind of romance movie, except the couple usually weren't a pair of twin brothers.

.oOo.

I knew he would be here. Where we went to talk, to think, and where we had spent some of our most memorable moments together. He was here, at our park, sitting hunched over on the picnic table by the lake. I was sure he hadn't been here that long since I had left for home as soon as I could, and I was just thankful I knew him so well to know where he would be.

With my bags in hand (and I had wished I had known this would happen, so I could have packed lighter) I hurried over to him. I just hoped it wasn't too late to make amends with him. That was what I was most worried about. What if he didn't forgive me? What if I had made my decision too late? I knew there had to be something I could say to him to make him see that I was ready and genuine in my feelings.

As I walked closer, I heard the faint sound of him crying, no sobbing into his lap. His body was shaking and I felt terrible. I couldn't even imagine how he felt. Everything was falling apart around us, and our relationship would never be the same after this. If he could just hear me out and forgive me, then maybe our relationship could be stronger for it. Not the same, no, it could never be the same again, but I wanted the closeness we had to remain how it was.

I had to push aside my apprehensions and look at the situation, and myself, in a way I had been afraid to all this time. I wanted something more from Roxas, and I had to tell him. It would be selfish to keep something like that to myself, even if my morals were fighting with me the entire time.

"Roxas," I said as I dropped my bags to the floor and watched him. He turned to me quickly, nearly jumping out of his skin when he looked up and saw me there. His eyes were red and glossy, and I could see all the emotions he had through them. Hurt and shame, but most of all fear. He was afraid, and I knew why, and felt awful for it. There were so many things I wanted to do right now: cry, run away, hug him, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him again.

"Get away from me, Sora," he replied, his voice hoarse. He stood up quickly, staring at me with apprehension. I didn't want him to be nervous, and I walked toward him slowly. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, and I inched towards him slowly like you do when you don't want a scared animal to run away before you could catch them.

"Wait," I called to him desperately, and we stood there across from each other. He waited for me to do or say anything, and all the many ways I could handle this, and I had no clue which way would be the best. I had to tell him, no, show him how I felt. So I did the one thing I could admit I had been dying to do: I closed the distance between us, grabbed his face, and pressed my lips to his with as much passion and desperation that I felt. I kissed him like I was afraid he'd disappear, but wouldn't that be so much easier? If he disappeared right before my eyes, and I could wake up, and everything that had happened had all been a dream.

But it wasn't a dream. It was real. The situation was all too real, and I was finally dealing with it in the way I was afraid to for so long. Here I was kissing Roxas with the same ferocity I had imagined myself doing with Riku one day. I never imagined my brother.

All too quickly he pulled away from me, and my heart sank into my stomach. Was I too late? He was pushing me away when I was doing what it was he wanted so badly. What I wanted so badly. I couldn't even blame him though after the way I had treated him. I had messed with his head while I was busy trying to sort out mine, and that hadn't been fair to him.

"Don't you want this?" I asked desperately. It had to have been. He wanted this, I was sure of this. He couldn't have changed his mind already, had he?

"No," He replied cold, but I could see that he was lying.

"Everyone was right about us okay? Axel, Naminé. I know this is what you want. Don't lie to me, or to yourself."

"But...this can't be what you want, can it?"

Finally, I could tell him everything I had to with one word. Everything I had been so scared about, and everything I could finally admit I wanted. With one word it could change everything, but I was finally ready to take a chance, and let myself admit what it I was I wanted more than anything else.

I took in a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, it is." And with that, we kissed in a way that was passionate and dizzying and enough to make my knees wobble and my thighs go up in flames.

It was definitely memorable, and I knew we wouldn't ever be able to look at this place the same way again.

.oOo.

Nothing could have wiped the smile from my face as I laid there with Roxas, fingers intertwined, heart thudding against my ribcage like it was fit to burst from the plethora of emotions I've had kept hidden away all this time. It was weird to finally have Roxas to myself like I wanted, and I could tell he was content, with the way he was looking at me, and holding onto my tightly as if he were worried I'd get up and leave. I wasn't surprised he looked skeptical of us. Just hours prior I was telling him how unfathomable the idea of us as a … couple? … was.

Believe me Roxas, I sure wasn't expecting it either. If anyone would have told me years ago that Roxas would be the one who made butterflies flutter in my stomach, made blood rush to my groin, made me feel like I could do anything, and it'd be okay just for the sole fact I was doing it with him, well I would have grimaced and voiced my disgust.

I guessed this what was just meant for me. I guessed Roxas was the one I was supposed to end up with—for now anyway—and I couldn't deny what I felt was right. Even though I was confused by it all, and deep down, terrified, my brother's smile was a sight for sore eyes, and this adorable wasn't akin to anything I had ever felt with Tidus or Riku, or anyone I'd ever meet. Nothing could compete with this closeness I felt, or the comfort I felt tucked into his arms. He was the person I had been closest to my whole life, and the person I looked to for everything I had ever needed. Besides sex of course, but I guess that was all different now, and Roxas really was my everything. Somehow the more I thought about it, the more okay with it I was.

The exact word for what it was Roxas and I had wasn't exactly familiar to me. I wasn't sure what we were. Brothers? Lovers? Boyfriends? I know it didn't need a label, but it was still so foreign to me, and I wanted to know where we stood. And how we stood to everyone else. Would we tell our family, our friends? Now that was a step I definitely wasn't ready for.

"What's wrong? Don't tell me you're already having second thoughts," Roxas joked, but I could tell there was truth to his jest. The way he sat up in bed showed how aware he was that I could back out any minute. And in most cases, that seemed very probably. I didn't want to back out of this. I was happy, but who knows how I'd feel months, weeks, days from now? This was a huge step.

"No," I answered, sitting up alongside my brother. "I was just wondering-"

"Ugh, I knew it. How stupid was I to think we could actually-"

"Calm down, Roxas," I cut him off quickly before he could talk himself into full-blown hysterics. "I'm not regretting it or anything. I was just wondering what do we call ourselves now? Brothers? Boyfriends?"

His tense shoulders relaxed visibly, and he looked amused now at the fact that I was putting a lot of thought into the whole labeling aspect of our relationship.

"Does it matter?" He asked as he sat back on his palms, giving me a nice view of his bare chest. He had discarded his shirt when we had gotten into bed, and though it had made me squirm a bit, it was something I had seen time and time again. I was just grateful that it was too dark for him to see me red-faced, and sneaking a peak. But why did it matter if I looked at him that way? Wasn't it alright now? We were … something now.

"Nah, not really," I said with a smile as I stretched my arms above my head to relax. "I'm just going to go with the flow." I leaned over, still hesitant of course, but I was beginning to realize how comfortable I felt around him, and how I didn't need to feel nervous around him. I brushed his bangs back gently, and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. I inhaled, the sweet scent of his vanilla hair and personal pheromones nearly enough to make me want to push him down onto his bed and ravage him. But I didn't, partly for the fact that it was too soon, partly for the fact that I was too nervous to do that even if I wanted. Instead, I let my lips gently brush down the bridge of his nose until I reached his lips, and I let mine press a gentle kiss to his. His lips fit like a jigsaw puzzle in between mine, and it was perfect, aside from the fact that he pulled away way too soon.

"Sorry Sora I just … this is really weird." He laughed, and wore a huge grin on his face. "I never expected any of this. Ever."

"You're telling me," I said, still not fully grasping the idea behind what was really happening, but I suspected that was probably for the best. If I over-analyzed everything I'd end up psyching myself out again, and I really didn't want to end up regretting what I had chosen. My choice was more or less permanent anyway. "It was the last thing I expected to happen, but don't worry, I don't regret anything okay? Well, expect for hurting you a lot recently. I didn't want to do that."

"...I'm sorry too. Especially for everything that happened with Axel. He was a dick."

"But you still had sex with him," I muttered, all of a sudden feeling sick to my stomach remembering the awful confession Roxas had made the other day. I couldn't believe Roxas would go as far as to do that, but I guess a part of me wanted to think he might have only did it because he knew nothing could happen between him and I. Whatever his reasons for having sex with Axel, I didn't want to hear them, but was still curious enough to hear him out if he tried to tell me anything.

He didn't say anything, but looked away in shame like I was a parent scolding their child. It wasn't even my place to say anything though, was it? I had no idea what it was we were, although I'd like to think our relationship was something similar to being boyfriends. If I was Roxas' boyfriend—wow the very thought was definitely foreign—then it made sense for me to be disgusted with the fact that Roxas had had sex with Axel, especially when Axel was such a prick. Besides, how could I possibly say anything when I may have not went as far as Roxas had, but I had kissed Riku. And I hadn't even told Roxas. Though Roxas did tell me in a fit of rage at the worst possible time. I didn't think it was a good idea to tell Roxas about Riku and me, especially not now, and especially with Roxas' tendency to get jealous. I guess I understood how Roxas had felt all those times he had been jealous of Riku, and I guess his jealousy towards Tidus hadn't been just a twin-like possessiveness, but jealousy. How long had Roxas had feelings for me that went past brotherhood?

"I'm sorry, Sora, you just made me really mad. And I just said it," he looked at me, and he definitely looked sorry. But was I just supposed to give him for fucking around with the enemy? Maybe I was being a bit dramatic, but still, I didn't have to forgive him so easily. I didn't have to, but it was so hard not to. "I don't like Axel. Seeing him that day made me realize that. I guess he's what made me realize I was finally ready to tell you how I felt."

"I'm glad you did." I leaned over and let my lips brush against the soft skin of his cheek, leading up to his cheekbone. I didn't know why it was so easy to be affectionate with him, but I wasn't about to question it. "I don't forgive you." I told him defiantly as I crossed my arms over my chest and playfully glared at him.

"I don't really deserve it," He said before a smile began to creep up on his face. "Stop making that face," he whispered as he leaned forward and gripped the hair at the base of my neck, while his lips pressed a rough kiss against mine. I laughed against his lips when he whispered against my lips, "I can't resist you when you make that face. It's so cute."

"Narcissist," I whispered before we kissed again. I felt my cheeks blaze as we kissed vigorously, with teeth scraping, nipping, and wet tongues sliding. The kiss was enough for my thighs to go up in flames, and before things got out of hand, I pulled away, my breathing a little rushed. "How long have you felt this way about me? I've been wondering."

He looked stumped, with the way his mouth formed a cute pout and his brows furrowed. "...I don't really know." He pulled away, and looked to be thinking about. As he pondered, I did my best to try and calm myself down. My body had been reacting of course, and I didn't really want Roxas to notice. Thankfully the blanket was doing an excellent job covering my lap. "You know...I think it was after I broke my arm."

"Really?" I asked, honestly surprised he knew a near exact moment when these feelings started to arise. I remembered that time like it was just yesterday. That had been 3 years ago if I remembered correctly. We had moved here when we were 15 from Destiny Islands, and when he was 16 he had really started to get into skateboarding and had broken his arm. It had been terrifying, and even though he was gone in the hospital for surgery, and it was weird not seeing him around 24/7, I remember visiting him in the hospital as often as I could, which wasn't enough for me. I remembered seeing him the first time at the hospital, right after he had had his surgery, and how we had became closer than ever, if that was even possible. Maybe that was when he started to feel something more for me.

"Roxas!" I was so happy to see him, but seeing him still regaining his normal composure after being put under made me uneasy. I didn't like to see him hurting, and I figured he'd be in pain afterwards. I remember when I got my tonsils taken out, and hated the recovery time.

As soon as Roxas saw me his face lit up, and a beaming smile lit up his face. He was a lot more care-free when he was younger, and maybe the cause for all his teenage angst wasn't just hormones, but all the stress of his unnatural feelings for me. Of course, I hadn't picked up on that. The thought had never, ever crossed my mind.

"Sora," he replied, his half-lidded eyes brightening as he beckoned me to go over to his bedside. My parents had let me come in alone to spend some quality time with my brother after they had seen him. They said I was the first thing he mentioned when they saw him, which had excited me, since I was bouncing off the walls anxious to see him. "Ow," he winced as he positioned himself, and his arm was all bandaged up and propped up.

"Careful," I replied as I walked over to him and looked at the half-eaten lunch that sat next to him. I scowled at how gross the hospital food. "The first thing I'm going to do when you get out of here is get you ice cream."

He nodded his head vigorously. "Good. This stuff they call ice cream is really gross." I reached his free arm out and I leaned forward to embrace him. My excitement got the better of me and I clumsily hit his arm. "Oh, sorry Roxas," I said after he winced and hissed. I tried to pull away but he kept his arm around me, holding me in a nice, but awkwardly-positioned hug.

"I missed you Sora. I wish you could have been here with me the whole time. It sucks here." He said as he let me go. I could only imagine being here by himself. I knew Roxas hated hospitals, which was why I joked with him that he should have been more careful when skateboarding. But we were both so reckless, and never thought it'd end up in injury.

"I'm sorry. I totally would have too. I'd rather be here than school to be honest." I laughed, but Roxas shook his head, obviously disagreeing.

"You say that now," he muttered.

"Olette was worried about you," I told him, mentioning his old close friend. I had always thought Roxas and he were going to start dating, not yet aware that he liked boys. I had already dated Tidus at this time, but Roxas hadn't ever mentioned dating anyone. Even at 16. Our mom had always thought that was weird that neither of us had ever brought girls around.

"I know, she called, and told me she wanted to visit me, but I told her you were." He replied as he sat there, looking miserable with his immobile arm. I'd probably have to take care of him afterwards, but I didn't mind.

"Yeah, I came over right after school." I told him, cheerfully, my excitement hard to hide on my face.

"I can't wait to go home and hang out with you." He smiled at me.

"Yeah, we have a lot of fun to catch up on." I shot my fist into the air and smiled.

"...I hate hospitals." He said after a few minutes of silence. "I was really nervous about the surgery." He admitted, and I suddenly felt guilty for the fact that I hadn't been able to see him, and had barely been able to talk to him. I would have been afraid too, and I knew Roxas was deathly afraid of procedures and the doctor. "I really wished you had been the first person I saw when I woke up..." he said with a frown, and I couldn't shake how guilty I felt that instead of sitting around sulking about not seeing Roxas, I had made a bigger attempt at seeing him.

"I'm here now. I'll take care of you."

"Good, i'm glad you said that."

"Of course," I told him.

"Because Olette had volunteered to be my nurse." He grimaced, and the two of us burst into laughter like old times.

.oOo.

"Ugh, I'm tired of doing this," I groaned as Roxas handed me his shirt that he was going to wear before school. "Can't you get dressed on your own for once?" I asked, but took the shirt he handed me anyway. It had been a week of helping Roxas pretty much do everything. Mom and Dad were always gone, so I was the one stuck being Roxas' nurse. I knew I had told him I was already with it, but still, it was kind of awkward changing Roxas all the time.

"Uh, broken arm. Remember?" He said with a laugh as he held his arm up that wasn't in a sling. I sighed in annoyance, but began to help him get his arm through the sleeve of the shirt. That was the easy part, and the difficulty lie in trying to get his other arm through, the one in the sling. But I had done it many times before, and was able to do it without too much of a struggle.

"Help me out here," I told him as I struggled to get the other sleeve onto his arm. Sometimes Roxas would stand there like he never wanted the shirt on or something. Yeah, I knew having no shirt on was comfortable, but it wasn't comfortable for me to stand here and struggle while he stood there like he was completely without usage of his limbs.

My hands brushed the skin of chest as I tried to get his shirt on, and finally I managed to get his head through the neck hole as well. He grinned and grabbed a pair of pants folded on the bed, then handed them to me.

"Ugh," I whined. "Those too?" I asked, but I already knew the answer to that. Of course those too. Roxas had had me do pretty much everything for him now that his arm was healing. The worst part was changing him though, it was awkward, and made me feel uncomfortable, even though it really shouldn't have. "Fine," I muttered as he knelt down and helped him get his leg through the pant leg. My face was extremely close to his crotch, and Roxas always managed to position himself so it was right in my face. I think he did that on purpose though, just to bug me.

"Get your crotch out of my face Roxas," I said as I tried my best to tilt my chin away from his boxers as much as I could. He laughed, didn't move, but instead angled his hips so he was nearly right against my face, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Shut up, you know you like it. That's the closest you've got to penis in a while." I blushed and dropped his pant leg.

"Do you wanna do this yourself? I'm sure you're capable." I told him as I went to stand up.

"No, no, you do it. Please? It's hard doing it myself. I'm just messing with you. Don't be such a baby," he half-apologized, and with Roxas' crotch in my face, I put his pants on, zipped, and buttoned them. "Plus, I like it better when you do it." He laughed again and I stood up quickly and glared at him.

"Anything else you need master?" I said, pretending to bow to him.

"Ooh, master. I could get used to that." He laughed again, and I walked out once again with a blush on my face, a weird feeling in my stomach, and the inclination that that was the last time I'd be changing him even though I knew I'd have to do it again later.

"I like it better when you do it though."

"Sora," I heard Roxas call my name and immediately snapped out of my memories. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just thinking about it," I replied and with a small smile, I asked, "Did you used to get off on me putting your pants on?"

"Well it sounds perverted when you say it like that." He laughed but he had an uncomfortable look on his face. "I just remember around that time I was really confused. It sucked. I didn't like any boys, I didn't like any girls, but I knew I had sexual feelings for you. I thought something was wrong with me. And I did everything I could to hide it." He had done a good job. I had no idea in the slightest. "I did good huh?" He asked with a laugh, nearly reading my thoughts, and I thought about how weird it was that Roxas could read my thoughts so easily. And I could tell what he was thinking just as easily.

"Yeah, I never suspected anything. Only that it was weird you never seemed interested in anyone."

"I wish I had been. This wasn't something I wanted. Well this is," he backpedaled as he grinned at me. "But it was the last thing I thought would happen. And I didn't think I wanted to ever tell you how I felt. I thought we'd graduate, go off to college, start a family, and I'd forget about it you know."

"But?" I asked when he trailed off without saying anything for a minute.

"When we kissed I realized just how strong what I felt was. I couldn't take it any more. That's why I kissed you that night after the club. And you kissed me back, and I thought you had to feel the same. And I guess I was right."

"Yeah."

"I don't know where this is going to lead, Sora. It could end up horrible. You could change your mind like that, and I wouldn't blame you. This all happened so fast for you. I just don't-"

"Stop thinking like that," I said as I pressed a finger to his lips to shush him. "Just go with the flow, Roxas. Like this." I waved my arms like they were a rolling wave as I said slowly, "Goo with the floooow."

He laughed and nodded before leaning in and giving me a peck on the lips. "Are you going to sleep with me tonight?"

I blushed because the first thing that popped into my mind wasn't the literal meaning that I was sure Roxas had meant. It was the act of sleeping with someone. I knew he wasn't asking if I was going to have sex with him, but the thought was enough to send a jolt through my stomach in a good way.

"No," I said hesitantly. I wanted to stay here with him tonight, but I didn't think it was a good idea. We had slept in the same bed many times before, but now things were different, and I felt like it would be different. I wanted to take things slow. "Not tonight, sorry." I said with an apalogetic grin.

"It's okay," he told me, thankfully not mad, but understanding. "Sora..." he said, suddenly serious, and I perked up in interest.

"What?"

"...Let's not tell anyone okay?" He asked, his eyes pleading with me. "Not our friends and definitely not mom or dad."

I nearly sighed in relief, and I was more than willing to oblige. I didn't want anyone to ever find out. I definitely wasn't ready for that, and didn't even want to imagine the reactions we'd receive from people. Our relationship was definitely one that wasn't the norm, it was absolute defiance from everything all of us had ever been taught.

"Secrets safe with me," I said and leaned over, giving him a kiss that lingered briefly before reluctantly pulling away. "Goodnight," I whispered before getting out from under his blankets, and heading to my own room with the butterflies in my stomach still busy fluttering around.


	13. Keep The Streets Empty For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riku joins the lunch table, leading to an awkward hour between Sora, Riku, and Roxas. And Demyx has the great idea to hit up the club, Paopu, this weekend to get his band a spot on stage. But Roxas isn't looking forward to Riku tagging along.

"Sora, Rox, over here!"

We glanced over to see Demyx cheerfully waving at us from one of the lunch tables. Zexion was at his side, nose buried in what looked like a make-shift book. Despite being disappointed, as I had wanted to spend lunch with Roxas only, I hid it behind a cheerful smile, and a friendly wave. Like I said, it wasn't that I didn't want to sit with Demyx and Zexion. I was fine with them. But Roxas and I hadn't had any time to spend together, since we had been busy in class and everything. I was hoping to hang out with him in the library for some alone time. Well, that wasn't the only reason.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to hang out with Demyx and Zexion right now. Not after Roxas and I were officially a … something. I still wasn't sure what to call our confusing relationship we had, but a relationship it was, that much was certain. How was it going to be hanging out with the two of them when everything between Roxas and I were so different now? Our plan wasn't to tell anyone, but it sure felt like everyone would know regardless. I felt like I had 'incest' written on my forehead, and even someone as oblivious as Demyx would know just by taking one look at me. I could picture Zexion figuring us out quite easily. He seemed to be very intuitive.

"Do you want to go over there?" Roxas whispered to me with a nudge of his elbow, and I nodded despite how nervous I was. We turned around and walked over to the table begrudgingly. I set my tray down that carried my lunch, a burger topped with all my favorite things: cheese, tomatoes, onions, and lots of fries. Disappointment settled it when I realized I wasn't even sure if I was hungry. My stomach was too busy doing uncomfortably flip-flops in my stomach. My nerves were getting to me, and I noticed how Roxas sat farther away from me than he usually would. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, and poked at my was sad when I realized I wasn't even sure if I was hungry. My nerves were getting to me. I noticed how Roxas sat farther away from me than he usually would, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"How was your weekend, Sora? I saw a lot of Roxas, and was surprised you weren't tagging along." Demyx asked me with genuine interest. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed my burger.

"It was okay," I replied as I took a bite into my food. "Mmm." I murmured to myself. "I just spent time with my Grammy," I said in between bites of food.

"Ohhh, you're Grammy huh?" Demyx snickered to himself, and for a moment I blushed, realizing just how childish my word-choice was. Roxas and I had been calling her that since we were little kids, and I guess it just stuck. I laughed along with him, though I still wasn't acting like my natural self. I was still distracted by other things. An awkward silence passed between the four of us, and I continued to eat my food silently, glancing to the side at Roxas every now and then. He was busy tracing invisible patterns on the table and sulking.

"Hmm...something's off," Demyx stated as he squinted his eyes at us. "Yeah, I knew it. You guys are acting all funny." He leaned in towards us and propped his elbows on the table. His chin rested in his palm, and his eyebrows show up to his hairline as he watched us, waiting for some kind of answer. I buried my head between my shoulders, peering up at him with a guilty smile. Come on Sora. It wasn't that hard to keep a secret. You've done it before, you can do it again, I told myself.

"Nothing," Roxas replied as casual as could be, and I nodded my head curtly in agreement.

Demyx glanced side-ways at Zexion, who seemed rather uninterested, and before Demyx could probe us more with question, I quickly changed the subject to something I knew would get his attention.

"How's the band going?"

Bingo. The musician could go on for hours and hours talking about his band, and I was honestly interested.

"It's going great!" Demyx said, his expression taking on a new kind of life as his mouth opened into a wide smile, his hands already beginning to gesture wildly. "I'm already thinking of trying to get a spot at some sort of venue."

"I, personally, don't think we are ready yet," Zexion chimed in, glancing sideways at Demyx before murmuring to himself, "at least not until we get rid of our drummer."

"Come on! We're ready. Even if Larxene is kind of-"

"Psychotic?" Zexion filled in.

"I like 'loose cannon'," Demyx began, "but I'm hoping I can find a small venue we can play at. Like a coffee shop or a bar. Or even a club." Beside him Zexion laughed. Demyx snorted out a laugh himself and gestured at the Zexion with his thumb. "This guy."

"What about Paopu?" Roxas suggested.

"Yeah! I know the place you're talking about." Demyx said with a grin plastered on his face. "Larxene was telling us about it. She knows a few of the Djs there. Maybe she could get us a spot." He touched his chin and looked quite distracted and day-dreamy.

"I'll be right back," I said with a short grin at the group, particularly at Roxas. "I ran out of ketchup." Roxas nodded at me, and I began to think of how frustrating it was that the only relationship I had had in a long time had I was supposed to be completely silent about. It was for good reasons of course. I didn't think I was quite prepared for the type of reaction I would get from everyone, but still, I found it to be unfair.

And Roxas was acting distant. Then again, so was I. I felt like just looking at my brother would cause some huge sort of reaction. If I had known 'act like nothing funny is going on' translated into 'barely talk to each other at all' I would have put some more thought into my decision. We were supposed to be acting specious, not like we didn't even know each other.

I untangled myself from the table and made my way over to the cafeteria. I eyed the condiments table like I was a hungry vulture eyeing a carcass, and may have went from a slow pace to a brisk one without really meaning to. The ketchup was calling my name. So-raaa. So-raaa.

"Sora."

Whoah, was I just hearing things or did that ketchup actually say my name?

"Sora…"

No, the voice I heard was definitely coming from somewhere behind me, and it sounded a bit like…"Riku?" I whipped around and low and behold, it was Riku, looking like a frazzled mess, and definitely more studious that I had ever seen him before. First of all, I never saw him wear glasses before, and I hadn't ever seen his clothes and hair so dirty before. I had always known Riku to be a pretty clean-cut guy with his shirts always ironed and tucked in.

Glancing down at my own red sweatshirt I noticed a stain right in the middle of the chest. There was nothing but differences between Riku and me, from his long, smooth hair, to my wild, untamed mess. I scratched at my hair with a smile as dorky as the girl who sat alone reading fan fiction in my English class.

I was disappointed to find that I still had that flutter in my chest when I saw him. I had liked the guy for the past year, so was it really a surprise that there were still remaining feelings there? And we had just kissed. But those were feelings I was going to have to push aside now. I had Roxas, and really, that was what I wanted. Still, I couldn't escape the kiss, and I knew I couldn't avoid Riku forever. And he was a sight for sore eyes. His glasses made him look smarter, and his hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, hi-lighting his cheekbones more so than normal.

"Uh hey," I said, clearing my throat nervously. "What's with the...dirty?" I asked Riku, who chuckled and wiped his shirt with the back of my hand.

"Ceramics project," he replied as he removed his glasses from the bridge of his nose, grabbed a napkin from the condiments table, and began cleaning them. "I'm sure Roxas is busy working on it right?" He asked, still distracted with his glasses.

"He hasn't actually," I replied, and wondered why I hadn't been seen Roxas start his project. If Riku was skipping lunch to work on it, it must have been pretty important. I briefly wondered if my brother and Riku even talked to each other anymore, with everything that had happened. I wondered if Riku ever told Roxas about the kiss, but I knew my brother couldn't keep a secret for a long. There was no way he could resist going off on me if Riku had told him what happened.

"I just finished actually," Riku said as he placed his glasses back on his nose. "I haven't seen you in a while. Been avoiding me?" He asked as he poked me in the chest, and I quickly shook my head side to side.

"No, it's not like that," I said, but I knew he was aware that I was avoiding him to some extent. It's not like it was hard to pick up a phone and send a quick text, and I had failed to even do that when Riku would send me a message. I didn't like avoiding people. Being mean wasn't my nature, but it seemed the only way to handle the mess I had gotten myself into. At least for now. "I was visiting my Grammy this weekend." I looked over at the ketchup to avoid his gaze, and quickly grabbed a fistful. That had been my main objective anyway when I had left the table. Not to run into Riku. "Sorry, she doesn't really like me using my phone." I made up some sort of excuse, and grinned in a 'please-believe-me' kind of way.

"Ohh. Here I had thought you just didn't want to talk to me," he replied monotonous and dry. I chuckled awkwardly and absentmindedly began to toss the ketchup packets from one palm to the other—and managed to drop them in the process. Wow, I sure was a klutz.

He laughed that, 'you're-such-a-dork' kind of laugh I was used to hearing from him, and he leaned down to pick up the fallen condiments. "Admit Sora," he said as he handed me back the ketchup. "You just don't want to admit you didn't want to talk to me. I get it. You're still mad I bet you at basketball," he laughed, but I could tell it was empty.

"Heh, I'm not. I wasn't ignoring you, really. I was busy." I scratched the back of my head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm just kidding, Sora, don't worry about it. Just stop ignoring me," he said as he grinned at me, and I smiled back, glad that he wasn't upset at me. Or at least, he wasn't willing to show it.

"Hey Sora, I've been meaning to ask you, do you wanna-"

"Sora!"

I glanced back to see Demyx waving vigorously at me, and I saw the ticked-off expression Roxas wore. I had forgotten that I had meant to simply retrieve some ketchup and come right back, but I had gotten a bit side-tracked by Roxas' least favorite person. I hadn't even meant to run into Riku though, so how could Roxas honestly be upset with me?

"Your friends?" Riku asked as he glanced over at the table where Roxas, Demyx, and Zexion were, then back to me.

"Yeah, that's Demyx, my brother's friend," I said, waving back at Demyx before turning my attention to Riku. "Sorry."

"Nah, it's okay. Mind if I sit with you guys? I'm done with my project, I just came to get some napkins." He showed me his dirty hands, and I saw his hands, that were usually perfectly clean, covered in clay. All over his palm, his wrist, and under his fingernails.

"Yuck," I said jokingly as I stuck my tongue out at him. "But," I glanced frantically between my brother and Riku, and realized I had about five seconds to make a decision. I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either choice would leave someone upset at me, and even though I'd rather that person not be Roxas, it would have been easier to get him to forgive me. Plus, I hated being rude, it just wasn't my personality, and so with a bit of hesitation, I nodded in affirmation. "Sure you can sit with us."

"Great, let me just clean up first. I'll meet you over there."

I nodded and made my way back over to the table, a guilty expression on my face as I watched Roxas frown glumly at me. I shrugged my shoulders helplessly in response. I'd make sure to apologize to him later, but I didn't invite Riku over to the table, and how could I have said no? I couldn't blurt out that Roxas was uncomfortable with the idea of Riku sitting with us because me and Roxas were involved, could I? So what else was I supposed to do?

I hurried my way back to the table and looked at Roxas. "Sorry," I said to the whole group as I sat down, but my eyes were focused on Roxas. He didn't say anything back.

"No worries," Demyx said, but I knew my brother didn't share the same opinion.

"Yeah ran into him at the ketchup, and, uh, he asked me if he could sit with us, and I didn't know what to say. Uhm, that cool?" I said looking around at Demyx and Zexion, but the question was really geared toward my brother who sighed softly, but regardless, nodded his head.

"Yeah, for sure," Demyx said between a mouthful of fries. At least Demyx was in a good mood. I felt guilty, and Roxas was obviously pissed at me. He didn't look mad, but I could just tell by his body language. It had never been my intention to make him upset though. Riku and him were supposed to be friends, and nothing, to Roxas' knowledge, had even happened between Riku and I. I guess the biggest reason for my guilt, and my increasing anxiety, was my burden I was putting on myself by hiding all these secrets. The kiss, the relationship. It was too big a burden for me, and the more secrets I kept, the worse I felt, the more nervous I was around everyone. I wish I had simply told Roxas about Riku in the first place, or even better yet, I wish there had been nothing to tell.

"So...what'd I miss?" I tried to get into the conversation, and I also noticed Roxas had turned away from me as much as possible. I had a strong urge to roll my eyes at him. I hated how immature and cold Roxas could be sometimes, especially when it came to me dating. I had been oblivious to the reasons why he had been jealous, but of course, now I knew.

"Nothing, except Demyx talking about his musical genius," Zexion filled in, and though his voice was monotonous like usual, I could see the hint of a smile on his face. Zexion seemed far less passionate about the band then Demyx did, but whenever the guitarist talked about their music, I could tell Zexion was just as proud. Why else would he always be carrying his lyric book around? And why would he even hang around Demyx all the time for that matter? The two had to have gotten along well.

"Why am I not surprised," I laughed but it was empty, as my attention was more focused on Roxas, whose mood definitely seemed to have fallen ever since I had left the table. I had the strongest urge to shake him, or at least give him some sort of affection. I saw his hand on his lap, and wanted so badly to reach over and grab it, just so he would feel better. But the gesture wouldn't have gone unseen. Demyx and Zexion would have been oblivious to it, but anyone passing by could have witnessed it easily. Would it really have been so weird for two brothers to hold hands though? We did it a lot, but I guess now that there was a different meaning behind it, I felt that much more guilty.

I found myself caring far less than I should have, and so I reached over to grab his hand, only intending to give him a reassuring squeeze, but as he looked over at me, and smiled at me, I found it hard to let go.

"Hey," I heard what sounded like Riku's voice from next to me and I dropped Roxas' hand faster than if I had been handed a hot coal. Guess that was one way to get me to let go.

Greetings were offered around the table, and even Roxas acknowledged Riku's presence I was suddenly struck with the dreadful feeling that maybe letting Riku sit with Roxas and I might not have been the best idea. Oh well, too late now.

"So, Roxas, have you started your ceramics project yet?" Riku asked as he turned his attention toward Roxas.

"No," Roxas began, his tone easily recognizable to me to as cold. I didn't think Riku would be able to tell that Roxas was being a bit distance in their conversation. "I can tell you have," he noted as he eyed Riku's dirty shirt.

"Yeah, I didn't even know you had a project Roxas." I turned to look at my brother who rolled his eyes in typical Roxas fashion. "You should get started on it, it's probably a big portion of your grade since school's ending soon. I'll help you." I offered as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"I will don't worry. It's not that big a deal." He said before shrugging my hand off.

"Do you even know what your going to make?" Riku questioned, and Roxas' face dead-panned.

"Well no...but..."

I was about to interject to scold my lazy brother when Demyx quickly butted in. "I know! You can mold Sora's penis and make one of those travel-sized dildo things!" He began to snicker to himself, obvious proud of the fact that he had managed to make Roxas and I feel incredibly awkward. I felt my cheeks flaming and I noticed Roxas' eyes wide as saucers.

"Yeah, and you can make an extra one to give to me." Riku added with a chuckle as he elbowed me in the gut.

"He's not going to do that!" I quickly said, my cheeks still burning and I noticed Roxas' glaring at Riku like a bug that needed to be squashed. If looks could kill.

"Just a suggestion," Demyx said as he held up his hands in a surrendering position and beside him I could still hear Riku chuckling to himself.

"Yeah, I'm only kidding," Riku said, but he smiled at me in a way that read his statement probably hadn't been in jest.

"A perverted one," Zexion muttered as he narrowed his eyes at Demyx who shrugged his shoulders.

"Never said it wasn't." He looked around at the five of us. Roxas and Zexion were glaring daggers at the person they were irritated with respectively, Riku was smirking to himself, and I was awkward as ever. "Lighten up you guys!"

"Anyways," Zexion said as he took a bite of his apple. "Demyx had the absurd idea that we go to that little club you mentioned and-"

"Oh yeah! Seriously guys, check this out. Larxene knows the DJ-"

"So does Axel," I said with a bit of sting to my tone and a look in Roxas' direction. Yeah, I was still upset about the whole fire crotch ordeal. And then I remembered Riku to the other side of me, and felt like a hypocrite.

"Then that's perfect! We could totally get a spot on one of their slower nights or something."

"Paopu, that club you were telling me about Sora?" Riku asked and I nodded and turned to him.

"Yeah, the one youuu were supposed to go to."

"Yeah I know, you're never going to let me live that down are you?"

"Let's go this weekend," Demyx suggested with a bright smile on his face, obviously excited at the idea of having his band play at an actual venue.

"Maybe I could tag along? So I can make up for not going last time?" Riku asked, and I didn't know what to say. I knew Roxas definitely wouldn't appreciate that and I looked from Riku to Roxas with an unsure look.

"Uh..."

I could see Roxas giving Riku a look, but before I could answer with a 'no', Riku was turning towards my brother with a genuine smile.

"Is that cool with you Roxas?"

My brother was put on the spot and Riku and I watched him as he forced a grin and slowly nodded his head.

"...uh yeah sure."

He said and I felt bad that he had to make that sort of decision when he obviously didn't want to.

"It's settled then! Paoupu this week! I'll tell the girls," Demyx said as he bounced up and down in his seat absolutely giddy. By the girls, I assumed he meant Larxene and her sisters.

"Can't wait. Hopefully I can get a dance out of you," Riku said to me with a smirk.

"Haha, yeah." I told him and smiled awkwardly at him.

"I'm going to go get a soda," Roxas muttered to himself as he quickly stood up from the table and walked away. I knew he was mad, and I quickly stood up as well, wanting to follow him and to apologize that this lunch was so horribly awkward for him.

"I'll go with," I said, but Roxas didn't turn to wait for me, and I sped up to catch up with him. "Are you mad?" I asked, but after a few seconds of not getting a response, I realized Roxas was giving me the cold shoulder. Again. I groaned and grabbed his arm, dragging him away from the cafeteria and around the corner to talk to him where Riku, Demyx, and Zexion couldn't see us.

"What?" Roxas asked, glaring at me with a mediocre intensity.

"I didn't even do anything?" I groaned as I leaned against the wall."Why are you mad at me?" I crossed my arms definitely over my chest and watched as Roxas' expression didn't falter, and instead sharpened. "I'm sorry about that Roxas. I didn't mean for Riku to get invited, and I didn't even know what to say when he asked." I told him sincerely. "Pleeease, don't be mad?" I clasped my hands together and gave him my best puppy dog face I could. "I'm sorry okay? But I didn't mean for that to happen."

"I know," he said with a sigh after a minute, and he finally smiled at me. That smile I loved to see so much that it nearly gave me butterflies. "I'm not mad at you." He leaned his arm on the wall so he was leaning into me, and I looked down at my feet shyly. How did Roxas manage to make me feel like this? Like a love-sick girl who just met the love of her life. Maybe that was a weird simile, but Roxas did have this way of making me feel shy or happy or giddy. And with him so close, I was beginning to itch for some sort of contact. We hadn't been close all day, and all I wanted to do was grab his chin and pull him in for a kiss. A long, drawn out kiss with hands and tongues and heat. The thought of it made the blood rush to my cheeks, but I knew we couldn't be intimate at school, or any public place for that matter. But he was tempting me being that close to me, and he smelt so nice.

"I don't know," he said with a soft sigh escaping his lips. I know you and Riku had a thing and it seemed really … awkward between us? Like, he kept flirting with you right in front of me, and obviously it bothered me even though I tried not to let it show. And I know you can't really say anything but … I don't know. Is it weird that I feel like he's trying to rub that he likes you in my face?" I felt my heart begin to thud, growing anxious as I realized just how much tension there had been. It was thick enough I could have cut it with something as dull as my spork, and here I had thought that I had been acting normal. I was sure Riku was able to feel the weird awkward tension that wafted past the three of us. I was trying to keep two secrets at once from two different people. I didn't want Roxas to find out about the kiss, and I didn't want Riku to find out about Roxas' and my relationship, but how could I have even thought I could keep secrets like that, especially from my brother. I don't know why I had even attempted. I should have just told Roxas from the beginning. Or better yet, I wished it hadn't happened at all.

"It was just you," I lied with a shrug. "You have some sort of imaginary competition going on with him. I just thought he was cute-" I saw his brows furrow at my comment and I quickly backtracked, "no but seriously Roxas, after this weekend, you have nothing to worry about okay? You know how I feel about you, and about us. Don't worry okay?"

"Yeah but he's coming to the club with usss," Roxas moaned as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine. I grinned at the contact, and looked up at Roxas' pretty eyes, and wished I could have closed the distance with my lips.

"Sorry, wasn't my idea. But don't be jealous okay? You know how I feel about you."

He leaned back again, but let his hand gingerly touch my side then to my stomach. "I know. Sorry okay?" He leaned forward, our noses nearly touching and I couldn't help but let myself grin broadly. Something about the way my brother looked, smelled, felt when he let his fingertips touch my skin was enough to give me goosebumps. Anyone who saw us from an outside point of view might have gotten the wrong idea, but I guessed it didn't matter at this moment, even though we had sworn to keep it a deeply imbedded secret.

"Okay. Just don't worry about it okay?" I touched the side of his cheek, only meaning to keep it there briefly when I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and immediately took my hand away from Roxas' and turned my head.

"Uh, hey," Riku said, looking at with an inquisitive expression. Roxas let his hand drop from my side, but didn't intend to scoot away. "I'll see you guys later." I looked around the campus and noticed everyone scuffling and scurrying away from the lunch tables. I guessed the bell had rang, and I hadn't heard it.

"Okay," I replied, waving to him as he began to walk away.

"Better get started on that project Roxas," was the last thing Riku said he gave me a strange look, and walked away.

"Another reason to love Riku," Roxas began with a fake smile before his expression turned sour and he rolled his eyes. "he has perfect timing."

I laughed a bit, and looked over at Riku as he walked away. That look he had given us wasn't a look I was exactly thrilled about. He looked at us like we were strange beings on this human planet. He looked at me specifically with a questioning look, like he knew something was definitely off about how Roxas and I had been interacting. And I felt incredibly stupid because he was right, and it had been so obvious. I shouldn't have been touching Roxas' face like that anywhere in public, but I guess I forgot just how bad it would be if people knew what were doing, who I was becoming. And if I didn't know any better, I think I saw a hint of anger in Riku's eyes where I wasn't quite sure stemmed from.

I felt sick to my stomach, and just hoped that Riku would never mention the little exchange between Roxas and I. I hoped he never thought to question it because I had no clue what I could ever say to settle his suspicion.

"He definitely saw that Roxas."

"Yeah, I know," Roxas said with a shrug of his shoulders, and I could feel myself growing angry. This would never work out if Roxas couldn't keep the promise we had made last night to keep this between us. What if Roxas got angry and decided to blurt out to Riku to back off because I was his? Honestly though, I was just worrying for nothing since I could never see my brother do that. I knew he didn't like Riku, but he cared about me far too much.

I groaned and rubbed my hands over my face in frustration. "It's only been one day, and we're already getting weird looks from our friends."

"Your friend," Roxas quickly corrected. "And so what? Let them look." He went to grab my hand, and I quickly pulled it out of his reach. I was sure Roxas was just bluffing. Would he really tell everyone that Roxas and I were involved in a relationship together? I didn't think so, especially since he was the one who brought up the idea of not telling anyone.

"Roxas..." I sighed.

"I know, I know." He said as he stepped away from me to let me peel myself off the wall I had been cornered to by him. "I can't help it though! You're so cute." He smiled at me, and even though I was mad, he always knew how to drag a smile out of me. "And now that I can actually touch you..." He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer, but I pushed him away gently.

"Calm down," I laughed as I swatted his hands away. "Really though," I began sternly, "We need to be more discreet." He nodded in agreement and the second bell sounded out throughout the campus. I was going to be late to class because of this. "I gotta go. I'll see you after school okay?" I wished I could have given him a good-bye kiss, but I as I began to walk away I reminded him of one last thing, "Oh and by the way, cool it on the jealousy."

.oOo.

"Soooo..." Roxas began as he placed his hand dangerously high on my thigh, and just the mere touch made my body flare up with heat. "I kind of like Demyx's idea for my ceramics project. But," he grimaced, "I'm definitely not giving one to Riku."

I laughed and playfully shoved his shoulders. "Shut up." The agony that was Monday at school had finally ended, and I had been so exited to do nothing but relax with my brother. So we sat in his bed, talking about everything and nothing, while stealing kisses and small touches every now and then. I made sure to keep the conversation steered away from Riku as much as possible though, but unfortunately, Roxas had managed to bring him up. "He was kidding."

"But I'm not," Roxas continued as a small smirk appeared on his face. "Really, I'm not. But...I think I needa check out my model first and study it a little, y'know?" He reached towards my waist line and pulled at waistline of my gym shorts.

I laughed and swatted his hands away. I glared playfully at him, though I wasn't anything closed to annoyed with him. "You're as bad as Demyx." I told him as I stuck my tongue out on him.

"Mmm, nah I'm not." He said as he let his fingers trail up my leg and stop at my thigh once again, his fingers swiftly rubbing my leg through the thin material of my shorts. "Come on Sora, you've played hard to get along enough. Give in already," he nearly whined and I bit my bottom lip.

"Fine, go ahead." I told him as I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him back against the bed with me. He looked quite surprised at my sudden willingness and situated himself on top of me more comfortably. His knees were on the bed on either side of my waist, and he was slowly reaching towards the button of my pants. But before he could make it there, I grabbed his wrists, stopping him in the process.

"Just kidding," I said with a huge and playful grin.

"Very funny," he said with a glare as he dropped his arms to his sides and sighed in defeat. "You're too selfish with that cute little body of yours." I felt bad for teasing my brother, but it was so funny to see him all ramped up and excited. I guess I liked to be a tease. It was fun admittedly. But...I knew something that would honestly be a lot more fun.

"Come here then," I told him as I beckoned him with my finger. He smiled again and leaned down slowly, cautiously, hovering over me as he waited for me to make a move that I was, once again, teasing him. I wasn't planning on stopping him though, and patiently waited for him to close the distance. He let his lips press against mine, tentative and cautious, testing the waters, but I deepened the kiss without a moments hesitation. I hadn't realized just how anxious I had been. It wasn't like I had been daydreaming about it since fifth period or anything.

When I had finally admitted to Roxas how I felt yesterday, and solidified this weird relationship, I never thought it would be so fulfilling. I never thought I would be as into it, but I was. I felt like I needed it, and that was something as surprising to me as I was sure it was to Roxas. I was sure he could tell in the way my hands immediately flew to his hair to tug at it, letting the strands fall in between my fingers. He could probably recognize my anticipation with the way my kisses grew needier by the second. I wanted more, more than I had conveyed to him before. I wanted Roxas, now more than ever, and that was something I was surprised, and a little scared, to hear myself say.

But the intimacy was hot, arousing, and I groaned against his lips when he adjusted himself, and his knee fell in between my legs. It pushed lightly against my erection and the pressure felt nice. He took that opportunity to let his tongue delve into my mouth and tease my tongue. I played back, my tongue sliding against his as I let my hand find its way under his shirt to stroke his warm skin. I let my fingertips graze the skin, the slight muscle tone he had, and he smiled when my palm graze past his nipple.

I pressed my body against his, wanting more of his touch, and he got the hint, I realized as his mouth left mine and instead moved to my neck. I craned it to allow him more access, and felt the warmth that his kisses left on my skin. My neck was an extremely sensitive area, as well as my nipples, and the way his mouth worked my neck so satisfyingly, made me think he had known that was a secret spot of mine all along. He grazed my neck with his teeth, nipping softly before leaving hot, wet kisses down, until he reached the crook of my neck and shoulder. I felt his wet tongue slide and swirl along my skin, and I let out a quiet moan, fully aware that our parents were sleeping in the next room. It was near midnight after all. I couldn't help it though, and let out another breathy moan escape between my breaths, which were quickening in pace.

This whole scenario was very reminiscent to that dream had a while back about my brother. The same one that had kept me so conflicted for so long. The one that may have pushed me into the realization that I had a sexual attraction to my brother. I had never imagined my dream would become a reality. The feeling of actually being in it, living it, was way better than any feeling a dream could have given me. It was so much better in the flesh than just a figment of my imagination. I was sure my boxers were wet already, and I wished I wasn't so apprehensive, or I would have definitely took Roxas up on his offer to 'study' me for his project.

I let my nails rake down Roxas' back and gripped at the material of his shirt. He slowly let his lips travel back up towards my ear, and I bucked my hips up against his, insinuating that I wanted to take this a bit farther. I felt his breathy moan against my ear, causing me to shiver and squirm in response, before he began to suck on the lobe. I closed me eyes when his hips met mine in a purposeful grind.

My eyes nearly rolled back into my head as the heat I felt grew even stronger throughout my entire body. It felt way better than I had ever imagined, and I wanted more. Craved more. "Roxas," I began and he leaned up from my neck to look at me. I craned my neck up to press my lips against his in a deep kiss before breaking it to whisper to him, "mom and dad are asleep right?"

He kissed me again and murmured an affirmation against my lips. "Mmm...I think so," he said quietly in between kisses and swirls of his tongue.

"Good, be quiet kay?" I asked him, gave him one last kiss, and then flipped positions so I was on top.

He looked surprised, but excited all at once. His eyes were lidded, and clouded with lust, and looking at Roxas in such a compromising position was making me grow even harder. I leaned down, nipping at Roxas' neck a bit roughly, and ground my hips against his with the same intensity. He moaned louder than I wanted, and pressed my figners to his lips. "Ssshh," I reminded me before kissing his lips again, nipping at it gently as I dragged my cock along his slowly.

He closed his eyes, another groan escaping his wet, swollen lips that I kissed again. I grabbed his hip with one hand, while the other rested in his blond hair. I pulled his hips tightly against mine, and ground against my brother slowly, agonizingly slow. I could feel his hard erection, and wished his pajama bottoms weren't in the way, and this could be a lot more intimate. Our pants were tented, and I slid against him again, roughly this time, enticing another sensual moan from him. His heated pants and breathy moans were making my head swim in a cloud of lust and pleasure, and I ground my hips against his again, and again, rough and fast. I pulled his hips up tight against mine, urging him to meet my pace with his own. He began his own rhythm with his bucking hips.

"Sora," he moaned, and I nearly came right then and there at the sound of his voice, so heavy with lust. And I reached my hand down absolutely ready to please him even more. His boxers and pants were so thin that I could feel the moist spot the tip of his cock had left. I licked my lips, wondering why I wanted to taste it, to let my thumb rub against his lubricated tip.

He looked down at my hand curiously while he bit his bottom lip. I rubbed my cock against his once more before I playfully pulled at the drawstring waistline of his bottoms. "Can I?" I breathed, letting one finger slip under the waistline to pull it up. I wondered if my brother trimmed, shaved, or was natural? I hadn't seen him naked for a few years now, and the sight of him was playing out in my mind. How it would look, but more importantly, how it would feel.

"Y-yeah," he breathed, licking his already moist lips with his tongue, and waiting anxiously for me to make the next move.

I grabbed his pants, slowly sliding them down an inch, and the sight of a trail of hair that was light and gold, made me anticipate the sight even more. But before I could pull down further, as far as I wanted to, I heard the sound of a door open from across the hall, and cursed under my breath. Someone was awake, and judging by how light the footsteps were against the floor made me think it was mom, which meant I'd have to go back to my own room. If our mom ever woke up at night, she usually had a routine of checking in on us to see if we were sleeping alright.

I backed away from Roxas, and saw the disappointed look that crossed his face. "Mom?" he asked and I nodded in response. "Dammit...ou better go to your own room." he said as he looked in between his legs to the problem he had there. "Ugh, this is going to be uncomfortable," he said as he gripped it for a second, then let his hand fall to his side.

"It was fun while it lasted. Next time?" I asked and he nodded with a smile. He sat up and gripped my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheekbone. He pressed a kiss to my lips before nodding towards the door. "Goodnight." I told him before getting up to head to my own room. Still hard as ever. I figured I'd have to do something to take care of this little problem after my mom checked in on me.

I realized that I must have made the right decision yesterday. They say incest was wrong, so then why did it felt so right to be with Roxas? I didn't think anyone could make me feel the way Roxas did. I felt safe. Even my inhibitions had disappeared when I kissed him, touched him, unlike when I had been with Riku or Tidus. No, it was so much different with Roxas. It felt right. It felt like how I imagined a relationship would feel with someone you love. All the butterflies and the swirl of giddy emotions. I loved Roxas, but I was beginning to care for him more than I had before all of this. A love past the unconditional love one might have or their best friend, their family, their sibling. Was that even possible? I never wanted to give this feeling up, and I hoped I'd never have to.

And I wouldn't, as long as we could keep this a secret.


	14. Till I Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday Night, Demyx and his band, along with Roxas, Sora, and Riku hit Paopu for an evening on the town. But Sora has no idea what he is getting himself into when he agrees to a dance with Riku.

It was like pulling teeth with my brother sometimes. Rooting them out one by one. But I guess I couldn't blame him for being so pissed off and stubborn. It was possible tonight could turn out to be a complete disaster. I was just optimistic about tonight as I tried to be about everything. Even if we were going to Paopu with Riku accompanying us, it shouldn't have been a total disaster, so I thought. I was trying not to worry about it, unlike Roxas, who was busy pacing back and forth across my room while biting his nails.

"That's a bad habit," I pointed out as I glanced over at him with a pout. "You have nice hands." I looked through my closet for something to wear tonight. No plaid. It wasn't nice enough for Paoupu. I couldn't wear a hoodie either. Not that white shirt either because I wore it last time. Hmm...my eyes scanned over my row of shirts, and finally I picked out a nice, buttoned-up red shirt. I figured I could tuck it into some nice jeans for tonight. I held it up to my chest, and turned towards my brother. "How does this look, Roxas?"

He stopped pacing and glanced over at me with a sullen expression "You look good," he said as a faint smile began to cross his lips, "you always do."

"Conceited," I teased as I stuck my tongue out at him, and of course we weren't completely identical, but a compliment directed towards me was, in hindsight, a compliment directed towards him. But as I had said before, and continued to think, Roxas was the better looking twin. His eyes were ligther than mine, and I had always liked the color of his hair. Maybe I just had a thing for blonds. Tidus and Roxas both looked similar, and Riku wasn't a blond, but he did have very light hair.

"Well, if I'm coneited, doesn't that mean you are too?" He teased back, and I let the shirt fall to my side as I laughed alongside him.

"I guess so." I noted as I thought about the fact that Roxas and I were a couple, and so that meant we were obviously attracted to each other. Attracted to your own twin? What kind of weird dynamic was that? "Wow...we really have a weird little family dynamic going on huh?" I asked as a joke, but in all honestly it was true.

"Yeah...we're a couple of weirdos. And we didn't have to go through the whole, 'Do you think I'm cute?' nonsense."

"Yeah, we're narcassits. On top of being weirdos and incestuous brothers. What's wrong with us?" I asked, rubbing at my forehead as I felt a slight headache coming on.

"It's love, Sora." He giggled and leaned over to press a kiss to my jawline, before pressing another to my cheek, his kiss moist and soft "Wear the red shirt. You look really cute in red. Especially on your cheeks," he said with a grin as he pinched my cheek gently.

"Ooh, spanking, I like the sound of that," I said with a sly smile and two of us burst into laughter. I wasn't usually so outspoken about my sexuality, and I guess it was kind of weird to hear something like that come out of my mouth. But I was a lot more open about sex when it came to Roxas, since I felt comfortable with him.

"So...about tonight..." Roxas began, and I realized I had just managed to help Roxas get his mind off of the drama that might occur tonight at least for a little bit.

"You're such a worry-wart." I stuck out my tongue at him, and he had this way of looking at me in a way that was angry, but not angry at all at the very same time. I felt like Roxas had a really hard time getting mad at me, but when it came to Riku, it was kind of easy for this flurry of emotions to erupt in the both of us I guess.

"Shut up, Sora," He said, but I knew he didn't really mean it. Sometimes my brother could be kind of rude in the way he talked to me, but I knew he never meant it. I could just tell, and I didn't know if it was because I had a really easy time understanding people whether they noticed or not, or because he was flesh and bone twin, and I knew more about him then he knew about himself. You must be worried about Axel being there too," he retorted, and my brows furrowed and my forehead crinkled as I thought about Axel.

"Ugh, Axel," I said with an eye-roll. I wonder if I did that more than Roxas nowadays. "Yeah, you're right, I really don't want to see him there." Just thinking about it made my stomach drop into my groin in an way that was really uncomfortable-feeling. Not that it sounds comfortable to begin with. But now I was forced to think of the awful image of Roxas and Axel having sex whenever the stupid DJ was brought up. I felt my blood rise and my eyes narrowed as I reminded Roxas, "Especially ever since you went and had sex with him!"

He blinked, probably not expecting me to raise my voice all of a sudden. He looked away with a look akin to shame. "Ughgughgh." He said, making some weird, irritated, non-human like noise. "Are you going to be able to let that go?" He asked, and I crossed my arms over my chest in the same stubborn manner as Roxas.

"No, I'm probably not." I wasn't going to let him just drop the subject like he always tried to do.

Finally, he sighed, and said, "I'm sorry. It was really stupid of me."

"Yeah, it was." He didn't even try and argue with me. He didn't shoot me a pointed look, or defiantly roll his eyes. Instead he just kicked the floor, and exhaled deep through his nostrils like he was trying to release all the negative emotions he had built up inside him. Roxas had a tendency to keep his emotions bottled up, and shift from annoyance to pent-up anger.

"It happened before we started dating," he tried to reason with me, but that didn't make it anymore better.

"Yeah, but you liked me. And you knew I had feelings for you. You had to have known." And I think that was the part that hurt the most. Of course I could forgive Roxas for what he did, but it really did leave me with a bruised ego, and I was left wondering why he would do that to me the one weekend I left. "You had sex with him, like, the day before you told me how you felt about me."

"I didn't even plan on telling you. It wasn't like I planned it all out that way." Once again, with a heavy sigh, he asked, "can we drop it please?"

And I glared and pouted, but of course, I agreed. "Fine...but only If you drop the whole Riku thing."

"But Riku's going with us! It's totally different. There's a chance we might not even run into Axel. I don't even like him. At all. You seriously have nothing to worry about with Axel." He talked with wild gestures of his hands, and walked over to me, placed both hands on my shoulders, and looked at me with more seriousness then I had seen in a while.

"And you have nothing to worry about with Riku," I said with the same seriousness, my brows knitting together, my mouth set in a firm line. Because, really, he did have absolutely nothing to worry about when it came to Riku. Yes, Riku was my friend, and I had a strong bond with whoever it was that I became friends with, so I wasn't ready to potentially damage it.

"Yeah, but it's obvious Riku likes you, and he's trying to pursue something with you." I shook my head in response, though I knew denying it wasn't going to deter Roxas. He was set in how he thought. "Come on Sora, you're not that naïve. And this whole situation sucks because I have to go to school with him, I have class with him! I have to see him everyday." He let go of my shoulders as he began to pace back and forth, his face pulled together into a sense frown. "I don't want to go tonight. I don't want him to go tonight."

I felt bad. I really did. Roxas was letting Riku turn him into a nervous wreck, and it was because of me. Roxas never really liked to show his emotions, and I guess I was a bit shocked to see him have so much anxiety over it. "Roxas," I said softly as I walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He looked at me and almost immediately his expression softened. "I'm sorry alright? I didn't expect him to ask if he could go."

"Yeah, well I'm sure you're happy he is," he muttered as he looked downcast towards the floor, and I touched hi cheek, and made him turn to look at me.

"I'm not, Roxas. I don't like him, okay? I like you." I leaned forward, and pressed my lips against his in a soft kiss before pulling away and looking at him once again, making sure he knew just how serious I was about him.

"Fine," he muttered, but I could see the faintest of smiles creeping upon his face, and I breathed a sigh a relief to finally have calmed him down.

"You need to be more optimistic," I told him as I stroked his cheek with my thumb. "Like meee," I said in a near sing-song voice, causing his smile to spread even wider. "I know something that'll make you happy."

"Like what?" he asked, brow peaking as his curiosity did as well.

"Those bacon-wrapped hot dogs they sell on the street outside the club." Bacon-wrapped hot dogs topped with tons of onions and peppers were one of Roxas' favorite thing, but the grease meat wrapped cradled in tin-foil was not exactly my idea of good food. Especially not when they were on the side of the street where all the flies and bugs could get into the food. I nearly gagged at the very thought.

"Really? You'll get me one?"

But Roxas enjoyed them, a lot, so how could I deny him the food that made him happy?

"Of course, anything for you."

He sneered, his cheery disposition falling slightly. "Well, what if Riku wants one?"

I scoffed and waved my hand, acting as if I were repulsed at the very idea of buying Riku anything. "Riku can buy his own hot dog," I assured him, to which an even bigger smile crawled upon his face.

"I got a hot dog right here for you Sora," he said with a snicker, and I rolled my eyes playfully. At least he was finally happier now. Making Roxas get out of his funk was a huge accomplishment.

"Shut up and get ready," I told him as I squeezed his cheek together and watched the way his lips pursed into a duck-face of sorts.

"Fine, but tonight better be fun," He said with his lips still squeezed together. He swatted my hand away, and pointed a finger at me. "And if it's not...you owe me two bacon-wrapped hot dog."

"Deal."

.oOo.

"Whoah, look who it is. Roxas and Sora."

I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. The voice like a wolf's howl, the way my brother's name dripped off his tongue all pointed to the fact that Axel had finally found us. Great. I had been more than happy when we had spent at least a few hours at Paopu and he hadn't run into us, but I had figured it was only a matter of time until he did. The two of us glanced over to see lo and behold, Axel, standing there behind his DJ set with chunky headphones over his ear, and his eyes fixated on the two of us.

Roxas touched the small of my back, giving me a look reassuring to me.

Looking up at Axel was intimidating, especially since he was higher above on an elevated platform than Roxas and I. I still got that same lurch in my throat when his eyes locked with mine, but he looked much less predatory than usual, which caught me off guard. He didn't remind me of a hungry wolf with the squinted eyes and the curled back sneer, but instead his lips were pulled into a half-smile, his eyes more focused on the DJ table in front of him then us.

I was happy to hear that Roxas had already told Axel he wasn't interested, but who knew if Axel was going to give up that easy. He seemed like a persistent person, as I saw when he angled me into a kiss a few weeks ago.

"Give me a couple minutes, I'm just tinkering around with a new song I'm going to play tonight," he told us with his eyes still set and determined on his DJ set in front of him. I hadn't actually ever heard Axel play at the club, since the last time we were here he had been finished with his set because he had been partying with us all night. But he was one of the main DJs here, so he had to have been good. I wasn't a huge fan of electronic music in the first place, that was more Roxas' thing, so I didn't exactly want to stay and listen to Axel perform. Besides, I thought we were just here to try and help Demyx get a chance to play here.

We stepped to the side a bit, and casually began to dance, all the while Roxas was trying to convince me that there wasn't anything to worry about with Axel. He had already told Axel they couldn't see each other anymore, couldn't do what they had done ever again, and though I hadn't heard it with my own two ears, I believed him. And it did help calm my frazzled nerves, at least a little bit.

Axel found us ten minutes later, and I tried to hide my annoyance behind a fake greeting. He didn't seem to catch it, as his eyes were more focused on Roxas than me anyway. His eyes were heavy-lidded, and he wore a loopy grin on his face.

"Hey guys! Long time no see here at Paopu. How've you been?" he asked, breath smelling of alcohol and tone indicating drunkenness.

"Fine," Roxas and I said in unison and Axel laughed, pointing at the both of us.

"Oh you guys got that twin thing going on where you say stuff at the same time," he said with a chuckle, and I laughed awkwardly.

"Are you guys going to stay for my new set? You guys didn't get to hear me spin last time but for real, you should stay to watch. It's pretty legit. I've been working on some new material and there's this one song that'll blow your mind. It's like..."

And that was about as much as I heard before Axel starting going off on some tangent about his song that I could barely hear over the music playing from one of the other stages. He seemed almost nice when he was talking, and he kind of reminded me of Demyx, with the way his eyes lit up and he genuinely smiled.

"Uhm...I don't know yet. Depends when everyone wants to leave. We're here with Larxene, Kairi, and Naminé trying to help my friend with something." Roxas told Axel and he nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah! I saw them walk by earlier. Larxene said her friend had a question for me so I told her I'd talk to her when I'm free. Where is she?" He asked as he walked over to us and slung his arm around both of our shoulders as he tried to scour the club for her blond antenna-like hair.

"Not sure," Roxas replied, and I could tell he was being cold, more distant than he had been with Axel previous times they had been together. Was he trying to stifle his attraction because I was there? Ugh, I hated thinking about what Axel and Roxas had done together. I eyed Axel up and down, wondering what it was Roxas had seen in him. Because I sure couldn't find it.

Axel picked up on it too I guessed with what he said next. "Hey, why so glum Roxas? It's been forever since I saw you." He let go of me and slung his arms sloppily around Roxas' neck, giving him a weird hug. "Thought you forgot about me."

Hadn't they just seen each other a week ago? When I was in Destiny Islands. Was Axel just being sarcastic?

"No," Roxas began as he pushed Axel away, then stepped closer to me. "I've just been hanging out with Sora a lot lately." He said before unexpectedly grabbing my hand and leaning over to kiss my cheek. My eyes undoubtedly grew wide as I nervously looked back and forth between Roxas' calm expression to Axel's shocked one. His eyes went wide and his lips curled back into a smirk.

"Whoahh! Am I seeing things right? Sora, are you actually letting your bro hold your hand?" He asked as he held a hand at his forehead and began to laugh. "That's hot and all, but people might start to get the wrong idea." He taunted, and my brows furrowed as I squeezed Roxas' hand and tried to be comfortable in the fact that it seemed Roxas was trying to hint at Axel that we were, in fact, dating.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I said as I smiled.

"Guess you were right about us." Roxas replied, and I quickly scanned the crowd to see if I could spot Riku or Demyx to see if they were watching us. I guessed I was paranoid that they'd see and suspect something, but whose imagination would directly point at incest if they saw two brothers hold hands? Did I really have that little faith in my friends? That they wouldn't understand our situation if they did find out though?

"Yeah see, I always knew something was going on with you two. That's why I bounced," Axel said with a slur as he gestured with his thumb. "Didn't want to get caught up in some freaky shit you know? Like I'm freaky but I'm not that freaky."

"Yeah, but when we first met you we weren't-" I began to try and explain to Axel that we hadn't actually been dating then, but he cut me off.

"No need to explain Sora." He held ups his hand to quiet me. "I get it. But I don't really actually get it, you know?" He dazed off for a second before busting out laughing. "Man, this shit's more common than I thought with you twins. Kairi and Naminé and you two? Damn, that's funny. I wonder if I'd fuck my own twin. Would I fuck me?" He asked himself as he put a finger to his chin in thought. "I'd fuck me," he concluded. "Sorry guys, I'm kind of drunk off my ass right now." Roxas and I shared a glance, obviously already aware of his intoxication. "Hold on a sec," Axel said as he disappeared to his DJ booth for a second before returning with a beer bottle. "Alright well … uhh … congrats to you." He held up his bottle as if to toast. "Here's to … holding hands in public … with your twin. Or some shit. I was never really good at those. But whatever, bottoms up." He toasted the air before chugging his beer and burping loudly. "I'm going to go find Larxene. Later twins!" He grinned at us before walking away into the crowd.

"Roxas," I began before letting go of his hand. "I thought we weren't going to tell anyone?" I said after leaning forward to speak softly in his ear, my voice already strained from yelling over the loud dance music.

"Yeah, I know, sorry," he said with a heavy sigh, and I gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek to signal I wasn't mad. "You're not mad?" he asked to make sure, and I shook my head. "I just know you don't like Axel, and I just wanted you to know I don't care about him, and I don't care if he knows about us. I don't want you to worry about him anymore."

"I'm not mad," I said with a soft smile. "That was nice of you. But I don't really want anyone else knowing." I told him with a serious expression, and he nodded in agreement. He muttered something that I couldn't quite hear, but I could have sworn I heard Riku's name in whatever he said. "That definitely wasn't the reaction I was expecting. He seemed pretty happy for us." I joked.

"Yeah I know. He was nice. And it doesn't look like he was all too shocked or really cared."

I nodded, and wondered if our friends would react in the same way. I glanced amongst the crowd once more, trying to find them, but I couldn't see anything past the sea of moving, dancing people.

"Do you think our friends would react the same way?" I asked, and he hesitated with a response. He shrugged, but the look on his face told me he wasn't too sure. "I don't know. I mean … did you want them to find out? We could tell them." He nudged me with his elbow, and I quickly shook my head.

"I'm not ready for them to know yet. I wasn't even prepared for you to tell Axel right now. I nearly peed myself when you grabbed my hand," I told him with a laugh. "That went well, but I don't want to risk it with people I actually care about, you know? People I see everyday," I told him truthfully. I wasn't ready to face ridicule with people I've known since I was a freshman in high school, and who I still had to see for the next couple of months until school was over. But I wasn't sure how they would react. I couldn't imagine it would go well, but I should have had more faith in them. They were our friends. Wouldn't they have to understand? I was usually optimistic about people and usually was sure they'd have the best intentions, but I was scared, and rightfully so. Incest was taboo; looked down upon by nearly everyone I knew, aside from Naminé and Kairi.

"I know what you mean. Don't worry, I won't do that again, okay?" Roxas told me with a genuine smile.

"Promise?" I asked as I held out my pinky to him, and he laced his finger with my own, locked them, and smiled.

"Promise." He leaned forward with a grin, his face so close our noses were nearly touching. "Let's dance?" He asked, so quiet that it felt the words were personal, just for me. With a huge grin, I agreed, and moved in close to him, excited to be able to dance. I loved dancing, and always thought Roxas and I were pretty good at it. I was a bit nervous, or maybe I felt anxious, when his hand grabbed mine, and we began to ease our way into the song and dance.

I wasn't worried too much about anyone seeing us. It wasn't weird to see two brothers dancing together right? Even if, as we continued to dance, our bodies moved provocatively against each others. We were at a club after all, among a crowd of moving people, so I felt ambitious. I let my hand wander up his thigh, then on his hip, before resting quite low on the small of his back. My hips ground against his, as our hands brushed each other's bodies, and our lips came close. Our breath mingled, his hot and heavy against my face.

It was nearly impossible not to let my hips grind with more vigor and intent than I should have, and it was just as hard not to let my hands slide up my brother's shirt to play with his soft, warm skin. I licked my lips from the heat of it all, hips together, legs and hips moving in motion with the bass that followed an up-beat rhythm. I felt like it didn't matter if anyone saw us, and I wondered why Roxas was able to hypnotize me so easily, and make me forget about our surroundings.

I looked up at him, into his eyes, and could see the lustful cloud fogging his senses as his hand on my back pushed our bodies closer. Dancing like this, being so close to him, but still unable to kiss and touch, was enough to send blood and heat rushing to my arousal.

Right now wasn't the time to get hard from dancing with my brother since we were in the open, but it was difficult. Why was it such a struggle for us to keep us a secret. Maybe it was because the tension and passion between us had been so obvious anyway. Others had known it even before I did. What made us think we could hide it now, when we were aware of it, if we couldn't when we hadn't even been dating.

"I feel you getting excited," Roxas whispered into my ear, and as his lips lingered there I wondered if he was struggling not to bite it. I knew I had grown hard the minute our bodies met, and I took in a deep breath, near shuddering, before exhaling deeply to try and calm my building sexual arousal.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty excited too," he whispered.

I moved my hips against his, and could feel his arousal pressing against my thigh, and a small smile slowly crawled across my lips. "I can't wait to go home," I whispered with a grin and he nodded. I felt his hand touch the back of my neck, massaging the area softly. "See?" I asked, my smile still aimed at him. "Tonight wasn't so bad right?"

"Mind if I cut in?"

And all too suddenly, another voice, Riku's voice, interrupted the moment we had. I glanced over with a disappointed look on my face,and I quickly stopped dancing and stepped away from Roxas. I knew my brother hated that whenever Riku showed up I slid away from him like he was the plague. I glanced over at Roxas unsure, and I could see his face twitch in annoyance, but as he caught sight of me looking, he quickly tried to mask it. He was obviously trying to hide his jealousy for me.

"You wanna dance with my brother?" I joked, and saw the way Roxas fought back an eye roll. Riku laughed quietly, playing along, before shaking his head.

"Well if he wants, but I was hoping to dance with you."

"Oh…" I trailed off, once again caught in a very awkward position with Riku and my brother. I wasn't sure what to even say to him, but I didn't have time to answer, not when Roxas untangled his arms from me and stepped aside.

"Go ahead. I'll go hang out with Demyx," he said, cold, before shooting me a look I couldn't quite distinguish. I didn't even have time to argue before Roxas walked away from us as fast as he could and became lost in the swarm of dancers.

I sure hadn't expected Roxas to react like that. I hadn't thought he would agree for me, and then run away from us as fast as he could, but as I turned to Riku, and saw the way he was smiling at me, I figured one dance wouldn't hurt. Roxas hadn't looked angry, and I supposed he was trying his hardest to stop being so possessive, so I appreciated that.

"One dance," I told him, and he chuckled at me while holding his hands up in a non-threatening way.

"Alright, don't worry. One dance."

He took initiative and stepped towards me, and I wondered if he could see me blushing. Mostly because of how nervous I was, and how awkward this whole situation was. With my brother still present in my mind, and the beat beginning to move through my limbs, I danced with the guy I had liked since the first time I met him.

It was strange that I had imagined myself with Riku like this before. I was a bit of a day-dreamer, but being in the actual moment felt nothing like I had imagined. But of course, I hadn't imagined myself kissing my brother on a daily basis either. I hadn't imagined all my feelings being channeled in the way I touched and kissed Roxas. I hadn't imaged myself to be falling for my own twin, instead of one of the hottest guy's at school.

I should have felt happy, thrilled even to be able to dance with Riku like this, but my head was clouding with guilt and worry about my brother. I kept craning my neck to try and find him, but we were both pretty short, and I couldn't find his wild mass of spiky hair. With a defeated sigh, I turned back to Riku, who was already giving me a scrutinizing look.

"What?" He asked with a quirked brow as his hand found its way to my arm to touch it gingerly. "Are you worried about Roxas? Think he's mad we're dancing?" He glanced over for a second before looking back at me, a glum look replacing his care-free smile.

"No," I answered, short and to the point, a bit annoyed with everyone's accusations about my brother being jealous or angry anytime I so much as stepped two feet away from him. "He's fine. I don't know why you act like Roxas is so possessive of me all the time. Because he isn't." I said with a frustrated tense in my forehead that Riku picked up on, and he quickly tried to amend the situation.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way Sora," He said, and a tension grew between us. I tried to ignore it. I was enjoying the music, and one of the only electronic songs I liked was playing loud in my ear. The song was fast-paced, but still slow enough that I noticed people around me dancing sensually and quite close. My cheeks grew hot as I tried my hardest to avoid eye contact with Riku for too long, but it was hard when his face was so close to mine. Still, I made sure to keep as much distance as possible to not give Roxas, if he was watching, the wrong idea. But I had to admit, the longer we danced, the more I allowed my muscles to relax and let my body flow with the song. Dancing with Riku wasn't half bad, and I found myself growing more comfortable moving my hips alongside his to the beat, a smile appearing on my face when Riku let his arm curl around my waist.

Riku was a pretty good dancer, but honestly, I kind of already pictured him as one. When we went to Paopu a few weeks back, I remember imagining myself dancing just like this with Riku, though what I had imagined had been a lot more intimate than this. Still, it was weird actually dancing with Riku, and not finding it to be the magical, sensual experience I had expected. Because I didn't feel that way about Riku anymore. But what would have happened if he had gone to Paopu that night? How would everything have changed?

Roxas and I never would have kissed, and Riku and I probably would have been dancing just like this. Except closer. Just like how Roxas and I dance. And I would have wanted to kiss Riku. And we would be the ones kissing, not Roxas and I. And right now would be totally different.

"You know," Riku said softly as he leaned in for me to listen to him privately. He spoke hushed and quiet into my ear, and I felt my neck craning away very slightly, nervous from the feeling of his breath right against my ear. "I always thought you were so cute. Ever since your brother first introduced us, I always knew there was something I liked about you."

"R-Really?" I stuttered, definitely not expecting that to come out of his mouth. I was flustered, and felt my cheeks tinge as I watched him, watched his eyelids lower, the corner of his mouth crease into a grin. I cleared my throat, my feet faltering for a second and my dancing losing it's momentum. Yeah, I was definitely caught off guard, and I had no idea what to even say. "…I-I never knew that…" I replied, lame and clueless.

"You can be pretty oblivious sometimes," he said with a chuckle as his hand began to touch my back, touching and massaging slowly. "I dropped hints all the time. I even flat out told you I thought you were cute."

I chuckled. "Oh…sorry. I can be kind of oblivious sometimes." I said, trying my hardest to just focus on the music, to just focus on the song that was playing, and not one the way Riku's touch felt, and the way Riku was looking at me, and the fact that this was turning awkward really fast. "I didn't know you liked me."

"I do," he said quietly, and I tried to swallow down the tight lump in my throat. I felt Riku's hands wandering down to the small of my back, and I didn't know what to think right now. I felt confused, awkward, turned on? I didn't know, and the longer I stared at Riku, the more I wanted these feelings to stop. I didn't need to put myself in a position like this, in a position that would hurt Roxas, or make me feel some way that I knew weren't real, were just in-the-moment feelings.

I stopped dancing to turn around and away from Riku, hoping that turning away from him, not staring directly into his eyes, would cut some of the heavy tension that I felt swarming us. But that didn't stop Riku from swaying his hips purposefully with the music, and I could feel his chest pressed against my back, I could see out of the corner of my eye, the way his hand brushed my arm, sliding up and down. So, Riku still liked me, that much was obvious, but was I supposed to tell him I was already in a relationship? I guess I had to now because we were here together dancing with Riku practically pouring his heart out to me, and eventually I'd have to say something.

"I want to kiss you again," he whispered into my ear, and my eyes grew large, warmth bursting from my stomach and spreading to my thighs. I was sad to say that in the moment, I felt anxious, and definitely turned on, but at the same time, I still knew I had Roxas, I still knew this wasn't what I wanted, no, I shouldn't have wanted it, and I still knew not to get wrapped up in all of this heat I was feeling.

"Oh…" was all I could think to say.

"I know you like me too, Sora. Otherwise, it wouldn't have felt like it had when I kissed you. I know it meant something."

I had to put a stop to this. I had to tell Riku what was really going on, and why I couldn't like him. But I was having trouble finding the words. "Riku…" I began, but stopped when I felt Riku grab my hips and tug me closer to him.

"Here, come closer. You're so far away."

I swallowed, feeling his hips move against me, and my hips had no room to sway anywhere that wasn't directly against him. I felt my heart beating in my chest, and I could feel the way Riku's hand shyly began to run against my hips, my stomach, my arm.

"I really like this right now," he said, and I stared at the ground, fighting to try and figure out the right words to say, the right time to tell him without hurting him. "Sora," he said to me, and I craned my neck, tilted it back to look up at him, and realized he was staring at me with the same face he had given me at his house, lustful, clouded, desiring. "I hope I haven't say anything that has made you uncomfortable," yeah only everything you've said, "but it's just that I really like you."

"I know," I replied, my eyes lowering to the floor momentarily before he grabbed my chin, cupped it with his hand and turned my face towards him. He leaned forward, and for a brief split second, I felt how I had been back at the pool, and let my eyes close for just a second.

Before I snapped out of it and immediately pulled away. He opened his eyes, looking shocked before his brows knitted together and he let go of me. I could tell he was angry, by the way he exhaled heavily and looked like he was forcing back a glare.

"I don't know why you're so confusing!" He said with a raised voice, and I glared back at him. Yeah, I felt bad, and I knew his feelings were probably hurt, but I wasn't going to let him yell at me for not doing what he wanted me to do. He saw my look and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath and saying more gently, "Look, I'm sorry if I'm coming off strong or anything, but I don't think I really have. I've been trying to be patient because you seem so apprehensive. I don't why you are though. I know you like me."

"I just can't," I said with a shrug as I took a step away from him.

"But why?" He asked, voice strong with urgency.

"I just can't kiss you okay? I don't know what else to say…" and with that I stormed off into the crowd, walking blindly into an array of dancing, moving people, like everything hadn't just slowed down for the however long I was dancing with Riku. I could feel my forehead damp from perspiration, and my racing heart was just coming to a stop, a screeching halt when I felt someone grab my arm.

"So, how was your dance?" I heard Roxas say with a tone dripping in sarcasm as he held my arm, and with a pointed look, I tugged my arm from his grip.

"Roxas, don't," I said in all seriousness as I walked away from him, heading somewhere aimless to think.

I felt stupid for thinking that I could be friends with Riku, could talk to Riku and even dance with Riku, and everything would be just fine and he wouldn't like me. I was naïve to think I could continue to date Roxas, and not tell Riku anything, never explain anything to him, and it would be fair for the two of them. But now, I had created a bigger mess than I had ever wanted to. Now I had to do something that would end up hurting one of them in the process, and I really didn't want to do that.

I knew I didn't want to date Riku, not right now, even if he he had a tendency to make me feel like I did when I was with him. That wasn't fair to Roxas though, and I couldn't expect him to take it lightly for much longer. Roxas had been brave enough to tell Axel we were dating, why couldn't I do the same and tell Riku? The very idea made my heart beat quickly. I was not ready to do that for the same reason I didn't want Roxas telling Demyx. They went to school with us, and would surely make our time there a nightmare.

I guess I'd just have to tell Riku I wasn't interested, though he seemed to be quite sure that I was. And even though I'd probably lose him as a friend, I didn't want to screw things up with Roxas. I didn't want to-

"Hey, Sora! You're just in time. I was just about to go meet up with Axel!" Demyx interrupted my thoughts with an excited proclamation and a tug at my arm, and I looked up to see him pulling my in another direction. "Come on, let's go. Where's Roxas?" He asked and I shrugged my shoulders. "Oh well," he said as he pulled me through the club, and though I didn't want to see Axel right now, I didn't fight it.

We stopped by the bar where I could see Larxene and Axel taking shots with each other like long-time best friends. As if Axel needed any more shots. He seemed wasted when we saw him earlier. Over to the side, I saw Zexion standing with Kairi.

"Hey, Larxene!" Demyx called, and she whipped around, looked at us, then dragged Axel by the arm over to us. Zexion's attention was caught as well by Demyx's loud voice, and the two walked over to us as well.

"Hey Roxas," Axel said to me with a wave, and I raised a brow, wondering if he was serious in believing that I was Roxas, or if he was just making a joke. His attention immediately turned back to Demyx, so I had to assume he hadn't been kidding. "You must be Demyx. Cool mullet."

"Thanks. Nice...Mohawk thing?" Demyx said, and I glanced over at Axel's haircut, only now noticing the way it was buzzed on the sides. His hair was still long and spiky, and it kind of reminded me of a long, un-spiked mohawk. I could never pull anything like that off.

"So...Larxene says you got a little question for me? Spit it out," Axel said as he leaned on Larxene's shoulder with his elbow. His eyebrows raised into his hairline as he watched Demyx.

"Yeah, dude, okay, check it out. So I got a band going. It's me, Larxene, and this guy." He pointed at Zexion. "And basically, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind listening to your music, and if you like it, letting us play at this venue. Or if you could point us in the direction of someone who can help us out I'd really appreciate it."

Demyx's enthused question was followed by Axel's face dropping in a mixture of confusion and tiredness. "Uh...a band huh? What kind of music exactly." He asked, brow raised in skepticism. He didn't seem all that thrilled, I noticed.

"It's kind of like … indie, pop, electro rock."

"With some ballads," Zexion chimed in, and Demyx nodded in agreement.

Axel's face dead-panned at the very eclectic variety of genres Demyx mentioned, and I myself hadn't even heard of that kind of music before. Or even knew if it would be any good.

"Listen Demyx, that sounds-" Axel paused mid-sentence, and looked like he was going to barf, and I grimaced before he quietly burped, and I relaxed. "great and everything. And I'll all for weird, but this, my dude, is a club. A predominantly trance, electro, pop club. Okay? Do you think a live band like yourself would fit into this atmosphere?"

"Told you," Zexion said beside Demyx, and the musician gave his pianist a dirty look.

"No, no, no, hear me out. Yeah, sure, we aren't the typical club type, but I think what this club needs is some live entertainment." Demyx tried, and I frowned, sad to see that Demyx's hopes of playing at this venue probably weren't going to be realized.

"What do you call what I do?" Axel asked with sudden fury, his brows pointed, and a scowl on his face. "I'm not a robot. I'm a fucking DJ. Not live enough for you?" His anger was cut short by the hiccup that escaped his lips, and I couldn't help but snicker to myself, and wish Roxas was here to see this with me.

"No! That's not what I meant," Demyx said as he quickly back-pedaled. "I didn't mean live music, I meant real music-"

"So, now you're saying I don't create real music?"

Demyx smacked his face with his hand, and dragged it downwards in an obvious sign of frustration. "No! That isn't what I meant. I just meant, there are no instruments so it's different."

"Yeah, because it's electronic music. I got a different set of instruments then you do."

"It's not the same as real talent!" Demyx said in an outburst of frustration, and he looked regretful after he said it. He had pretty much just closed any doors of oppurtunity here at Paopu.

"Talent? I'm sure I got more talent then you're little band here. And I only need one person to create music these people want to dance to. Have you ever even played at a venue?"

"Well no but..."

"Pshh! Don't bother wasting Luxord's time. The manager would never want a little hipster band playing here. No offense Larxene," Axel said as he turned to Larxene, who was red in the face from trying to bite back her laughter.

"No biggie. It's cool Demyx, I told you it probably wouldn't work anyway," she said as she stepped towards Demyx and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked distraught, but his brows were still furrowed.

"Yeah whatever. This guy didn't even try and listen. Scared of a little competition?" he asked with a smirk on his face, and I wanted to drag Demyx out of the club. People who had heard the yelling between the two musicians had started to stare.

"How cute," Axel chided as he laughed. "you think you're competition."

"Come on! Let's battle it out. You and me!" Demyx challenged, his face red with embarrassment and anger when Axel busted out into laughter.

"Calm down, Dem, we'll ask some of the local bars and cafe's if we can play there." Zexion said as he touched Demyx's shoulder. He exhaled a deep tense breath through his nostrils, and let his shoulders relax.

"Fine. I don't need to take this from a fake musician anyway."

"Ha! Wannabe!" Axel shouted as we began to walk away.

"Well...that didn't go as planned." I chimed in, scratching my head awkwardly as I watched Demyx walk away with a long face. I hadn't seen Demyx so upset...maybe ever.

"Hey, tough luck Demyx. Axel's a prick, don't take what he said too hard. I think he liked you actually, he was a lot nicer than usual."

"Oh goodie! Glad I got 'DJ Axel's' approval," Demyx said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Maybe we should go," Zexion suggested, and I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I'll go find the others."

"I'll go with you," Kairi said as she followed behind me.


	15. No Ordinary Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora comes to realize what he really wants, and he and Roxas share a heated moment. And the next day at school, Sora realizes he may have just lost a friend in Riku when the two have a serious talk.

"Hey," Kairi began as she followed in step next to me. The music was a lot more chill and quiet, so it was a lot easier to hear her, even when she was so soft-spoken. "You know, we haven't really gotten a chance to talk much."

"Yeah, you're right," I said as I offered her a comforting smile. She smiled in return, and I realized that we hadn't had a chance to talk ever. I mean, I had been able to talk to Naminé, since she was around more often, but her sister was a lot more of a mystery. From what I could tell from her right now, she was a lot more girly. She wore more hair accessories and jewelry, and she walked in her sky-high heels like she was wearing regular sneakers. Her hair was a different color, but still, she looked nearly identical to Naminé in terms of facial features.

"I've gotten a chance to talk to Roxas more. He and Naminé talk all the time. He calls her a few times a week, and I get to say hi to him. He's really nice," she told me.

"He does?" I asked with curiosity. I guess I hadn't realized just how often he talked to Naminé, and I was able to draw the conclusion that Roxas had probably started talking to her a lot because they were in the same situation as us. Did they know we were dating? Had Roxas told them? They didn't seem to show any signs of knowing, but I wasn't sure how much it would bother me if they knew. How could they be judgmental anyway?

"Yeah, they're really close," She said slowly, as if worried she wasn't supposed to be revealing all this information to me. "Actually, I see a lot of Naminé in Roxas. You know, the way he acts and stuff."

I guess I could see that. I didn't really know a lot about Kairi or Naminé, but from what I did see of Naminé, she seemed kind of quiet, just like my brother. I wondered if Kairi was the same as her sister, or more loud and friendly? Maybe she was like me. How funny would it have been if Kairi and Naminé were exactly like us, except, you know, girls.

"Oh really? I don't really know your sister that well. Is it because of their personalities?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Or is it because of the whole 'twins dating thing?'" I asked, more sour than I had truly meant, and she quickly tried to reiterate what she meant.

"No, no, not because of that," she said quick and with an apologetic look crossing her face. "By the way, Naminé's sorry for pushing that on you. It wasn't okay for us to try and push our beliefs onto you guys. We're sorry about that."

"It's alright" I said, taking the apology with a small smile. So I guess Roxas hadn't told Naminé our situation. If Roxas was able to talk to her about our situation, then why wasn't I able to? "…but…"I began, slowly and unsure.

"But what?" She asked, leaning towards me with an interested look in her eyes.

"Nothing." I said finally, still unsure if telling them was the best idea since Roxas and I had promised each other that we wouldn't tell anyone. Then again, he had already broken that promise.

Still, I wondered what Roxas and Naminé did talk about, and how much she and Kairi actually knew about us. "So…what do Roxas and Naminé talk about?" I asked curiously, and hoped she would tell me.

"What do you mean? You didn't know they talk?" Kairi asked as we both reached the dance floor. She made a move to walk around it, and I followed behind her.

The bass was loud and I felt the 'boom, boom, boom' in my chest as we walked right by the speakers. I had forgotten we were looking for Roxas, but right now I was more interested in what she had to say. I stepped to the side of the dance floor, over towards the lounge couches away from the music.

"No, I did, I just didn't know he was calling her all the time." I answered honestly. She didn't say anything, and I prodded the subject even more. "What do you they talk about? C'mon, tell me." I said, pleading with a big smile on my face.

"Heh, it's nothing really," she said as she ran her fingers through her hair and looked away from me, staring idly at the dancing crowd of people. She had the same nervous habit as Naminé of touching her hair. "Roxas…" she began, unsure, but finally looked to me and let out a little sigh. "..just asks for advice on how to deal with you."

"Me?" I asked, shocked. "What do you mean?" I could only assume she meant when I had been distancing myself from my brother. That had to mean that Naminé knew of his feelings towards me. Had that been why she had been trying to push the idea of a relationship onto us?

"He just said you've been freaking out lately about … everything that's going on," She admitted. "Like…how people are suspecting you two are dating, and that night after Paopu."

My mouth hung agape, a bit embarrassed that the two of them knew all about that. I knew Roxas had probably been feeling confused about the situation. I had messed with his head, and knowing that they knew about how I had treated him made me feel even worse. "He told Naminé all that?"

"Don't be mad at him, Sora. He just wanted to know how he should deal with it, you know?" She touched my shoulder to comfort me, and the soft expression on her face made me feel comfortable talking with her. She didn't seem like the type of person who would judge me. She seemed really nice. And who knew, maybe she had been in the same situation as me. Maybe she knew where I was coming from. "He said he felt like you were ashamed to be around him, or you felt uncomfortable," she continued

Even though I felt bad about how I had treated Roxas, I was confused and had no one to talk to, no way to vent. How was I supposed to react?

"…What else did he tell you?" I asked after a long pause, not sure if I wanted to know anymore.

"That's pretty much it,' she said, and she sounded honest. "I know it's probably weird that people are questioning your relationship, but don't worry, you two will go back to normal I'm sure." She smiled again, and I didn't know why but, I kind of felt a bond with her...and I guess that was why I decided it'd be a good idea to tell her…to tell someone so I wouldn't have to feel so alone in this. I had Roxas, but when I didn't have him, what was I supposed to do?

"..Can I tell you something?" I asked, and she nodded her head. "And you have to promise, promise, not to tell anyone. Not Larxene, not Demyx, not—"

"Not even Naminé?"

"She can know if she can keep it a secret." I told her with a serious expression on my face. She couldn't tell anyone, but Naminé, and even though I was apprehensive, if Roxas could trust them, I could trust them.

"Don't worry, Sora, I promise for the both of us we won't tell anyone." She held up her hand in one of those 'I-promise' kind of ways, and leaned closer to me. "I know we haven't known each other that long, but you can trust me, I promise."

It was hard trying to tell her. It was just Kairi though, I mean, her and Naminé were involved in the same type of relationship as me and Roxas, so why wouldn't they understand? I guess it was just for the fact that I had never imagined myself telling anyone. What if for some strange reason, she found it repulsive? What if she decided to tell anyone? But then again, telling her could be a good idea. It'd probably make me feel a whole lot better knowing someone was out there that I could talk to.

I looked around, then leaned forward, so I wouldn't have to yell over the music. "Well…what if I told you…the people questioning our relationship…they were right."

"What?" She asked, and as I pulled away to gauge her expression, I saw her eyes wide in shock, but to my relief, I could see the tiniest of smiles tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah…we're kind of…dating now." I said, chewing on my lip and drumming my fingers along the back of one of the empty couches. I waited for her reaction, and was glad to see that she didn't look shocked, or repulsed, but excited.

"Really? I knew it!" She said with a giggle, and she quickly cleared her throat and muttered an apology. "When did this happen? Roxas didn't mention anything to Naminé," she said more to herself.

"Yeah, we're keeping it a secret." I told her, enunciating the word secret. "Which is why I don't want you telling anyone. And…it happened not too long ago, a week maybe?"

"Oh, don't worry, Sora, I wouldn't ever tell anyone that if you didn't want me to. I remember I didn't want anyone knowing." She let out a tiny, girly squeal, and leaned forward to wrap her arms around my neck in a tight hug. "I'm really happy for you though." She said before pulling away. "How are you dealing with it?"she asked as she touched my arm.

"I don't know." I replied with a shrug. I didn't know how to reply when it was a question I had never been asked, and hadn't been able to figure out myself. "I feel a whole bunch of things. I feel ashamed, guilty, and I'm really worried that people are going to find out."

She frowned and asked with concern, "If you feel that way, then is it really worth it to you?"

"Yeah," I answered without even having to think, and I started to smile. "I do. I never felt like this. You know when you imagine yourself with someone, and you get this little warm feeling in your stomach and you daydream about how perfect it'll be and feel? That's kind of how I feel with Roxas, as cheesy as it sounds." I laughed and scratched the back of my head. "I know we've only been dating for a little but—"

"No, I get what you mean." She replied, and the same little love-struck expression I was wearing appeared on her face. "That's how I felt about Naminè when we first started dating. It might be the fact that we're twins or something. It makes our bond even stronger." She said, but she frowned and glanced at the floor as she continued, "But it's not like I would now, I've never even had a real boyfriend."

"Yeah, me either."

"Well, just know that if you need anything at all, Naminè and I will be there to help," She offered with a caring smile, and her smile kind of reminded me of my mom. Caring, sweet, friendly. Maybe that was why I felt so comfortable talking and confiding in here. Though I knew deep down I would never get that kind of reaction out of my mom. "Just give us a call."

"Thanks Kairi, that means a lot to me." I said as I let out a long, deep breath. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. "Phew, I feel a lot better now being able to get that off my chest."

"I bet," she said. "Now let's actually go back to looking for the two of them." And with our arms linked, and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, we went to go find them so we could call it a night. And what a crazy night it had been. Confessing our secret to two people, watching Demyx fight Axel, dancing with Riku...all I had to do now was deal with Roxas, and hope he could forgive me.

.oOo.

I may have been called naïve once or twice, but I had always waved it off. I had always figured that it was true to some extent, but right now was the first time that I could honestly say that they were right. I was an naïve as they came to think that leading Riku on and blowing Roxas off were innocent. They weren't. Unintentional, but still, I had been wrong. And I was finally ready to admit that. I had grown closer to Riku and had started a rivalry between him and Roxas. They were involved in a game of tug-o-war, and I felt like I was in the middle trying to keep my balance on the rope that shifted from Roxas to Riku.

But I had already made my decision. I wanted to be with Roxas. So Riku didn't need to be an issue anymore. That was why I decided to finally come clean with Riku. Well, to some extent anyway. The secret would remain a secret, but I had to think of something to tell Riku to let him off easy. I just wasn't exactly sure yet. Man, this was going to be tough if I didn't want to hurt his feelings and lose a friend in the process. But for Roxas' sake, this had to be done.

I knew Roxas was pissed off, even if he was trying to hide it. I had barely even gotten a chance to talk to Roxas about what had happened. He seemed like he was trying to avoid any confrontation. But I knew he had seen me and Riku dancing, and I knew it had hurt him. That wasn't something I wanted to do anymore though. I was tired of feeling guilty, and I was tired of being selfish. No matter avoiding everything. It was time to come clean.

"Sora...can I come in?"

The sound of Roxas knocking quietly on my door made my neck cock to the side so fast I was shocked I didn't get whip lash. When I had said it was time to come clean, I didn't mean right this second. But with a deep breath to try and calm my nerves, I called back a shaky, 'Yeah sure.'

He walked in with his head hung kind of low and his eyes peering up at me through his thick lashes. He looked like a puppy who had just been reprimanded. I wondered what he had to be sorry for. I was the one who was supposed to be apologetic.

"What's up?" I asked, forcing a stiff smile as I beckoned him in with my hand. He closed the door behind him, and proceeded to collapse onto my bed next to me. He seemed sulky, even more so than he usually was, and I couldn't help but feel a twang of guilt at my heart strings. Like a blond puddle of sulk, he crawled his way over to me, nuzzled his cheek against my knee, and sighed. I grabbed the remote control off the desk beside my bed and turned off the television. Roxas looked like he needed some of my wise words of wisdom or something.

"Ugh," he said, letting out another loud sigh. I looked down at him and with the back of his head resting against my knee, I had full view of his hair. It was always so irresistible to run my fingers through it, and so that's what I did. Ran my fingers through his soft spikes, his bangs, across his forehead, to try and offer him some sort of comfort. Another sigh escaped his lips, this one a lot more contented then the others though, and took that as sigh to continue. He definitely resembled a guilty puppy that curled up beside your foot and needed a good belly scratching. I hoped he would settle for a head massage instead though.

"I was talking to mom and dad," Roxas began slowly, testing the words on his tongue.

"Mm?" I hummed, as the pads of my fingertips rubbed his scalp slowly, sensually, enticing him to sigh softly. "What about?" I asked, my curiosity piqued, interested if mom and dad had brought on this sudden sadness.

"Same old bullshit," he muttered, his tone changed from relaxed and pleasant, to angry in a heartbeat. "School, why I don't have a job, why I don't have a girlfriend, why you don't have a girlfriend."

"Well, they always bring that stuff up. What do you expect? Their mom and dad," I said, playing devil's advocate. Mom and Dad just cared about us, like any parents should, and though it got frustrating hearing them trying to bring up girlfriends with us when it was a sure thing we would never have girlfriends, I tried to be as respectful as I could towards them. They didn't know we were gay, and I couldn't blame them when we hadn't told them yet.

"They think it's my fault," Roxas muttered so quietly I could barely hear him, and I blinked slow and confused. What was his fault?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, brow raised and my hand stopped mid-pet. He sighed and sat up with a hardened look on his face. Roxas was always making that face that I wouldn't be surprised if it got stuck like that.

"They think you don't have a girlfriend because of me. They think the reason we don't hang out with anyone is my fault. They think I'm like isolating you or something I guess. I don't know. But they're always lecturing me about getting out there and meeting people and helping you meet people, and 'why doesn't Sora have a girlfriend Roxas?' Ugh! It's so annoying." He said in what seemed like one quick breath. Then quietly, he asked, "I'm not a bad brother...am I?"

"No of course you're not." I leaned forward and touched his cheek with my hand, let my thumb graze along his cheekbone. "Why do you say mom and dad think everything's your fault?"

"Because they do. The world hates me."

"I don't." I smiled and reached forward to pinch his cheek gently.

"You're cute." Roxas finally smiled at me, the first smile I had seen all night. But that soon was replaced with another one of his sullen looks as he added, "No wonder Riku likes you so much."

"Riku this, Riku that," I said as I rolled my eyes. "I'm so sick of talking about Riku you know. After Monday you won't have to anymore."

"Why? Is he switching schools? 'Cuz that would be great."

"Well I don't know about that," I said with a chuckle. "but I do know that I'm going to tell Riku I' not interested. So you won't have to worry about him anymore."

"Really? You're serious?"He immediately perked up, his smile reaching from ear to ear, and his smile brought one to my face too. "Wait...what're you going to tell him though?" He asked, and with the way he tensed, I figured he didn't want me telling Riku the entire truth. Well, that was a relief.

"I'll figure something out," I assured him.

"Why the sudden change You guys seemed pretty cozy at the club."

"We were just dancing," I said, growing defensive, but I knew that had been part of the problem to begin with. "I feel bad. It's not right for me to make you upset over Riku." I tried to apologize, and reached over to grab his hand in my own. His hand remained still, his fingers not curving over my palm, and I could tell there was something on Roxas' mind.

"...Did you guys kiss?" There was an obvious tone of hurt in his voice, instead of resentment, and that was something I wasn't used to hearing all that often. And it made my stomach sink. If I hadn't feel guilty before, I sure did now, and I found my decision to tell Riku straight up to be a lot more appealing than it had been before. If I was apprehensive, then I had to do it for Roxas' sake, if anything.

"No, no, I swear." I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, and finally he squeezed my hand in return. "He...did try to kiss me though," I said after a few seconds of silence. Being honest about everything had to make everything better between us.

"He did?" he asked, forehead crinkling with worry, and hand threatening to pull out of my grasp. I held his hand firmly in mine, too stubborn to let go.

"Yeah, but I told him no. Don't worry about it anymore, please?" I asked him, leaning forward slowly, and since he hadn't pulled away, I took it as a sign he wasn't that mad at me. I let my nose brush against his, and touched our foreheads together.

"Fine," he muttered, and I captured his lips in a chaste kiss. A chaste kiss that turned more heated in a matter of moments. Our hands untangled from the other, were now roaming freely across skin and cloth. Roxas wasted no time in letting his hands push my shirt to bunch up underneath my underarms, and let his fingers roam across my stomach."From now on, no more grinding and dancing on strange guys, deal?" He asked as he kissed my cheek.

"Deal." I said with a chuckle as my palm smoothed over his lower back, then moved upwards to feel the ripple of his shoulder blades.

"What about strange girls?" I teased, my eyes fluttering when Roxas began to trail hot kisses against my neck. Goosebumps followed swiftly onto my arms, and when he bite down on a particular spot, I couldn't stop the hushed moan that escaped me.

"They're fine," he whispered, and the teasing tone the little make-out session had carried quickly turned serious and urgent. We went back to kissing, as Roxas cradled my face, holding me like he was afraid I'd disappear or something, and I wondered if that was how he actually felt sometimes.

Our lips massaged heatedly, the kiss hot and wet and messy as our tongues did a twisting dance, and our bodies fought to get closer. I breathed his name against his lips when his fingers pulled at my hair in a arousing act of lust and control. He pressed me down against the bed, and watched me for a minute.

"Fuck, Sora," he breathed as he leaned down, pressing his lips to place wet kisses along my jawline. My neck...my collarbone...teeth nipping. "You don't even know how long I've wanted this."

Vaguely, my memory reached for the moment I saw Roxas in his bedroom, touching himself. The way he arched his back, the way his forehead was moist with sweat, it had all been quite shocking at the moment, but still so vivid in my memory. What I recalled most was the one word he spoke so quietly that night. It hadn't been meant to be heard, no, not when it was whispered into the midnight air in the solitude of his own room. But, I had heard it. Sora.

The memory was a lot more vivid that it should have been, and that was probably because I continued to think about it over and over again when I had been desperate for some sort of answers. And at the same time, I hadn't expected to want this with Roxas. And I did want it, more than I was willing to admit.

Thankfully for me, Roxas hardly wasted any time. He cupped my arousal, squeezing my hardening cock just enough to make my head loll back against the pillow. My hips arched into his hand, wanting more of that touch. That's when I realized that this was the first time Roxas had ever touched me. In a sexual way at least. At least in reality, though it had happened quite a few times in my memory. The thought alone was nearly enough to make me hard, fully, but I needed a little extra something. And when Roxas let his thumb rub over the tip of my most cock, just that touch alone did the trick.

He began to slid his hand up and down my length through my shorts, the material tented. It felt nice, but how much better would it have felt...

"I think this would be a lot funner if my shorts were off," I whispered quiet, just for him. His expression was priceless, the way his eyebrows shot up, and his lips curling back into a coy grin. "Come on, I know you want to," I teased and he nodded eagerly, his tongue swept over his bottom lip like my cock was his next endeavor. And I sure hoped it would be. Who would have thought I would have been so turned on by the thought of my brother jerking me off?

"I agree. But not to fast, I'm just trying to … appreciate the moment," he said with a small laugh, and I leaned forward to grab the collar of his shirt and pull him in for a gentle kiss, our lips barely brushing against each other.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," I teased as I stuck my tongue out, and let the tip run over his lips. He chuckled, and glanced down at the problem between my legs.

"Oooh, can I?" He asked, taking his phone out his pocket with a laugh, and I grabbed it out of his palm, and gently tossed it onto the dresser beside my bed.

"Roooxas," I whined, and he leaned forward. I grinned, curling my arm around his neck and kissing him again with passion and eagerness. I wanted him to forget the fact that Mom and Dad were constantly bugging him about girlfriends and relationships. I wanted my kiss to make him forget about Riku and the issues we had with our friends. All I wanted him to think of was him and me, and this moment.

Amidst all the kissing, I felt his hand finally reach for the waistline of my shorts. He wasn't trying to take things slow, and tugged them all the way down to my thighs, boxers with it, leaving me hard, and completely exposed for him to see. He broke the kiss to glance down at the unveiling, and I saw the way he his expression changed, cheeks tinging red and eyes taking it in like it was a sight to behold. It was pretty average size, nothing special, but Roxas didn't make me feel self-conscious when he looked at me. No, he made me feel sexy and wanted and desirable. I wasn't used to feeling like that.

I let my fingertips trail his arm, watching the goosebumps that followed after my touch. He looked up at me, eyes asking the permission he didn't voice. He looked nervous, and he hesitated, staring down at me, naked before him. I could see his erection through his shorts, and I wanted to see him too. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. But the thought was interrupted by the warmth of his fingers trailing along the length.

My heart was pounding, and I closed my eyes when Roxas leaned down, and let his lips hover over mine. His fingers continued to brush in feather-light trails up and down, and I whined, wanting more of his touch, wanting his lips against mine. He was teasing me, and though I was impatient, I was enjoying every second of it.

His hands moved to my thigh, walking his fingers along it like a spider. He pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth just as his palm cupped my balls, and squeezed gently. His lips pressed against my jaw, moving towards my neck, leaving hot, wet kisses as he moved along. I inhaled a sharp breath when he bit down on my neck at the exact moment he finally let his hand tunnel around the base of my cock, and stroke.

"You're bigger than I remember," Roxas whispered into my ear before letting his tongue run along the outer shell of it.

"W-well yeah," I said, my breaths growing ragged as Roxas' hand finally began a steady rhythm. "I can't remember the last time you saw me n-naked. When we were little, I guess." I said, my words ending in a low moan.

Roxas' voice, the smell of his hair, the feel of his hand, the very knowledge that it was him touching me, made my cock throb in his hand. I was wetter, and it gave him enough lubrication for his hand to start stroking quicker, smoother. I bucked my hips against him, replying to his touch with whimpers and moans. His lips caught mine, kissing me gently, and I couldn't keep myself quiet. I moaned against his lips, gripped at his hair with my hand, wanting, needing more.

"Sshh, don't wake up mom and dad," Roxas whispered, but I found it hard to comply. I bit my bottom lip, moans coming out as needy whimpers. I watched, eyes widening, as Roxas reached down to pull down his own boxers, probably uncomfortable due to the tightness. I saw his cock spring out of his clothes, hard and with a weeping tip.

I admired him. He was perfect. The gold hair of his happy trail, the vein that rain along the underside of his cock, everything about it was perfect. And he was making me painfully hard. His hand didn't let up as well, and I so badly wanted to touch him, taste him.

He sat on his knees, boxers pulled down to his ankles, naked and hard, and I watched as his other hand curled around his own arousal. The thought of Roxas masturbating to me was sending waves of pleasure to roll through my body, and I moaned his name. Roxas, Roxas. His name repeated in my mind like a mantra.

"Come on, Sora," Roxas whispered between heavy pants. He was biting his lip, touching me, touching himself, and every so often I'd hear the arousing sound of his moans. I was getting so close to the edge, and I wanted to badly for this to go on for as long as I could let it, but the pleasure was over-taking my body, my thoughts, and I just wanted to get there. His encouragement was enough to send me writhing, jerking my hips in one last thrust as I came into his hand, and felt the rolls of pleasure course through my body. My hips fell back against the bed, collapsing from the intensity of the orgasm. My brow was sweaty, and my breathing was ragged, but I watched Roxas continue to stroke himself, as he tried to come as well.

It didn't take long for my own brother to come, and I encouraged him with a few strokes of my own, and soon, he came into his palm, and collapsed onto the bed next to me.

I reached over next to my beside, and grabbed a few tissues for Roxas to clean his hands with. As I laid there, staring at my ceiling with a warm glow all over. "That was...wow..." was all I could say, and beside me, Roxas chuckled. He peered up at me through his lashes, forehead still sweaty, and chest still rising and falling quickly.

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

.oOo.

"Hey Riku," I said after calming my bundle of nerves. It was Monday, lunchtime, and I had peeled myself away from Roxas long enough to go hunt for Riku. Luckily, I had caught him just in time, leaving the ceramics room. Roxas had told me he'd come get me in ten minutes, so I had that long to try and confront Riku, without making a total mess of things.

He turned to me expectantly, and I could see the way his casual expression turned a bit cold. He was mad at me I was sure. I would be mad at me too, though. I might have humiliated the poor guy because of my inability to be upfront with people at the risk of hurting their feelings. "Could I talk to you?" I asked, glancing down at my shoes, the nervous feeling I had no doubt written all over my face.

"Yeah, I think we should," Riku said as he finished wiping his hands with the paper towel he had.

He looked at me, brows raised as he waited for me to say the first word. I stared at him, kind of dumbly as I tried to find the right way to start this whole thing. I was going to be upfront with him, but that didn't mean I didn't want to handle it delicately. "Okay…" I began, but my mouth grew dry as I tried to continue. My mouth hung open for a few seconds, struggling to voice my feelings. "I'm sorry about what happened at Paopu." There that sounded alright. So far, so good. But he started at me, still waiting for me to say more, with a quirked brow and a hand finding its way to his hip.

"Uh huh…" He said, ushering me to continue with a gesture of his hand.

"I guess…I kind of freaked out a little." I said as I scratched at my head, feeling beyond nervous and unsure. Not to mention the scrutinizing look he was giving me was making it hard not to get tongue-tied.

"Yeah, a little," he said, sarcasm intertwined in his words. His attitude was definitely not helping, but I had to remember that I was in the wrong in the first place, and I guess he had a right to be mad at me.

I should have thought more about what I was going to say to him though. Standing here with him in front of me made the initial plan slip from my memory. I would open my mouth and start to say something, and then back out of it, and eventually I just started to ramble.

"I'm just confused about everything I guess. No, I don't know. I just..ugh. What I'm trying to say is…" I wished it could be as easy as just telling Riku that I was dating Roxas, but I don't think it would ever be as easy as when I told Kairi. "I'm kind of seeing someone…" I said finally, and he looked surprised.

"O-Oh…really?"

"Yeah and I felt guilty about dancing with you, you know? And that's why I couldn't kiss you. I'm sorry, I should have told you before."

"Who is it?" He asked, genuinely curious, and the question caught me off guard. I hadn't exactly thought that far into it. And it couldn't be anyone Riku knew, and I couldn't say Roxas. That was obvious.

"Uhm…uh my old friend, Tidus." That would work. Riku would never meet Tidus, but then again, maybe that would lead Riku to being suspicious if he never even saw my supposed boyfriend.

"Oh…I think you may have mentioned him a long time ago. I didn't know you two were talking though." He replied, his eyes downcast and kind of sad, but more than anything, he looked annoyed.

"Yeah, it wasn't serious, so I didn't really want to mention anything."

"How's your brother dealing with it? I'm sure he loves it," Riku said with more sarcasm. I should have expected him to bring up Roxas somehow. Maybe Roxas was right, maybe Riku didn't like him. Why else would he get so angry and cold whenever he mentioned my brother?

"He doesn't care," I said, but that would have been a lie. When I was dating Tidus, Roxas was the same green-eyed monster he was around Riku.

"Yeah, right," Riku said with a snort, but seeing the look I gave him, he apologized. "Sorry, I don't mean to be mean…it's just…I kind of feel like you're looking for a cop out or something. I'm not really buying this whole boyfriend thing. You never were a good liar, Sora."

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks. Was I really that bad of a fibber that even Riku could see right pass me? "I'm not lying, Tidus is real!" I assured, sounding a bit childish.

"I never said he wasn't real," Riku said with an arrogant chuckle. "It's just what I mean is last week everything was normal between us, and then you came over, and you didn't seem shy about kissing me at all. Then after that kiss, you started acting all distant. I don't know if it's because you got nervous, or I did something wrong, but I kind of feel like maybe you're lying because you're scared or something."

My mouth was open in shock, not expecting Riku to be so blunt about the whole thing. He knew I was lying, and now I had no idea what to say next. I didn't know if I should admit I was lying, and just tell hm I was nervous, or keep it up, and act like he was wrong.

"I'm not. I'm seeing someone," I said, figuring convincing him I was telling the truth would be a better approach. "I wouldn't say that if it wasn't the truth."

"Are you just scared about being in a relationship? With me? I really do like you Sora, and I'm trying to show you that." He said as he reached over to touch my shoulder, to show me some affection. I didn't back away, but I wasn't melting under his touch like in the past. "I don't know what else I can do to make you understand I'm serious. I really like you."

"I know you do. It's not that though. I'm sorry Riku, I just can't. It's not you, it's me." I said, using the infamous break up line that I had heard on movies and television all my life. I never thought I would actually have gotten a catch to use it in a situation. But right now seemed as good a time as ever.

"Oh geez, Sora, don't give me that." Unfortunately, the line did not work as well in this real-life scenario as it did in the movies, and I could see Riku struggling to hold back his temper. "Are you sure it's not just Roxas? Is he so jealous that he won't even let you date me?"

"No!" I said, quick to defend my brother. "Roxas has nothing to do with it."

"Yeah right, Sora! He never talks to me in class anymore, and he hardly said a word to me at Paopu. I know he gets jealous. He didn't even want me to go to Paopu the past two times." He said, his brows narrowing the same as his eyes.

"Well, yeah, I guess sometimes he can be. But this doesn't have anything to do with him."

"Well..." Riku sighed softly, running his hand through his disheveled hair. "I really don't know what to say anymore. I don't mean to be a dick. If you're dating someone, then that's cool, good for you. I can't do anything about that. But seriously, Sora, if it's Roxas you're worried about, then I don't think you should let him come between us. I can tell you like me, and he'll get over it eventually. You both are just so stubborn.

"I'm not being stubborn," I said, my tone firm. "Roxas is my brother, so even if he did have a problem with it, and that was the reason, hypothetically speaking," I added, "then he'd always come first."

"Yeah, yeah I get it. Brothers come first. Which is why I think he's talking you out of anything you and I could have."

"Stop, Riku," I said. I had finally had enough of him trying to bad mouth Roxas. Besides, the more he talked, the more I knew Riku may have had an idea of what was really going on. I was scared I was going to say something wrong, something that let him know he was right. "I'm sorry I led you on. I really am."

"...Fine." His mouth was a tight line, and I could tell he sucking it up, trying not to yell or be rude to me probably. "Well, sorry if I did anything to make you uncomfortable."

"Sora," I looked over to the side to see Roxas walking up besides me. I looked between Riku and Roxas, to see Riku wearing a glare and Roxas smirking. "Demyx and I are going to meet Zexion in the library."

"Okay, I'm coming, Sorry, Riku, I'll see you around." I said as I looked at Riku, gave him an apologetic look, and walked away with my brother.

Roxas swung his arm over my neck, collecting me in a huge and pressing his lips against my ear to ask softly, and out of ear-reach, "Looks like you told him." He chuckled, kind of nuzzling my ear with his nose as he snickered and told me how rude of a look Riku was giving him.

"Stop looking," I told him, and with a defeated little sigh, he pulled away from me (though arm still locked onto my neck), and looked away from Riku. I could just imagine how bad that looked for Roxas to saunter off with me. I could see a smug little grin on his face, and no matter how much I wanted to pull it right off him, I supposed Roxas deserved a bit of a swing in his step. After all, what I did had been for him.

"So I take it he was pretty mad?"

"Not really...he didn't believe the whole boyfriend thing. He thought I didn't want to make you mad or something, so I couldn't see him."

"Well who needs him, right?" He tried to assure me as he leaned his head against mine. "Now we don't have to worry about anyone coming between us. It's just you and me."


	16. Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demyx is determined to nab a spot for his band to play at the local bar. Sora is determined to get some action. And Roxas is determined not to get his ass beat by some drunk bully named Seifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: coarse language, violence. And this is in Roxas' POV.

It had been a really long time since I felt happy. Honestly, I couldn't even remember the last time I was able to walk around freely without a huge chip on my shoulder. Constant guilt and regret hung over me like a cloud, and it had silently chipped away at me for years and years.

When we were young, Sora and I had been exactly alike, not only in looks, but in personality. My brother's personality was contagious, and I was constantly smiling and playing and laughing. But my interests, my personality, my sense of humor all began to change, even more so when I began to notice how my affection towards Sora had shifted to attraction.

Confusion had become anger, and for a while, I could admit, I'd been depressed. But even though Sora may have been the root to my depression, he was also the root to my happiness, as cheesy as that may have sounded.

But the point was that everything I had worried about, like Sora finding out about my feelings, had actually happened. But I had never imagined it to end up like this, and I had imagined the scenario a hundred different times. But they had never ended out quite like this. Even if I did decide to be optimistic and day dream about Sora returning my feelings, I had always felt deluded afterwards.

But I wasn't delusional after all. Here I was lying in bed with Sora after a really hot make-out session. The making out wasn't the point I was trying to make though. Point was, I was really, really happy. And I guessed I could be kind of emotionless at times for fear of being hurt, so Sora probably wasn't even aware of how I really felt about all this.

I glanced over at Sora, and couldn't help but notice how cute he looked when he was asleep. His hair was all messy—well messier than it usually was—and his mouth was wide open as little snores escaped him. Only problem with sleeping was Sora was that he was a huge blanket hog, and kicked his legs and arms all wildly. I actually got punched in the nose one time. Sora wouldn't stop apologizing for weeks.

I reached over to brush his hair out of his eyes and let the back of my fingertips brush his forehead. I remember, creepy as it may have been, when we were younger I'd watch him sometimes when he slept in my bed. I always found it harder to fall asleep than Sora, who also knocked out as soon as his head hit the pillow. It was probably because I always had so much stuff on my mind.

I would relax and think while playing with his hair sometimes. It was the only time I felt comfortable enough to say things I wouldn't normally say when he awake. Things I had to say to get them off my mind. One time, I even confessed my undying love for my brother while he was sleeping. His response had been a loud snore. I took that as a rejection.

I would have been absolutely mortified if Sora had ever woken up during one of my confessions to him. But he was also an extremely heavy sleeper, and could sleep through pretty much anything, so I usually was safe.

Old habits were hard to break though, and something had been on my mind recently.

I took in a deep breath, and turned on my side to face Sora. He looked so peaceful, and I smiled, content with the moment. There were a few things had been bothering me lately...about our relationship.

"So...Sora..." I started off awkwardly. There was no reason to be nervous. Sora was asleep. I let my fingers run through his bangs, and went on. "You know, this is all really weird to me. I would have never guessed we'd be dating like this. And you'd actually be my boyfriend." I smiled at the word that we hadn't really said to each other yet. "It feels nice to be able to say boyfriend."

"But...stuff never works out for me in the end. You know...so I kind of am worried you're not going to be able to deal with this in the long run." I let out a sigh and turned on my back to stare at the ceiling. "Like, what if you come to your senses and realize you don't want me, you know?" I frowned as I continued, "Why would you want me anyway? I'm not that great of a chance. And plus, we're brothers. It's such a taboo, and you're so...vanilla. No offense," I said as I glanced back over at him, only to see his nose twitch in deep sleep.

"I'm just scared. I don't want to lose you. And I don't know how I'm going to handle it. At the risk of being corny, losing you now is going to be worse than not having you in the first place." I ran my hand over my face, groaning in frustration, "I just hate being so paranoid. But I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure this works. And to make sure you're happy." I turned back to him, leaning in close as I let my arms wrap around his side, pulling myself closer to him.

"I just have been wanting to tell you … I love you, Sora. And I've said it a million times before, but I mean it differently this time. You know," I glanced over to him, and leaned in close to let my lips brush against his cheek. "I love you a lot. I just wish I had the guts to tell you in person."

He responded by stirring and turning around in his sleep, now facing away from me. Truthfully, even though he was asleep, his response almost hurt my feelings. But I realized that Sora hadn't heard anything I said, and willed myself to forget about it. Instead of getting upset, I snuggled up beside him and let my arm wrap around his waist. Even if Sora hadn't heard what I said, just holding him like this was good enough for me.

.oOo.

It still was hard to believe that I could hang out with my brother, and didn't have to worry about any lingering gazes, or saying the wrong thing. It was a lot easier now that I wasn't constantly keeping myself in check. I could be myself now, and I think Sora realized this. He hadn't complained of my moody or pessimistic nature as of late, but that was because most of the reasons I had for being so down on myself were gone. The immense pressure of hiding a part of me was lifted, and because of Sora, it was a lot easier to smile.

"Roxas...which shirt?" Sora asked as he held up a light gray v-neck shirt in one hand and a red plaid button up in the other. He glanced over at me expectantly, and I glanced between the two of them, stroking my chin as I gave each outfit much consideration.

"Gray shirt," I said as I pointed to the shirt in his left hand.

"Really?" he asked, surprise written on his face. "But you love plaid," he said as the shirt in his right hand dropped to his side.

"Exactly. I want to wear it," I said with a chuckle as Sora lightly tossed me the hanger holding the shirt. Before all this with Sora happened, something as simple as changing my shirt was a problem for me, as strange as that was considering we were brothers. He'd change in front of me, and I'd struggle between not staring too much, and not looking away so much that it raised suspicion. I was a bit of an over-analyzer anyway.

"You think tonight will go better than the club?" Sora asked as he pulled off his shirt swiftly, and tossed it to the floor. I couldn't resist, and let myself sneak a tiny peak at Sora's lithe stomach and chest. I didn't want to ogle him too much, and began to unzip the jacket I was wearing to change into my going out shirt.

Tonight was a school night, but our parents had said it'd be okay if Sora and I went out with Demyx and Zexion. They were happy that we were finally hanging out with other kids, I assumed. We just didn't tell them we were going to a local bar. 18 and over of course, and we weren't going to be drinking too much tonight. Demyx had told us a little pre-game-ing wouldn't hurt, and had purchased a bottle of vodka for the four of us to share before we headed inside. Demyx was hoping to get a feel for the bar and talk to the manager so he could get his name out and get his music heard.

I just hoped it went better than it had with Axel. He had been a complete asshole to Demyx.

"I don't know," I answered honestly as I shrugged off my jacket. "Riku's not going. That's a plus," I said, a tiny smirk creeping it's way onto my lips. Sora standing up for me, for us, still put a smile on my face when I thought about it.

"Yeah, I meant with Demyx and his music," Sora said under his breath as he pulled his shirt over his head. His spiky hair barely flattened in the slightest. It just bounced back, and it was due to the fact that his hair was naturally wild and messy. Unlike mine, which was shorter, lighter, and had more of a style to it then Sora's. I liked his though. And I was always so soft when I played with it.

"I hope so," I said as I pulled the plaid shirt on, buttoned it, and stood up. "Do I look okay?"

"Yeah, you look great," he said as he walked over to me and pressed a small kiss against my cheek. Kisses from Sora had the tendency to make my go a bit weak in the knees. Imagine how much jelly filled my legs when I was actually in bed with Sora. Yeah, I wouldn't have been able to walk even if I tried.

"You too," I said, scratching at my hair as I cleared my throat, and tried to avoid Sora's eyes. I sure could be love-struck sometimes. A simple compliment from him was enough to make me turn red as the plaid on my shirt. I just hoped Sora was as happy as I was, and deep down, I hoped my jealously wouldn't get in the way. That was something I needed to work on. I mean, it wasn't like Sora was going anywhere. He was my brother after all, but still...

"Stop day-dreaming," Sora said with a groan. I didn't realize he had been talking to me until I felt him grip my shoulders and pull me in for a strong kiss that I wasn't about to fight. There it went again, the whole weak knee thing. But I had been in love with Sora for years now, how could I control myself when he was giving me things I had only ever fantasized about? And why did I feel that I needed to control myself? It was nice having someone that made me weak with just a kiss.

"Sorry," I murmured against his lips as I kissed him back. My fingers found their way to the base of his neck as I found myself going off into la-la again. I didn't ever think these butterflies for him would ever go away. As long as we were together, maybe I could finally be happy. And maybe even some day I wouldn't be so afraid of other people knowing.

.oOo.

We had already been at the bar for an hour, a bit buzzed as well thanks to Demyx, and I was glad that this was already starting to be a hell of a lot better night than at Paopu. We were all hoping that Demyx would finally impress the manager of the bar, but Demyx had a way with words that wasn't exactly good for potential business. That's probably why Zexion was always around to keep Demyx in check. Actually I wouldn't have been surprised if Demyx and Zexion were fucking. Demyx had some sort of bro-crush on Zexion and his piano-playing skills. At least, that was the vibe I got. I asked Sora one time, but he didn't seem to think so. I decided to just let it go, and not say anything. Demyx was my closest friend, and I was grateful he had never questioned any of my weird comments or interactions with my brother, so I wasn't going to do the same to him.

I was pretty sure Demyx had been suspicious of a few things I had said in the past. I'd known Demyx so long, that even with a padlock on my secret, I managed to slip up a few times. My eyes would wander too much, or I wouldn't stop talking about my brother. But I appreciated Demyx for letting it slide. He was a good friend.

He and Zexion had disappeared a while ago to go find out some info about the bar, and right now, I was letting Sora lead me to the men's room. He was pretty giggly, and that happened to be contagious enough that we were both laughing as we stepped into the bathroom, which just happened to be empty.

I glanced at my brother slyly, though jokingly, and before I even had a chance to say anything, he had me pressed against the wall. I had seen that look in his eyes before, and it made blood rush to a very sensitive place fairly quickly. He could be so incredibly sexy when he wanted to be.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked, nervousness evident in my stutter. He couldn't have been serious. Here? I looked around the bathroom. It seemed empty, but this couldn't have been the best place for me and my twin to start hooking up. It would have been stupid even. But I find myself growing weaker when Sora grabbed my hardening cock in my hand and press his chest against mine. I let out a breathy sigh in response, and wondered if it was the alcohol that was fueling my brother.

Fuck how incredibly awesome would it have been if I could just push him into the stall and fuck him there. I bit my lip just thinking about it. I had fantasized about it for years now. Taking my brother completely, slow, fast, rough, gentle. I'd imagined it so many ways, and I wondered when the day would finally come when I got to actually do it.

"Pay attention to me," Sora whined as he gripped my chin and pulled my face to look at him. Oops, guess I had been day-dreaming again. Even if it was day dreaming about fucking him, I had him right here initiating something, and didn't want to ignore him for too long.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, and I didn't waste anytime. I kissed back, tongue already swiping his bottom lip to deepen the kiss.

He was in a hurry too by the way his hand was already rubbing along my length. I groaned against his lips, and grabbed his hip to squeeze it and pull his against mine. He bucked against me, and my breath quickened in anticipation.

Oh, I was definitely into this right now, but in the back of my mind I remembered where we were. We couldn't just fool around against the bathroom door. Someone could have tried to walk in at any time.

I pushed him away and let my hand fall from his hair. "What's gotten into you, Sora?" I asked, but couldn't resist leaning forward to nibble at his neck.

He laughed and I felt his hand run up my shirt, his fingers grazing my back gently. "Sorry. You just look really cute," he admitted. "We don't have to right now if you don't want to. I know the bathroom isn't the best place."

"The stall should work better," I whispered against his neck, and pushed him towards the aforementioned stall. All the while, I attacked his neck with nips and kisses, and once we reached the door, I pushed it ope, and pushed him back into the small space.

I stopped my ministrations long enough to close and lock the door behind us, and glanced at him with an excited, anxious smile.

"Wow, how romantic," Sora mused as he glanced over at the toilet.

"Sorry," I said with a chuckle. He shrugged and leaned forward, kissing me again as his hands impatiently went to the button of my jeans. My breath quickened, my heart race increasing as the excitement in me grew fit to burst. He deftly undid my pants, and I broke the kiss to look down at his hands. Maybe I'd get a little treat from Sora. Mmm...the visual sent a surge of pleasure down into the pit of my stomach. I was horny beyond belief, and laughed when Sora pulled down my pants hurriedly.

"What—"

"Ssh...stop talking," Sora said with a cheeky grin.

I swear my heart nearly exploded when Sora moved down to his knees. Whoah, that definitely wasn't something I had expected out of him. Was he really going to do what I thought he was? If we couldn't have sex, then I would definitely settle for that. The setting wasn't perfect, and I would have preferred for this happen somewhere more comfortable, but I wasn't going to pass this opportunity up.

"Are you sure?" I asked quietly, and he nodded his head.

"Of course," he said as he pulled down my boxers with one quick movement, leaving me hard and exposed.

I bit my lip, trying my hardest not to show my excitement in my smile, but it was pretty much impossible.

He started off slowly, teasingly, his lips working their way around my belly button before trailing lower towards my thigh. I sucked in a deep breath and let my eyes flutter shut. My tongue ran over my dry lips when I felt him place a wet kiss to my tip. My heart was pounding as I anxiously waited for him to stop teasing me and give me what my cock was throbbing for.

And to my relief, a few more moments of teasing was followed by his mouth closing around my cock, capturing it in his warm, wet mouth. It felt fucking amazing, and Sora hadn't even started doing anything yet.

My head lolled back against the wall of the stall, and I let out a throaty moan when I felt his tongue begin to slip and slide around me. His tongue would circle, then run along the length to the tip, followed by a sucking motion that left me dripping with pre-cum. Fuck, fuck was the only word I could think as I opened my eyes to glance down at the arousing sight of my brother's head bobbing between my thighs.

His hand gripped my hip for balance, and I moaned again. I had to keep quiet though, I remembered, as I let my hand find it's way into his hair. I chewed my bottom lip to suppress any moans as the waves of pleasure rolled through me. Fuck, he was good at this, but I felt the pleasure rested solely on the fact that it was him.

I tried to control myself, but I couldn't resist from bucking my hips into his mouth. Careful not to push too much, I let my hips form a rhythm with his movements. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I wanted him to have a good time as well. I hated it when I had given head in the past, and the guy had been more worried about pushing his dick as far down my throat as humanly possible. I wanted to be gentle with Sora though.

"Mmm...Sora..." I breathed, my eyes nearly rolling back into my eyes. My fingernails grazed his scalp as I gave him a head message while he continued his ministrations. It felt so good, and I figured I wouldn't be lasting much longer at this rate.

"Good?" He asked after pulling away. He looked up at me with those big blue eyes of his, and I nodded enthusiastically.

"So good..." I said as my head fell back against the wall, and my eyes relaxed again.

Once again his hot mouth enclosing around me, and I felt myself push my hips against his mouth again. It wouldn't be long now until I came. No, I was already near to reaching my orgasm. Sora's mouth was a hundred times better than my own hand. "Fuck...I'm going to come soon." I whispered, my hips bucking again. Just a little more and I'd-

"Yeah I'm down to go to Fuu's afterwards."

"Good. She said she's got a huge keg there and a lot of people are coming, y'know?"

"Fuck!" I whispered just as soon as I heard the sound of the bathroom door opening and a pair of voices. What awful timing! Sora jumped away from me impossibly fast, and wiped at his mouth furiously. Why the hell did people have to walk in now? I was just about to finish.

I quickly pulled my pants up and buttoned them with a heated glare on my face. I didn't know those two guys, but a part of me really hated him. I was still so hard and my face was flushed that I hoped we weren't too obvious about what we had been up to. I reached into my pants to adjust myself so that it wasn't so noticeable, and gestured for Sora to leave first.

I suddenly realized how stupid it had been to be doing that in a public bathroom at a packed bar. Really stupid.

Sora leaned over to give me a chaste kiss before stepping out of the stall. As I tried to calm my breathing and will the aching in my jeans to go away, I listened to the voices quiet down and the faucet run briefly. Once I heard the sound of a door close and the voices start up again, I realized Sora had left.

I wanted to try and wait until the two guys were done talking, but they seemed like they were having some sort of conversation. Instead of waiting, I decided I was just going to leave the stall as quietly and inconspicuously as possible. I was just going to wash my hands and leave the bathroom as soon as possible. I didn't feel like getting any weird stares.

I let out a long breath to even out my breathing, that was still on the erratic side, and walked to the sink with my head down.

But once again, their conversation ended just as soon as I started washing my hands.

"Hey blondie, what were you doing in there?"

I tried my best to ignore him, and instead lathered the soap together in my hands. I glanced up at the mirror behind me to see two tall men behind me. The one talking to me was wearing a beanie, but I could see blond, trimmed sideburns. The most prominent feature on his face was the scar running along the bridge of his nose. The guy to the other side of me was built with brunette hair, and I realized for a second just how much bigger they were than me.

"Looks like he just came out of the bathroom stall with some guy, y'know?"

"Yeah, I saw that. Was that guy your twin? Were you in the bathroom fucking around with him?" the tall blond said then grabbed my shoulder to make me face him. My anxiety started to raise, and for some reason, I started to get a bad feeling about these two guys, and I suddenly regretted letting Sora leave without me.

"Yeah, sure looked like it, Seifer, yknow?"

"I wasn't fucking around with him. That's my brother, are you crazy," I muttered as I tried my best to avoid eye contact with them. I tried to step away from the two of them, but they had me cornered against the sink, and there wasn't anyway for me to get to the door. I found myself doing my best to slink away from them as much as possible, but I was already bracing myself against the sink and couldn't move anymore.

"Yeah right. Quit lying, fagot," The blond, who I assumed to be Seifer, said with another harsh shove against my shoulder.

"Don't touch me," I said in a threatening tone as I shot them dark glares. I clenched my hands into fists and steadied myself into a more ready position so that I didn't look so scared. I wasn't going to let them know they had intimidated me. I wasn't going to let them win at this little game they were trying to play with me. Seifer laughed cruelly, and I literally felt like punching his lights out. But when the bigger man cracked his knuckles, and gave me a distrusting smile, I felt the warning signs go off in my head. Red alert, read alert, this guy is much bigger then you, and he's going to pound the living shit out of you. I knew I was in trouble, espeically when the man fist a handful of his hair and tugged him forward.

"Aw, what's the matter, twink? You don't want me 'cuz I'm not your brother?" He said with another one of his vicious laughs, and besides him his friend co-signed him with a laugh of his own. I exhaled through my nose sharpy as I began to beat on his arms, trying to pray his hands away from my hair. My scalp was burning in the very spot he was tugging on, and I winced from the discomfort. I was growing more and more panicked. Was this guy and his friend just going to beat me up, or were they planning on doing something worse?

I looked over to the other guy, who was laughing with his arms crossed over his broad chest. Obviously this was going to be two against one, and the odds of me coming out of this in one piece were slim to none. But I wasn't planning on giving up without a fight.

"Fuck off!" I spat at him as I twisted my torso around. I tried to contort my body out of his grasp, but he was holding me tightly, pulling me closer to him when I finally calmed down. He smirked at me, and I glared something deadly. "Leave me the fuck alone," I said slowly and as seriously as possible. With whatever force I had, I kicked him in the shin, and the man finally let go of me, and instead tended to his now injured leg.

"Hey! You don't kick Seifer like that, y'know?" The bulkier man said as he charged up towards me, only stopping when Seifer held his hand up to him. Seifer looked furious, the way his eyebrows knitted at the bridge of his nose, and I noticed the way his scar crinkled as well.

He grabbed my chin roughly, forcing me to stare at his feral eyes. "Lucky shot, but you're still a chicken wuss." I could smell the heavy scent of alcohol lingering on his breath. I may have still been a little tipsy, but this guy smelled beyond inebriated. Drunk people, especially rowdy guys, were always unpredictable. I swallowed, my breathing uneven as I stared at Seifer. I was unsure what was going to happen next, but I knew it wasn't going to be good.

"I don't know what the hell you're doing here in our bar. A bar's no place for a little twink who gets off on his own brother's cock," He hissed, and it couldn't be mistaken that he was threatening me. The only sound in the bathroom was the sound of my ragged, nervous breathing, and his friend's laughing in the background.

"Yeah, he's a freak, y'know?"

I swallowed the thick lump in my throat, trying my hardest not to flinch when Seifer leaned in close to my ear to whisper a foreboding sentence into my ear, "Yeah, and Rai and I don't like freaks like you in our bar," before I felt his fist collide heavily with my jaw. I stumbled backwards, reaching for the sink behind me to steady myself. I touched my jaw gingerly, already feeling the pain of tender bone. I glanced up, slack-jawed to see Seifer and Rai staring me down like a lion eyes it's prey.

The nagging, little voice in the back of my head, my inner pessimistic, was at it again, picking at my self-esteem like it always did. I hadn't been as low-key with Sora and my relationship as I should have been, and now look what was happening. I was going to get my ass kicked for people who just didn't understand. None of this would have been happening if I hadn't felt unnatural feelings for my brother in the first place.

I couldn't believe I had actually began to think that maybe it was alright me and Sora were together, and maybe people would understand. But here Seifer was to give me a nice punch straight to my face. Here he was waking me up from my silly dream of ever being accepted. If anyone knew, they would hate me for it. Maybe this is what I deserved.

With my head hung low, I stared at the bathroom floor and waited for the next blow. Yeah, I deserved this didn't I? This was the world telling me I was wrong for who I loved, and I was even more wrong for dragging Sora along with me. I just hoped he didn't come back to look for me, and find me here like this, maybe get involved himself. It was the last thing I wanted.

"Hey, what's the matter with him? He's just standing there, y'know?"

"Hey! Stop being such a lamer! I bet you're brother would put up more of a fight if I went and found hi-"

I didn't give him time to finish and without realizing it, I had sent my fist flying square into his gut as hard as I could. Just because I was smaller than him, didn't mean I wasn't able to fight. I had fought before with this kid, Hayner, back in freshmen year, so I knew how to throw a punch. But that side of me only came out of me if someone talked about Sora, like Hayner had done before, and like Seifer was doing now. No one talked about Sora and got away with it if I was around.

"You little fuck," Seifer said in a choked, breathy voice. Sounded like I had managed to knock the wind out of him. He clutched his stomach and leaned forward, but his eyes were staring at me, blazing with rage and anger. He collected himself, and didn't waste any time in throwing another punch. I was able to dodge, and when I saw my window of opportunity, I took it.

"Nice hit," Seifer said as he leaned over and clutched his stomach. His voice sounded breathy, and it sounded like I had managed to knock the wind out of him. My eyes were blazing at this point, and all I wanted to do was hit him more for ever mentioning my brother. He went in for another punch, and I was able to dodge it, and when I saw my window of opportunity, I took it.

I tugged his beanie down over his eyes, and moved out of the way when he lunged forward. He missed completely, and tripped him, sending him to the hard tile floor. I jumped on top of him and my fists became a flurry as I tried to make contact with his jaw, his cheeks, his nose. One after another. I felt powerful, like I was taking control of a situation that I had been powerless prior, that is, until Rai delivered a mean punch to the side of my face and knocked me straight off Seifer and onto the floor.

I felt a warm trickle, and pressed a finger to my bleeding nostril. I didn't have more than a second to think about it before Seifer and Rai came lunging at me. The next few moments felt like an eternity. It was a painful blur of kicks and punches being launched all over. My gut, my back, my legs, my face. All I could feel was pain on over every inch of me. There was no way I could fight back, and instead I did whatever I could to block my face. I tried to let my mind drift to Sora, the one person who could make me feel better, but all I could think about was how much I had let him down.

Everything turned fuzzy, and I was walking the thin line between consciousness, but I did notice when the beating finally stopped, and the sound of a door creaked twice.

"Shit, they saw us Seifer, y'know?"

"Fuck, they'll definitely tell the manager. Did you see the look on their face? Let's get the fuck out of here."

I laid there, groaning as I tried to move even an inch of my body. I turned onto my back, and looked up at the flurouscent lights above me. All I saw was the glow of the lights falling behind a sillhouette of a figure. As their fist came straight towards my face, I finally blacked out, and escaped the pain.

.oOo.

"Roxas! Roxas! Oh shit! What the hell happened?"

"Zexion, what the hell? Why didn't you do anything?"

"Me? I-I walked in on them and ran straight to the bouncers!"

"Roxas. Roxas...please wake up. Please be okay."

I could hear the faint sound of voices. Lots of different voices all around me, and as soon as I felt myself come to, I felt pain. Everywhere. Ahhh...what happened? I couldn't really remember where I was, what I had been doing. My eyes willed themselves opened, and as I tried to move my body, I groaned from the aching pain that shot through me.

"It's going to be okay Sora, it's fine."

"Yah, Demyx is right, it's okay."

"He's waking up!"

"Roxas!"

Sora. Shit. It all was coming back to me. Demyx, Zexion, Sora, and I had been at the bar that night. Sora and I had been in the bathroom stall when someone walked in...and he left. And then … I remembered the two men who had jumped me. They were obviously the source for all this pain and stiffness in my body. And the reason my brother sounded so worried. He sounded on the verge of tears. I didn't want Sora to worry.

I blinked my eyes open, and looked straight towards my brother. His eyes were puffy and red, and tears were falling down his cheeks. He looked incredibly worried, and I was more upset that I had made Sora worry like that.

"I'm okay," I said, my throat dry and voice hoarse. "Stop crying, Sora." I reached my arm up, shakily, and let my thumb stroke over his lips, wiping away the tear that had cascaded down to his mouth. I didn't care that Demyx and Zexion were right there, I was just happy that Sora was here for me now. Not that I was mad he hadn't been there for me prior. No, I was thankful he hadn't been involved in that mess.

"I'm so glad you're awake. I can't believe this happened to you," He leaned down to me, I guessed I was lying down judging by the angle and the feeling of soft material underneath me, and laid his head against my chest. His brown locks tickled my nose, and I caught the smell of his shampoo in my nose. I touched his back, still too weak to fully wrap my arms around him, and glanced over to Demyx, who was looking at me with a look of relief.

"I'm glad you're okay. The bouncers caught those dicks who did this to you. Man, if I had been there, I would have-"

"It's okay," I cut him off and shook my head. I wouldn't have wanted any of my friends to have gotten involved. Besides, I had seen Demyx in a fight. He was more of an 'all talk, no action' kind of guy. And those guys had had a lot of action to back up themselves up.

I still didn't understand why they felt the need to beat me up within an inch of consciousness. For being gay? ...For getting caught hooking up with my brother? Maybe it was what I deserved, a part of me thought, but really, did I deserve to feel this bad? Would this happen again if someone else ever found out about us? ...Would this ever happen to Sora?

"If Zexion hadn't walked in when he did...who knows what could have happened to you." Sora said, wiping at his eyes with the back of his palm as he sat back up.

I glanced over at Zexion, who nodded silently, and I nodded back. Our feelings towards what had happened were unspoken, but he knew I was thankful he had walked in. I didn't have to say anything.

"The ambulance is on their way. They need to make sure you don't have a concussion or broken-anything. They beat you up pretty bad, Roxas." Sora said as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I could see it in his eyes. I had never seen him so worried. I didn't want to see him so upset, and I'm sure he didn't want to see me like this. I wondered how bad I looked. My nose felt dry, from dried blood I imagined. My eye was a bit squinted and hard to open, my lip was stinging, and my stomach muscles felt like someone had ran over it with a skateboard. Speaking of skateboards, this was going to be my first trip to the hospital since I broke my arm.

"I don't need an ambulance," I lied. "I'm fine, see?" I tried to emphasize my point by sitting up, but I regretted it soon after. I gritted my teeth and clutched at my stomach. My abdomen was in horrible pain, and my ribs hurt something fierce as well. Fuck! What if he broke my ribs? All I wanted to do right now was find that guy and his goon and beat the everlasting shit out of them.

"Stop being so stubborn!" Sora said in a demanding tone as he wrapped his arm around me and let me rest against him. I was grateful, but still clutched at my stomach with a wince. "You're hurt, you need to relax until they come."

"Yeah dude, you look messed up," Demyx added, and Sora and I glanced at him.

"Thanks a lot," I told him with a scowl on my face.

"Hey...by the way...because of this whole mess...the manager is letting our band play here!" Demyx said, a huge grin on his face as he looked at me, perhaps expecting some sort of cheer out of me. Right now, I could barely think.

"Great," I muttered, before collapsing against Sora, and listening to the commotion as the paramedics came to my side. All I really wanted though was to stay at Sora's side for as long as possible. They laid me on the stretcher, not without a bit of pain on my end, and I quickly grabbed hold of Sora's hand. "Stay with me?" I asked him, my eyes pleading with him, and much to my relief, he nodded. He held my hand tightly with both of his, and walked alongside me on the stretcher.

"I'm sorry, Roxas," I heard him murmur to me, but I was too weak to ask why. Besides, I was sure I already knew. I hoped he didn't feel responsible for what happened. I just didn't want him to feel as shitty as I did right now, and it wasn't from the cuts and bruises. This relationship was a lot more complicated than I had ever thought.


	17. If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas is back from the hospital, and Roxas and Sora spend an unforgettable night together that leaves Sora with an empty feelings. A month passes and graduation is nearing. And Kairi and Namine are having a bit of relationship trouble. Cue Sora to try and fix the problem.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
a Roxas x Sora story  
Chapter 16: If Only Tonight We Could Sleep

...If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
In a Bed Made of Flowers...

It had been a long night as I waited for any news that Roxas was okay, and was going to be coming home. As soon as our parents had found out, they had been livid. That was understandable of course, but when they found out Roxas was hurt, that changed. I wouldn't have cared if they grounded me, but not Roxas. He had been through enough already.

I hadn't been able to go to the hospital, and had to go straight home with Dad. I was awake all night, tossing and turning waiting for him to come home. By the next morning, I woke up to find that he had gotten home around five in the morning, and thankfully nothing was broken. All he had was a busted lip and some bruising around his lips. His eye was black and blue, and it infuriated me all over again to have to see him that way.

I felt so bad. I felt nauseous and sick, probably from the guilt of it all. I felt like it was mostly my fault. I was the one who dragged Roxas into the stall after all, and I felt so stupid for acting on my feelings in a public place like that. We were supposed to keep all of this a secret, but I was just being dumb and naïve. As always.

I didn't really talk to Roxas when he got home, since he was mostly sleeping the whole day, but Roxas was finally starting to come around again by tonight. All I could think about was how much I wanted to apologize, and how much I hated Seifer for doing that to my brother.

I wasn't the type of person to really hate anyone, but my hatred for Seifer was definitely justified. He didn't deserve anything but. How could someone do something like that? And why, at the bar, hadn't I noticed sooner? If I had just been more worried about why Roxas had taken so long, maybe they wouldn't have hurt him as much as they had.

But I tried not to think about that right now. I was standing in Roxas' room, leaning against the door as I watched Roxas carefully maneuver his way from his bed over to me. I had come to his room after Mom and Dad fell asleep to talk to him some more. He was tired looking, and I could tell by his groans and grimaces that he was in pain.

Maybe I was being a bit selfish, but I worried that Roxas was going to be mad at me about what happened. I was so scared Roxas would hate me, would want nothing to do with me, but so far, he seemed alright.

I couldn't shake the guilt I felt though.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, unsure how much my apologies would make a difference. I'm sure that wasn't even something he wanted to hear. How would a sorry fix anything? It wouldn't. But I felt responsible for what happened.

"It's not your fault," he said again, eyes distracted from mine as he looked down to my bare chest. His fingers brushed against my stomach; feather-light touches that made me shiver.

But what happened was my fault. If I hadn't been so tipsy that night I wouldn't have cornered Roxas in the public bathroom like that. And then Seifer wouldn't have seen us.

"It is. I pretty much forc-"

"Stop," Roxas whispered harshly as he pressed his fingers to my lips. He didn't say anything more but averted his attention to his own clothes. In one fluid motion he rid himself of his shirt, and I looked down at the bandages wrapped around his ribs. I winced, hating to see him in that condition.

I reached over to let my fingers run across the gauge, but my hand didn't quite make it when Roxas grabbed my hands and pinned them up behind my head. His body pressed against mine, my back hitting the cold wall behind me.

This...sure wasn't what I had expected of him, not after what he had just went through, but I didn't have much time to think about that when I felt his teeth attack my neck and collarbone. My muscles tensed as he held my arms above me, but the mix of pain and pleasure from his bites and kisses was enough to drive the pain away. All I felt was the warmth of the blood in my cock, and the slickness of his tongue. And I willed myself to forget about apologizing, and enjoy this affection he was giving me.

He released my wrists, only to pull them both together and hold them with one hand. His other hand traveled down to my black corduroy jeans that he pulled down swiftly. The material bundled around my ankles

Roxas' hand found my hard cock and began to stroke it through my boxer-briefs, and my knees grew weak. He leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against my temple. My head fell back against the wall as my breath quickened.

"Let's forget about what happened okay? I just...want to be with you right now," he breathed against my hair, and I swallowed thickly and nodded. If that was what Roxas wanted, then I'd be more than happy to oblige.

Just as always I whimpered as he stroked me again, but kept aware of our parents just right down the hall. If I could, I'd moan my brother's name loud, let him know just how much he meant to me. But of course I had to be quiet.

Roxas whipped me around so that I was facing the wall, and his hand gripped at my hair, curled tightly into a fist. He pushed against my back so I was leaning forward before he reached around to touch me again, stroking my cock in his palm. I tried to grip onto the wall and find any source of support, but the wall felt rigged and cold beneath my fingers. My knees buckled slightly when I felt Roxas stroke my cock faster, and I felt his hips press against me.

"Oooh..." I moaned lowly, cheek pressed against the cold wall. And his hand went from my hair to fall over my mouth to muffle me.

"Ssh..." he whispered into my ear, but his hand just stroked me faster.

My hips bucked wildly into his hand, and my stifled moans continued. He let his hand fall from my mouth and without much notice, his hand pulled down my boxer briefs. I was exposed to him, and I suddenly felt shy under his gaze, with my ass up in the air. Especially so when I felt his hand grab my ass, and his finger find its way to my entrance.

My cheeks burned red, and I turned back to look at him. "W-What are you doing?!" I asked, as I glanced at his clouded eyes.

"Sorry...didn't mean to not give you any warning," Roxas murmured as his finger moved in and out of me slowly. I felt another wave of heat spread through me, and I closed my eyes. "But I thought it'd be better to loosen you up a bit," he whispered, and I gasped when I felt a second finger slide in. Though my palms were flat against the wall, my fingertips scraped at the surface.

"F-For...what?" I asked naively, turning back to look at him with a wide-eyed expression. I knew what he wanted. I knew what he was intending for us. And I wasn't going to put up a fight. Even if it was the last step, even if it was my own brother that was going to fuck me...I didn't want this to stop. I wanted it more than I ever thought I would.

You know when you imagine the perfect night complete with the perfect person and the sex is just...perfect? I kind of felt like that with Roxas. Sure, he was about to have sex with me up against the wall...which might not have been the most romantic way, but Roxas was the only one I could ever want this from, and to think that it was about to happen? I could barely breathe.

I gasped when a third finger entered me as he made room for something a bit thicker. I knew over by my nightstand I had a few condoms and some lubricant. I'd definitely have to direct Roxas to that before we went any further. I didn't want this to hurt like it had with Tidus. We had been inexperienced at the time, and it hadn't been all that unpleasant, but I wanted this to be perfect.

Roxas groaned in anticipation as he let go of my aching arousal. I heard the sound of buckles and zippers. I looked back to see him eagerly pulling his pants and boxers down. He reached down, his hand gripping my hips tightly, and I could feel him press the tip of his cock against my entrance.

"W-wait! Aren't you going to use a condom?" I asked as I pulled my hips out of his reach.

"Why? You know I'm clean," he asked with a quirked brow. He looked offended, and for a minute I felt bad. Of course I knew Roxas was clean. We went and got a check up at the doctor regularly.

"Well you just had sex with Axel," I replied with a grimace. Just the thought of that was enough to kill my boner. "Who knows what he has." Yeah I knew that was kind of mean of me to say since I didn't even really know Axel, but I was sure he was the kind of guy that jumped at the prospect of sex. I just didn't think Roxas was that type either...at least with anyone beside me.

"I...I wish you would stop bringing that up," he said softly, frowning. He pulled away from me and stepped out of his jeans as he said, "But okay, do you have any?"

"Over in the dress. Bottom drawer." I pointed over and turned back towards the wall as I listened to him go through my drawers, close it, then make his way back to me. All the while I thought about how nervous I was. I felt my heart thudding in my chest, and my fingers were tapping anxiously on the wall. Were we really about to do this?

Soon enough I felt the warmth of his body against mine and felt the soft touch of his fingertips grazing against my hip bones. I felt his hard cock press against my backside and a shudder went through me. "Roxas..." I whispered, closing my eyes shut when he curled his hand around my arousal.

"Don't worry," he said softly as he began to stroke. I still didn't feel him push into me, only the gentle heat of his hand on me. I relaxed and moaned quietly. My forehead rested my forehead against the wall, just as I felt the tip of him enter me. I wanted to brace myself, but knew I had to relax.

He pushed into me, and my mouth opened in a silent cry. I felt heat, pain, but above all pleasure. My eyes slammed shut as I felt him push deeper into me, and I nearly fell forward against the wall. My hands gripped at the wall, trying to find a handle of some sort to grip onto. As I moved forward, he gripped my hips to tug them closer to him.

My breathing was shallow as I tried to adjust to the feeling of him inside me, and thankfully he didn't start moving. I wasn't ready yet, and was trying to will away the sting.

After a little bit, my breathing started to even out, and my brother started a slow rhythm. Eyes still shut, I moaned and tried to relax against him. I leaned against the wall as Roxas pulled out then back in again, causing me to let out a low groan in my throat.

"Fuck..." I whispered in between moans that I tried to stifle. I bit my bottom lip, hard, and waves of pleasure rolled through me every time Roxas hit a spot that felt exceptionally good.

I listened to Roxas' low grunts and groans, and I felt his hand began to pump my throbbing arousal again. I cursed again under my breath, rocking my hips along with him to feel him push deeper. It felt so good, and my heart was beating wildly in my chest.

The slap of skin against skin could be heard amongst our heavy breathing and moans. I could feel him go deeper when he pushed on my back to make me lean down even more, so that the arch of my back could allow his cock a different angle. And the difference felt amazing. That, plus the way he touched me, was enough to make me see spots.

Never had I imagined being fucked by my brother, and never had I imagined it would feel so amazing. This was definitely better than my other experience with sex. Partly because Tidus had been so inexperienced, and partly because it was Roxas who stroked my cock, Roxas who thrust into me, Roxas who was whispering my name into the heated air.

He pulled out, and turned me around so that I was facing him. My back fell against the cold wall, and I shuddered as he buried his nose into the crook of my neck, and grabbed onto my thigh to pull it up so my leg curled around his hip. His hand still on my cock, he thrust into me again, and I couldn't help but moan again, welcoming the pleasure.

He pinned me there, breathing heavily against my collarbone as he thrust into me at a steady rhythm. My rocking hips pushed back against his thrusts, and I was having a difficult time keeping my moans quiet.

My hand buried into his hair, and I felt the bit of sweat forming at the base of his neck. The feeling of his skin on mine, his cock deep inside me, his hand pumping, was enough to make me cry out loudly.

He looked up and glared at me. "Ssh, be quiet," he whispered harshly, and I felt a bit embarrassed for being so vocal. But I couldn't help it. Not when he was thrusting into me like that. Not when he was hitting my spot just right.

"Nng, right there," I whispered as my head fell back against the wall. His teeth nibbled at my neck, and he began to leave wet kisses over it, before his lips reached mine. He kissed me deeply, tongue dancing along mine, hand still moving, hips still thrusting. I could taste the copper on his lips, feel the broken skin with the tip of my tongue. My hand trailed down to feel his ribs, and the gauze wrapped around it. But distraction halted my moans, and when Roxas noticed, he thrust harder, his cock hitting my spot over and over again in exactly the right time and pressure to make my toes curl.

I knew it wouldn't be much longer before I came, and I tried to focus on the heat that rolled in waves. Almost there. "Roxas..." I whispered against his lips, and he broke the kiss to glance down at my cock.

"Come on..." He whispered as he began to touch my cock again, rub his thumb along the tip, curl his hand in a tunnel for my pleasure. And with a few last rough thrusts, I felt my thighs began to tremble as I came into his hand, and rid my orgasm with my eyes slammed shut, and my mouth open in a chocked gasp.

Roxas thrust at a faster pace before he came as well with a soft groan. He let go of me, then finally collapsed against my chest, his head against my shoulder as he panted.

We leaned there tiredly for a minute before Roxas pulled out and let go of my leg.

Wow, was the only word I can think of as I looked at Roxas, who looked worn out. He glanced up at me with a half smile, and wiped at his brow.

"How was it?" I asked with an awkward smile as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Good," he replied with a grin before he leaned over and kissed me. I watched quietly as he took off the condom and moved to pull his clothes back on. I did the same.

He didn't say anything else as he threw away the condom and went over to his bed to lay down. I stood there, feeling a bit awkward, wondering if I should do or say anything. Should I jump into bed with him? Go back to my old room?

Roxas decided for me though, as he glanced at me. "Night," he said, and without saying anything, I headed back into my own room. And even with everything that had just happened, I still felt like things were different. And I didn't want them to. I didn't want them to.

...And Don't Let it End...

Don't Let it End...

One month.

It had been one month since that night at the bar. Since Roxas and I first had sex. Since things started…changing. Things got a lot more real, especially as graduating day quickly approached.

Sure, Roxas healed up fine, but any glimpse of happiness I had seen in him had vanished to some degree. It wasn't even that he had returned to his old, gloomy self. It was worse than that. He just seemed different. He wasn't moody; he just seemed kind of angry and distant. I could tell something was off, but I didn't want to bring anything up and risk him distancing himself even more. I hoped things would get better over time, but I was worried.

Anyway, graduation was coming up. Roxas and I were busier than ever with projects and essays. I hadn't even had a lot of opportunities to spend time with Roxas, so a part of was me was wondering if that was the reason for the weird tension that was between us lately. All I did now was stay locked up in my room buried up to my neck in textbooks and college-ruled paper. I was also busy sending in tons of applications to universities. My two top choices were Hallow Bastion and University of Radiant Garden.

Roxas, on the other hand, didn't have the grades to get into top universities like that. Of course that was something that bothered me. To think that he and I would have to be separated after high school was something I didn't want to have to think about, but it kept nagging at the back of my mind. He and I had been together all of our lives, and sure it was scary, but I tried to look at the bright side of things. We were both working on getting our licenses soon , and if I got into Hallow Bastion I'd only be a half hour away from Twilight Town Community College, which was were Roxas planned to go. That wouldn't be too bad, but it still would be a huge change. But what had I been expecting? We were graduating high school after all. Things were bound to be different.

In other news, Mom made Roxas and I a huge dinner so celebrate the fact that we were so close to graduation. Finally. It had been a day Mom and Dad had been looking forward to their whole lives. To see us graduate and head off to college. They were so proud, and it was nice to see the proud smile on Dad's face. Just one month away. I was sure Mom was going to be bawling at the ceremony while Dad recorded every moment. It was going to be a big day.

Granny and Grandpa had been at the dinner as well. Granny had told us the shocking news that they were going to be moving to Traverse Town, which was several hours away. I guess Grandpa got another job out there. This had definitely been big news to all of us, considering Granny had lived on Destiny Islands all of our lives. Just a short train ride away. Now she would be so far that I was worried I'd never get to see her anymore. I'd definitely miss her. But I guess that's just how life was.

Riku, also, wasn't talking to me. Not since I told him I hadn't been interested in starting a relationship with him. He didn't say a word to my brother, didn't even acknowledge him. I still would see Riku in the hallway at school, and if I wasn't with Roxas, he'd at least look my way and offer some sort of acknowledgment. But nothing past that. It didn't really matter to me. True, I did hate losing friends, and I hated the awkwardness between us, but I tried not to let it get to me. It wasn't my fault Riku had been so immature about the whole thing. If that's how he wanted to act, then fine. At least I had made Roxas happy.

Demyx, Zexion, and Larxene had played their first show at a local coffee shop. I was happy that Demyx had refused to play at the bar after what happened to Roxas there. We both went to Demyx's first performance, and I thought it had gone well. Me and Roxas had liked it, and there had been a few people who I could tell were enjoying it too. Hey, as long as he didn't get booed off stage, right? Demyx was also friends with a girl named Olette, who was hosting a graduation party in a week or two. She had offered Demyx a chance to play there, and he had jumped at the chance. Roxas and I were going to attend, and I was sure it was going to be a blast.

All in all, things were alright. Stressful, but okay. I just wished Roxas' attitude wasn't so different, but I didn't want to bring anything up. I thought he was just feeling bad about what happened with Seifer still, and I felt bad, but didn't want to bring up memories he didn't want to think about.

Right now, I was buried in homework and textbooks in my room. Roxas was in his doing homework I assumed. We hadn't really had a chance to talk today, but at least I had economics to keep me occupied.

I was surprised when my phone started buzzing, and anxiously I reached for it, wondering if it was Roxas texting me to head on into his room so we could hang out. When I opened my phone, I saw that it was a text from Kairi. I had talked to her a few times since that night at Paopu, but I hadn't seen much of the twins since. They hadn't even been at Demyx's performance.

I read the text, to see that she was asking I was busy. I replied that I was just doing a bit of homework. I wondered if the twins were in high school, or maybe they were home-schooled. I assumed the former, since they were the same age as me and Roxas.

A few minutes later, and she replied that she wanted to get together for a bit to talk. Strange, since Kairi hadn't asked to hang out before. I wondered if she meant both me and Roxas, so I asked. Once she replied, I realized she only wanted to see me, which was also a bit of a surprise. I knew I had homework to do, but I was really curious about what it was Kairi wanted to talk about, just me and her.

I replied back, and we agreed that she would pick me up from my house in fifteen. I guessed she was using her older sister's car. I felt like maybe Kairi had a lot on her mind, but I still felt kind of bad that I was too busy to hang out with Roxas, but not Kairi. I hoped he'd be fine with it.

I closed up my textbooks, and went to put some shoes on before I headed down the hall to Roxas' room to tell him. I knocked on the door, waiting to hear his voice before I walked inside, and saw my brother laying on the bed, his head hanging over the edge. I sighed in irritation to see that he didn't even have any textbooks laid out on his bed. Figures.

"Hey," I said softly as I walked in and shut the door behind me. He didn't attempt to move, and kept his eyes directed ahead of him. He didn't say anything, so I continued. "Kairi's going to come pick me up. She asked if I was free to hang out for a little bit."

That got his attention, and he looked over with a wrinkled in his brow. "What?" He asked, looking curious. "For what?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "She didn't say. And Naminé's not going to be there either. I know I have homework, but she made it sound kind of important."

He looked back ahead of him with a short 'oh.'

"Yeah..." I said, wondering why there was an awkward tension between us. Maybe it was just me though.

"Okay, well have fun. Hope everything's alright," he said, glancing back at me with a ghost of a smile. I missed seeing that.

I smiled back, relieved. "I'm sure it is. I won't be gone long. Tell Mom and Dad if they come home before me."

"Kay," he replied, and I watched him for just a few moments longer, before walking out of the room with a sigh. Well, he wasn't mad. But he seemed to be distracted by something. Maybe I should have a talk with him later. Something had to be up with him. Maybe he really was just that worried about graduating.

I had a few minutes of waiting before Kairi rang and told me she was outside, and I went to quickly meet her.

She waved at me from inside the car, a small red car, that was sharp and a bit sporty. Seemed like the type of car Larxene would have. I walked over and got into the passenger's seat, and Kairi smiled over at me.

"Hey Sora, long time no see."

"Yeah, I know, right?"

As she drove out away from my driveway and headed in some general direction, we talked about random things like school and Demyx's band and how we had been since Paopu. I told her what happened at the bar, and she seemed to be mortified to hear about that. I guess Roxas hadn't told Naminé, like I expected him to, or maybe Naminé just hadn't told Kairi about it. I was confused as to why Kairi failed to mention Naminé the whole car ride, and it wasn't until we reached our destination, a sandwich shop not too far from my house, that I asked her how her sister was.

"Oh, she's okay," Kairi said, looking off with a bit of a distracted look in her eyes. That was when I figured Naminé was the reason Kairi had wanted to talk to me. And it might have been something big, considering Kairi had wanted to meet in person.

"Is everything okay?" I asked nonchalantly, not trying to pry, but genuinely curious.

"Um, yeah," Kairi said with what looked like a feigned smile. That was my second hint that something was up with the girls. Naive as I was, I still knew something was wrong.

"Oh, well, that's good..."

We stood in line to order our sandwiches in silence. I got a meatball sub, while Kairi got turkey. Our food was received, and we went to sit down outside at one of the tables with the shade from an umbrella. It was pretty hot out, and I was glad I hadn't decided to don that hoodie I was considering. It was nearly time to start dressing for summer anyway.

It wasn't long after we started eating that Kairi brought up Naminé again.

"Has Roxas mentioned anything about Naminé and me lately?" She asked before taking a bite of her sub.

"No, not at all. Why?"

"Well...um...I don't know. Just curious."

I looked at her with my brows raised, encouraging her to go on. There was definitely something she wanted to tell me, and I was all ears.

"Actually, me and Nami are having some problems," she said as she set down her sandwich. Even though I had suspected something was wrong with Kairi and her sister by the way she acted, I still found it a bit hard to believe. They seemed so sure of themselves, and their relationship had seemed so strong ever since the first time I had met them. They always seemed so happy. I had always hoped Roxas and I would be as happy as them. It kind of bummed me out to hear they were having problems.

"I'm sorry," I said , looking over to her. She sat right next to me, and I wondered if I was supposed to put my hand on her shoulder or something to console her.

"It's okay," she said, her shoulders dropping as she sighed. "I just don't know what to do."

"You can tell me about it. I'm all ears," I said as I grinned at her, and she seemed to appreciate it.

"Okay..." She started before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Well, things just aren't the same anymore. And I feel like it's mostly because of me." She idly pulled at a loose thread on her skirt as she talked. She was wearing what looked like a school uniform, and I could only guess that she and Naminé went to some sort of private school. "It's really sad of me to say, to even think this way, but I don't think me and Naminé are right for each other."

My brows shot up. I sure wasn't expecting her to say something so … extreme. It sounded like she didn't want me to help her fix her relationship with Naminé. It sounded like she wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship at all.

"But...you two seem so great together. You guys are always smiling, and I can tell you two love each other. What happened?"

"You know the thing is … nothing happened to make me feel this way," she frowned and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her hair. "It's not like we fight or anything. Nothing like that. I just feel...different." I could tell she felt guilty as she talked. "Don't get me wrong. I love Naminé...but I'm beginning to realize I don't think I want to be in that kind of relationship anymore."

"R-Really?" I asked, shocked. "Are you sure you're not just having doubts?" Here I had thought they were passed that, but she was feeling the same way I had felt when Roxas and I had first gotten together.

"I've felt like this for a while, actually. I just didn't have the heart to tell Naminé. She knows something's up, I just haven't told her all this." She glanced up at me. "Didn't you feel like you just wanted to be normal ever? Like being involved with your own twin wasn't what you wanted for yourself? I dreamed about having a husband and kids and living a normal life. I never even got a chance to have a real boyfriend. I'm not a lesbian, I know I'm not. And Larxene always tells us she wishes we were normal so that we wouldn't have to go through everything with our parents."

I didn't touch my sandwich, and instead listened intently as Kairi broke down, looking as lost and confused as I had been. I could definitely relate. It was what I had been struggling with.

"I know what you mean. That's exactly how I felt. Being with Roxas was probably one of the most difficult decisions I ever made." But unlike Kairi, I knew I was happy with what I had chose. But whose to say I wouldn't end up feeling like how Kairi felt now? Whose to say Roxas wouldn't either?

"I know. I feel so bad for my sister. But I know it's not what I want. I just want a chance to be normal. I want my parents to be proud of me again." She rubbed at her eyes with the back of her palm, and I scooted towards her and touched her back.

"Don't cry Kairi." I hated watching people cry. It always made me feel so badly to see someone hurting like that. "It's going to be okay. I'm sure Naminé will understand if this is how you really feel. If your sure."

"I-I think I am," she said, her voice breaking as she started crying. "I'm so happy I met you two. And I knew at Paopu when I met you that I felt comfortable around you. Your the first guy I've had a chance to talk to in a long time," she said, looking up at me with watery blue eyes. "Maybe if I had met you before..." she trailed off, and before I knew it, she had her lips pressed against mine.

What was she thinking? She couldn't have possible expected anything more from me than a shoulder to cry on. I didn't even like girls. This wasn't right, and suddenly I felt like I had betrayed Naminé and Roxas. I pulled away quickly, and gaped at her. Once I did, I could see the shock in her eyes, like she hadn't even expected herself to do that.

"Oh my god, Sora, I'm so sorry," she said as a hand flew to her mouth. "This wasn't...that wasn't what I meant to do. I just...I'm so confused about everything." She buried her face in her hands as she began to cry even harder this time, and I suddenly felt really guilty.

"It's okay Kairi, really, I promise," I said as I stood up and wrapped my arms around her. She cried against my chest, and though I felt a little awkward, I rubbed her back to soothe her. "I'm not mad. It's fine."

"I just thought maybe I could have a chance at something normal," she whispered once she settled down.

"I...I'm sorry. But I'm gay, and I have Roxas. I...can't be that for you."

"I know, I know. I wouldn't want to ruin anything with you and Roxas. I like Roxas," she said as she looked up at me and pulled away. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry."

"You just need to talk to Naminé," I told her, and she nodded.

"You're right. I just hope Roxas doesn't hate me."

"Don't worry, Kairi. I'm going to tell him...I kind of have to, but he'll understand."

She sniffed, and rubbed at her eyes again, her mascara left dark and runny under her eyes.

"I'm going to talk to Naminé. And figure out what I want. Thanks Sora...I just needed someone to talk to about things."

"No problem," I told her, and I was glad I could be there for her as a friend. It seemed like something she desperately needed. She seemed lonely, with only her two sisters to talk to. And I didn't think she'd be able to talk to Larxene about her sister problems. "I just hope things work out for the best."

"Me too, Sora. Me too."


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora and Roxas are finally getting along again, well mostly, until Roxas' moodyness decides to ruin everything. Demyx and Zexion may or may not be dating and the brothers try to crack the case. And the graduation party Olette hosts leads to a disastrous event for Roxas and Sora.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
a Roxas x Sora story  
Chapter 17: Breathe

.oOo.

"You guys kissed?!"

"No, she kissed me! That's what I said."

"Oh..."

Despite the disbelief in Roxas' voice, I looked up to see him cracking a smile. I quirked a brow to which Roxas replied by bursting with laughter.

"W-What?" I asked, stumped. What was so funny? I had just told him that Kairi and Naminé might have broken up, and he was laughing? Didn't he think of what that meant for us?

"It's just cute you thought I'd get mad over that."

"Oh, cute huh?" I asked, playfully rolling my eyes. "Yeah, but seriously, they're broken up. I feel horrible."

"Why? It's not your fault."

"I know but..."

"I'm surprised kinda."

"Yeah..." I frowned. "They seemed so happy." Truthfully they seemed like they were perfect for each other. I thought they had finally found what they had been looking for in each other, or at least that's how they made it seem. Kairi had just covered up everything, and I guessed she couldn't help but finally snap like that.

"Funny how that happens." Roxas muttered and I could hear the cold tone he had.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, offended that Roxas would say something like that. He obviously had meant something by it, and I was pretty sure I knew what. "You think that's going to happen to us?"

Roxas wasn't really looking my way, and I leaned forward and grabbed his arm to catch his attention.

"Probably." He said, looking at me with a serious expression. Wow, that hurt. To think Roxas actually felt that about us.

"Gee...that's sweet," I muttered as I rolled my eyes and collapsed back onto the bench. Ow, wood didn't make the best pillow.

"Sorry," he said as he looked down at me from the corner of his eye. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,"

"Well you did."

He sighed beside me. "You're just so..." He trailed off, and I turned to give him a pointed glare.

"What? I'm so what?"

"Optimistic."

Was that supposed to be an insult or something? What was wrong with being optimistic about our relationship? "And that's a bad thing? I don't want to expect the worse out of everything like you always do."

"No, it's not bad. I just don't think everything is all sunshine and rainbows all the time." Roxas turned so he could face me. "I mean...I just get a little worried. Isn't it normal to worry when our relationships so...complicated?"

"Well...yeah it's normal. But so is trying to be positive. And yeah it's complicated, but its working out alright so far. I'm happy."

He smiled, but didn't say anything else.

"Is this about Naminé and Kairi?" I questioned with a raised brow. Maybe the twins breaking up had made him worried that we were going to break up as well. The thought hadn't really crossed my mind. We might have been in the same situation, but we were different people than Naminé and Kairi. Just because they were having issues didn't mean we were going to.

"Kinda I guess." He let his fingers trail invisibly patterns on my stomach idly as he let his head rest in his palm. "Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if we weren't brothers?" He asked, and I was bit taken aback of how random of an aspect that was.

"No...never. Why would I?" We were brothers, and that's all we ever would be."

"I don't know. I do sometimes. Things would be so different. Let's say we met at school and we liked each other and everything. We could date, we could hold hands, we could kiss, all in public. Because even if we were a gay couple, it wouldn't come to such a surprise as if we were to do that in public as siblings."

I listened and found that I hadn't ever really thought about that. It would make all the difference that was for sure. We wouldn't have to worry so much, or be so afraid of our friends and family turning against us. It wasn't acceptable to be involved in an incestuous relationship, but it was more acceptable to be gay and in love.

But...then our relationship would be completely different. There was a special bond we had as brothers. We knew everything about each other. We could trust each other. I felt closer to him then anyone else I knew. So would I want to risk all that just for the chance of other people accepting it.

"You're right. People would probably accept us more. But, things would be different. Too different," I answered as I sat up to talk to him.

"But in a good way, right?"

"Not totally," I said and he looked confused. "Our relationship wouldn't be at all like it is right now. Our bond wouldn't be as close."

"You don't think so?"

"Nope. We're this close, and I feel this way because we are brothers. It's like...I have that one person I can always rely on and trust as my boyfriend. I have my best friend, and the person I've experienced everything with. Like...I think if people really do have soul mates, you would be the closest to that. So, I don't know if I'd feel the same if I had just met you on the streets. I like the way this feels, you and I, the way it is."

I could see the way he smiled in a way that meant what I had said had really meant something to him. A genuinely happy smile, and by the way he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me in a tight, close hug, I knew he felt the same way about me. Even if he had his doubts. I buried my nose in his shoulder and enjoyed the closeness I felt with him right now.

We remained silent as we hugged, but in the back of my head, I wondered if he really knew what I had meant by everything I had just said. I didn't even realize until now, but if Roxas got anything out of this, I hoped he understood that what I had just said was just the long way of me telling him, 'I love you.'

.oOo.

I felt like a spy or something. And yeah it was probably wrong of us to be spying on Demyx and Zexion like this, but when Roxas told me he had seen Demyx holding hands with Zexion, I couldn't deny being curious. How crazy would that be if Demyx and Zexion were dating. Here I had thought Demyx had always been straight. And maybe I was a bit excited at the idea of Demyx being into Zexion. Maybe that meant he'd be more accepting he were to find out me and Roxas were as well.

But then I had to remind myself that their situation was hardly similar to ours, aside from them both being male.

"Sssh, stop stomping around, Sora," Roxas hissed at me as he shoved a finger to my lips.

"I can't help it," I whispered back as I looked down at my feet. It wasn't my fault that I wore such big shoes. It was hard not to stomp them. If anything, the color was more likely to give us away than anything. They were bright yellow after all.

"Just don't fall and knock over the bookshelf or something. You'll screw the whole thing up," Roxas said with a smirk as he nudged me, and I rolled my eyes in response.

I wasn't that clumsy. When was the last time I had fallen, Mister I-can-barely-ride-my-skateboard-without-breaking-a-bone? I grinned, but kept that little insult to myself.

"I can't see. A Tale of Two Cities is in my way," I said, reading the title slowly. I pushed the hard-cover book out of the way, and tried to peer through the tiny little peep hole I had made for myself.

"I can see them. They're just talking."

I saw them sitting side by side in the library, Zexion furiously scribbling down something as Demyx talked beside him with a big grin and wild gestures. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Maybe Zexion was writing down some new lyrics Demyx was telling him, or Demyx was distracting Zexion doing homework.

"Are you sure you saw them holding hands? They don't look all cozied up or anything."

Roxas laughed to himself and looked over at me with a nervous grin. "Well...I mean they were kind of far away..."

"You made it seem like they were right in front of you or something!"

"Sshh! I know. I just got excited. But maybe they weren't."

I gave him a look that clearly meant I was hardly amused. "I missed Mozzarella stick Monday for this?"

"Like we don't have a whole box of them in the fridge." Roxas rolled his eyes, and I gave him a death glare. He knew I finished that box off last night. Mozzarella sticks with mayonnaise and mustard on the side. One of my favorite snacks.

I shoved him on the shoulder, probably a lot harder than intended, and watched as he fell to his side and barely caught himself on his elbow.

"Sora! What the hell!" He said, probably louder than intended, and shoved me back. I fell back into the bookcase, knocking a few books over by my flailing arms.

"Ass!" I said, though with a grin, and got his head in a headlock. He grunted and shimmied around, shouting at me to let go. "No. You owe me a box of cheese sticks for this. The brand I like!" I said as I gave him a noogie and laughed at the feeling of power I had. Wow, I never was able to hold Roxas in a headlock for long. Not unless he tickled me, which he began doing.

"C-Cut it out! Do you want to get caught spy-"

"Ahem!"

We both glanced over, doe-eyed, at the sweet little librarian who looked outright pissed. She pushed her cat-eyed pink glasses against the bridge of her nose with her finger, and glared at us behind her lenses.

"Uh..."

"Sssh!" She whispered harshly. "This is the library! If you are going to practice for the Wrestling Team then do it outside!" She said, her voice hoarse and angry, and I swear the cats on her sweater even looked mad.

"Sorry," I said with a sheepish grin as I released Roxas and backed up from the one who had gotten me in trouble.

She 'hmphed' and turned away, back to her circle desk to the side, and once her back was turned I glared at Roxas.

"Thanks a lot! Like that wasn't embarrassing!"

"Who cares? I'm sure Demyx and Ze-"

"I didn't know you guys were trying out for the wrestling team."

Another voice interrupted us for the second time, and we glanced over to see Demyx peering at us through the spaces in the book case, brow quirked. Zexion was right behind him with his arms folded across his chest, looking just as peeved off as the librarian. But that wasn't a surprise. It was like us wrestling in the middle of his living room or something. The library was like Zexion's second home.

"You guys should go against Zexion," Demyx said with a laugh as he shook the other's shoulders with a grin. "He would probably be an easy fight."

Zexion grunted.

"We're not," Roxas said, a blush across his cheeks.

"I was helping Roxas find a book," I filled in and grabbed the aforementioned A Tale of Two Cities. "Here, I found it."

"A Tale of Two Cities? You do know that book is high school reading level, right?" Zexion quipped with a smirk, and I couldn't help but burst into a fit of giggles at my brother's expense.

"Yeah, I could read it just fine," my brother said with defiance as he stood up, clutching the book protectively to his chest.

"Hey, I was meaning to tell you guys, you know my friend Olette?" Demyx asked. We nodded our heads 'yes.' Olette was the class president. She was pretty nice, I thought, the few times I talked to her, and I was pretty sure she also wrote for the school yearbook.

"What about her?" I asked.

"Well, she's having a huge party soon to celebrate graduation. Me and Zex are going, you guys should too!" Demyx said, excited as he looked at us with anxious eyes.

"I don't know," I said, not being a big fan of parties. I hadn't been to one the whole senior year. The club was as much partying as I did, and the atmosphere would have been completely different from a high school house party. The latter being a lot more wild.

"It sounds fun, maybe," Roxas said with a comforting grin in my direction, and I saw Demyx's fist fly into the air.

"Whoo! It'll be a blast. You guys better come!"

"Roxas will probably still be on Page 2 by then," Zexion said with a haughty smirk, and I wasn't used to Zexion being in such a joke-y mood, but I knew he meant no harm by then.

"Wanna bet?" Roxas asked as he glanced at the thick book. "Bet you I'll be on Chapter 10 by then!"

"Fine, deal," Zexion said as he walked from around the side of the bookcase to extend his hand out to Roxas.

"Deal."

"Uh...Roxas...that might not have been your best idea," I said with a quiet laugh, having read that book before. He replied by sticking his tongue out at me, and from her circle desk, the librarian shushed us again.

.oOo.

"Pay up!" Zexion said with a smirk as he held out his awaiting palm.

"No! I read Chapter 7!"

"You read Spark Notes, that's what you read. That sounds like the chapter summary they have on there."

"Look, it probably sounds familiar because I gave you a summary of the chapter, which is on there."

"...You pretty much said it word for word." Zexion dead-panned, and I couldn't help but laugh at my brother's expense. That's what he got for being so lazy all the time. It wasn't like that book was hard to read or anything.

"Oh geez, what did you like memorize it or something?"

"Maybe."

"Ugh! You would!"

"Pay up!"

"I don't even know what I owe you? We never even established that."

Now poor Roxas owed Zexion something. Probably something big and he was officially humiliated. His fault though. He had asked me to read the story for him and tell me what it was about, but no matter how much I loved him, I couldn't let him cheat his way through something else. He shouldn't have been writing checks that he couldn't cash, after all.

"How about you give me fifty bucks."

"Fifty bucks?! No way! I didn't agree to that."

"How about you have to give Zexion a lap dance." Demyx chimed in and Zexion and Roxas had the most disgusted expressions I had ever seen. Even I was blushing. Now that might have been kind of funny, albeit disturbing.

"Now that is something I didn't agree to."

"You guys didn't agree on anything though," I said with a laugh.

"Well, that was a bit of a fail on my part." My brother said as he slapped his forehead and ran his hand along his face. "Ugh."

"Fifty." Zexion repeated.

"Ten." My brother said.

"Thirty."

"Ten."

"Twenty Five."

"Eight."

"You can't go backwards!"

"Lapdance?" Demyx said.

"Shut up!" They both yelled in unison.

"Twenty." Zexion finally said, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Deal."

"Well now that that is settled we should all take a shot." Demyx chimed in again, a beaming grin on his face.

"That I can do," Zexion said.

I set down the shot glass with a grimace and hurriedly took a greedy bite of the lemon. The sour juice filled my mouth and definitely killed the harsh taste of the alcohol. Blegh, I didn't think I'd ever get used to shots.

I glanced over when I felt someone bump against me, and noticed a fleeting figure and a shine of silver hair. My heart dropped for a second, realizing that was Riku. I wasn't sure if he bumped me on purpose or not, since he didn't look back at me, but continued to talk to his group of grounds he had surrounding him, and I glanced over at Roxas to see if he had noticed him.

"Ugh, is that who I think it is?" He asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"Who? Riku? You guys don't talk to him anymore or what?" Demyx asked innocently.

"No," Roxas said with a grimace akin to the one I had after the shot.

I guess I had no reason to be surprised. Riku seemed like the party type, and this was our high school gradation party after all. I went on my tip toes to try and get a better glance at Riku as he disappeared between the crowd with Vanitas. Or at least I thought that was Vanitas. A lot of people thought he and I looked each other, which was probably the reason he stopped wearing his hair up and started slicking it back. Since then, we got less and less of the 'cousins' thing. I couldn't help but think it was kind of weird that Riku was hanging out with him.

"So what are you guys planning on doing after graduation?" Zexion asked. Leave it up to him to bring up the big picture of what we were going to do after high school was over.

"Thinking of going to Hallow Bastion," I replied with a wide grin. I was proud of myself after all. It was a pretty prestigious school after all. Zexion immediately perked up.

"I'm going there too,"

"We'll be roommates," I said, glancing over to see Roxas having a sour face on his face.

"Can you stop with the face?" I asked as I pinched his cheek rough enough to leave a little pink, and out of the corner of my eye, I glanced over to make sure Demyx and Zexion weren't giving me a weird look. Thankfully, Demyx was just laughing.

"Don't do that," Roxas said with a pout as he pushed my hand away. "I'm just going to be stuck here while you all do bigger and better things with your life." He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me that sad little puppy dog look of his.

"Hey, don't sweat it Roxas," Demyx said, trying to cheer my brother up. Hey, that was my job. "I'll still be here." To this, Roxas glanced over with a hint of a smile, before Demyx continued, "That is, until I get a new band and we make it big somewhere. I'm thinking Bevelle."

"A new band, huh?" Zexion asked with a quirk of a brow, turning his head to give Demyx a deathly glare. One that was scary enough to make me gulp. I had never really seen Zexion glare, more like condescend, but wow, was it scary.

"Oh..." Demyx said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Guess I hadn't mentioned that. Well yeah Zex, what'd you think I was going to do?"

"Well, I hardly expected you to move on so soon," Zexion said as he bowed his head down, his long bangs falling into his eyes that made him look all the more pitiful. Beside him, Demyx whined and wrapped his arm around Zexion.

"Zeeeex! I'm not moving on. I could never find a band mate as awesome as you." He said with an encouraging grin. I watched as Zexion looked up with a relieved grin, that dissapeared as soon as Demyx added, "But I hear Aqua plays the piano." He was rewarded with a thump upside the head as Zexion stormed off.

"I'll see you later guys," Demyx said to us with a guilty face as he raced after Zexion. "Zex, wait!"

"All this talk about graduation sure has me bummed," Roxas said with a roll of his eyes as he too began to walk away into the crowed.

"Roxas, wait up," I said as I reached up to him and walked in step with him.

"Hey, cheer up. Things aren't going to be that bad. Think of it as an exciting new adventure."

Roxas didn't take that idea so lightly, and again rolled his eyes. "Oh geez. Everything is all rainbows and sunshine with you, huh?"

"And everything's so dead puppies with you," I retorted with a scowl.

"Just leave me alone," He said as he waved his hand at me and hurried off and up the stairs towards the hallway.

I groaned and my fists flew to my hair, pulling at it in frustration. Yes, my brother sometimes made me want to, literally, pull my hair out. I looked up to see Roxas heading into someone's room, and I contemplated whether or not I should follow him up there. I knew sometimes he needed his space, but seriously? It was getting old, and I just wanted to shake the funk out of him.

"Hey!" I said in reaction when I was bumped into, and usually I would apologize or something, but since I was already pissed, I resorted to glaring at whoever had bumped into me. I was looking straight into Vanitas' weird-colored eyes, half-lidded and red. And he absolutely reeked of weed.

"Sorry, Sora," Vanitas said with a smirk and patted me on the shoulder. "Having fun? I'm surprised you're here. I always saw you as sort of a...loner," he said and looked to either side of me. "Well I mean, a loner with your brother. If that makes sense. Where is he anyway?" He asked as he pushed me on the shoulder and I slinked away from him.

"He's mad at me," I said, wondering why I was telling Vanitas details about my personal life.

"Aw, trouble in paradise?"

I glanced over to see Riku walking over, looking and smelling just like Vanitas, though the strong scent of alcohol wafted from his lips as well. He looked pretty drunk, and I was so glad they hadn't decided to talk to me with Roxas around. Who knows what would happen if Roxas, me, Riku had a discussion with alcohol in the mix.

"No," I scoffed and crossed my arms defensively over my chest. "What are you guys doing? Getting messed up to the point of incoherence?" I asked with a roll of my eyes.

"Yeah, it's a party. Who cares?! I know you're a goody goody, but don't ruin the party for the rest of us," Vanitas said with a snort as he pulled a joint from behind his ear and a lighter from his pocket. "Come on, take a hit," he said as he nudged the joint towards me.

"No thanks," I said, glancing over at Riku for some sort of help. I couldn't help but find it kind of weird that Riku was hanging out with Vanitas all of a sudden. I had never known them to be friends, and maybe this was a bit narcissistic of me, but Vanitas sure looked a lot like me.

"Leave him alone, Van," Riku said as he slung his arm around Vanitas' waist. "I've bothered him enough. That's why he hates me now," he said with a bit of a slur and a roll of his eyes.

"That's not true," I said with a frown, hurt that that's what Riku thought of me and our former friendship. "You know that."

"Whatever. We'll just get out of your way before you think I'm harassing you or Roxas sees," he said and even though he had a certain disdainful tone to his voice, I could tell his feelings were still hurt, and it was probably the alcohol making him spill.

"Later Sora," Vanitas said with a chuckle as he led Riku away with their arms clasped around each other's waists. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, and instead, turned to run up the stairs after Roxas. If I didn't go after him, it'd be a lot worse than if I did.

I opened the door and was glad that he hadn't locked it, and saw him sitting on the bed, playing with some loose change I guess he had found in his pocket. I made sure to close the door behind me, and walked over to him. "Roxas, what's this all about?"

He glanced up at me, a bit of a cold and stern look on his face that softened as he let out a long sigh. "I'm just really stressed is all. You know how I get," he said as he held his hand out to me to pull me down with him on the bed.

"But you can't use that as an excuse all the time Roxas. You've been so moody lately. And you act like you don't want anything to do with me," I told him everything I had felt lately.

"You know me," he said, lightly shrugging. "I just get in these moods. I guess I've just been feeling a little weird."

"About graduation?" I asked, and then more quietly asked, "or about us?" I was worried of what his answer would be, and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach when he nodded.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. Ever since the whole Seifer thing-"

"Listen," I said as he moved my hand to rest on his cheek. "I understand that you might have doubts about our relationship because of him," I said as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "But I really wish you wouldn't let him affect how you feel about me."

"I know, Sora."

"That guy was a creep. Most people aren't going to react like that, I'm sure." I tried to reassure him.

"...I guess. He just got to me."

"What did he tell you anyway?" I had never bothered to ask what Seifer had told him before. I guess I didn't want to push the subject or make him think about what happened. But it had been long enough by now. And if he had told my brother anything to make him doubt our relationship, I wanted to know.

Roxas shrugged again. "He just called me names. He didn't say anything about you really. Or else I would have clobbered the guy. I just don't want you to be in that situation, and I feel like because of me-"

"Stop," I hushed him as I looked at him with a stern expression. "There are assholes out there, and its something we have to deal with. But don't let that affect you, and don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

He smiled at me and leaned up to kiss me.

I kissed him back, and was glad that we had found a secluded place to talk. The music downstairs had been loud, and I had wanted to know what was bothering my brother.

His hands buried into my hair as he deepened the kiss, and immediately I melted into his touch. This was more like it. This was how I wanted to be with my brother. Normal and happy and it felt good to be kissing him. Really good, actually.

Our tongues touched, and so did my hands as they ran along his chest. I felt him smile against my lips, and a soft little moan escaped them. Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea, since there was a whole mess up people downstairs, but it wasn't like anyone had a reason to be up here anyway. The bar bathroom had been a much easier place to be caught. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we just-

I leaned closer to him and kissed him with a ferocity that sent a shiver down my spine. Things were getting heated, and fast, and I wasn't sure why it was so hard to control myself around him. Maybe it was because we hadn't had sex since the first time, and had barely had any physical contact lately.

Of course, I didn't want to have sex here or anything. That would be dumb, but I still didn't bother trying to stop Roxas when he reached for my jacket and began to pull it off.

Did the music suddenly get louder?

"Guys! Hey, come downstairs, there's—holy shit..."

It had. Someone had opened the door, and I thrust myself away from Roxas as fast as I could and glanced over to see that it was Demyx. I stared at him, mouth agape, eyes wide and saw the same expression scribbled all over his. I didn't even bother to fix my disheveled jacket, and glanced over at Roxas who looked absolutely mortified.

For what seemed like forever, none of us said anything, until Demyx began to stutter.

"I-I...wow uh..." He couldn't seem to find the right words, and I felt like my heart was about to collapse. What were we going to do now? Someone had found us...our friend had caught us. This was it...our secret was out.

"Demyx I..." Roxas said, trailing off as Demyx quickly shook his head and held up his hands.

"No, no. M-my fault, uh...shit I'm sorry. I just...fuck, sorry!" He turned on his heel as fast as humanly possible and closed the door behind him. I could hear the thud of his feet as he ran downstairs.

My whole entire world began to crash around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.


	19. Don't Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that people are aware of Roxas and Sora's secret, emotions become tense between the two of them, and Sora isn't sure why Roxas is pushing away from him with every passing day. Until the two have a blow out that may change their relationship forever.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
a Roxas x Sora story  
Chapter 18: Don't Panic

.oOo.

"Roxas..." I began, slowly reaching out towards him, scared of making any sudden movements. I had no idea how to react to what just happened. No when Roxas and I were completely screwed. Everything had just come to a head finally...someone had caught us. And not just anyone, but Demyx.

I wasn't sure if that was any better or any worse than if a stranger found out. But we had never wanted our friends to find out, and now that they had...

"What are you thinking?" I asked when he refused to say anything

"Oh, I don't know, Sora!" Roxas said as he whipped around, a look of complete hatred on his face. Whether that was directed at me or himself, or even Demyx for that matter, I wasn't sure.

"Fuck!" He yelled as he stood up from the bed and began to pace back and forth, gesturing wildly with his hands. "What the hell just happened? Why the fuck am I so stupid?" he asked, more to himself than me.

"Calm down, Roxas," I tried as I stood up as well.

"No! I can't calm down. He saw us! Demyx saw us and you know how he is! He's got a huge mouth. Always yapping away about everything."

"M-maybe he won't tell," I tried, wringing my hands nervously as I looked at Roxas with fear in my eyes. I really hoped he wouldn't tell. Demyx was our friend, so he wouldn't tell would he? I didn't even want to think about what would happen if everyone in the school found out.

"Of course he's going to tell!" Roxas yelled again, and I winced, clutching at my head and trying to wrap my mind around this whole thing. I couldn't be naïve about this. I had to deal with the possibility that maybe Roxas was right. Maybe Demyx would tell.

"And if he does?"

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't fucking know," Roxas said walking over to the nearest wall and slamming his fist against it in a bout of anger and frustration.

"Stop, Roxas, it'll be okay," I said as I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him from behind. I let my chin rest against his shoulder and felt his body shaking uncontrollably. "It'll be okay," I said, trying to sooth him.

He looked back at me, the anger gone from his face and replaced with a look of regret that I had hoped I'd never see. He was crying, and his breath came out in a shudder as he turned to me and asked, "But what if it isn't?"

.oOo.

I don't think I had ever felt so nauseous in my entire life. I wasn't usually one to worry, but the stress of this whole situation was killing me. All weekend I had imagined every possible scenario that could play out when Roxas and I went back to school. None of them turned out good. Except for the one where Demyx walked over to us and said he hadn't told anyone, but that he supported our decision. That one ended well, but I wasn't really counting on that, so I didn't entertain the idea much.

Finally though, today was the day we had been dreading. Monday. And this whole weekend we hadn't talked to Demyx once. Not Zexion either.

Roxas had made himself sick from the stress. But I was happy to see that he had confided with me as much as possible this weekend, instead of keeping himself stowed away in his room like he usually did when he was upset.

I don't think I'd seen Roxas cry so much in a long time. I felt so bad. I just wished that I could turn back time and go back to that night at the party and tell myself, "Demyx is going to walk in soon. Stop being so damn horny!"

But...I couldn't. And I had to face the music. How ironic right? Since Demyx was a musician...I didn't even have the heart to joke. I felt too bad.

It was only third period, but on a normal day, I didn't see Demyx or Zexion until lunch. That was when Roxas and I would really find out if Demyx had told anyone.

So far, things had been different. It could have been my own paranoia though, but I felt like people were looking at Roxas and I. Really looking. With weird expressions on their faces like they knew. Roxas felt it too. He nearly had a breakdown when we were walking down the hall and Xion hadn't waved back to him. I tried to convince him she just hadn't seen him, since she had been looking the other way, but he was convinced that she knew, she knew and that she wanted nothing to do with him.

I felt bad for Roxas. He always beat himself up about everything, and he let himself stress out to the point of vomiting. That's just how he was. Always dwelling on everything. So I knew this was going to be hard for him to deal with.

I just couldn't stop thinking about Seifer and what he had done to Roxas. If others found out, would someone do the same to us?

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, and I reached in quickly, anxious to see who it was.

It was my brother asking if anything had happened in class, and I replied with a 'nothing out of the ordinary.'

I knew he was worried about Ceramics class, which was after lunch. Truth be told, I was worried too. Since Riku was in that class and everything. I think, for some reason, I was the most worried about Riku's reaction. Not because I liked him still, but because he'd know why I had turned him down. Would he understand? Would he be disgusted with me? I still was on sort of friendly terms with him, so the thought of him hating me made me worry.

Roxas replied that everything was so far, so good, and I breathed out a huge sigh of relief. Maybe I had been right. Maybe Demyx didn't tell anyone after all. Maybe things would work out like I had said.

Only thirty minutes to go until we'd have to face whatever it was that was going to happen.

.oOo.

My heart sank into my stomach when I saw Demyx. He was with Zexion, of course, sitting on a bench by the trees in our campus. They were in a secluded area, and I noticed that they weren't sitting at a bigger table like they normally would so that we could join them. Was that a sign that they didn't want us there?

"There they are," I said as I inhaled sharply. Roxas looked at me, grabbing my hand for some support and looking at me with a horrified look.

"I see them."

"Do you want to go over there or?"

"N-No. Let's just...wait and see," He said and the two of us glanced over at Demyx and Zexion. We stood there, watching them for a few seconds before Demyx finally made eye contact with us. And instead of greeting us with a wave and a smile, he quickly averted his eyes to Zexion and said something. Zexion glanced at us out of the corner of his eye, then quickly looked away when he saw us looking.

"Shit. He told Zexion," Roxas said, immediately letting go of my hand and looking like he was physically ill.

"Yeah but it's just Zexion, we both knew he would tell Zexion."

That didn't stop the tight clench in my beating heart. I was nervous, and finally, what we had wondered began to play out in front of us when we saw Olette and her group of girl friends whispering to each other as they stared at us.

I didn't move, I didn't say anything, just let my eyes wander around the campus as a few people here and there that we knew stared at us.

Oh god, I wanted to throw up. He had told people. It had gotten around. And that mean, without a doubt, Riku knew too. And this meant that we were now going to be known as the sick, perverted incestuous gay twins.

I felt my knees grow weak, and I quickly turned on my heel and walked away, trying to avoid any more eye contact with anyone.

"Sora, wait," Roxas said as he quickly followed me and grabbed my wrist. "I told you he'd tell."

"I know," I said, heading in the direction of the bathroom and quickly reclaiming my wrist from my brother's grip. I rushed forward with everything around me becoming dizzying and blurry and ugh, my head was pounding. Maybe the weight of the situation was finally easing itself on my shoulders. Easing? More like crashing down on me and I could hear Roxas behind me, distorted and quiet as I felt myself at a a near running speed.

I pushed open the door and ran straight for the first stall I saw and eased myself gently against it. I rubbed my throbbing temples and noticed that my hand was shaking.

And then I heard Roxas storming in after me. Thankfully there was no one in the bathrooms, which was what I was hoping for.

That had been horrible. Standing there in the middle of the campus with everyone looking and I felt like I had just walked into school naked or something. Sure, I was pretty much an open book to anyone who wanted to get to know me, but there were some things I still wanted all to myself. And Roxas was one of them.

Could anyone understand how hard that moment really was? I had a hard time dealing with people not liking me in the first place, so to know that I would be the laughing stock, the source of gossip, for nearly everyone in the school for less than desirable reasons...that wasn't something easy for me to imagine.

What if people find out? Incest is wrong, why else would it be illegal? No one would understand.

Thoughts came flooding back to me. What I had remembered thinking when I was still afraid of the prospect of dating my brother. He had convinced me that it would be okay. I had convinced me that no one would find out and that it could be our secret and that maybe what we were involved with wasn't so bad.

But now that Demyx had popped my naïve bubble I started to realize that reactions were what we were going to get, and surely they wouldn't be good.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I said as I glanced up at Roxas, who had closed and locked the stall behind him, and stared at me with a guilty expression.

"Sora, it's going to be okay," he tried as he grabbed my shoulders and made me look at him. I smiled back, unsure and not very confident in his words, but attempting to be optimistic anyway. Attempting and failing, miserably.

"No, Roxas, everyone knows...this is what I was afraid of," I told him before throwing myself forward and wrapping my arms around him in a crushing hug because I was scared he was going to disappear and I would be left alone to deal with this mess I created for myself.

"I...I don't know what to say..." he replied as he slowly wrapped his arms snug around my waist, pulling me close.

The difference between Roxas and I being upset was the fact that I wanted to be as close to him as possible and get some sort of comfort. Roxas just liked to be left alone.

"There's nothing you can say," I told him as I leaned my nose in the crook of his neck and took in a deep shuddery breath. I was so close to breaking. My lips began to tremble and my eyes burned. My nose twitched and soon the tears were quietly falling down my cheeks.

"Stop, Sora...please don't cry," Roxas begged as he pulled away from me and looked just about ready to break into a cry himself. He shook his head and pushed the bangs out of my eyes as I sniffed and tasted the salt on my skin with the tip of my tongue running over my lip. "I-I'm sorry...I feel so bad...this is all my fault."

"Stop blaming yourself for everything," I said, almost sounding a bit angry as I pushed him gently to try to knock a little sense into him. "It's not your fault Demyx walked in on us. It's not your fault that he told people okay? It just...happened. I wish it hadn't but...now we have to deal with it," I said as I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand.

"…" Roxas didn't say anything, but let his hands fall from my shoulders and looked at me with a sadness in his eyes that was different than normal.

"...I'm scared of what's going to happen next," I told him honestly, wrapping my arms around myself like I used to do when I was a kid scared and looking for my mom and dad. Like that time Roxas and I had gotten lost in that huge department store.

"Don't be," Roxas told me as he looked at me with furrowed brows. "I'm going to fix things, I promise."

I didn't know what he meant by that...but I wasn't sure fixing was what we needed. All I needed was a little strength.

.oOo.

Was it morbid of me to imagine that a blow to the face would feel better then the extreme nausea twisting at my gut like when kids used to twist each other's arms to burn their skin? That was kind of mean. After all, Roxas had experienced both the punch to the face and the anxiety. Ugh, sometimes my brother's men streak really rubbed off on me.

But ever since people found out about Roxas and I, school had been torture. I never was one of those kids who really hated school. I didn't dread going like I did now. I didn't feel nauseous every time I stepped foot in the classroom to see Olette and Selphie giving me weird looks. I'd retreat to the very back of the classroom, as opposed to my usual front row seat, and bury my head in a book so that I wouldn't have to look at anyone and no one could look at me. I'd text Roxas as frequently as I could to make sure he was dealing with everything alright.

He was handling it a little better than I was, but I think that was only because he was better at hiding it.

I'd been called every name you could think of. Fag, pervert, freak, and every version of those imaginable. I'd been shoved into a wall by a few guys in my grade, had my books knocked onto the floor, and teased relentlessly. Some girl had even asked me if Roxas was a good kisser before turning back to her group of friends who were all giggling at my expense.

How I had went from the kid that people had overall liked to the class freak wasn't something I had ever imagined happening, before this whole thing with Roxas started, at least.

I'd see Riku and Vanitas around a lot nowadays, and did my best to hide my head in my hood and try to disappear before they could see me. But I noticed the way Riku looked at me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I was afraid of the day that we'd have a run-in and I'd hear everything he had to say.

And I was sure that day would come. Especially with the way Vanitas kept waving at me with that stupid smirk on his face. He was laughing at me. Everyone was.

Roxas and I were the laughing stock of the entire school, and the only thing that pushed me to get up in the morning and get ready for another grueling day of torture was the fact that my high school career was near over. That thought was also the one that kept me awake at night because I knew my only source of support was going to be miles away while we went to different schools.

Who knew this all would end up so complicated?

Oh yeah...I had...

.oOo.

"Hey, guess you guys didn't hear: incest is immoral. Against the law. And did I mention perverted?"

"Yeah, we heard," Roxas muttered under his breath as Setzer, one of the guy's on the soccer team snickered at us with his team mates. I rolled my eyes and turned away from the group of guys, doing my best to ignore them. Soon, but not soon enough, they walked away, and I turned to Roxas to see him burying his head in his hands.

"Don't let it bother you, Rox," I said as I reached over and touched his shoulder. Over my shoulder, I heard someone in Setzer's group gag and laugh, and it was incredibly hard for me not to walk over there and shove that soccer ball down their throats.

Wow, Sora, time to calm down.

"I just don't want to deal with this today," Roxas groaned as he looked at me through his fingers. "Hey, I have an idea, let's not and say we did," he said with a soft chuckle before he looked like a brilliant idea had just hit him. I didn't need to be a genius to know what he meant.

"No, we're not ditching school," I told him as I let my hand fall from his shoulder and tried to give him a stern look. But did the idea sound tempting? Yeah, I couldn't lie. It definitely did. It would be great not to have to deal with all the snickers and teasing and the shoving.

"Of course not, why did I even bother asking?" He rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. I couldn't help but feel bad as I watched him trace patterns in the table top. I felt myself breaking. He looked so upset. He was always so upset all the time, even more so now, if that was even possible. And I knew it was difficult for him, and for me, to have to deal with all the stupid kids at our school.

"...Fine, but let's just hurry before I change my mind," I said as I pulled the strap of my backpack over my shoulders and got up from the bench. I didn't look at Roxas, but I could just see his wide-eyed expression in his voice when he asked,

"Really? You actually want to ditch?"

"Ssh! Not so loud," I turned back to him with a finger over my mouth, obviously a little scared since this was the first time in my high school career I had ever ditched. Roxas had ditched before, and I remember threatening to tell mom and dad unless he gave me twenty dollars.

"This is awesome, Sora, where should we go?" Roxas asked as he hopped on his skateboard and began a leisurely place.

"The Usual Spot?" I asked with a nervous smile as my eyes gazed back and forth to make sure there were no teachers or janitors around that might spot us.

"Park it is."

And the two of us got away from there as fast as possible.

.oOo.

Roxas leaned over and across the bench to press his lips against mine, and I returned the kiss with one of my own. Warmth and kindness was all I ever felt when I was with Roxas, and the kiss was an extension of that. Whenever we kissed, I felt like there was a secret between us that could never be shared. Honestly, everyone might have known about our secret, but they wouldn't ever understand how we really felt about each other.

He pulled away, and I closed my eyes when his fingertips brushed against my cheekbone. I grabbed his wrist before he could pull away and looked at him, noticed the freckles dusting his nose, noticed the little mole above his upper lip.

"This is nice," I told him with a grin as I brought his hand down and rested both our hands against the table, my fingers curled around his.

"Yeah, the ice cream wasn't bad either," he said with a swipe of his tongue across his lips. I had been able to taste the stickiness, the salty and sweet that was the taste of Sea Salt Ice cream and Roxas.

"Too sugary for my taste, but whatever," I said with a smirk at the mock-offense on his face.

"So are you, but you don't hear me complaining," he said as he leaned over to nuzzle his nose against my cheek and kiss my neck softly. I felt a shiver jolt down my spine and got goosebumps on my arms.

"Weird," I start as I tilt my neck slightly. "how tragedy brings you closer to me." I say with a quirk of my brow and he stops his wet kisses against my neck to look up at me.

"I don't want us to be distant right now," he said as he pulled away from me. "I just want us to be together. I don't think I could deal with this without you," he said and I smiled back.

"You don't have to," I told him as I squeezed his hand. "If you weren't so stubborn, then you'd know you don't have to deal with anything by yourself."

He shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Sometimes I want to though. I don't want to drag you along all the time," he muttered to himself as he began to pull his hand away, but I kept my grasp tightly on his.

"No, you're not going to pull away again," I said with a determined look on my face. "Stop being such a downer all the time. You're going to have premature wrinkles, you know?" I said as my thumb brushed the worry lines in his forehead and laughed. "Is that a gray hair I spot?"

"Shut up, Sora," he said playfully as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Come here," He said as he patted the spot right beside him and I scooted over on the top of the bench. I began to shove his backpack out of his way, only to feel how heavy it was.

"Geez, what do you have in here? I know it's not textbooks," I teased as I made a move to unzip his backpack and find out what was causing the weight. Roxas stopped me and made a grab for his backpack like it was the last Dragon roll on the dinner table.

"Stop, I don't want you to look in there," he said as he clung to his backpack possessively.

"What's in there?" I asked, more suspiciously this time. I made another grab for it and found myself annoyed when Roxas pulled it out of my reach. "Seriously, you're not supposed to hide secrets from me Roxas!" I said as I grabbed the backpack and began to try and wrestle it out of Roxas' grip.

"Stop being so nosy, Sora!" Roxas said as he tried to pull it back. "Ugh, stop, it's not ready yet," he said and I felt my interest peaked too high to let it go. What wasn't ready yet? Maybe it was something for me? I doubted it, Roxas wasn't really the romantic gift giving type, but I knew whatever it was, it must have been good.

My grip didn't relent, and he finally let out a long and defeated sigh before dropping the backpack. "Fine! I'll show you," he said and I grinned. Success. I unzipped the backpack greedily and was surprised when I saw something small and gray behind the notebooks he had. That must have been the source of what was so heavy. I reached in and pulled it out and felt myself fall silent when I saw what it was.

"A paopu fruit?" I asked as I held it in my hand and looked up at Roxas. Had he actually made this? "Was this that project you were working on for class?"

He nodded and took the ceramic quickly from my hand, cradling it like it was something special to him that he wanted to keep guarded. "Yeah, it's not done yet," he said as he rubbed his fingers over it. "I still have to finish painting it and put the glaze on." He said as he looked it over and then handed it back to me. "But it's supposed to be for you." He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not much now but-"

"What do you mean?" I asked, my smile spreading as I took the ceramic Paopu and cradled it the same way Roxas did, to let him know that this was as special to me as it was to him. "It's great. Even all the points are even, that must've taken a while."

"Well," Roxas said with a nervous smile. "I wanted it to be perfect."

"What's this for though?" I asked as I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple. "It's great, but, why a Paopu?"

"Remember that story Granmmy used to tell us?" He asked and I nodded. "How Destiny Islands was famous for the Paopu fruit."

"Yeah, I remember," I said with a smile.

"And she said, if two people shared them, that their destinies would become intertwined. Right?"

"And they'd remain a part of each other's lives forever. That was my favorite story. About the guy and the girl who shared it." I said, fondly remembering all the nights I begged Grammy to tell us the story.

"Yeah, I know you always fell asleep when Grammy would tell it," he said with a grin. The kind of grin that one has when they remembered the taste of chocolate chip cookies their long-gone mom used to make, or remembered the way their swing set broke while they were on it and their parents had to take them to the hospital to put in those stitches. A fond, sad smile of long-gone memories that he wished weren't so long-gone.

"That's really sweet of you Roxas," I said with a grin as I fingered the ceramic fruit, feeling the roughness that would soon be glossy and smooth when burned and glazed. But we didn't need this to prove that we were always going to remain in each other's lives. We were brothers, we always would be right?

Well...the luck of the Paopu fruit wouldn't hurt.

"It was nothing," he said with a smile as he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, distracting me as he took the Paopu from my hands to put it back in his backpack. I wanted to protest, but I knew Roxas needed it for class.

"I hope you get an A on it."

"I just hope the stories are true," he says as he looked up at me, peering at me through his lashes with a hopeful smile that made the butterflies in my stomach begin to flutter. How Roxas always had a way of doing that, I wasn't sure, but I was just happy that the butterflies replaced the nausea.

"Don't worry, Roxas," I said as I grabbed his hand and let my fingers lace with his. "Nothing can tear us apart." I leaned my forehead against his and he smiled.

Except maybe you.

.oOo.

Roxas and I hadn't been back to school for a couple days. I hated ditching, but only kind of. That's why I let my brother drag me off to the park for the whole 7 hours we should be in school. Sure, Roxas should have been finishing up his ceramics project, and I know I missed a math exam, but in the grand scheme of things, my sanity seemed a lot more important than school. And our relationship.

I wasn't sure if I'd regret it, and I'll never know what I missed those few days of class, but at least Roxas and I were happy.

That is, until Mom cornered us like Mom's have such a good habit of doing and asked us what all these phone calls from our school was about? And I knew I couldn't stand a chance against Mom, so Roxas spoke up for the both of us and told her we had no idea why the school was leaving messages, but that we'd have to look into it.

She rolled her eyes and gave us both a scrutinizing look, and reminded us that Mom's always find out everything. And I remembered wondering if that mean everything.

Mom and Dad finding out about Roxas and I would be the cherry on top to our complicated mess of a life.

But that was the moment when Roxas and I knew we had to return to school, no matter how badly we didn't want to. And we really didn't want to.

And just as we expected, school was just as bad as it had been when we left. Ridicule, teasing, taunting, the whole nine yards. And to top it all off, Roxas and I running away from our problems had only added on to the problems, since we were now behind in all of our classes.

This was why I always did the right thing. This is why I never ditched. This was why I was so scared of becoming involved with my own brother. Everything I had worried about was right.

And it sucked.

Lunch was no different, and we opted to spend lunch in the library to get away from everyone. I didn't feel like letting everyone get to me, and I didn't feel like watching Roxas struggle not to knock everyone's teeth out. Even Mr. Leonhart had stopped to ask us if everything was okay. He had told us if we needed to talk about anything, emphasis on the anything, that we could come to his office.

Even the teachers knew.

It was all so embarrassing.

But just as we were headed toward the library, a familiar voice stopped us, and I felt my heart flutter in my chest, nervous for what was about to happen.

"You guys are back. I was starting to get worried."

I didn't need to turn around to know that it was Demyx. Still holding Roxas' arms, I grabbed it more possessively and turned around to face our old friend. Since Roxas and I were out in the open, I didn't really mind showing physical contact with him in public. What was the point of hiding it anymore?

Ever since Demyx told everyone...

I couldn't help but give him a harsh look in response. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. He hadn't talked to us since what happened, and now all of a sudden here he was, looking at us with a smile like we were still friends. It felt weird, and when I looked up at Roxas, I could see the sadness in his expression. Demyx had been his best friend, and he had just screwed my brother over like that. I couldn't help but hold contempt for him. Even when I usually was the first one to forgive someone and my brother was the one to hold a grudge.

But we both didn't say anything, both looked at him, waited for him to say anything to give us a reason to stay here. But the silence was beginning to grow awkward, and we turned and began to walk away , but Demyx finally decided to speak up.

"W-wait! Don't go. Not yet," he said, sounding desperate and everything in me didn't want to turn around. I didn't think he could say anything that could change my mind. All I wanted to do was get away from all the bullying and the feeling of being completely hated by everyone. It wasn't a comfortable place to be.

But I was surprised to feel Roxas stop and tug on my hand, prompting me to give Demyx a second of our time. Roxas was mad at him Roxas was beyond mad and he was the best at giving the silent treatment, so why wasn't he going to do the same to Demyx?

That kind of irked me, considering Roxas had no problem whatsoever ignoring me when he was mad. But I stopped and turned to Demyx.

He looked nervous with the way he fidgeted nervously with his hands, and he looked like he was about to get sick all over the pavement in front of him the way he grimaced, but what did he have to worry about? He wasn't the one who was constantly being ridiculed. No, he was just the one who started it.

"What?" I asked, uncharacteristically annoyed. My eyebrow twitched in irritation as I crossed my arms over my chest and tapped my foot impatiently. Whatever had to say, he could just spit it out already. I felt my brother's light touch on my shoulder, and glanced over at him to see that he was watching his former friend with a sad expression on his face. Roxas missed Demyx, that much was for sure, and for Roxas' sake, I would try and hear Demyx out.

"I…" he stopped, scratched the back of his head. "I'm really sorry." He sighed heavily, arms falling to his sides.

That was it?

I sighed, angry, and grabbed Roxas' arm to tug him away from Demyx, who was completely screwing up his chances at any sort of reconciliation.

"No! Sora, Roxas, I'm so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am," he said as he pulled at his hair angrily. "I didn't mean to walk in on you two. Honest I didn't. A-And I was just...confused and kind of drunk. So then Olette was like 'What's wrong Demyx' and I kind of just slipped. And then I don't know who she told from there, but you know how girls are." He talked in one long breath, words melding together to form something almost incoherent, but honest. " And then, I told Zexion, because it's Zexion, you know? And...then I came to school and...people just knew. They were even walking up to me and telling me! And...I guess it just somehow spread around."

We didn't say anything, just listened, and by now he was looking worried as he shook his head erratically and continued talking.

"I don't judge you guys. Really I don't. Neither does Zexion. Whatever tickles your pickle, you know. Sorry, sorry, wrong term of phrase" he said as he walked a few steps towards us, and I could feel the heat in my eyes soften. It was...hard to stay mad at Demyx. Especially when he looked so broken up about the whole thing. "I was just confused and all by what I saw and...gah, I didn't want this all to happen. People harassing you guys. I tried to stop it whenever I could."

Well, that wasn't often, since I had never once seen Demyx around us when we were being tormented by the other kids.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around...I've just been scared to talk to you guys. Really scared. I don't want you guys to hate me. You mean a lot to me."

I let out a heavy sigh and started down at my feet. I had no idea what to say to Demyx. To forgive him, to let him go? And it was Roxas who grabbed my hand and when I looked up at him he was smiling. I guessed I knew Roxas' answer. I guessed Demyx meant a lot more to him then he had let on. Roxas didn't even care about holding a grudge with him. Even when what Demyx had done was pretty bad.

"...Okay. Well...that's all I wanted to say," He said, defeated as he rubbed the back of his neck and looked up. "A-Are we still..."

"Friends?" I filled in for him, the first time either of us had replied, and it made Demyx look back at us with a relieved smile on his face.

"Yeah," he said, looking hopeful

And I looked up at Roxas to see him nodding, and I looked back at Demyx to see him smiling. And I smiled too.

"Yeah, yeah, we're still friends," my brother said, and we didn't need to all share a hug or cry together to know that everything was going to be alright between us. The comfortable silence was enough.

.oOo.

Now that Demyx had apologized, things were a little better. It was nice knowing we had someone to turn to if we wanted.

But now I was drowning in homework from falling behind because I ditched. But it was too hard to focus on my homework when Roxas was worrying me.

He hadn't come home with me, and almost thirty minutes after I was home and he still wasn't here. I tried texting him, I even tried to call him, but no answer. I figured another thirty minutes and then I'd go looking for him. I assumed he was with Demyx, but the fact that he hadn't even answered terrified me.

That is, until I heard the door slam shut and heavy footsteps. A few seconds later, Roxas was barging into my room and slamming the door behind him.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up quickly and abandoning my homework. I looked at the rattling colognes and lamp on my dresser from the impact of Roxas slamming the door.

He looked hysterical, the way he was clutching at his forehead and I could see every tense and strain in his forehead.

"Roxas, what is it?" I asked again as I stood up and walked over to him, placing my hands on his shoulders. He flinched physically and pulled away, looking at me with hot tears in his eyes.

"I just...I had really bad day," he said as he pulled away from me and walked away, staring at the wall like he wanted it to pay for why he was so upset.

"Really? No one really bothered us today though, and we got to spend time with Demyx and Zexion," I said, scratching the back of my head and trying to walk over to him again. I let my arms fall around his waist and rested my cheek against his back.

"Yeah but, it was when you weren't there," he said with a sigh and I felt his hand rest on my arm. "And … right now … " He trailed off and I looked up at him.

"What happened?" I asked, tone suddenly serious.

"Just...these guys were..." and as he trailed off I let go of him and felt my hand fly up to my mouth. No, not again, was all I could think of as I turned Roxas around to face me. I touched his face, his arm, lifted his shirt to try and find any sort of bruising, and he quickly pushed my hands away. "No, they didn't kick my ass or anything. Just messed with me. And I was just … worried that...you know?"

"Roxas..." I said with a frown as I wrapped my arms around his waist again, but was a bit hurt when he pushed me off and stepped away.

"Stop it, Sora," he said, a sullen frown on his face as he looked down, anger directed at the carpet, face contorted into a hateful, spiteful expression.

"...What?" I asked slowly, unsure why Roxas was suddenly back to this again. And after the huge breakthrough we had?

"I just...don't think we should do this anymore. " He said and I swear I felt like I just got punched in the gut. I felt a twisted feeling in my stomach and above all, I felt confused. Roxas had never said anything like this to me. But was this the reason that he had been so distant lately? Just figuring out how he was going to plan a break up with me.

I felt my eyes sting, and tried to tell myself not to cry. I didn't even know what Roxas really meant by this yet. Or if he was really going to go through with it.

"W-why...?" I asked, reaching forward to touch his cheek, but recoiling when he turned his head away from me. "What do you mean 'you don't want to do this anymore.'" I repeated, my voice raising as my temper did.

"I didn't say that. I said we shouldn't," he tried and I shook my head.

"No, no. That doesn't help. I mean, it does a little, but not really. Where the hell did this come from? Explain that to me 'cuz I don't have a clue," I told him, crossing my arms across my chest and glaring at him. Probably the first time I glared at my brother and really meant it.

"Those guys got to me, okay? And it just reminded me of Seifer and what he did to me. Too many problems. I just don't think we should keep doing this, okay?" he said with a shrug of his shoulders as he finally had the guts to look me in the eyes. I didn't see any remorse in his eyes, no guilt, just indifference. I had never wanted to just punch my brother before. Well...there was that time we actually got into that fist fight, but that was besides the point. It wasn't the same anyway. That was probably over some stupid argument.

But this was worse. I could admit that sometimes my brother was a total and complete asshole who had no sympathy for anyone else but himself sometimes. How could he just stand there and say that our relationship had too many problems and we should just forget about everything? Without a single reason other than that? I hated him sometimes. And although those times were few and far between, when he made me mad, oh he really made me mad.

"Just like that, huh?" I asked and he shrugged again and nodded. "Wow." I said with a roll of my eyes that were brimming with tears. "I can't believe you're letting one person come between us. That guy was just an asshole. Kind of like how you're being right now," I muttered the last part to myself, but he heard it, and as I glanced over at him, I could see the way his brows furrowed.

"Oh yeah? Kind of like how you let Riku come in between us, huh?"

I felt my face heat up and glanced at Roxas with a disbelieving look. Was he really bringing Riku into all of this?

"Are you serious? I never once wanted anything more with Riku. Just you. It's always been about you," I told him, not understanding his train of thought, but prepared to drag it out of him.

"Sure," he scoffed as he shook his head at me. "You took forever to tell him you weren't interested. You were just waiting to weigh your options."

"That's not true. Not at all!" I shouted, shaking my head at how delusional my brother was acting. I knew he was afraid, but geez, this was getting to be too much. "At least I didn't go off and have sex with him," I muttered again as I looked away, but I knew Roxas had been able to hurt me.

"I didn't even have sex with Axel!" He shouted, his arms gesturing wildly as he stared at me with wide eyes, as if he couldn't believe it himself. And I stared at him with an angry look because I couldn't believe he had actually lied to me this long about it.

"You didn't?" I asked, and I couldn't help but admit that a part of me was relieved, while the other part of me was completely pissed that he would lie about something so important. "Why did you-?"

"Because I was angry. You just left me that weekend! I just hated feeling like you didn't want anything to do with me. It hurt. So I decided to do the same thing and hurt you okay?" He said as he stared at me with a defiant expression, challenging me with his eyes. Typical Roxas, stubborn as ever. But I wasn't going to just back down and let Roxas guilt me into feeling bad for him. He was wrong here, at least for lying.

"Whatever Roxas. That doesn't change the fact that you lied right to my face and didn't even feel bad. I can't believe you would-"

"You lied too!" He shouted as he pointed at me with an accusatory finger. I stopped, and as I stood there I wondered what it was he was referring to, although I had an idea. How had he find out? "Don't act so innocent all the time, Sora," he spat with a roll of his eyes. "You didn't even have the guts to tell me Riku and you kissed," he said and I blinked in shock, my mouth opening in a silent rebuttal, but I had nothing to say. "Yeah, he told me. And I can't believe you couldn't." He said, betrayal in his eyes as he glared at me.

We both felt betrayed right now, both of us saying things just to spite each other. Both of us finding out the truth about lies we told each other in the past. Only problem was, I hadn't even been able to admit it on my own. Roxas found out from Riku. And here I thought they didn't even talk anymore. What else could Roxas be possibly lying about?

"Hello? You're not even going to say anything?"

"...I-I'm sorry...you're right," I said, feeling terrible as I looked down at my shoes. "You're right, I shouldn't have lied to you," I looked up at him with a frown, "but can you really blame me?" He blinked, looking offended and mildly shocked, and I continued, "Look at the way you react. Look at how you react all the time!" My voice grew louder as I remembered that I needed to stand my ground against him. It just wasn't fair of Roxas to guilt me into being sorry when I was just upset as he was. "You're always pushing me away when all I want is to be close to you. All our problems we're having are because of you! Isn't this what you wanted?" I asked him. "To be with me? So why are you screwing it up?"

Yeah, it might have been a little harsh, but he needed to hear it. I was getting really tired of this bullshit he was always trying to pull with me. It just wasn't fair.

He didn't say anything, but instead he sighed, letting his head hang as he quietly said, "I am screwing things up, aren't I? Fuck, I know, Sora..." he said, peering up at me through his bangs.

"Why though?" I asked and watched as he moved over to the bed and sat on the corner. I didn't join him, but leaned against the wall with a sigh. It was so hard to stay mad at him sometimes.

"I just...can't deal with things sometimes," he said as he rubbed his chin, and his words were muffled by his palm almost to the point where I couldn't understand him. His voice started to shake. "You know that feeling where everything is tumbling around you and you have no idea how to stop it and make it calm down for just five seconds so you can just breathe? And everyone's telling you you're wrong. And you know it...you do...but it's much easier to just take what you want and drag others down with you."

I stopped, confused by Roxas' monologue. A big mess of words that he tried to organize to create what he felt, when all he had to do was tell me he was scared. Tell me he was confused. Because that's what he felt right?

"Fear? Confusion?" I asked, wringing my hands together and noticing how clammy they felt. My brow was working up a sweat as well. Was I nervous? Or was this just what fear and confusion felt like?

"Guilt," he said softly as he looked away from me again.

"Over what? Trying to break up with me? Then don't."

"No, not that. I'm doing you—and us—a favor."

"More like yourself," I muttered under my breath as I crossed my arms and stared up at the ceiling, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill over with all I had. I was done crying over him. If he just wanted to let go and forget about me like that, then he could.

"Well do you know how fucking horrible it's going to be when you come to your senses and realize I pressured you into all of this? Into thinking incest was okay. Into thinking you wanted to be with me. Into choosing me over all your friends, over Riku,"

"So you think that my entire way of thinking is based on you 'pressuring' me?" That's crazy, Roxas," I said with a roll of my eyes. Did he really think I didn't have a will of my own? Yes, he was my twin and he did have a major impact on my life, but I was my own person. "I think you're taking the twin thing too far. I am my own person you know."

"Think about it. Did you ever even once think about anything like a relationship with me? Did you ever imagine kissing me, fucking me? Holding hands with me like you did Tidus?"

"I..." I stopped, taking his words in. I hadn't ever really thought about that. When was the first time I thought of my brother in anyway besides as family? After things became confusing and that whole mess of emotions followed. When Roxas kissed me things suddenly changed. And my feelings along with it. But, that didn't necessarily mean Roxas pressured me into anything, per say. Did it? I...didn't think so, but I wasn't sure. "No, but that doesn't-"

"I kissed you while we were drunk. That wasn't right of me. I never shouldn't have done that. And I tricked you into kissing me at the club. I was jealous over Riku for no reason. Don't you get it?"

"No, Roxas, you didn't take advantage or manipulate me," I said, though what he was saying was true. It still didn't change the fact that I was happy where I was now. I was happy with him.

"Fuck, this never should have happened, Sora," he said, burying his face into his hands and shaking his head, and I could hear a pained groan escape his lips. I could how tense he was. It looked like he wanted to pull his face off or something, the way his fingers were shaped like claws as he dug his nails into his forehead, into his scalp. Maybe this was hurting Roxas just as much as it was hurting me.

"Roxas..."

"You're too nice, Sora, to realize how much of a fuck up I am. I pressured my own brother into thinking he wanted this. I couldn't keep my stupid, twisted feelings a secret and I dragged you down with me. Everyone's right about me. I'm a fucked up person...I really didn't mean to fuck your life up too," and by now he was looking at me, tears falling down his cheeks.

His eyes were the same raging storm and ocean they had been back when I had first found out about Roxas' feelings. That was the last time we had gotten into such a huge argument. That was the last time either of us had been so red with anger with clenched teeth and white knuckles.

Roxas and I may not have argued that often, but when we did, it always escalated to something dangerous and intense and they were always so...final. Yeah, that was the word. Everything felt so final at times like this.

I shook my head, my lip quivering as I struggled not to cry as well. Roxas' words just sounded so final...and I kind of felt like this may have been in. If I couldn't get him to realize that he was making a mistake. "Stop being so hard on yourself, Roxas. You need to stop acting like I have no mind of my own. I thought long and hard about what I wanted. And I wanted us. Don't you get that?" I asked, and I could see his shoulders shaking. "Where are you getting all this from? Just your own insecurities or-?"

"I've been feeling so guilty. I felt like I corrupted you or something. You were always the better twin and I feel like I just dragged you down with me. And I was just worried you'd realize that and hate me for it. And then Riku-"

"Riku?" I repeated, my eyes sharp with anger. He was always bringing up Riku, as if Riku really mattered that much to our relationship. He didn't. "What does he have to do with this?"

"When we were talking...he just made me feel like shit. He said I confused you into being sick like me,"

"What?" I asked. My chest was fit to burst with anger, and I just wanted Roxas to stop listening to anyone else but me. "Just...forget about Riku alright?! He doesn't matter!" I yelled so loud Roxas flinched and looked at me shocked. I even shocked myself.

"I'm just...I'm so mad!" I continued, pushing myself off the wall to walk over to him, our faces close as I bent down and put my hands on his shoulders. I wanted to shake him. I wanted to strangle him. But most of all I just wanted him to understand. "Stop letting everything and everyone come in between us. I want to be with you Roxas." I leaned forward and kissed him with all my might, letting my tongue trail over his bottom lip and finding myself delighted when his lips parted and his tongue met mine. But only for a second, as he pulled away and our lips parted with a soft, wet smack.

He pressed his lips together and looked up at me with an expression I wasn't sure I liked. "I...just don't know. Things are so fucked up." I let my arms drop from his shoulders and my eyes were just burning so bad. I didn't try to hold back anymore. My cheeks started to feel wet and my nose runny. "You know, I'm risking everything for you, Sora. I'm risking my friends, my future. And you know mom and dad have always liked you more, so if they ever found out it'd be all my fault. They'd blame me, just like everyone else probably would."

"They don't like you less than me, Roxas," I said, my voice cracking, and I cried noisily, didn't care how red my face was or how ugly I looked. I just didn't care anymore and looked away from my brother. It hurt too much.

"Yea, they do. If they found out, who knows what they'd do. They'd probably send me away..."

"No." I said, shaking my head, rejecting the thought. No way would they ever send Roxas away. I wouldn't let them even if they did.

"I just...don't think this is going to work out, Sora. It'll be better for us, for you," he said and I felt him touch my cheek, but the contact only made me wince and pull away from him. I heard him sigh beside me. "You saw what that guy did to me...if anything did that to you, I don't know what I'd do."

"I can handle myself," I told him as I glared at him. "And that was just one guy at a bar."

"Don't you see I'm just trying to protect you?"

I stared at him quietly for a minute, shaking my head slowly as I clenched my hands into fists. My body was rigid. "Really, Roxas, really?" I laughed an angry laugh and rolled my eyes. "Or is it that you can't handle all of the criticism yourself? You're the one who can't handle it. You're the one you're trying to protect."

He didn't say anything, just shook his head and stood up, and for the first time in my life, I really felt like I was going to lose my brother for good.

As he walked towards the door to leave, I let him. I let him up until he twisted the doorknob and was just inches away from stepping out the door. And then I spoke up. "Don't leave," I pleaded. "You're the only one I have."

And he turned back to look at me, offering a sort of smile and pausing. For a split second he looked down with a contemplative expression and for that split second I gained hope.

"I don't want to you lose you," I said.

"You won't," was all he could say before turning and walking away from me.

And at that moment, I really felt like I had lost my twin brother for good. At that moment, he was out of my life.


	20. Siamese Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riku and Sora have a serious talk concerning Riku and what he has to say about Sora and Roxas' relationship, and Roxas lets SOra in on a big secret as to why he may be acting the way he has been.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
a Roxas x Sora story  
Chapter 19: Siamese Twins

.oOo.

I was the one with the stupid grin permanently stuck to my face, ever optimistic, and always ready with a "Don't be so upset. Things will get better." But Roxas had yelled the smile right off my face, and I was stuck feeling icky about school, Roxas, and the fact that I was pretty much secluding myself from Roxas and the group because even the sight of blond spikes was enough to make me angry, and my stomach wrench with guilt. All I wanted to do was make up with him, or have him try to make up with me.

But I found that extra thirty minutes in the library was just what I needed to catch up with the assignments I missed from ditching class. A final project, a final essay, and three final exams was a lot to handle, and I needed all the study time I could get. Not to mention I was pretty distracted by all of the unnecessary fighting Roxas and I were doing. I had to admit, it was pretty dumb of me to let that stuff get in the way of my studies, but it was hard to focus on math when you had a knot in your stomach.

And reading textbooks was hard enough without someone's laughter echoing throughout the library. I looked up, ready to give whoever it was a stare-down, until I noticed it was Riku, flirting away with the librarian's assistant.

"Riku!" I whispered, though loud enough to get his attention, and he turned to look at me, surprised of course that I was calling him over. But I was sure it wasn't for the reasons he thought it was. I was beyond furious at him too for what he said to Roxas. Even if I was annoyed at Roxas too, I had to stick up for my brother.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked with a grin as he sat down at the chair across from me. "Doing some studying?" He asked as he glanced down at my textbooks.

"Uh yeah," I said, tone monotonous and cold, although I almost felt bad that I was about to just go off on an unknowing Riku. "So, I heard you talked to my brother," I said, not wanting to beat around the bush.

"Oh, yeah," he said quiet and with a nod of his head. I could see the way his smile fell just a bit as soon as I mentioned Roxas, and I could practically smell his discomfort from the other side of the table. And Riku usually wasn't one to be uncomfortable in any situation. Or at least, that was how he acted.

"What did you tell him?" I asked, tapping my pencil on the table while my lips puckered in annoyance.

"I don't really think this is the place that we should talk about this," Riku said, gesturing towards the fact that we were in the library. Oh okay, but he had no problem laughing it up with library assistants?

"No, I want to talk about it now," I said, gritting my teeth as I narrowed my eyes to let Riku know I meant business.

"Geez, alright, alright," Riku said, holding his palms up in surrender. He quirked a brow, his smirk hinting his amusement with how uncharacteristically annoyed I was. But I tried to keep a calm mind, and not back down. "What is it you want to know?" He asked, adjusting his thick-rimmed glasses that I hadn't noticed he was wearing. Had he been wearing those for a while now? Not like I would know. I never saw Riku anymore.

"Honestly, I just want to know where you get off getting involved in our business?" I said, blinking in surprise at how forward and abrasive I had, but it just blurted out of me. And I could see Riku's eyebrows shoot up into his hairline as he stared at me with a confused look on his face. "I mean..."

"No, no, you said what you needed to," Riku said, brows meeting in the middle as he rolled his eyes behind the lenses of his glasses. "Look, I just...congratulated him on whatever it is you two have going on."

"And?" I asked, glancing around the library tables quickly to make sure the attention wasn't on us, but we were still quiet enough that no one was paying any attention to us.

"Listen, I just said I wasn't surprised okay? There was always something weird about you two."

"Geez, thanks," I said with a roll of my eyes as I stuck my pencil in my mouth and began to chew on the wood in some sort of effort to focus my anxiety. The more I sat here, the more it began to rise.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said with an annoyed grunt. "You're awfully rude now, you know that?" He said with a pointed glare before continuing, "it's just I always suspected something. He was always jealous whenever I'd come around. Like whenever I sat with you guys at lunch or when we were at Paopu. The bad blood between us was obvious."

"So you assumed just from that?"

"Not just that. Me and him used to be friends. And then all of a sudden he started ignoring me. And then same with you. All because he was jealous that you liked me."

"It's not like he made me or anything. I have a mind of my own you know?" I whispered harshly, and I couldn't even begin to explain how angry I was over the fact that both Riku and Roxas thought I was just some mindless idiot. As if I wasn't smart enough to make my own decisions.

"But you stopped hanging out with me because of what you had going on with Roxas, right? Because you two started kissing and shit? I knew that excuse you gave me was bullshit." He was pissed by this point, and I watched as he tried to put himself in check with a deep breath. "I really liked you Sora. That wasn't a lie. Even if you were just my friend, I was okay with that."

"Yeah well, things change." I looked away and took the pencil from my mouth. Bite marks indented the wood like crazy, and I realized I must have been a bit more nervous then I thought, talking to Riku about

"Yeah I guess things do change when you get involved in some incestuous thing."

"Can you stop?" I said, my voice a dangerous hiss as I glared at him, my forehead tense. "Yeah we're together! Yeah okay? I said it. I couldn't tell you before because we didn't want anyone to know. That's why I told you what I did. And I did like you, okay? But like I said, things change."

"Whatever," he said, the same heated expression returning to his face. "Not like I stood a change against Roxas anyway. I'm not manipulative like that."

"Manipulative? Is that what you call it? Look, he didn't-"

"Why else are you two together? I mean you seemed all into me at one point and then all of a sudden Roxas gets pissed and we don't talk. And now you two are dating? He isolated you from me so you couldn't even have a chance to like me just so that he could have a chance at you. You two are brothers. I mean why would you-"

"Look, its none of your business!" I yelled, the two of us in a harsh showdown of glares. For a moment I forgot that we were even in the library, that is, until the librarian walked over to us and gave us our much deserved 'Shh!' to which Riku and I apologized. Around us, kids were staring at us, some giving us knowing looks as if they knew what it was we were talking about. And they probably did. We had probably been loud enough for the whole side of the library to hear our conversation.

Once everyone started to ignore us once again and the world seemed to go back to it's regular uninteresting flow, Riku and I turned back to each other, still annoyed, but now I just hoped we were smart enough to keep our mouths shut this time. I could only assume that people's nosiness would get the better of them, and there would, no doubt, be a few of them listening in.

"Yeah, but its not right," Riku said quietly, his back hunched over so he was leaning in close to me, so that his words could only be heard as they made their way to me. "Dating your own brother? Incest is wrong." And even if was aware that culture knew saw incest as immoral, it still didn't hurt any less when someone pointed it out to me. "What made you two start dating? What made you like him? I'm genuinely curious."

"I don't have to explain anything to you," I said as I leaned in as well, and sure it was little weird being this close to Riku again, because the last time we were almost nose to nose was moments before a kiss.

"You can't even give me a reason, can you? Maybe if you had one, I could understand that its not just Roxas. But its obvious he likes you more than you like him."

I wanted to shout. I wanted to grab those dumb glasses off Riku's head and crush them under my shoe. But I let out a deep sigh, even though I could feel my eye twitching in annoyance. "You don't know anything about your relationship, got it? So don't pretend like you do. Roxas is great, okay?"

"Whatever, Sora," he said, scoffing as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against his chair.

"Listen," I said as I grabbed his wrist and held on tight, making sure this next part he understood, and understood well. "You can say whatever you want about me. Call me a freak, call me a pervert, call me any name you want, but leave my brother alone." I don't think I had ever been so intense with someone in my life, and I think it shocked Riku because he didn't say anything, didn't try to move his wrist out of my grasp or anything. It was like eh was soaking it all in.

We stared at each other before I continued, "Don't say anything to my brother again, I mean it. I care a lot about him, and I'll stick up for him, no matter what. Even if he can be completely frustrating sometimes," and the last part I said more to myself than to Riku. "But that doesn't matter. People like you, who can't just leave us alone, who judge us without knowing anything, don't matter. As long as I'm happy with the decision I made. I don't need friends like you if you can't be happy."

I could see the way his expression became soft, and the way his eyes followed a trail from me, to the table, down to the floor.

"While you're at it, just leave me alone too," I said as I dropped his wrist, and began to close my books and get my papers neat and orderly so I could leave. And Riku just sat there, eyes stuck to the floor, his bangs covering his eyes, and I couldn't help but glance at him from the corner of my eye right before I stood up to leave. But just as I was about to turn on my heel, leave, and let this be the last time I saw or even talked to Riku, he looked up at me and reached forward.

"Wait," he said, a tremble in his voice. "Sora...you're right," he said, so softly I could barely hear him, but what he had said was still clear enough to me. "It's none of my business, and I guess I shouldn't have said anything to your brother," he stood up and I watched as he walked over to the other side of the table to meet me there. "I don't get it, not even a little, but I've always cared about you. And...if you're happy, then I'm glad."

Even if I still felt a tremor of anger, I let myself sigh softly, and maybe I gave in too easily, but I allowed myself a small smile.

"You were a good friend, Sora. I don't want to end high school knowing I screwed things up with you."

"And you promise you won't say anything to Roxas?" I asked with a quirk of my brow, making sure before I forgave him, that he would stick to the deal.

"No, I won't," he said with a genuine smile that I honestly had long since missed.

"Fine," I said, and I felt the awkward tension and rock-hard tension between us finally crack. "Thank you." And fall. He seemed like a child who just made up with their parent as he wrapped his arms around my neck in an embrace that left me blinking in surprise. But as awkward as it was, I let my arms wrap around his waist, sighing contently as I felt the warmth of my friend that I had been too stubborn to admit I had missed.

"I missed you, Sora. I'm just glad things are going to be back to normal before graduation," he said, his breath tickling my neck from the closeness, and I was happy that I had been able to salvage a friendship before all was said and done, and I'd regret it.

"Me too."

And if I could salvage things with Riku, maybe I could salvage things with Roxas too.

.oOo.

How Roxas had managed to avoid me when we lived together underneath the same roof was beyond me. But he had. And I hadn't bothered to go running after him like I always did. Let him have his space, Mom had said, when she had confronted me the other day when I was poking at my uneaten Spaghetti. Roxas hadn't shown up for dinner in exchange for a night out with Demyx, and Mom had immediately asked what was up.

I gave her some information here and there, told her it was just a falling out, like all brothers had. And she ran her palm against my forehead and through my hair with the mother's touch that made me sigh in contentment because I wasn't being judged and I wasn't wrong for once. She told me that "she could tell Roxas was going through a lot right now, what with finals and graduation coming up."

And I figured that maybe Roxas had talked to her, and maybe the best thing to do right now was to leave my brother alone. Sure, it was hard, and sure I was under a lot of stress as well, couldn't Roxas understand that? But I wasn't going to go crying to Roxas when all he continued to do was screw everything up with me. Maybe it was better to leave things like this. I would be going away soon, and then I wouldn't have to worry about what would have happened had we continued dating.

I had been right to be wary of a relationship with Roxas from the very beginning. It had been hard. And Roxas hadn't been ready, I guess.

But it was a few days since our fight when Roxas finally came to me.

I opted to sit beside the pond at our Usual Spot of the park for once, letting my shoes teeter dangerously close to the water's edge. It was peaceful, and reminded me, with its calm state, that my mind should be at ease.

On a night like this, uncharacteristically cold for a summer evening, the park was near empty. No loud children, or the happy-go-lucky sound of the ice cream truck pulling in and out of the lot. It was peaceful. Peaceful, yet indescribably lonely. How Roxas managed to have so much alone time to himself was beyond me. I wasn't used to this kind of solitude, at least for long periods of time.

And I didn't even have anyone that I could even try to talk to about how I was feeling. Not Kairi or Naminé, as I was pretty sure they had their own problems to deal with. Not Demyx since he was busy with Roxas. And definitely not Riku. Even though we patched things up, I still didn't feel comfortable enough to talk about anything concerning Roxas and my relationship.

Nothing felt more alone then dealing with a problem that was the exact opposite of what normal boys your age were going through.

Time went by slowly as I sat there. I was busy trying to learn to skip rocks against water when a weird noise in the distance caught my attention. The noise rang within the canal of my ear, drums straining to pick up what sounded far off in the distance, but was noticeably close. It wasn't ducks quacking or cars passing, but a noise that I wasn't used to hearing in town.

I dropped the smooth stone in my hand to look around for the culprit. If I didn't know any better, I would say the noise sounded almost nostalgic. Like the noise from being back at home on Destiny Islands.

And with every minute that passed I'd hear it again and again, only closer with each repetition.

And then I finally realized what it was: a train whistle. But not just any train whistle, no, it was the toy whistles. I remember. The wood ones with the hole in the top that when you blew it...it made that noise. Grandpa gave it to me and Roxas when we were little. I remember he'd always go away on business trips on the train. He told us that whenever Grammy and us went to go pick him up from the train station to bring it with us and use it. That way he'd be able to find us among the crowd of people that were always there at the train station.

It reminded us that even if Grandpa was gone at the moment, he'd come back. Trains always had this funny way of returning the ones you love. I missed him. Grammy did too.

But then realization hit me like falling off a skateboard and coming face-to-face with hard cement. That was Roxas. It had to be him. The odds of someone coming to our spot blowing the train whistle we had since we were kids? And I sat up as quick as my aching legs would let me and spun around every which way, trying to find him.

I guessed Roxas wanted me to follow the sound to find him. So that's exactly what I did, all the while my heart was nearly pounding out of my chest as I wondered what I should expect upon finding Roxas. What was even his motive for doing this? That whistle hadn't seen the light of day since Grandpa died back when we were younger, and I'm sure Roxas had to wash the dust bunnies off the wood before even considering putting it up to his lips. But there had to be a reason that Roxas hadn't talked to me for a few days, not spoken a single word, and expected me to go chasing after him on his count.

Curiosity for the reasoning behind such a unique way of getting my attention, and for what Roxas had to say kept me going, making my way across grassy hills and over park benches before I saw him sitting on the swing, whistle to his lips as he blew it once more before he saw me.

He stood up just as urgently and headed my way, the whistle tight in his enclosed fist, and he looked more nervous than I had seen since our confrontation with Demyx. That expression on his face was only used in situations where he wasn't sure he'd like the outcome. Nerves drizzled in hesitance. And I had come to realize I didn't like that expression when I was on the opposite end.

I didn't say anything, just kind of stared at him with my lips parted and my fingers twitching at my sides. Fingers itching to grab hold of him, mouth itching to tell him how much I missed him. But there was nothing I could say that would make any sort of sense to how I felt.

And besides, it was Roxas who called me here.

He took a deep breath and held his hand out. His palm upturned, and the whistle gently resting there as an invite for me to take.

I was confused, no question about that, but with a calm hand I took the toy whistle from his palm and held it to my chest, holding it near and dear because the memories it held were exactly that.

And once we had a few more seconds of eyes locked, waiting for the other to say something, just anything, he said the one thing I hadn't expected to come out of his mouth. Even when my mind was sifting through the millions of different ways this could run its course.

"I'm leaving" had never been one of them.

I didn't really know what Roxas even meant. Leaving was very general. The five W's ran through my mind. I stared at Roxas, who looked shaken up and ready to cry.

"What do you mean?" I asked, letting my hands fall to my side, my fingers lightly stroking the wood of the toy in my palm.

"…" He said nothing for a long while and turned away, kicking wood chips with his shoe as dug his hands into his pockets. And I sat there, patiently waiting for some sort of response. What Roxas was about to tell me had to be big.

"First...I should say I'm sorry." He looked back at me with that little half, sad smile and he does, and walked over to the swing. "I've had a lot on my mind lately," and he sat on the swing, head hanging low on his shoulders as his fingers clutched the metal chain. "And I tried to be by myself so I could just sort things out. But, you know how hard that can be when we live together," and the creak of the swing against the silence around us made for a atmosphere that was isolated and just us.

"Yeah," was all I could say, brows furrowed, still so angry at my brother but not having the right words to say. I pretty much laid it out on him the other day anyways. Now it was time for Roxas to talk.

"I'm not good at handling stress I guess. And I took a lot of stuff out on you. Sorry about that," he said, finally looking up at me as he ran his finger through his hair with nervousness in his eyes. I could see the way his feet were tapping nervously against the floor, the way his eyes were searching for me for something to make this easier. "I guess I didn't expect to shut off so much. I handle my problems differently than you."

"So you're going to just leave?" I asked, unable to take such a statement open in the air any longer. He couldn't just say something as outright and bold as that and then go off on a tangent about something else. "Where?"

"Grammy's," he said, eyes reverting down again, and at first, the idea of him going to Grammy's was a relief. If he wanted to go away for the weekend to do some thinking on his own, clear his head, like I had done, that was perfectly alright with me.

"Oh," I said, breathy, my tone showing the relief I felt when my body relaxed visibly. Sure, it'd be a bit different without Roxas around, but maybe that was what we both needed. Maybe it'd give me a chance to-

"You...do remember she's moving, right? To Traverse Town?"

And it was then I realized just what Roxas meant when he said he was leaving. He meant he was moving out. He meant permanently. And I swear there were a million questions and a million emotions flooding my brain in milliseconds, too fast for me to catch up.

And the only thing I could say was, "Don't," and I rushed over towards the swing set, my shoes making a crunch as they stepped over wood chips, and wrapped my arms around him as he sat on the plastic swing. As if hugging him would make keep him here for as long as I wanted. But there had to be a reason for Roxas leaving. And instead of getting mad like I had been whenever he said something I didn't agree with, and instead of crying like it was the end of the world or something, I settled for just holding him and feeling content when he rested his head on my chest.

"...Sorry," was all he said, his hands finding their way to rest on my hips, and I could hear him sigh heavily. "I know why it was you," he said as he pulled away from me and looked up at me with eyes that held the usual sadness in them, but also a bit of hopefulness. "You were my best friend and you were like the perfect guy in my head, you know? You made me feel importance for once," and here he was pouring his heart out, unlike what I usually heard from him.

That look on his face...it kind of almost seemed like he was content with leaving. Like he wanted to. Like there was no room for me to change his mind, only time for me to hear his reasons why.

"I felt the same way about you," I said slowly as I let my arms fall to the side and collapsed onto the swing beside him. I didn't push my legs against the ground for propulsion though, no, I didn't really want to feel the rush of going higher and higher because in this mood, I'd think of nothing but falling. "So...why do you want to leave then?" I asked, my palm sweaty even against the freezing cold metal.

"I heard Mom and Dad talking one night," he said as he looked down, and slowly began to kick his legs back and forth to get some momentum going. I sat there, the glummest look on my face as I watched and listened and waited for Roxas to tell me this was all some kind of huge joke. "You know, that night I dropped that plate?"

"They wanted you to go live with Grammy?" I asked, confused that my parents would want that. And why hadn't they ever mentioned it to me instead, if Roxas had been so upset about it? Upset enough about it to break the good china even.

"Still do, actually," he said, laughing lightly, and I wondered how on earth Roxas could manage to laugh at a time like this, when he could manage to frown in the face of our happiest moments.

"I don't get why though," I said, watching as he swung back and forth, a kind of calm on his face that I just wasn't understanding.

It was then that he skidded to a stop, pressing his leg into the ground and turning to look at me with a frown on his face. "They thought we needed some time apart. You know, Dad said we were so close, maybe we should end graduation and go our separate ways. I didn't want to. And Dad thought I had a bad attitude, and thought I was still upset over the move, so Mom suggested I move in with Grammy."

He paused, and looked down at his pants, picking at a loose thread, and obviously hesitating with what he was about to say next. No matter what, couldn't have Roxas told them no at any point? Our parents were understanding. So why hadn't he just told them no?

"So I thought about it. And I was going to go. I thought you'd be better off with me."

"But that's not true."

"That's how I felt. Then this all happened with you. And I told them I wasn't going anywhere. You know, so I could stay with you," he glanced up at me with a soft smile and inhaled a sharp breath. "Then...Mom kind of...found out what happened,"

I felt my heart sink like sharp ice into my gut. And I think my blood froze as I looked at Roxas, looking for some twitch of his brow or a quirk of his lip to let me know he was joking. Just trying to mess with me or something. "W-What? What do you mean?"

"...I'm sorry. It just sort of slipped."

"You told her?! I asked, clutching at the chains of the swing to avoid slapping Roxas upside his head. How could he tell her? How could he have possibly thought that would be a good idea? And why hadn't I noticed Mom acting different? I talked to her recently and she hadn't seemed to act any differently than normal. Had she?

"She knew something was up with us, Sora. Mom isn't deaf or stupid," he said, and the word 'deaf' made my ears burn red. Had she mentioned that she heard us? How embarrassing and not to mention disturbing. For me and her, I'm sure. "I'm sorry, I screwed up. Again"

"No, it's...fine," I said, trying to calm Roxas down so he didn't think of beating himself up over this, like he always seemed to. I thought back when my Mom told us parents found out everything. I guess she had been right. "What happened? What did she say? What about Dad? Does he know?"

"Dad doesn't know. Mom said she wouldn't tell him. And she said she wanted to sit down and have a talk with me because she said she could tell I wasn't happy." He paused, and I couldn't help but feel hurt.

"You weren't happy with me?"

"You know," he said, guilt on his face that he was trying to hide with a little smile, and I didn't really feel the need to do the same. "I think I'm just the kind of person who doesn't know how to be happy." And that struck a chord with me. It hurt, but at the same time I felt sympathy for my brother. It was sad to know that was how he really felt. And he hadn't once bothered to try and talk to me. Although I'm sure it was hard to talk to someone the complete opposite of him. I didn't really get what he meant anyway, and I don't think I ever could. How could someone not know how to be happy? I found a way to be happy in almost any situation. You just had to look for it. But I guess some people, like my brother, didn't know where to search.

Maybe all those nicknames like Mr. Doom-and-Gloom, or when I'd make fun of his worry marks, maybe those weren't so innocent to him as I had thought. Maybe they had hurt him.

"I don't really think I get it, Roxas," I said, and it was the honest truth. "But," I leaned over and reached for his hand, and it was like a contented sigh when he let his fingers lock with mine. "I've always been here to listen."

And he shook his head because it wasn't that easy. "It's not something that I can help with just talking. I guess my brain's just wired differently than yours," he said with that same guilty face he always seemed to have, and I hated that he always put so much blame on himself. "And its okay if you don't get it. But, can you try to understand when I say … I kind of think we're better off if I just left."

God, did it hurt to hear him say.

"Is this because of what Mom said?" I asked, feeling my eyes begin to sting, but I knew I couldn't cry. I didn't want Roxas to have to feel bad about this. Because a part of me could tell that this was what he really wanted to do. And he had his reasons, I was sure. Reasons I couldn't change.

And just like I was scared he'd say, he said, "No, this is for me."

And I was angry. Did he feel like all of this had been a waste of time? And I was heartbroken because I had spent my entire life with Roxas. And for him to just move like this was completely unexpected and...

"So this whole time, you knew you were leaving, and you didn't say anything to me? That kind of makes me mad, Roxas," I said, trying my hardest not to turn this into a big whole thing like the other day.

"I didn't know for sure. I didn't want to just tell you. Besides, I was scared you'd try to convince me to stay. But I just miss Grammy I guess. And I guess, at the end of all this, I was the one who couldn't handle this relationship. And I feel awful for that."

"Wow, after all this. And here I thought you had been trying to get into my pants since we were kids."

"Heh, no it wasn't like that." He said, before turning away and kicking at the ground with his shoe, the same sadness crossing his face again. His sadness was like a wave, rolling in and out, steady and unwelcome. "Have you ever just wanted something so badly in your life? And then you finally get it. And you're so paranoid of screwing it up that you just … do?"

I thought hard about what Roxas meant, and if there were any moments in my life where I really felt like that. But I couldn't find any. Mostly for the fact that most things in my life that I tried badly for, I was grateful and happy to have.

"No. I guess I've always known you've been a pessimist. Since we were younger. But I didn't know you were never happy."

"It's not that I'm depressed or anything. I guess I could say I'm just...not content with life. And I thought you'd change that. And you did, but I feel like I'm just dragging you down with me."

"And I've told you a hundred times, you're not."

"And I guess half the time I was pushing you away to protect you or something. I don't know. I'm just screwed up. I don't know what I want. I don't know how to react to certain things. I just want to get away and clear my head." He said as he shook his head, clutching it with his palms as he let out an aggravated sigh. I could only imagine what was going on in that head of his.

"But its not like you're going on a little mini vacation or something. You're going to be gone for good." I said, and when the words bounced off my tongue, it made this all the more solidified that Roxas was going to be leaving. When would I be able to see him again? Would I ever be able to see him again?

I glanced down at the whistle still clutched in my palm, and wondered if the whistle could work to bring him back. If I missed him, couldn't I just call him back? But I knew that was just wishful thinking.

"Just...promise you won't hate me, please?" He asked, reaching for my hand again that he had since dropped a long time ago, and I let my fingers intertwine with his. "I know I've done some stupid, fucked up things. But I never wanted to hurt you, Sora. I just...wanted you to be mine, and when you were..."

"Of course not." I cut him off and smiled. "I could never hate you. Even when you drive me crazy, you know that?"

He laughed and pulled me, and the swing I was on, closer so that our chains were tilted, and we were met at the middle on our own set of swings.

"I'll probably never meet anyone as awesome as you, you know?" He said with a sad smile, and he brushed the bangs from my forehead.

"You better not. Roxas, I'm going to miss you. And...I won't try to talk you out of it, but...I'm going to really miss you," I said as I pressed my forehead against his and sighed.

"I'm going to miss you too. So much that I'll probably regret this." And with that he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my lips, that I returned.

After our fight, I had felt like I was going to lose Roxas forever. And I guess I had just been so intuitive that that feeling had been the loneliness that I would, not doubt have, when Roxas was miles away. And I guess that fleeting moment where I felt I had lost my brother, well, I guess I had been more right than I would have ever wanted to be.

.oOo.

"Want a lick?" Roxas asked as he took the ice cream from his mouth with a wet pop and held it out for me to have a taste. Of course, he knew I wasn't overly keen on sea salt ice cream, but I didn't quite mind so much when it had a bunch of Roxas germs all over it. So I crawled like a cat or a fox or something equally animal across the bed.

My tongue stroked the ice cream, and I did all I could not to grimace. Too salty for my taste. But I was going for something here. This could very well be the last time I ever was with Roxas like this, so I wanted to make it count.

We had this searing eye contact as I licked and sucked on the ice cream like it was something else entirely, and judging by the cute little smile on Roxas' face, he was definitely enjoying it.

Once again, the ice cream left my lips with a wet smack, and Roxas returned the ice cream to his mouth, coaxing the flavor all over his taste buds. But the urge to kiss his lips made me reach forward and pull the ice cream from his mouth, so I could taste the flavor of salty and sweet and Roxas on his tongue.

We kissed, my breathing heavy through my nose as I wrapped my arm around Roxas' neck. On my knees, above him, and his head tilted back until it gently touched the wall behind him.

I already knew where this was headed, and I was sure Roxas did too. Unplanned, but there was an unspoken confirmation between us. Kind of like the goodbye we didn't want to speak yet.

He let his fingers touch my cheek, the other palm warm against my stomach, and I breathed out a sigh of content as we broke our kiss and our shirts were lifted free from our skin. Of course, I moved the ice cream out of the way against the table top, and Roxas didn't complain once even when he knew his not even half-finished ice cream would melt on the table and leave a sticky mess to clean up later. He was too focused on cradling my back with his arms, and pushing me back onto the bed to continue what we had been working on.

My eyes fluttered when he smoothed my hair back, and my toes curled when Roxas bit down on a sensitive spot along my collar, and I loved the smell of his hair when his nose was buried in the crook of my neck. The warmth of his skin pressed against my chest, his thumb brushing my nipple, all appealing to my senses that longed for the touch, taste, look, sound and smell of him all around me.

I wanted to see Roxas like this one last time, pleasured and perfect in all the ways he moved. I wanted to taste his cock bucking against my tongue, and hear the sound of his moans as he whispered hot encouragement into my ear. I wanted to feel Roxas' palm pressed against my skin, learning every inch of me so he could remember what I felt like when he was hours away from me. And I wanted to smell sex and sweat in the summer air as we made love among the sheets of his bed.

And I could always come back here and remember, when Roxas' room was empty, how he touched me right there, how we kissed right there, and how I missed the moments we spent together right there.

And I realized as Roxas left hot kisses along my neck, just what it was that was missing.

The mood, the moment, it all seemed right, but as I pushed away gently so that he could look at me, really look at me, I curled my fingers in his hair and smiled.

"I love you," and before he could react I leaned forward to press my lips against his, and was I relieved when I felt his smile against my tongue.

"I...know," was all he said, and I almost laughed at how conceited and unexpected that was. And here I was expecting an 'I love you too.'

"Heh, what?" I asked as I raised a brow with a soft chuckle.

"All this doubt I had was really stupid," he said as he played with the hair at the base of my neck, forehead creasing. I sighed, not really wanting to get into this right now, especially when we had been doing such a good job of just … dealing with this in a much more quiet, comfortable way.

I shook my head for him to just stop, and let my fingers run across his sides, enough to make him laugh from the tickle.

"Let's not talk about that, okay? We've done enough fighting in the past few months to last us a whole brotherhood. I really just want this moment to be special since...this might be the last time, you know?" I asked, uncomfortable saying it out loud, and being almost embarrassed at the way my voice cracked as I spoke.

"Okay," he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek, and whisper against my blushing skin, "I love you too," and finished with another kiss that left me smiling.

Two seconds later and Roxas was underneath me, my lips pressed against his and a smile that refused to leave my face. This warm feeling in the pit of my stomach was more than just arousal, and it was hard to believe that touching and kissing Roxas for the last time could feel like this. I was happy just for these moments. And here I had thought I would be crying my eyes out just from looking at my brother.

Maybe it just hadn't hit me yet.

But the feeling in my dick snapped me out of my bittersweet thoughts when I felt Roxas' hips circling against mine in a steady movement that left tingles in my toes.

"Can you...tell me it again?" Roxas asked as he let his fingers pull at my hair, while he thrust his hips again, making my eyes flutter when the warmth struck in rolls of Roxas' hips.

"I love you," I whispered again as I pressed a kiss to the shell of Roxas' ear, and felt him shiver when hot puffs of breath fell against it every time I felt how hard he was. "Please don't leave," I whispered into his ear without particularly meaning to, and the silence that followed only served to confirm that there wasn't a possibility that perhaps I could change Roxas' mind. Maybe, if we got along well enough, he'd stay, I thought. And maybe, I could trick myself into believing that it was okay to be selfish, and not let my brother go off and do what he felt was best.

But I knew better than to think like that. There was no way I could let myself get in the way of my brother's happiness, even if it meant sacrificing my own.

I tried not to be disheartened when I reached for the button of Roxas pants, and tried not to let my fingers shake with nerves as I pulled them from his slim hips.

This time felt unique from our first time together. That night it had seemed Roxas had been in a haze of emotions from all he had went through. Here though, I could see the expression in his eyes that registered to his lips. The soft tug to his smile as he ran his hands along my sides was different in the way it give me a warmth that reached from my toes to my cheeks that were hot red.

So I let the moment sweep me away, closing my eyes and letting Roxas tug my boxers off and let his palm coax my cock awake. Let his other palm that was holding my waist imprint me with a burning, searing touch that I wanted to remember. And when my cock slipped into his heated mouth, I whimpered and moaned because I had my brother in these private few seconds and there wasn't anyone who could take these memories away from me. They couldn't take away the memory of the way Roxas liked to tease me with his tongue running just over the tip, the memory of how Roxas' hand cupped my ass as my cock rubbed against his throat when he took me farther into his mouth.

"Roxas," I breathed his name, loving the way it fell off my tongue. And when my cock bobbed out of his mouth, with shaking hands I grabbed hold of the particular items we'd need like the condom and lube I kept stashed in my bedside drawer. I was anxious to feel him inside me, and a heat ran through me when he leaned down to whisper into my ear as I tried to dig out an extra condom.

Amongst the things he said, he told me not to worry about him. He told me he'd be fine on his own. And above all, he asked that I didn't forget about him.

I turned, almost shocked that would even cross his mind, but he held his finger to my lips, his way of shutting me up. I took the digit into my mouth, letting my tongue swirl against his fingers as I handed him the condom and lube. I kissed his fingertips when he pulled his finger out, and with his other hand, he prepared a satisfying amount of lube onto his fingers so that he could loosen me up.

How could I possible forget about him, I thought as I looked at him, eyes focused on me and that smile I loved so much present on his face. I'd never forget the smell of his hair, or our weekly wrestling matches. Or the way he sucked on ice cream or the way he struggled with essays. I'd never forget when he broke his leg, or the way the wind felt pushing past our faces and into our hair as we rode down the steepest hill in the city. I'd remember the first time we kissed, up against the living room wall, with his hand up my shirt, and our tongues sloppily, drunkenly battling for dominance. And the times I made Roxas cry because my brother could be a sensitive jerk sometime. I'd never forget what it felt like when I saw him bruised and battered because of me, and I'd remember how much I still blamed myself for that. I'd never forget the heat I felt when he touched me, just like this, enough to make me whimper and sigh. Two fingers pumping and scissoring to loosen me up for the moments that were to come, that I know I wouldn't forget either.

And when he asked me if I was ready, I nodded, whimpering some sort of affirmation as I watched him. The condom was slid on and he slicked himself up before I felt his hard dick press into my entrance and the searing, hot burn that accompanied it made me cry out. Thank god mom and dad weren't home. Gone like usual in the daytime, which left the day open for afternoon sex.

I liked afternoon sex better anyway. That way I was able to really see Roxas, all of Roxas. And I definitely loved seeing every part of him. His shoulder blades when he wrapped his arms around my thighs, and his ribs when he arched his back were all too appealing to watch. The sunlight pouring through the light windows left the room draped in gold, almost like sepia. And as I looked back at the sunlight that bounced off my face, I could see flakes of dust floating in the air amidst the light. And for being the afternoon, it was awfully quiet and serene. All I could here was him, me, us. And as he thrust into me, my eyes slammed shut in pleasure, my tongue wetting my lips as I felt the heat surge every time I felt his dick slide in and out.

My moans were fast and breathy, and my eyes were nearly rolling back into my skull as I laid there against the sheets that were crumpled and hanging off the bed. I found myself gripping the sheets, curling my fist around them to the point my knuckles were white from the strain. But the way Roxas was moving, grinding, rolling his hips against me with this slow, steady rhythm was making my mind hazy and oh, the sounds he was making. Groans erupting from his throat and little 'oohs' when he hit a spot just right that made the blood flow to my cock.

He didn't go too fast, no, he wanted to make this last, and I was more than happy to welcome this experience to be as extended as he'd like. And I was enjoying the little romanticism Roxas was bringing when he reached for my hand and laced my fingers with his. I couldn't help but look up at him and smile a bit, and beg him to lean forward and just kiss me.

He was happy to oblige, our tongues meeting before our mouths did, the kiss wet and loud. He moaned into my mouth when I began to thrust my hips up to meet his, and I swallowed the sound, and nipped gently at his bottom lip.

He let go of my hand, and let his fingers gently touch my neck, curled slightly, in a way that sent another surge of pleasure down to my gut. His grip wasn't tight, but his fingertips brushed my neck, his thumb grazed my chin, and I was very aroused when Roxas began to thrust into me faster, harder, his cock hitting my spot over and over again until my body was threatening to lose control. No, not yet, I tried to remind myself that I wanted this to last.

In all honesty, I didn't want this moment to end. Because memories were all good and great and everything, but it would be impossible to remember every little perfect detail of this moment, even though I wanted to.

But most of all, I wish I could just bottle up how I felt in this very moment and, when Roxas was gone, I could mount it on my wall with the world 'Feelings' on my desk or something. I'd open it up and as soon as the lid unscrewed itself from the glass jar, all those feelings would come rushing back to me, and I'd be able to relive it again and again.

And I guess it was kind of weird that I was happy, since I knew this was the last time Roxas would fuck me like this, hands sliding across my chest and into my hair, but this didn't feel like goodbye sex. It was happier than that. Because when Roxas let out a moan and thrust against me one final time, and we came together like something out of a romance movie, I knew I'd see him again someday. I'd make sure of it...because underneath everything, he was still my brother.


	21. Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heartache of graduation, staring into an uncertain future, and saying goodbye to the one person who has meant more to you then you could ever imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, wow, wow. This is so crazy. I don't think I fully realize that this is the end. Because I'm not all choked up and feeling all surreal like I thought I would. But this is the end. The end of this monster of a story that started as a kink and ended up as a love story. Started in August 2011 when my first chapter was posted on fan fiction.net, ended February 2013. It has been a long journey, one that I never expected, and I am just so grateful and happy for all the amazing people I've met along the way, and for all the fans of this story. I've made you laugh, cry, and I hope you all can wear a smile on your face as you finish reading this story. Imma miss my boys, but don't be too sad, I'm going to start another SoraRoxas story this year. So that'll be something to look forward to.
> 
> Man, I'll never forget all the nights I spent plotting and thinking up dialogue that I just couldn't wait to write. It's finally over. And it was hard and frustrating but gosh was it fun.
> 
> So this story is offically complete. I'm going to write a one-shot epilogue fic soon so be on the look out for that.
> 
> And I'd absolutely love it if everyone who is still reading this story and finishing it with me would review. :) Especially the ones who never have but have followed and favorited it and stuff.
> 
> Anyways, that's enough author's note. Hope you enjoy this last chapter, and I can't wait to hear from you again in the epilogue where we'll see Sora and Roxas several years older.
> 
> I love you guys, and thanks for reading and showing me continued support. You guys are awesome!
> 
> Love, Panda.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep  
a Sora x Roxas story  
Chapter 20: Boys Don't Cry

.oOo.

Graduation was filled with awkward hugs, sad smiles, and a whole lot of tears. Mom started crying first, then Dad, when Roxas and I walked on stage in our blow gowns and matching caps. I was called first, grabbed my diploma, and smiled a big cheesy grin for the video camera that Mom and Dad had rolling to capture every minute of us graduating.

It was a big deal. Grammy had even taken the train—despite the fact that she absolutely hated it—with her husband to see us. Plus, they were just about ready to move and they had to take Roxas with him. Just the thought alone made me want to curl up in a ball and sleep for months, just so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

But hiding from my problems wasn't really my thing, since I usually faced everything with a smile. So smiling was what I did. I smiled when I got my diploma, I smiled when we changed the tassel on our cap, and I smiled when Roxas and I held hands, and threw our caps into the air, cheering along with all of our classmates. Cheering because high school was over, we did it, and there was a whole wide world waiting to be explored.

Unfortunately, the future I had waiting for me wasn't something I was ready to face. It was terrifying to think I had to face this thing called "the real-world" alone, without my brother.

The tears came again, suddenly, when graduation was over, and Roxas and I were in a group hug with Demyx and Zexion. Demyx had already been balling his eyes out, sad over the fact that he was losing Zexion. I guessed that was something we could connect on, but maybe Demyx was mad that I was stealing his friend, since Zexion and I were going to the same university and everything.

Zexion had remained dry-eyed for the majority of graduation, but I knew it probably hurt him to see Demyx crying like that, with his arm slung across Zexion's shoulder, and the picture frame Demyx had given to him.

"I know it's kind of gay," Demyx had said before turning to Roxas and I and giving us a 'no offense' look, and then he wiped at his red, puffy eyes and said, "but it's a picture of us so that you can remember me when you go to university. Sora, you better make sure he puts this right by his bed!"

And I knew Zexion was probably Demyx's closest friend he had ever had with the way he looked at him. And even if Zexion was quiet and to himself, I was sure he felt that he felt the same. Demyx and Zexion were lucky, and it sucked that graduation was pulling another two people apart.

When Roxas finally told Demyx and Zexion that he was leaving for good, Demyx looked like his head was going to combust from the shock.

"W-What?! You're leaving too?" He said as he wrapped both arms around Roxas and shook his head. "Man," he whined, "why is everyone leaving? This isn't fair. Zexion and Sora are going off to Hallow Bastion together, and you're moving all the way to Traverse Town?"

And in a way I felt really bad for Demyx. His whole senior circle was leaving, aside from Larxene and her sisters, but I had heard him say on a regular basis that he felt he was being left behind.

"I thought it was going to be you and me, buddy. You could have been in my band!" He let go of Roxas and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You must be handling this well," Zexion said to me, in a monotonous, sarcastic tone as always.

"Not at all," I said, not very good with sarcasm, and I looked over to Roxas, who was avoiding any eye contact with me. I knew he felt guilty about leaving still. "But, I guess we'll both be missing our friends together. Can that be considered a bright side?"

"Hardly," Zexion said, a glum look on his face. "I'm actually going to miss you guys." He said with a sigh, and I think that was the first time during graduation that I actually felt tears forming. And a tear rolled down my cheek, but I grabbed Roxas' hand with my left, and Zexion's with my right, and smiled.

"At least you guys made senior year bearable. No, awesome."

And we embraced in one last group hug that would be our final good bye together as a group.

.oOo.

Mom, Dad, and Roxas were talking to one of his favorite teachers, and I took that opportunity to talk to Riku.

Things were a little awkward with us, but that was mainly for the fact that our friendship was still rocky. But at least we still had a friendship.

"So," Riku said as he messed with the collar of his gown with an awkward chuckle. "Graduations huh?"

I laughed a bit and nodded. "Yep."

Riku held two presents in his hand and a big bouquet of flowers. I had gotten a glimpse of his parents earlier when they were taking family photos. There were two words to describe his dad: beef cake. And his mom had the prettiest hair I had ever seen. Riku obviously got his hair from her. His parents even looked like they could afford to buy out this football field for Riku's sweet sixteen if they had wanted to.

He had always seemed well off, but I had known he came from money when I went to Riku's house a few months back.

"So, what are you going to do after graduation?" Riku asked.

"I'm going to Hallow Bastion," I said with a grin, still sort of proud of the fact that I had managed to get into such a prestigious school.

"Hey, so am I. Maybe we'll be roommates," he said, hopeful, and I wondered if deep down, Riku did still had feelings for me.

"Well, me and Zexion were going to try to-" I began, but saw the way he looked down with a sad twitch of his brow, and I quickly back-pedaled. "I mean, yeah, a'course." And he appreciated the effort because he smiled.

Wow, so Riku and Zexion were both going to Hallow Bastion? I should have been excited, but it kind of made me sad to think that I still had friends to fall back on when I went to Hallow Bastion, and I still had some sense of familiarity, while Roxas was going to have none. There I went again, thinking about Roxas all the time, but I couldn't help it.

"Not Roxas?" He asked, innocently enough, with a quirked brow.

"He...uh, he's moving in with my Grammy. Otherwise he would have been going," I said, lying for my brother because I cared about him and I didn't want Riku to see him in a worse light than he already did.

"What?" Riku looked shock. "He's leaving? Wow, what are you going to do?" He asked, and I was just happy that Riku seemed genuinely concerned, and didn't seem to be asking me in a way that was rude and cruel, like he would have prior to our reconciliation. This was the old Riku that I remembered, and the one who Roxas tried to guard me from back in the beginning of the year.

"What? He's my brother. I'll still talk to him all the time." I said, feigning the happiness that had become a permanent part of me. It was my key trait, it was my personality, and for fear of worrying anyone, I would continue to smile whenever faced with heartache.

"That's true. But I mean, it might be rough," he said, and I laughed, giving him a friendly fist bump to the shoulder as I shook my head.

"I'll be fine. I'll have Zexion and you there to keep my mind off things, right?" I asked. I think, honestly, I wanted Riku more in my life than I had let on. As a friend, of course, but there was always something about him that reminded me of my friends back on Destiny Islands. It was probably his hair and that tan, though, but it was also the relaxed feeling I got whenever I had a casual conversation with him.

"Of course, you can count on me," Riku said with a smile, and if I didn't know any better, it looked like Riku was going sappy. He sniffed, wiping at his eye with the back of his hand and I couldn't hep but laugh at the sight of tough Riku getting tear-eyed.

"Are you crying?" I teased, poking him in the gut, and he shook his head defiantly.

"No! I just got something in my eye." But that smile he wore said otherwise, and he opened his arms wide, the wide sleeves of his graduation gown like wings, and I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around him in what would be the last hug we'd ever share at this school. I buried my nose in the blue of his gown and when he curled his arms around me, I could feel the tickle of the bouquet against my ears, but the hug was nice, and I didn't even have to worry about Roxas getting angry at me anymore. I had told him Riku and I had made up, and even though I could tell it bugged him a little, he had an unquestionably authentic smile on his face. He was growing up and moving on, and sometimes, I wondered if this whole relationship thing me and him had going on had just been a weird phase. Something we had gone through that was necessary for us to just experience and live and ultimately, move on.

"Hey, Sora, we're leaving," I could hear Roxas say from behind us, and Riku peeled away from me as if I had just jabbed him with a hypodermic needle. I guess he was still under the impression Roxas was the Queen who'd have his head if he caught us hugging, but when I turned back to look at Roxas, he didn't look upset or anything. A little expressionless, maybe, but that was a good thing, in Roxas' case.

"Alright, just saying bye to Riku," I said as I stepped over towards Roxas, who nodded in understanding, and even wore the tiniest bit of a smile when he looked at Riku.

"Yeah, see you in a few months. Good luck, both of you," Riku said as he smiled at me and my brother. And we walked away, and Roxas turned to me with a quirk of his brow.

"A few months?" He asked, and I knew he was at least trying to hide his annoyance.

"Yeah, he's going to Hallow Bastion."

"Geez, did everyone get into that school? I thought it was hard to get into!"

"Heh, it is," I said, scratching the back of my head before shrugging my shoulders. "Don't worry about it, okay?" I said, and he sighed softly. What did he have to worry about anyway? He was the one who was choosing to leave. Yeah, that may have been a bit glum of me to think, but it was the truth, and I could admit that I was still a little bitter about the whole thing.

But I wasn't going to ruin the last few good moments I had with Roxas.

We met up with Mom and Dad, Grammy and her husband, waved a sad good bye to Demyx and Zexion, and said bye to the school that we had grown up in for good. I had a lot of memories here from getting detention because of Roxas multiple times, to crushing on a multitude of boys, to spending my senior year kissing my brother behind our classrooms and everyone finding out about it.

It had been a crazy year, especially for someone who was anything but.

But I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

.oOo.

"I think we should talk to Mom, together," I said, Roxas in between my legs as the pads of my fingers massaged his scalp through his honey-kissed hair. Underneath me, Roxas tensed, before letting his head fall back against my lap as he attempted to look up at me.

"I've been thinking about that too," he said, sighing softly as kissed my palm. "I really...don't want to have that conversation with Dad though."

"Me either. And not with Grammy either."

"Just Mom. I mean, she already knows anyway. Now we should just...explain ourselves, I guess?"

"Let her know we still love her."

He nodded and got up from his sitting position in my lap, and turned to me. He took my face between his palms and leaned forward, kissing me softly before placing another wet kiss to the corner of my lips. "I still love you," he whispered, leaning in to kiss me and only stopping when I maneuvered my head just out of the way and smiled, letting him know I wasn't mad.

"I know," was all I said before I got up from the bed and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's do this before I change my mind." And I led him through the door into the hallway, dropping his hand once we reached the kitchen where Mom was cooking. I could smell powdered sugar and fruit, and I saw that she was making strawberry crepes. That was one of my favorite desserts, and I just hoped, after this talk, I wouldn't feel to sick to eat it.

"Hey, Mom," I said, uneasy and awkward as my hands fidgeted. God, was I really ready to have this conversation with her? She already knew, so Roxas had already done the hard part. But would this be any easier? Behind me, Roxas looked like he was about to throw up from nerves, and I wasn't feeling any better. My stomach was doing the most uncomfortable flips, and I knew things would just get worse.

"My little graduates," she said with a grin and pushed the fallen strands of hair out of her eyes. "I'm making a special treat for you two." She said, and it was strange how normal she acted around us when she knew our secret.

"Hold on," Roxas said, pausing and leaving an uncomfortable pause in the room as my Mom looked at us attentively. "Me and Sora want to talk to you," he said finally after he let out a deep breath. And Mom nodded as if she already knew what was on our minds. She beckoned for us to follow her into the living room, and we did, and sat on the couch as she sat on the armchair.

I remembered watching television on this couch with the family. I remembered Roxas and I watching Saturday cartoons before the sun even rose. And I remembered realizing my feelings for my own brother right there on the floor beside this couch.

"I've been waiting for you guys to come talk to me," she said, wiping at the flour-covered apron she wore. "I didn't want to pressure you two...but I would have come to you if you hadn't before Roxas left."

"Well...now's a good a time as ever," Roxas said as he looked over to me, his brows knitted together.

We sat together, the tension thick enough you could practically feel it. It was suffocating and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I had so many questions, and I'm sure Mom did too, but the biggest question I had, what I wanted to get out of this, was if Mom was mad at us. Did she still love us, despite what we did?

"So..." I said, my knees shaking as I glanced between my brother, who was staring at the ground, and Mom, who was waiting with a patient look on her face.

"Do you hate us?" I blurted out, my cheeks burning red.

My mom's face softened and she looked hurt. "You two are my babies. I could never hate you. And it hurts me that you would ever think that way," she said, leaning over to grab my hand. I took it, a sigh of relief escaping me as I felt her cover my hand with her other one.

"Of course I know you don't its just...I mean...what we did..."

She chewed on her bottom lip, sighing heavily as she patted my hand. "Well I wasn't happy about it. What mother would be? I was...heartbroken." I winced at her choice of words, and felt a twinge of guilt.

"I know I'm sorry, Mom," I said with a soft sigh.

"I feel so guilty," Roxas began, "I was the one who-"

"Don't blame, Roxas," I pleaded to my Mom as I glanced at Roxas and I could see his shoulders tensed up, his eyes fixated on the floor. "It was both of us. It just happened...I don't know. I'm so sorry though. I didn't mean for this..." I trailed off, tears beginning to fall, and beside me, I could hear Roxas crying as well, his shoulders shaking.

"Don't cry, I'm not mad at you two. I don't know how this could have happened," she said as she moved her hand on top of mine to rest on Roxas' knee. "Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I didn't push you two hard enough to make other friends."

"Don't blame yourself, Mom. Please?" Roxas asked, finally looking up at her. I knew Roxas would rather wear all the guilt on his shoulders than see my Mom try to blame herself for what happened. Even if it killed him inside to carry that burden. "It's not your fault. You never did anything wrong. And nothing you could have done could have changed what happened. I don't even know how it happened."

"Well..." she said, letting go of my hand and leaning back against the chair. "I knew something was different about you two. I always had. You two were exceptionally close. I mean, you two are twins, it's normal, but there was always something."

She paused, looking away briefly, and I noticed the way her brows furrowed. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, and I knew she had something on her mind, and was having a hard time just saying it. "How long...has this been going on?" She asked, slowly, as if she didn't even want to hear the answer.

Roxas and I shared a look, and I felt guilty to admit that it had been a couple months at least. I felt bad that we had kept it from her for so long.

"A couple months maybe?" Roxas said, wiping at his eyes.

"...I see," Mom said, and I heard her sniffle. No, I did not want to her see her cry. Our Mom hardly ever cried, and to know that I was the cause of it always hurt. But this...this hurt so much more knowing what we did to make her so upset in the first place.

"Please don't cry," I said, sobs beginning to rack my shoulders.

"I can't help it," she said as she gently wiped at her cheek. "Like I said, I always knew you two were close. That's why your Father and I were discussing Roxas leaving. Besides," she said as she looked at Roxas, "you seemed so unhappy ever since we left Destiny Islands. I thought it'd be better in the long run. But, when Roxas told me about you two, that's when I knew it'd be for the best if he left for good. I had to put a stop to it. I couldn't just sit by and let it happen."

I sighed, burying my face in my palms. She was right. I guess Roxas and I had convinced ourselves it wasn't wrong. What we were doing. And this was the first time since I had been struggling with the whole idea of it, that I felt the same reprimanding guilt. And this was the first time I felt the consequences of our actions. But, It hadn't felt wrong at the time. It had felt good and perfect and, yet, deep down, I knew that it wasn't normal.

"That's why I chose to leave even before you found out," Roxas said. "I just felt so bad about everything. And I didn't want to hurt you, or Dad, or Sora."

I wanted to tell him he hadn't hurt me, that it wasn't his fault, but I hoped he already knew. I hoped I had been able to get that through to him.

"You're not going to tell Dad, are you?" He asked, and I looked up, interested in Mom's answer. If she did tell Dad, I didn't know what I'd do. I didn't know how he'd react, and I didn't want to know.

"Roxas," she said as she frowned, and I wasn't liking her tone. She couldn't tell Dad. She couldn't. "I can't just keep that a secret from him forever." Then I would be stuck dealing with it when Roxas left. "But, for right now, I won't tell him. The problem, for right now, is solved. You're leaving, and you two are going to have a long time apart to get over this whole thing."

I didn't want to get over it though. I wanted Roxas to stay. I wanted to be with him. I was happy this way. Why did morals have to get in the way of that? Why couldn't we just be old enough to live on our own and make our own decisions on the matter? But for now, we weren't, and I knew whatever Mom thought was best, was.

"I...I have to ask. You two are interested in girls still, right? This was just an...experience for you two?" She asked. My mom hadn't even known we were gay, and now on top of that she was finding out that her own sons were having sex with each other. That had to be a lot to handle, and even so, she was still taking it well. Well, if I could call this taking it well.

"Well...we've liked guys for a while," I said, my palms sweaty as I rubbed them back and forth, nervous.

"How long?" She asked, and even though I had stopped crying, that face she had made me want to start back up again.

"Well, I knew I liked boys when we were still living on Destiny Islands," I said, remembering my first boyfriend, Tidus, who Roxas and I had met when we were kids. I had started dating him in my pre-teens.

"You were so young then. Just a baby," she said, sniffling, tears falling against her cheeks. "So all this time when your Father and I would mention you two dating girls, you two were just lying to us?"

"...I guess," I said quietly, feeling guilt and shame. "We weren't trying to lie, its just we weren't ready to tell you."

"I didn't even want to tell you about … you know … " Roxas said.

"Well, a mother always knows."

Even if Roxas hadn't told her, she would have found out. Even if Roxas did leave before she found out, I was sure she'd question the way I acted when he was gone. Sure, a brother was supposed to miss their own brother, but the bond Roxas and I had was different.

"Well...at least you won't have to worry anymore. I'm leaving. No more stress," Roxas said glumly, and Mom looked at him with concern. "You know, I always felt like Sora was the favorite between us."

"Oh honey, you know that isn't true," she said as she placed her hand on Roxas' shoulder, looking into his eyes with the concern and love only a Mother could have.

"Well then why did you always get mad at me more than him?" he asked, some anger hidden in his tone. "Why did you guys always lecture me, but leave Sora alone?"

"Roxas, it was because we were concerned for you. We always knew you had more to deal with than Sora did. We were just trying to make sure you were alright. We care about you both equally, but you know you have gotten into more trouble than Sora ever did."

"That's why you guys got mad at me when we went to that bar and—" He said, crying again as he glared, anger in his tense shoulders and his hands formed into fists.

"I...I'm so sorry about that. I felt horrible when Dad and I yelled at you," she said, wearing the same guilty face that Roxas and I had. She was crying again, and I almost wanted to yell at Roxas for being inconsiderate and making Mom so upset. "I just thought maybe...you might have provoked it. You were always the rowdy one."

"But I came home so upset...how could you-"

"Roxas, she didn't know," I said, touching my brother's shoulder gently, and then quickly taking it away when I saw the look my Mom gave me. It was probably a little uncomfortable for her, but she didn't say anything, only tried to smile.

"I love you, Roxas. More than you know. You're my baby. Even though you're all grown up now. And I can't take back how I acted that night, but I am very sorry. As well as for making you feel that way. I love you both so much. I just wanted to be a good mother to both of you." And she broke out into sobs, her face buried in her hands, and I stood up, quick to walk over to my mother and put my hand on her back soothingly.

"You were. You were the best," I told her, and Roxas joined in, kneeling on one leg beside her and wrapping his arms around her.

"I was overreacting. I'm sorry, Mom. And Sora's right. You were the best Mom we could have ever asked for. I'm sorry we let you down."

And Mom didn't say anything more, just looked up and wrapped her arms around the two of us, and together, we hugged and cried, and spent what would most likely be our last time together with her. And even if it was spent crying, I knew Mom still loved us both. She didn't blame us, didn't think any worse of us, and it helped. It really did.

Maybe, things would be okay once Roxas was gone. Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad.

.oOo.

He was leaving today. And taking a part of me with him.

It was weird. Surreal even. I felt like I had been walking around, dazed and confused all day, like a zombie out of one of those popular horror movies coming out every month or so. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to eat. ("but Sora, I made yours and Roxas' favorite cream cheese wantons," Mom had said this morning.) And I didn't want to talk to Grammy about how we should visit soon or how she would love it if I came by during Christmas. Because I was certain I wouldn't be spending my Christmas with Roxas.

It was painfully obvious that Mom didn't want us around each other. At least, not until we could "get over this."

It made me so mad, that I wasn't sure when I'd get to see Roxas, and I think my sadness was beginning to turn into bitterness. Was this what Roxas went through on a day to day basis? Constantly bitter and having a war in his mind all day? No wonder he couldn't handle something as stressful as our relationship. I hardly could either, and I had a firm head on my shoulders.

We were going to the train station today to see Roxas off. I was against Demyx or Zexion or Kairi or Naminé coming. I guessed that was kind of selfish of me, but I just wanted it to be me and Roxas. This was our last goodbye after all. And even if Mom and Dad and Grammy and her husband were there, that was alright.

I walked into Roxas' room to see a whole lot of carpet and white wall and a lot less of Roxas' personal items. There wasn't even a bed anymore. I didn't know what Mom and Dad were planning to do with Roxas' furniture, but I guessed they were having it sent over to Grammy's new house during the week. Roxas had been sleeping in my room for the past few days, but a part of me thought that was only so we could be closer.

He had two suitcases with him with his stuff he was going to carry on the train. Immediate clothes and something to read, things like that. And as he stood there in that white empty room, suitcases in each hand, and looked at me with that half-hearted smile that he wore so well, I felt like I was about to lose my other half.

And in a flurry of emotions that I couldn't even place, I rushed over to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him into the tightest hug I think I had ever given him. And I heard the thud of dropped luggage and Roxas' shuddery breath when he wrapped his arms around me and didn't let go.

And I didn't know what it was that made me say what I did.

It was probably the emptiness, and it was probably the fact that Roxas and I had spent countless days, had countless memories from this very room . I think it was because I knew that this wasn't Roxas' room anymore, this was just an empty room that I probably wouldn't go in for months after this very moment. It'd hurt too much.

But I said, nervous and dry mouthed, "Please don't leave."

And I shuddered when he breathed hot on my neck as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. "I don't want to," he said, muffled as his mouth was buried in the crook of my neck, and for a second I had hope.

I thought that maybe Roxas wasn't serious. Maybe there was still a chance he'd stay. There was a chance that Roxas could change his mind. Even though the boxes were taped already, and the bed had been disassembled, he still hadn't taken a step onto that train. He was still here. I could still feel him, hug him, smell the vanilla in his hair.

But then I thought of how the boxes had already been taped and his bed had already been disassembled, and that was pretty final.

What chance was there of him staying?

"But?" I filled in for him, already knowing his answer, and knowing I couldn't beg him to stay. No matter how much I wanted to.

I had to let him go, let him find his own way, his own adventure.

"But we already talked about this. I feel this will be better for everyone." He let go, looking at me and using this thumb to brush the tear from my cheek that I hadn't even realized fell.

"Are you sure you're going to be able to handle everything on your own? You know I'm just a phone call away. Maybe we can even video chat on our laptops," I said, my eyes staring up at the ceiling so the tears didn't fall. I kind of felt like this was Roxas' big moment, and I'm sure he wouldn't want me to cry.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm kind of scared."

"Yeah, me too. Let's just think of it as a new adventure," I said, smiling cheekily as I grabbed my brother's hand.

"Ha, an adventure. Okay," he said, his fingers interlocking with mine. "Oh, I almost forgot." He let go of my hand and unzipped one of his bags of luggage, digging around a bit before pulling out a shirt. Had he stolen one of my shirts and forgot to tell me, I wondered briefly before I saw that there was something wrapped in the clothing. He pulled out something round and yellow. His ceramics project. The paopu from before. "I almost forgot to give this to you. I didn't want to with Mom and Dad around or anything."

I smiled, grabbing it hurriedly and let my fingers run over the smooth surface. He had finished it, and it looked great all painted and glazed.

"I got an A on it. Before you ask," he says, looking mildly offended when my eyes widen in shock. "Yeah, I know, surprising. But I worked really hard on it."

"Thanks, Roxas. This means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me," I said, looking at the ceramic paopu with the same adoration I had for Roxas.

At least I had this to remember my brother by. That and the whistle from before. Not like I could ever forget him or anything. But there was really nothing else I had. Roxas was taking his shampoo, Roxas was taking his cologne, and Roxas was taking all of his clothes. I guessed it was kind of weird that I wanted something to remember the smell of my own brother, but when you lived with someone for your entire life and all of a sudden they were going to be gone, smell was a big thing that you missed.

"Guess this is it," he said, scratching at the back of his head as he smiled a sad smile and picked up his luggage again. "I better tell Grammy I'm ready to leave." He said, and simply walked past me, our eyes not breaking until he walked out the door and around the corner, and I turned to the white walls and the dingy carpet.

If I stayed here long enough with white wall after white wall surrounding me, then maybe I'd end up going as insane as Roxas.

.oOo.

The train whistled, and I had to resist from slamming my hands over my ears to make it just go away.

"My baby," my Mom said as she she stroked Roxas' cheeks with her thumbs and kissed his forehead. My Mom had been crying all morning, and a part of me wondered if she was regretting her decision to bring up the idea of Roxas leaving in the first place. But, ultimately it was his decision, and she knew that, and that was why she smiled, even if there were tears running down her cheeks. "Be good for Grandma, alright?"

"Oh, he'll be fine. I'm just happy to have one of my boys back," Grammy said as she walked over to Roxas, bright gaudy vest and everything, as she wrapped her arms around Roxas' middle. "I just hope the boys will be alright without each other."

"We'll be fine," I said, forcing a smile when all I really wanted to do was grab Roxas by the wrist and drag him into my room, and lock the door behind us for as long as possible.

"Well, Roxas has you to keep him company, and Sora is going off to university soon. They should have a lot to do to distract them," my Dad said as he rested a hand on Roxas' shoulder with a proud smile. Thankfully, the look my Dad gave us signified that he still didn't know, and I was hoping Mom would keep the secret from him just like she told us.

And even though Roxas and I were trying to keep straight faces, the two of us were dying inside. I could tell with the way Roxas refused to look at me, and his nose would twitch in an effort to keep the tears back. And I just trying to repeat like a mantra, 'don't cry, don't cry, not in front of everyone,' and so far it had seemed to be working.

"So, Rei, you're going to have the crew take all the furniture and luggage to Destiny Isles right?"

"Already called them," my Dad said with a nod of his head. "And there will be another truck to take the stuff to Traverse Town."

"Great, good, good," Grammy said as she let go of Roxas and turned to her husband. "Alright, well, we better get on the train before it leaves us behind."

I felt my stomach drop. That whistle had been for their train? Already? No, I honestly wasn't ready. Not to see Roxas go. No, just stay a few minutes longer. Let it leave you guys behind, please? For me, Grammy? I wanted to say.

And I could see the same panic-stricken look on Roxas' face when Grammy grabbed him by the arm and began to pull him in the direction of the train. "W-wait," he said, eyes on me as he dropped his luggage and tried to pull out of her grasp.

"One second, Mom," my Mom said to Grammy with a soft smile, and Roxas pulled out of her grasp. He reached forward and wrapped his arms around her, and the two exchanged some words softly that I couldn't hear. He went next to Dad, the two shared and hug, some words, and my heart began to pound in my chest when Roxas looked at me.

It was as if I didn't want him to hug me because then this whole thing would be final. Roxas would be leaving. And the sex we had, the conversation we had in the bedroom just a few moments ago, this hug would all be the last times we ever did any of that together.

And he walked toward me, and it probably looked a little weird when I took a step back, but Roxas just rushed towards me, nearly leaped against me and wrapped his arms tight around my neck, his nose nuzzling my cheek.

"Love you, Sora. I'm sorry, if I haven't said it enough already."

I sniffed, feeling my eyes begin to sting as I wrapped my arms around his waist, not caring that Mom and Dad were right there. In that moment, I didn't care that Mom knew the reason for our intense embrace.

"Love you too, Roxas," I said, sniffing again and trying to hold back the tears when Roxas peeled away from me, and I felt like a baby who just got its rattle taken away from them.

"Let's go, Roxasss, we don't have all day. Bye hunny," Grammy said as she waddled over to me and gave me a tight hug. "Don't cry sweetie," she said as she kissed my cheek. "You'll see your old Grammy again soon. And your brother." She turned away from me and waved bye to Mom and Dad before she had her husband grabbed Roxas' luggage, and the three took off towards the train.

I was waiting, expecting Roxas to look back at me before getting on the train, you know, like in the movies. But I guess it was too cliché for Roxas, because he didn't even look back at me. Maybe it was too hard for him to see me so far away, but it was hard for me too, especially because this was the first time I was crying, really crying, since Roxas had first told me he was leaving.

It all had felt like a dream. A dream that was constantly chasing me that I just tried to run away from. I just wanted it to stop. To go away and let me wake up in Roxas' arms with a smile on his face and happiness in his heart the way I had.

But the train whistled again and it was so loud and deafening that I shut my eyes, and waited to wake up.

And the sound of working gears and machinery made my eyes snap open again, and I watched the way the train just drove away, fast and smooth, and without even a halt or a second to let me just catch my breathe and deal with all of this.

And I did the only thing I knew to do at a time like this. When I saw someone leave on a train and I just wished so hard that they would come home. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the whistle, and blew. Pressed the wood to my mouth and whistled until the train was completely out of view. Even whistled afterwards a while for good measure. I did it until my Mom touched my shoulder gently, and the middle of the whistling sound fell in a sharp, sad note that drifted into the air.

"That's the whistle Grandpa gave to you two," my Dad said from behind me as I let the whistle fall from my lips. I let my tongue run across my lip, and tasted salt. I sniffed, wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Don't worry, Sora, he'll be back. He's your brother," my Mom said, and even though I knew she didn't want us to see each other for a while, I knew she understood how hard it was for me.

"Before you know it, you two will be young men, with your own families, getting together and laughing like the old times."

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.

And I whistled again, an empty attempt as I watched the train speed off on the rails, taking the person that had been my brother, my best friend all in one package since the moment we were born. I knew there would be no Christmas with my brother this year. I knew that those last moments were the ones I ought to remember.

But maybe...Roxas was right. Maybe he'd been right all along. Maybe this was for the best, and one day, when I found a way, anyway, to see him again, even if we were old and gray and slow on our feet, I'd just smile. And he'd smile. I'd tell him I had spent the best years of my life with him and that I still loved him just as much as I always had, and that I didn't regret any of the decisions we made. I'd tell him how much more I loved him when I saw him leave on that train, and how I missed him every day of my life.

And I'd want to know everything. Absolutely everything about this adventure he was about to face, and I'd tell him about mine.

And all I could hope for was that his was full of laughter.


End file.
